Thanks for Getting Back to Stubborn Teenager Refuses to Go to Summer Camp, Etc.

You could give him a choice. (This is exactly what my mom did with me.) I could either go to camp, or spend my summer working. If he can't get any kind of job anywhere (I know since he's not 16 yet his options would be VERY limited) then you could have him do work around the house. So, camp or work? :)

If the camp is something he is not into and will be unhappy I would not send him. I think the parental controls on the electronics is good. I made a schedule for my boys for the summer. They have to exercise every day, read, and house work. Then when that's done they can have electronics.

That would not be my hill to die on.

I have never forced, bribed, or manipulated my kids into doing anything as teens. They get no sympathy if they pass on an activity and then whine they are bored mind you.

What the heck is he going to get out of it if you force him? He will hate it and he will make sure you know he hates it. Why put yourself through that?

He's old enough to get a job in his area of interest. What does he like to do? What does he think would be a job he would want to know more about? Who do you know that is in that field that might have a summer position available?

Both of my kids have been to a really nice environmental camp. One kid loves it and has gone a few times. The other is legitimately not interested and chose not to attend again. I would never force him. He has attended other camps and gone to activities that that do interest him.

This camp issue and the computer concern are unrelated things. Separate them in your head. If you don't want him on the computer all day, then don't let him be on the computer all day. A 1-week camp is irrelevant to that decision, and you should not make one a punishment for the other.

My daughter is 18 and she has never liked the woods, lake, cabins, camping. She did however have 2 good experiences at summer camp at the ages of 9 and 10. By middle to high school she was too old for that (in her mind) and like your son, she loves the busy city.

If he is 15 he can have a part time job.

I have a 15 yr old neighbor boy who helps us when we get a load of dirt delivered. I give him a minimum of $40 and then $10/hour. He loves it. It is hard work but it does not take long to finish 6 yrds of dirt when 2 people are working at it.

I know the local grocer here has baggers that walk everyone to the car so no carts are left in the parking lot. They hire a lot of local teens to do this and many of the teens end up with more responsibility and bigger jobs as they prove themselves. It is a great avenue to start working around 14-15.

The movie theatres also hire younger teens for selling concessions and taking ticket stubs. Maybe that would interest him along with the free movies!!

My daughter is on my payroll for our company and learning how to run a business, very minimal hours but she is starting college in the fall and she in entering business so this is a way for her to gain some experience. She does babysit a lot for a few families in our neighborhood and makes good money with that job.

I completely agree that they need to be active and busy but I don't want to take all the summer fun away either. It is a balance. Right now, my daughter is anxiously getting all of her dorm décor together, painting, reading and running. Right now she is cooped up on day 4 from wisdom teeth removal, yuck and is still in soft foods and movies.

Good luck!!

Tell him he's going. Plain and simple. Disconnect the internet (just remove the modem) and let him know that he won't have any of that stuff at home, so he might as well go.

It's non-negotiable. Be the parent.

If it were my son I would make him go. It's important to get away from electronics for a bit. And it's important to spend time in nature. The very people who don't appreciate it are the ones who need it the most if you ask me. It's only a week...it's not like it's the whole summer. When he is home I'd encourage him to get a job of some kind to take some responsibility in life. Pet sitting? Dog walking? Paper route? Lawn care? My son is only 9 but he is very stubborn so I can see how he would do this very thing when he is that age. Yes, I'd resort to bribery if I had to. I'd also tell him it is not an option. It's just a week and he has to do it. Yes, you should limit your son's hours on the computer. My son is addicted to videos and games and I have to be strict about it or he'd be on a computer most of the day. He earns computer time by doing other things and he has a limit each day. Good luck!

Is there another camp that he might perfer? This is the age they all they want to do is hang with thier friends. Perhaps there is a freind who is going to another camp that he might want to attend.

He's 15. Tell him to go get a job and earn some money. No job, no cash. No phone.

He's 15, I wouldn't want to go to camp either. Especially if it was something I wasn't into.

So even if you let him stay home, and you have those duties he has to do at home and you will have parental controls on the computer... the next problem will be:
HOW will you get him to do it? Daily??????
And he will be, bored.
And possibly complaining about it.
Meanwhile, he would not have been signed up for that Nature Conservancy camp.
And is he actually signed up for the Lifeguard camp?

I would give him a couple of choices. He can go to camp, he can get a job or he can do volunteer work. Playing on his computer all day is not one of the options.

What you do is tell him that he has no choice but to go. It's non-negotiable. If he doesn't stop bucking you, his computer is gone for the ENTIRE summer.

You can make life really hard on him by taking away ALL electronics, including television. I would have no problem doing that. My kids knew that they were going to camp and no amount of arguing about it would have worked. (I had to pay for camp 9 months in advance.)

You know, every teen says that SOMETHING they know nothing about is boring. If you let them have their way about everything they say is "boring", then they will never experience something that they potentially may absolutely love doing. The teen mind just doesn't necessarily grasp that possibility. You must make them do what is necessary to at least show it to them, whether they like it or not...

To answer your private meaasga question,: click on the person you want to send the message to there should be options and writing a private message is one of them. !

I would be so totally bored in a nature setting. I want activity and civilization. I would rather go to a church camp with friends or something like that.

This maybe doesn't help you, lol. But I see my family, friends, etc. with teens, and I am scared that my little ones will play on the computer all day when they are teens. So, we purposely won't ever have video games in the house. We do have a computer but the kids don't know there are games. We do camps all summer, each week, starting when they are little. I want them active. The camps here go to age 15. There is a teen camp daily with field trips, etc. Not sleep away but a good chunk of the day anyway. And they are going. It's just an expectation. Just like the 4-year-old is going to camp when all he wants to do is watch TV. Nope. He goes! And then he tells me all the fun he had, lol. And their screen time is very little.
A few hours a day of computer is too much, I think. Maybe 2 hours if he has NO other screen time.

If I thought he might enjoy it, and it was something I really wanted him to do, at that age I would try a bribe. Usually enough money does the trick.

For camp, if I really wanted my kid to do it? I would probably start out offering $100, and go up to $200. If a 15 year old won't take $200 for it, he REALLY doesn't want to do it.

It evened out over the course of the summer, because I just made the kids pay for their own stuff after I paid them, instead of handing them money for movies, snacks, etc. So they thought they were getting a bunch of money but they really weren't. I never gave my kids allowance, so I could easily justify bribing them.

I like the idea below of giving him a choice between camp and working.

So if he doesn't want to go that camp (did you pay?) and you don't want him on the computer all summer, what's the compromise? What other things does he need to do instead? Volunteer? Get a job? Go to a local day camp? My SS is not a camping person and the rest of us are. Somewhere around 14 we stopped pushing it - as long as he was staying with friends or relatives while we were away.

At 15, I think you should talk to him. What does HE think he should do with his summer and is there a compromise that can be reached?

ETA: find out if he needs to do student service hours for graduation. Summer would be a great time to get some. Also, what many people do is they put "@username" in the So What Happened field to respond to people, or if you want a private conversation you can message that person via their inbox. Click their name for their profile.