OK, I know that potty training is a long and difficult process, but I just don't know what to do. My daughter turned 3 last month and is really excited to learn to use the potty, but we've been at it for two weeks now and she doesn't seem to know how to realize when she has to pee. We've had two weeks of accidents on the floor. I rush her to the toilet and she gets a few dribbles in, but there is always a puddle path to the bathroom. How can I get her to recognize the feeling of needing to pee?
Also, I have her sit on the potty before bed and before we go out to have her try to get the pee out, but she has no idea of how to release the pee. How do i teach this? She has no concept of how to use those peeper muscles. I don't let her sit on the potty for more than a minute or two because she gets very frustrated that nothing comes out in the potty. Am I doomed to endure months of accidents, laundry, and embarrassing moments at the park? We've already defiled the library, the zoo, and the grocery store.
Oh, by the way, she completely shuns diapers and pull-ups now and won't wear them, even at night. Amazingly, she wakes up dry most mornings.
Truth be told she will potty train herself when she is ready. My son was fully potty trained in a week when he was 2 1/2. He was ready and we were too.
First, take a deep breath and repeat the phrase "she *will* learn when she's ready"
Then, take another deep breath and repeat this phrase, "'age at completion of potty training' is NOT a question that appears on college or job applications" ;-)
It's so easy to get caught up in the potty drama and feel anxious when you see kids younger than your own out of diapers, but honestly, even though we as parents often feel that our child's ability to potty train somehow subconsciously reflects on their life skills and/or our parenting skills, that's really not the case. I've honestly known kids who were *reading* before they were fully potty trained so IMO there's no correlation between early potty training and intelligence.
As for the "recognizing the feeling of needing to pee" - what worked for one of my daughters was to have a little potty in the kitchen and after dinner I'd have her just wear a long t-shirt and play with refrigerator magnets or other toys in the kitchen until she felt she needed to go - this helped her recognize the feeling and also made it easy for her to sit down and get the pee in the potty without worrying about getting any clothing or underwear out of the way. With summer coming up, you could try this out in the backyard. She *will* get the hang of it in time. My joke with my twin DD's was that one could hold her pee forever but didn't know how to let it out, and the other had no trouble letting it out but didn't know how to hold it - interestingly they both trained at almost exactly the same time.
The fact that she can wake up dry is a good sign - but for the time being when you're out and about you might want to put a pull-up *OVER* her underwear so that if she has an oops away from home you just need to change the underwear and not the whole outfit, and she's spared the embarrassment of a leak.
Good luck, and try to maintain a sense of humor about the process :-).
The answer most pediatricians will give you is that you really can't get her to "recognize" it. Girls tend to have recognition of bladder fullness earlier than boys, but it's really dependent upon the child.
It sounds mostly like you're in a battle of the wills. Our nephew held out well past 3.5 because he didn't want to be potty-trained....no other reason. Our BIL and SIL finally had to give into his will being stronger than theirs, and he decided one day he wanted to potty-train, and that was that.
I'd put her on a schedule (if I were working with her) and take her to the bathroom every 60-90 minutes. Keep books in the bathroom to entertain her while she "tries". We kept a chart in the bathroom to put stickers on. Initially, we started with attempts to "try" to go to the bathroom. When our son would go, we'd really celebrate. Then we'd adjust the goals to 3X/day, etc. Finally, he had the hang of it, but he really struggled with the recognition of needing to go to the bathroom. Almost a year later, we have few accidents.
But, our daughter is 2 and showing almost NO signs of being ready to potty-train, so we'll be in your shoes here soon, too.
Good luck.
A few thoughts:
1. Kids need both emotional and physical readiness to train, and for some kids that just takes longer. Your daughter may not be there yet physically, though it sounds like she's excited and eager emotionally. A child who's ready usually will self-train in a matter of days, no gimmicks required (although celebrating successes with her would be entirely appropriate).
2. If it is just a matter of getting acquainted with the right sensations, you can't teach it, but you might be able to encourage it. It might be helpful to run a faucet so she can hear the tinkle, letting her splash her fingers in a bowl of water. (I sometimes need to do this to get a pee specimen at the doctor's office.)
Another way to assist is to take a long, relaxed, playful shower with her and encourage her to let loose if she's ready. IF the magic moment arrives, ask her how that feels, whether she can stop and start the flow, etc. I'd move cautiously with the questions, though, so you don't intrude too much on her actually noticing the sensations. A few such showers might become a turning point for her.
3. How about keeping a portable potty near where she's playing if she really doesn't want to go back to diapers? Your puddle paths may be much shorter and less disappointing for you both. The beginning of the event may become more easily connected to using the potty over several tries.
4. Reassure her that she'll succeed as soon as her body is ready. Let her know you have confidence in her ability to connect the dots. If she becomes anxious about failure, it will probably take her longer to observe what's actually happening when the urge strikes. She'll be more "in her head" than in her body.
5. Read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk to learn how to get her perspective to the problem, and help her find her own solutions. They may be creative and workable! This may include agreeing to use diapers when she's out in public.
Good luck. Two weeks is really not such a long time, though constant cleanup and disappointment must make it seem much longer. I love it that you seem to have at least some sense of humor left.
