thaWould You "Punish" Your Teenager for Having Sex?

If I want to guarantee that he'd never come to me, that no matter if girl was about to be dumped tomorrow that she's clung onto for dear life, and to have no input at all in his life? Then dad's track sounds like the way to go.

I do not think he should be punished. I think his mom is right. I also think it's great that he is open and talking to her about this. She seems like a good mom to have such an open relationship with her son. The dad needs to chill out. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be upset or shocked, but he is WAY over reacting. I would not send him over to his dads house until he calms down.

The dad is going WAY overboard. All this is going to do is push the boy away from him & into sneaking around with the girlfriend. I agree with Just M. - open door policy! More supervision when he is with the girlfriend. But nothing to just make him angry & want to hide things.

No, I would not punish my 16 year old for having protected sex. But calling the girlfriend a 'slut?' What's this? Surely the boy is also a slut, too. Sick of this old fashioned double standard. And shame on that aunt. What the dad has effectively done is break down any open lines of communication that may have existed. Stupid move, dad.

They are wrong, for telling every darn relative about it and now the relatives are name-calling his girlfriend and calling her a slut.
Good grief.
This is a PRIVATE matter, between the boy and his parents.
And he is just 16.
And they are now, stereotyping his girlfriend and all around town now... the girl will be bad mouthed and get a bad reputation... just because, of their son's relatives. That is really immature and crude... for all the relatives to be doing this. This is like verbal bullying. Against the girl.... how do you think, her Parents, must feel?
And they don't even know the girl. But are judging her....

Their son is 16, and a teen.
Teens do things like this.
It is their responsibility, to live in reality, and guide and teach their son... about relationships, about his body, about STD's, about how to treat the opposite gender, and take him to the DOCTOR for check-ups etc.
A Teen, some Teens, do have sex. Probably more than we think.
Because, most teens will NOT even tell their parents.

Grounding the boy and lashing out against the Girlfriend, will not help.
Their son, will now just keep secrets and not tell his parents anything... about his personal life. He will not "trust" them anymore.
And now, he will hide things from them.
Because, they are treating him and the girlfriend, like criminals.
And ALL the relatives know too. Boy, isn't that a violation of his privacy? And they are bad mouthing the girlfriend now, too. As though she is a monster. How, pathetic.
And... from the sounds of it... it seems that the Ex and his relatives... would be the types, to even go on FaceBook and TELL the whole world about this boy and badmouth the Girlfriend, there too. Publicly.
That is really, pathetic.
They are all acting, like a bunch of overgrown BULLIES.
The Girlfriend's parents... if they catch wind, that your Ex and his relatives and his Wife, are badmouthing their daughter.... do you think they will like that???
They do not even know... the girl. Nor her family.
If some family was doing that about MY daughter.... I would, not take it lying down.

Well I'd be really impressed with his honesty and also the fact that he is using protection shows a lot of maturity on the 16 year old's part.

I'd talk to him about respect for his family, and that leaving a condom wrapper in the yard isn't alright. Neither is it OK to have sex in your parents (or her parents) home or yard.

He should know that condoms are not 100% effective and he should know that he is accepting the risk of an unplanned pregnancy or STD. Though condom use significantly lessens the risk, it does NOT eliminate it altogether.

I'm stunned that the parents started informing all of the aunts and uncles, what is the point of that? I'd be surprised if that child ever shares anything with his parents again. Sharing such personal information is just plain mean.

Freaking out and punishing him and shaming his girlfriend isn't going to be of any benefit. He is 16, not 11, and a judge will probably give him say in which parent he lives with, and how much visitation he spends with the other parent. Dad will be driving his son away with his over-reacting. Hopefully he will cool down and start to see things more reasonably.

Um, you get the condoms at any drug store, or in the vending machine in the gas station restroom. That's easy.

I'd be glad he was using protection, none of the guys I dated would. And that he didn't lie? He is showing much more maturity than his father is right now. I would be glad he made it to 16 before having sex, many don't. I would be having a conversation with him, and his girlfriend, about birth control options, since most people I know that relied on condoms are now called Mommy and Daddy.

So this all happened just last week. If the dad is anything like my ex, he might let up on the kid after his first, overboard, reaction wears off. If I was the son, I would be most upset about the defamation of the girl - that was way off base. This dad has some apologizing to do if he wants to have a relationship with his son.

I wonder if Karen B recognizes that teen pregnancy is at the lowest rate that it's been since the early 90s, thanks to sex education.

So you can thank that pool of "that's what' teens do" moms for actually teaching their kids how to protect themselves and make smart choices, rather than just forbidding them to do it and hoping they listen.
This whole santimonious argument drives me insane.

So if that were my kid? No. No punishment, but a big thank you to him for being honest with me. While I wouldn't open my house to them to use as a hotel room, I won't yell at them for doing something I was doing myself at that age.

This just seems like a great way for him to make the choice to NOT visit his father anymore. And a step towards being removed from him life. If his father chooses to alienate his son during a critical point in his life like his first sexual relationship...chances are her son will return the favor to dad. Because he can.

To me, this is not something you punish your child for. I totally agree with you and with the action taken by your friend. This is something you want/need to have open communication about. That won't happen if the child is afraid of being punished.

I too applaud the young man for his honesty and for using protection. I also feel like the father and his family are the pot calling the kettle black. And by making her unwelcome in their home, they have cemented his loyalty to her. The forbidden is so much more attractive!

Sorry for your friend's son. That dad is a jerk!

I think open and honest is good. We did not punish our kids when they became sexually active. Was I happy, hell no and I made that clear but was I going to completely stop it? No. We were upfront with them all along with "the talk" and such.

He is 161/2 years old. I think that is too young but I feel that kids treat sex as an extra curricular activity now. I think a good talk with him is warranted. I believe the father overrated. I also think Mom is going to have to step in and get dad under some control. Letting family members know about this was way over the line and if I were this young man I would be very upset with my dad. He is of the age to make decisions as to visting dad or not. Also calling the girl names is not going to help. Everyone needs to calm down!

We actually ARE a religious family. But if he's making responsible decisions in all areas (school, work, etc) and this is an actual girlfriend that he's had for awhile and not some random girl, and he's using "protection", then while I would be sad a little, I would also be happy that he at least is (a) trying to be responsible and (b) he was honest and that means SO much! If it were me at that age, I'd have sworn it must have blown out someone's window as they drove down the road, or whatever stupid thing crossed my mind. NO I am NOT saying that it's cool with me if they do this, or that I condone teen sex, but you have to be realistic. I was a pretty good girl, but not only hormones but real feelings of "love"....whether an adult thinks it's real or not, it is real to them....those led to sex. And fear. And heartbreak. And later with the right man, great joy. I seriously, seriously wish that my parents would have been calm enough for me to talk to them. I think it would have helped me make better decisions with many things (I know for sure that with the right guidance I wouldn't have had sex with as many people, had I had someone lovingly listen to me and help me with what was going on, even though I know for sure I would have been intimate with my long term boyfriend anyway....and it sounds like this is the case with this boy in question). I hope my boys will be honest with us and that we will be able to discuss things openly, with love and respect, so that we can at least offer guidance in areas if needed. If this girl is important to him, I would try to get to know her better and develop a little bit of a relationship with her. Calling her a slut and shunning her isn't going to bring their son any closer to them, ya know?

Even if nothing comes of this relationship (they're still young), at least you're there to offer support if there's a broken heart, and again, guidance. Because now that boy is a young adult....still a kid in many ways, but you can't lord your desires over on them, you raise them the best way you can as children, and then just try to offer guidance through the young adult years in preparation for having to let go when they are adults. It's a hard phase for parents and teens alike, this learning to let go thing. Freaking out isn't going to help anybody. It just insures that he won't be coming to you for advice or parental guidance when he does need it! I'm seriously, seriously not looking forward to that...my guys are just babies. I pray I handle it all well. I WOULD say that I wouldn't want to find trash like that laying about, no matter how open we may be.

Calling and gossiping to everyone in the family that he lost his virginity and aunts/uncles texting him (are you SERIOUS? HOW close is this family???) is so unbelievably inappropriate! How is that going to help things here? I'd go so far as to say the dad owes him an apology for blabbing his sex life to everyone. Again because of their ages, I'd say it'll probably not last (it could, but likely won't).....but WHAT IF this girl you've just shunned ends up being the love of his life, his wife, a mother? I want to attempt to have a good relationship with my sons' girlfriends for that possibility alone. Friends? No. But....I would want them to trust me to be sane, rational, and not a freakshow if I said I had concerns. If I develop a reputation for flipping my lid, then my credibility isn't there when he needs to hear me. I think of that all the time. No, punishment for sex with condoms probably wouldn't be where I'd go with it. Punishment for sneaking out, lying, going somewhere they weren't supposed to, behaving irresponsibly or sleeping with random people, not treating the girls with whom he chooses to be intimate with respect, those are more punishable offenses.

I would say no unsupervised visits with opposite sex, ever. That was the rule at my house growing up. I remember going to male friend's house once and he was sitting on the floor and I was sitting at the desk, we were reading comic books, lol. The mom burst in like she was going to catch us at something that had never once crossed my mind at that age, and then said "Oh. There you are. Never close the door". I told my mom about it because I thought it was a bit strange, and she said "Ah. That's a good rule. Same rule here". I'm married with kids. I have been "sexually active" for 24 years. I have N E V E R had sex at my mother's house. It'd just be weird after all this time, lol.

Does his dad really think that not allowing the girl to come over is going to stop them from finding opportunities for sex?
He's almost an adult. Depending on the state he lives in, he and the girl may be of age of consent. They're practicing safe sex. While they don't need to be congratulated on having decided to have sex so young, they do need to at least be given credit for being smart about it. Dad needs to worry more about making sure his son and the girl have as much information as possible about safe sex, not punishing him.

Eeeew regards to the condom in the yard

Applause for the sensible young man for using one AND for telling the truth.

Silly to punish him, it'll just push him away, he'll STOP telling the truth. Just time to reiterate what he already knows.

:)

A-ha! I totally skipped over the "wrapper" part too! Sorry!

**Side note, kid in question is WAAAY past the age where he has a CHOICE which parent he lives with and/or visits. He doesn't HAVE to stay with his Dad if he chooses not to.

Talk about hypocrisy.
If your friend is 35 and their son is 16 and a half that means THEY had sex when THEY (or at least, SHE) was 17/18, without protection.
The whole family sounds like ignorant white trash. Sorry if that offends anyone, but that's what adults calling a teenage girl a slut sounds like to me, especially when the parents did the exact same thing as teens (and sorry if I'm wrong assuming they are white!)
I guess there's not much your friend can do about the rules at her ex's house, all she can do is continue to love, guide and support her son while he's home with her. Oh, and make sure he is using those condoms properly!!!

Honestly, I'll be doing a happy dance if my kids wait until 16 to start having sex, and then do it responsibly, using protection and aren't scared to be honest with me about it.

Parenting a teenager is hard! You have expectations and wants for your kid and when they prove they are growing up despite your best efforts to keep them little, it frustrates and sometimes breaks you.

I have not raised my own teens yet, but I am a foster parent, so I have had some experience with them in my home. One of my foster daughters actually had a child she gave up for adoption before she came to live with us. Obviously we knew she was sexually active. My job wasn't to stop that, my job was to make sure she was safe, had the resources she needed, and was emotionally OK.

Now, I have a 4 year old daughter. I know already she is going to be trouble as a teenager, and I am dreading it! However, I am also not stupid, I'm not blind and I'm not naive. If a teenager wants to have sex, it's going to happen, no matter what the parents say. Both of my parents were ministers. I have three siblings. We KNEW that the expectation was that we don't have sex until we are married, period, end of story. There was no discussion of safe sex or birth control because we were NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX. Two of the four of us had sex before we were 16, one moved in with someone for three years before being married, and one waiting until marriage. I wish that we had been able to talk to our parents about sex, but that simply was not the way it was. I don't want that for my kids.

I plan to instill my belief and morals in my kids. I want them to know that I don't want them to have sex until they are extremely ready and with someone they love. However, I do plan on educating my kids on birth control and putting my daughter on the pill. Not because I want her to think she has a free pass to have sex, but because things happen. My brother is 28 and has a 12 year old daughter. Things happen.

Absolutely not. I would have another sex talk, including all the relevant topics, and commend him for being responsible enough to use a condom.

No. I wouldn't punish him for having protected sex.

I would be disappointed that they had sex in our front yard???? Is that what you are saying - they had sex in the front yard and discarded the condom there? YUCK!!! That's gross.

As to the family members texting the girl and calling her a slut? Ouch. That's tough. If my daughter were called a slut by her boyfriend's family? Hopefully, she would break up with him and tell him too bad - soo sad.

I would be thankful that he used protection. I would be thankful that he didn't lie about it. Do I like it? No. Would I punish? No. Keep the lines of communication open. You don't want him sneaking around and not using condoms!!! (question is - where did he get the condom from? who is condoning and supporting their behavior? I know there isn't an age limit of buying condoms, but still!!) I'd ask where he got the condoms...

No, that's not a punishable offense. It's definitely admirable that he was honest, and is choosing to use protection. What a great opportunity to bond with son and strengthen relationships with him.

I WOULD make natural consequences clear to him (like a discussion on the importance of protection, the risks of pregnancy, and the value in choosing to wait), and make it harder for him to sneak around & have sex. Like, no sleepovers, no closed doors, etc.

That said, since the mother and father aren't together, I would hope that they could work together and decide a course of action together. It wouldn't exactly be a good idea to go two different ways on this. If Dad can't do that, however, Mom's going to have to let him deal with it the way he sees fit. He's a parent too.

I would say that since the parents are no longer together then they can have different reactions to this situation. Mom can do as she feels is best when her son is with her and the father can do as he feels is right. The boy is just going to have to adapt and tell his girl "Sorry, I'm over at my dad's this week. Love you and see you next week when I'm as mom's."

I personally think the boy should not be "punished" but he should be spoken to and retold how important it is for him to protect himself and his girlfriend.

and the fun of sneaking around begins=)

no at 16, I wouldn't punnush my daughter but would make her know I wasnt happy and would make it harder for her to do so in my house...as in opened doors and so on.

I would not "punish" so to speak. However, I would have NO problem making sure he was never unsupervised at my house, or her house. If he finds a way to have sex, fine. He SHOULD have enough freaking respect not to do it under their parent's roof. Personally, I do not think it's unreasonable for a parent to expect no teenage sex in their home. I would also MAKE him (hopefully his girlfriend would come, or see a Dr. on her own) see a Dr. It's one thing for a teenager to say he does and will use protection every time, it's another thing to do it. I would make him talk with a doctor about all the risks of pregnancy, disease, how they are spread. (Meaning, oral and anal sex spreads diseases, etc.)

And...why the hell was a condom in the yard? Sick.

No, I wouldn't. I would be mad that he discarded a used condom in the yard, though---ew!!! Looks like dad has some hang ups.

eta...
Sorry, I misread about the wrapper lol!
And all of you that think you can control sex in teens are fooling yourselves. What you CAN control is teaching them how to take care of themselves and the person they are having sex with.
And thanks to proper sex education, and the rescinding of that stupid "abstinence only" sex ed, in schools we have the lowest teen pregnancy rate in 50 years. So yeah, I think MY way works better than punishing and making them hide it.

Our daughter is now 27. We have found that open communication has been the best policy. We ask questions. "If ___ happens, then what will you do?" "We're concerned that ____ . What do you think?" etc. etc. It encourages critical thinking. She has grown up into an amazing woman. She thinks deeply about consequences, and that is so important in this world that is changing so fast. Best wishes to your friend, her son, and their whole family!

Honestly, yes, I would ground my child, and probably for a long time. Not indefinitely, but a long time. Post grounding, the bf/gf would still be allowed to come to my home, but DEFINITELY not without my husband or myself home. I would probably try to get in touch with the bf/gf mom/dad as well, just to make sure they are aware of what is happening. Not to suggest how they handle it, if they choose to do anything at all, but just to make sure they are aware. At this point, I do only have two GIRLS, so I think that (along with my religion) probably have influenced me greatly on this.

So many things I want to address here and comment on, but I'll try to keep it short-ish.

The son did the right thing in being honest and using protection. However, how many teens actually use birth control effectively? Especially if their parents weren't involved in their sex education and haven't had discussions about expectations prior to their teens having sex?

The son's honesty and using a condom don't mean that he shouldn't be disciplined. It DOES mean he shouldn't be punished. See what I said there? In our home, when you tell the truth, there is discipline versus an unpleasant punishment.

The father is entitled to his initial response. He was a teen dad himself and he likely is aware of the faultiness of birth control in the hands of teenagers. Even responsible teens. He's entitled to his feelings. As a parent, he probably should be calm and thoughtful before meting out discipline OR punishment since whatever he hands out would be extreme while his emotions are out of control. But dad's feelings on this? Right on target. It's a Very Big Deal. And his main point, that teen sex while Boy is still living at home and a minor (I'm assuming), is not acceptable.

That said about the father, he was completely out of line in telling extended family about the situation. He had no business making this an extended family drama when it should have remained with the core family. That was a disgusting thing he did, likely during a moment of fury and an inability to control his own actions and think things through. That proves he shouldn't be the one to discipline this kid.

So, you can be understanding but that doesn't mean you have to be accepting. I would talk to the girl's parents. I would be livid if my girls had a boyfriend and the boy's parents knew they were having sex and said nothing to me about it. It would be keeping me from being able to make the best choices in her medical care.

Then I would talk to both of the kids together and lay out my expectations. No more sex at either house, no sex at friend's houses, or anywhere else. They need to be open and honest and transparent at all times about where they are and where they're going. No closed doors at either parents' home. They're not to be alone together at either parents' home. If there won't be parents at a friend's house, they're not allowed there either.

If they choose to disobey, they're putting their futures at risk because of the high risk of birth control failure. Give them real sex ed and all the risks involved even with birth control. But also have concrete consequences, realistic consequences, if they're caught again.

I would not punish him. I remember being 16. I wish that I would have had an open enough relationship with my parents to talk to them about having sex. They should be happy that he's responsible enough to use a condom and to tell the truth.

The réaction on the Dad's part will do two things... make the son sneakier about having sex and resentful that angry that he told the truth and that it's become such a cluster.

Open heart to heart talking would be the best route to take. Keeping the son and girlfriend close would be a good idea otherwise they'll find a way to be together. Education, forethought... all good things for young kids who think that they'll never get pregnant, never get a disease (which this kid HAS thought about because he's using condoms.)

It is a big deal, but punishment isn't the answer in my opinion.

Sounds like the Dad has lost his mind. How many 16/17 year olds are NOT having sex? (or having sex and lying to the parents that they are not having sex) Certainly they dont have to be happy about it, but they should try to just be realistic. As you said, education at this point is the key.
Punishing him and being ignorant to the girlfriend will only succeed in making the boy 1) hate his father 2) be more sneaky next time. Good for mom for having an open relationship with her son.

You either punish it or condone it. If he wants a grandchild out of wedlock with a divorce and child support for his son, then say and do nothing.

Good luck to you and yours.

I don’t see any reason to punish him, that’s just stupid. I don't think any parent would be happy about it but this is a part of life. I feel bad for the girlfriend that everyone seems to be making her out to be a bad person how awful.

Tell your friend that it is good that her son is honest and talking with her (not many will do that). Apparently someone taught him to be careful and use protection. He now needs to learn about the responsibility that comes with having sex and all the emotions.

You'd think by their reaction that he was the first 16 1/2 year old to have sex! Hello! I wouldn't be crazy about the idea that my teen is sexually active but kudos to him for using protection. Punishment is just going to create a rift. He will never be honest and forthcoming about anything personal ever again. And if they think he will stop seeing his girlfriend they have another thing coming. The dad needs to quit over reacting and open up the lines of communication. His son needs it now more than ever.

I think that dad is scared that his son may repeat his past mistakes and I think that conversation needs to be had. I think mom needs to explain to son that she does NOT approve, would like them to refrain from sex (but once it starts it is a hard habit to kick) and it is not allowed under my roof. I think dad needs to work thru his issues and mom needs to confront him on some of it, like the blabbermouth and name calling. NOT APPROPRIATE. If he does not want the girlfriend to come to his house that is his choice as well as the grounding - but dad should be warned that this will backfire on him. If I were mom the consequences for his actions would revolve around http://homeschoolbabies.com/ WITHOUT help from the girlfriend. I would also talk to her parents about it, I could see serious fall out if you knew and they did not. Of course talk to her about talking to them first - but I see issues arising there. The son should be prepared for any backlash from her parents too.

I would WANT to punish him for making a poor decision but I would not do so in this case. By punishing him (grounding and/or banning his GF) simply encourages him to sneek, lie, and feel resentment...if he lied, he wouldn't be in trouble right now. Additionally, this is NOT the rest of the family's concern...if he was spending time w/ his GF at their home, a "heads up" to be sure to supervise them would be in order but not full disclosure of their personal life (shame on Dad and Step-mom and the family members who butted in once they were told).

I would suggest that your friend let the dad calm down and then have a heart to heart about the punishments so hopefully they can get on a more similiar page.

The son should have waited but hormones took over and he did use a condom.
He has received quite a huge punishment his father and his father's family humiliating him.

Dad will be in the background over this for a long time to come. A rif has been caused by dad that may never be patched.

Mom is the smart one here. She did ask and he did answer in honesty. It will be up to her to come up with a new line of discipline like talking to both the son and girlfriend and explaining that what they are doing can cause a child and derail any plans they have for the future. The talk should take place on a young adult level as he is now almost an adult.

Sorry but the horse is now out the gate and there is nothing you can do to take it back. All you can do now is wish for the best and prepare for the worst.

I understand where the dad is coming from. My son has a son that he was not ready for at 24 but he has done his best by him. He hopes to explain that he loves him very much and that he hopes that the son does not do what he did and change his plans.

Good luck and keep your shoulder available for her to lean on.

The other S.

PS Dad flying off the handle was an action is louder than words story to the son. Son will be very careful if he does speak with dad again on anything.

I wouldn't punish. I would take this very rare opportunity where the teen opens up and run with it. Establish a better, open relationship where honesty and trust are key. I wouldn't punish for telling me something that I didn't want to hear. I would comment the teen for their honest and forthright behavior and thank them for telling me. I would keep the lines of communication open. Bottom line, teens are going to have sex. They will have sex regardless of how anyone else feels or what the rules are. I would much rather a open, honest relationship with a child who is sexually active and is protected, then a shut down relationship with a child who is sexually active and may or may not be protected.

i think mom is doing the right thing... talked to him about it, now he's aware she knows and will probably be more careful in the future. People shouldnt litter afterall.
The dad will probably calm down, he's just having a kneejerk reaction... time will fix him. He just doesnt want his son ruining his life by getting a girl pregnant too soon.... which is coming from the inside of him as he feels that's what happened to him.

I only read the first few responses and to compare drinking/driving/underage drinking to having sex as illegal is absolutely ABSURD! Yes I said it!

Drinking and driving is against the law,drinking underage is against the law.

Having sex as a minor with another minor is not against the law. Now if he's older than her then yes he needs to be "punished".

I would not be happy if I had a teenager having sex...only thing I can really do is to make sure that my kids understand the ramifications, results of having sex. Thus giving them ALL information up front.

The more you tell a teenager they can't see someone the more the sneak around. Believe me, I snuck around thought about marrying that same boy...thank goodness I came to my OWN clarity before I made any mistakes. But it would be MY mistake to have made!

I wouldn't punish him. He is being responsible and honest. These are positives. I would be sure to make sure he knows birth control can fail and that he has discussed abortion as an option if that happens. I would want my son to be sure the girl knew my son would continue on his life path, whether or not she got pregnant. I see nothing beneficial that will happen by punishing him.

This is the prime example of the pot calling the kettle black! How can a father punish his own child for doing exactly what he himself has done in the past? I am certain that this boy can do math! I'm NOT saying that it is ok, or that they should be HAPPY about it, but as you said, he was HONEST, and SAFE, so continue the communication, and talk to him about all of the important stuff and make sure he is being respectful and really SURE that they are both doing this of their own free will. meaning nobody felt "pushed" because even boys can feel that peer pressure. (a lot) I really hope Mom keeps talking to him, and lets him know just how much she disagrees with Dad and the Aunt. Why the heck IS the Aunt even getting involved anyway?????

Boys will be boys. You really shouldn't punish him for having sex. He is 16 years old and punishing may just make him more "active." And cause problems down the line. The kid just needs to be educated. And his girlfriends parents should be informed so she can be on birth control.

Well, the aunt will be so surprised when this kid never wants a thing to do with her ever again. What an disgusting biddy she is.

I'm sorry that the ex is so short-sighted. That kid is old enough to tell the court he never wants to go over to his dad's again. This kid doesn't have to have anything to do with the dad's family, and that is possibly what they are going to get.

There should be consequences for sex at this age, but this isn't it. Lots of sex education, including STD's, teen pregnancy, etc.

The ex is a jerk, and so is his aunt.

Dawn

They can have all sorts of consequences, but the truth is that if they want to have sex together, they will find a way. No restriction, etc., will really make a difference. The girl is not the problem. The problem goes much deeper. How active are they in his life? Do they have conversations frequently, knowing his heart and parenting to it? It sounds like your friend is trying to do that, but his father is a hot-head reactionary man. That's not very helpful. Calling names and getting mad does nothing to help the situation. It just makes his respect for them go further down. This young man has no reason not to have sex. His own parents lived that life. They have no faith system to teach morality. No teeth to the beliefs they have. I feel for this young man. If they are at all a typical Americal family, he is just doing what he is being mentored to do by his peers. What more did they expect? This young man needs to get help in being responsible and able to provide for a family soon! He needs to learn about responsibility and accountability. He probably needs to apologize to her parents and to the young lady also. But, I don't think he needs to be humiliated and treated with such disdain.

Oh good grief. This poor boy is never going to be honest about anything ever again. How humiliating for him and his girlfriend. It's ridiculous. He's going to remember this for a long time. As his mother, I wouldn't even support her ex for his actions, and discuss everything with her son, and let him know that she loves him and would never punish him for something like that. It's crazy.