The Friend That Got Away

I think you and I grew up in similar households. No friends, no activities, lots of dirty laundry. Go ahead and re-establish a friendship with this woman.
MY BFF moved about 7 yers ago and it still kills me to this day, when ever something happens, good or bad, she is the first person I call. Because of work and family obligations and sometimes money isues we have not been able to get together as often as we would like but we are planning a vacation together for later this summer.

I sometimes think back on 'friends' I used to have, what went wrong, how we went our separate ways. Some stick out more than others; I know what you mean and how you feel. However, being an adult now, I can put those friendships into perspective and compare them to my friendships now. True statistic: the average friendship lasts 7 years. People's paths cross in life, then go off in different directions. It's totally normal to grieve the end of these relationships, but the impact of these people are part of who we are today.

If you're interested in pursuing the friendship, by all means, go ahead. Just don't be disappointed if things aren't the same... things ever rarely go back to the way they used to be. Just take it for what it is, and enjoy it while it lasts :)

I find this hitting home, but in a different way sort of. In elementary school I had a male friend that I was in the same class with for 2 years. I really enjoyed playing with him in school and had a little crush on him (of course a crush at that age is more along the lines of he's male and you like playing on the playground with him and he's nice to you and yes..he was a bit on the cute side. Well, he got sick and was in the hospital. The teacher had us make get well cards for him and such. He never came back. I always thought he must have died and the school didn't feel they should tell us. Things were handled differently in the 70s then they are today with crisis counselors etc. Although there was the part of me that figured he might have moved or the illness left him disabled etc. All these years later I've looked now and again to see if I could find any sign of him, even if it was a death certificate. I was finding nothing at all. Several years ago I found a man that was a pastor at a church states away and worked up the courage to write to see if it was him and it wasn't. Last week I was on Facebook and something made me type in his name. I got a hit! His name is not common so I wasn't even getting people with the same name but were obviously not him. The picture looked like it could be him in that the hair was similarly colored etc. It's hard to know how someone's going to age over so much time. His hometown was local. I sent a message, leaving it a bit vague and short with the I'm sorry to bug you if you're not him. Later that day I get a friend request from him and he responds to my message. It's him! He was in the hospital 3 months and moved after getting out. after showing him a picture of me as a kid he even remembered me. I can not tell you how excited I was to find him! The excitement still hasn't worn off as it only happened a few days ago. Keep hoping he's online. We've been chatting and catching up.
I can totally relate :)

She is an important part of your past and who you are today... contact her!
;-) I had a falling out with my BBF from high school and we didnt talk for 10 years...then one day i finally got the nerve to call her and we picked right back up where we were...well in addition to kids and a hubby now LOL. Go for it, she can be just what you need right now in your life and if not at least you will know and not have any regrets or doubts. Good luck!

Yeah, I had a friend in elementary school who was there during a critical time in life. We were both bullied by the same group of girls and were there for each other through it all. Her family moved away and we gradually lost touch over time. I haven't been able to track her down because her name is too popular.

I did reconnect with my college roommate online. We had a silly falling out before we graduated and hadn't spoken in about 15 years. Turns out we were living only about 20 minutes away from each other. Since we reconnected, we're best friends. If you haven't sent a friend request to this long-lost friend, do it. Worst that can happen is she doesn't respond back or she doesn't become a friend again. You're not at any loss from where you're at now.

Good luck! Hope you get the happy ending I did.

I think you should try to find other social relationships and evaluate the one you have with this girl. She was your first true friend, but try not to obsess about her so much that you miss out on other friendships.

yes. a few actually. the one i will tell you was a boy i grew up with. we were inseprable in elementary. he lived around the corner. we walked to school and church together. played afterschool. we were best friends. then his wicked stepmom sent him away in the 6th grade to a boys home. I lost him at that point. I found him again 30 yrs later, he called my mothers house and i happened to be there. My heart was beating so hard I could barely hear him. It turns out, he had sent me letters through his wicked step mother, but she never gave them to me. He thought I abandoned him when he needed me most. I thought he went away and never looked back. Well, we are aquaintances now. We grew up out of each others lives and are both married with kids and just dont have that closeness anymore. But I'm so glad we found each other, just to put things in perspective and get closure. I no longer have to wonder, what ever happened to Rick.

Time sort of puts those petty "falling outs" into perspective....
I have a friend that I grew up (literally) next door to and we have been friends for for about 46 years. Different colleges, different cities, marriages, divorces--we've outlasted it all.
I hope you can re-connect with your friend and you guys can continue on through life!

Yes I know exactly what you are talking about & how you feel. I also had a best friend that I pictured growing old with, having her as a Godmother to my kids & me as Godmother to her children. When her family went on family trips and?or outings I ost touchwas always tagging along. At school we were always together. Then after High School Graduation my life drastically changed & I lost touch with her and then low & behold I found her 12 years later. I practically did the happy dance & cried all at the same time. Another 11 years has passed & I havent heard from her. :)
Facebook wasn't out back then & if it were then we probably would still be in touch! You did good sending the friend request & all you can do now is wait...patiently! Good Luck & I HOPE you have a happier ending! I know you will!

Yes, I have a friend like that! We met in first grade and were friends through most of college. Our second year of college, her Mom died of cancer and I went through it with her. I was even in the hospital room when her Mom passed. After that, she began distancing herself from me. I don't know why. She moved on and so did I. I am friends with her on Facebook and when I see posts about her meeting up, hanging out, doing lunch with other friends we grew up with, it just kills me! Why doesn't she want to meet up with me? She knew me and I knew her better than we knew ourselves. It makes me sad, it is like a lost soul mate.

I have 2 friends like that from high school.

One located me 2 years ago on Myspace, then facebook. We picked up like she'd never been gone.

The other located me last month on facebook. I was the first friend she'd sought out. Made me feel special. We live 20m apart, but haven't met up. I live in the old neighborhood near her mom, and while she'll come visit her mom, she doesn't stop to see me. Took me a while to get over that one. She's used to her daily life and I'll just wait for her move. I post general activities online near her house and if she wants to meet up, she can just show up!

M.

I think Rachel D's response is great.

I can relate-and honestly I think it continues throughout life. Now that I'm older my perspective is that some friendships are just meant to be for a certain point in our lives and some will last longer then others. Much like dating sometimes one party is ready to move on sooner then the other and that's painful, but it happens.

There's certainly no reason to NOT reach out to her-just don't set yourself up to have to high expectations-it may never be more then just a FB connection-but then again you never know!

I have had my best friend since K. We did everything together growing up from cutting our hair the same to going to the same camps. We grew apart since we went to different colleges, but we are still best friends and talk every week.

Did you send a friend request? If not, I would you maybe able to put the past behind you and move forward with your old friend. Every friendship has fights I know ours did when we lived together, but when I moved out things cooled down and we became friend again.

Oh yes, I do know what you are talking about! I had 2 best friends in college- they were like sisters to me. Well, we all decided to move in together, and I being stupid, allowed my boyfriend to live with me for 4 months. It ruined everything and my relationship with one of them. By the end of our lease, we weren't even talking. And I packed up and left and we never even said goodbye. I tried to apologize over the years, but I didn't have her email or phone number anymore. So, about 1 1/2 years ago, a former college friend suggested I add her as a friend. I wrote this long message to her, apologizing, saying I am so sorry for everything and then tried to add her as a friend. Well, she accepted my friend response, but never responded to my message at all. Never has once tried to talk to me or message me. I really expected a response after this heartfelt message I wrote. Some things you just have to let go of in life, and I can say, I finally got to apologize after almost 10 years and I am letting it go now!!!!