ThaNo Response from Teacher Regarding an Issue I Emailed Her About. What to Do?

I know I should deal with it better, but when a parent emails me, and the parent has a tone that I perceive as less than polite, I'm less inclined to respond to them sooner. Depending on the rest of the email, "And you allowed her to walk around like this the rest of the day? Isn't that dangerous, don't you think?" could be perceived as less than polite.

A person who would leave a 5 year old's shoes tied together should have nothing to do with children. What could she have been thinking?

Eh, I see many kindergartners with untied shoes at dismissal time. I think if this sort of thing were that unsafe the school would worry about being sued and therefore deal with it.

Your response was RUDE. (Over shoelaces, really?? Tell your daughter not to do that.) I don't think I would have justified your response with an email.

I think you should let it go. Very petty. Anger management, indeed.

From a teacher's perspective...
I was doing a long term sub job for several months until a few weeks ago. There was a mom in that class who sent me rude notes and emails allllll the time over the dumbest stuff. In one week, she sent me a combo of 11 emails & handwritten notes filled with catty remarks and covered in exclamation marks. It was a real downer. I would get to school excited about the day and was welcomed with her stupid questions or comments. I tried to be nice but then it got to the point where I just didn't acknowledge the notes unless I absolutely had to. She has done this to every teacher her child has had.

Teachers deal with difficult parents all the time. Please don't be one of them. Let this one go and write the teacher a nice note of appreciation for Valentine's day. Don't ruin a good parent/teacher relationship over shoelaces.

I think your question was of a rhetorical nature and did not deserve a response. Pushing the issue will destroy the good parent/teacher relationship you have.

Speak to your daughter about the dangers of doing this to ensure she will not do it again. And next time use a fork to work the knot out rather than your teeth!

I think if it was that important to you to have an answer, you would have spoken with the teacher in person..

But I also feel you are totally over reacting. Your daughter tied the shoes together and I am assuming must not have had a problem getting around if no one, noticed they were tied together.

I emailed her back the same day and said "And you allowed her to walk around like this the rest of the day? Isn't that dangerous, don't you think?",

I would not reply either since it is a rhetorical question that you asked.. ..

You owe her an apology for your tone. Remember teachers are not there to make sure children hurt themselves.

They are on your side. She has way more than 1 child to look after and at the end of the day it can be a bit busy.

Teachers are professionals just like a Doctor or a Judge. show them the same respect, you want them to give you.

As I reread this I'm think Oh My Goodness you want the teacher to get down on her knees and use HER teeth to get that know out?? To get a non confrontational discussion going about this incident, before asking she not allow your daughter to walk in an unsafe manner, You could ask "how many times did you ask daughter to not play with her shoes during story time?" In that way you are assuming the to teacher was aware and tried to stop the problem. She may even have TRIED to untie the shoes, she may have had your daughter try to untie her shoes. If you hope to teach your daughter anything from this incident buy her a pair of (boring- no lights and sparkles!!!!) velcro shoes and put the tie shoes away until she is older.
From your previous post it sounds like your daughter is a serious behavior problem, is this true? The teacher must deal all day with her hitting and destroying while TEACHING not babysitting a classroom of other children.
In an effort to pick only the important battles she must ignore little things like tying her shoes together. Since you feel strongly about protecting your child from natural consequences, the teacher must take this role in your daughter's life.
As for ignoring your email -You've described your self as having anger management issues. We teachers avoid getting into it with confrontational parents. Sorry to say but if I were teacher I would never meet with you without having the principal present. For your daughter's sake try hard to not be confrontational with her teacher. It really is better for your daughter if she sees you and the teacher as allies.
I am so happy you are reaching out for advice, but you and your daughter need more help than this board can supply. It's great you're thinking about counseling. I hope things improve.

Tell your daughter that it's dangerous to walk around like that and that she could fall & hit her head, her teeth, etc.?

Maybe if she does it again, she gets a consequence now that she knows she shouldn't do it.

I know they are young, but Kindergarten teachers aren't glorified babysitters!

If you're daughter had tripped, it would have been a natural consequence. Really, you want to confront a teacher about your daughter tying her own shoes together? Talk to the principal? Whoa. I'm not saying you are, but I read this as irate and attacking about something so minor.

Tread carefully. Teachers are often overwhelmed and overworked. In a perfect world she would have had time to take the knot out and lecture your daughter not to do that but honestly I don't know how Kinder teachers even stay sane these days.
Develop a relationship with her by volunteering in the class, offering to help in some off campus way or just reaching out. You may find out she's an awesome person with a VERY big job and has to constantly choose which issues to address with her limited time. Maybe, on that particular day, a girl who tied her shoelaces together was the least of her worries!

Velcro and/or no more shoes that require strings, for your child. What are you doing to manage your anger? Also, don't recommend using your teeth for anything but eating, chewing, smiling and YES, sometimes grinning and bearing it rather then going off on someone who not only has your child's well being, but 20+ other children's well being to deal with.

if your daughter was uncomfortable walking around with tied laces, one would hope that would give her a clue.
kindergartners are tiny and need help with life issues. most of them aren't stupid and can (and should) figure out simple cause and effects for themselves.
all parents think the teachers should be entirely focused on their child, forgetting that most teachers had scores of kids to watch, tend, teach, referee and safeguard.
get your kid some velcro shoes and send that teacher an apology for being rude.
khairete
S.

The teacher knew about it, she morethenlikely said untie it, your daughter either A)refused to listen or B)the teacher did not notice the issue after she say it and thought the laces were unknotted.

This is a petty thing, it happened once, if it keeps happening then address it with the teacher. YOU also need to talk to your daughter tell HER that it is dangerous and to not do it again. Let your daughter know that if it happens again and she can not untie it (sometimes hard to undo) to ask the teacher to for help. The thing is it is NOT the teachers job to solve all the kids issues, this is time for the kids to learn... yes in a dangerous situation like pushing or rough housing a teacher needs to correct that but it is not their job to babysit, it is to teach and that is their main focus. Your e-mail had a negative tone to it, the teacher may ignore it, you will turn into the "problem" parent if you keep harping on this one time happening.

I would let this go, tell your daughter to not do it again. If it does happen again talk to daughter OR GET SHOES THAT ARE VELCRO and avoid the whole issue. There is a rule in our school, if the kid does not know how to tie shoes (or unknot them) then they must have slip-ons or velcro... teachers do not have time to tie 20 kids shoes mulitple times a day.

Now that you've talked to your daughter about why that is not a smart thing to do and how she could have fallen and hurt herself, I would let it go. If I approached the teacher at all, it would be to ask that she please inform me if my DD did that again, as you were clear with her she was NOT to, and if she still doesn't "get it" you will make sure she wears velcros or other shoes without laces to school.

I would give some grace here too. Did you mean to write that you waited for a response for three days because the teacher WASN'T there on Wed. and Thurs, but was today? If so, having been a teacher myself, she may not have seen your email yet. Missing two days of school in a row can take awhile to get caught up on paperwork/email.
I would write a note or email again and just ask her if she sees your daughter doing this again to please make sure her shoes do not stay tied together as it is a safety concern. Also reiterate to your daughter that this can be dangerous for her.
HTH,
A.

Edit: I just read your SWH and think you are taking the best possible stance on this. You did sound harsh, but I can understand your concern for your daughter's safety. It was a valid point. Delivery was just a little snippy, but you realized that and took ownership of it. I applaud you for that. That doesn't sound like anger management issues to me. Sounds like you are learning how to manage them effectively. :-)
Your daughter shouldn't have tied her shoes together. The teacher should have untied her shoes for safety purposes. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. All you can do now is be thankful that your daughter didn't get hurt and give grace that the teacher (and your daughter) will act differently should this happen again. For those people that said this teacher should not be teaching kids because she failed to untie the shoelaces...give me a break! If we teachers (and parents) kept score on every little goof we made, none of us would be qualified to be around kids. Ease up, people!

I think teachers have more important things to worry about. How far was your daughter walking the rest of the day? Would you have expected the teacher to use her teeth to untie your daughter's shoes? I wouldn't. That's gross. So her only other option would have been to call you to pick her up early or come to school with another pair of shoes, which I'm sure wouldn't have made you happy. I'd let this go.

To be honest, the teacher probably didn't want to get into a squabble with you via e-mail... you response ( "And you allowed her to walk around like this the rest of the day? Isn't that dangerous, don't you think?") was a bit inflammatory. I agree though, that *some* response would be nice. She could have written something back like, I didn't realize that she had tied her shoes together. Let's talk about his at pick up when you have a few minutes.

I hear you though. My son's first grade teacher very rarely answers e-mails from me and I find it irritating. Especially since I try to be proactive about some issues that have come up and I only hear form her when he's had negative behaviors. Teachers are all different... some have great communication and others are so overwhelmed by their class sizes and standardized testing that they can't reply to what we feel is the easiest form of communication and issues important to us.

Try to keep you cool. Tell her you spoke to your daughter about this being a safety concern and not to do this again. And maybe ask her if there's a better way to give and get messages since you didn't hear form her when you e-mailed. Also if she was out of the classroom, (which is what I think I got from your post) she's probably got a ton of messages to catch up on.

Good luck~ it's tough navigating the teacher, student, parent relationship!

I read your responses, and was amazed that nobody else thought it was wrong for the teacher to leave your daughter's shoes tied together! I don't care how busy the teacher might have been, this is a safety issue. You daughter is only in kindergarten. Kindergartners are still learning what's appropriate and what's not. Young kids do things like this, but it doesn't mean they should just be left to deal with the consequences when it comes to safety. If you want to do that with her at home, that's your prerogative, but if it happens at school, the teacher needs to step up to keep the kids safe. I would send her another request for a response and cc the principal on the e-mail.

ok, i'm not going to blast you, it was a concern, i think the teachers first response maybe wasn't so bright on her part. But what your wrote back about it being dangerous, don't cha think doesn't sound like it needed a response, IN an ideal world she woudl say yes you are so right sorry. but like others have said, sometimes things like this happen.

i would move on from there and really just try to stay open so you can continue to have a good relationship. don't let one bad experience sour everything.

Here is the deal: the only reason people view this as a petty issue is because your DD didn't trip and injure herself. If you had written that you picked up your child with a broken arm, because a teacher failed to notice that her shoes were tied together or didn't feel the need to untie them EVERYONE would be up in arms about it and demand some sort of disciplinary action
Kindergartners are 5 year olds! I think that we can and should expect that a K teacher makes sure that the kids in her care remain properly dressed and safe to run around.
And yes, if they don't they may find themselves sued... as someone who tripped in elementary school and knocked out a few teeth, be assured my school's insurance was still paying for the dental work when I was in my twenties and getting the crowns redone.

However, your email was snappy and you should just talk to her in person. Just say sorry for the snappy email and that you were concerned about your child's safety.
Good luck

I would maybe send a note in with your daughter. You could simply state that you did not think it was safe. Ask her to please make sure that your daughter does not do it again.

If story time was toward the end of the day, I can assure you that the teacher did NOT have time to use her teeth to untie your dd's shoes, so your best bet is to teach your dd NOT to do that in the future!
I was a Kg teacher and wonder if you would have preferred her teacher to just use a scissors to cut the shoes apart so that your child would not have to hop to the car?

Sorry...but I put the blame on the teacher. It wasn't as if your child was in 7th grade or something. I have a feeling your daughter tried to unknot them herself...thus creating an evern tighter knot. The teacher admits to knowing they were tied...and did nothing to help her. And if she had of fallen and hurt herself.....the teacher would have been held the responsible party for admitting she was aware of the situation. How many of you early learning teachers have tied a childs' shoe......many times...that's the answer. So I am with you. Of course I don't agree with the attitude you had in the email. I would have approached it a different way. You should repost and say she busted out her 2 front teeth and fractured her wrist and skinned both knees. You would get an entirely different responses....and I am betting they would be in your favor....and everyone saying......SEE A LAWYER!!!!!

I would email the teacher and cc the principal since you've talked to the teacher already.

While I agree with the others about not expecting the teacher to untie the knot with her teeth, I do think it's unreasonable for the teacher not to have responded to you by now unless she's been out for some reason. I'm a teacher, and we are expected to respond to parents in a reasonable time frame, 24 hours or so.

I would email the teacher again, or better yet attempt to call her during her conference period, and ask her politely if she received your email. Explain to her that you would like to know more about the situation regarding your daughter tieing her shoes together - Why was she allowed to do it? Was she told not to do it again? Did she, or anyone else, attempt to untie her shoes to prevent her from falling?

This should be able to be handled without anger. You are completely right. The teacher should have responded to you by now, but once you have her attention, allow her to explain what went on.

Good luck.

It is a real sore point for me, too, when my sons' teachers aren't communicating with me. This day in age, I really think it's part of their job.
But I would be very cautious, if I were you, about "going off". Your child's relationship with the teacher is very important, and since teachers are only human, will be effected by the teacher's interactions with you. It's only February, so there is a lot of school left.

I would suggest emailing her again with something innocent, like "I was just wondering if you got my last email. I thought it might have gotten lost in cyberspace, since I really was expecting to hear back from you."

Hope this helps!

I read your update. I would call or do it face to face. I know it's not fun but it's the right way to talk.