I love my 17 month old. But man he is driving me insane lately! Recently, he’s been spitting. Sometimes it’s his food other times it’s spit. I tell him firmly what we don’t spit. But he just laughs. He literally tears my house apart no matter how much I try and discourage him otherwise. He has also started throwing. He laughs when you tell to not throw.
He isn’t big on toys. Like he will play for a few minutes then he’s off. He rarely sits still. He does not like being in any room by himself so it makes getting things done around the house hard. Even if I say that I am going into another room, he comes running after me crying and saying momma. He likes to hold my hand and walk the house. He’ll point things out and I’ll talk about them. But he is very adament on holding my hand when we do. If I let go or say no, he cries hysterically.
I honestly don’t know how to handle ds#2 half the time. Ds#1 was not like this. We do story time at the library on Weds, we walk every morning, if the weather is nice we go outside. I don’t know what else to do with him. Please help!
So, he spits, you tell him no, he spits again - then what? You must have some kind of consequence for inappropriate behaviors. In my house at that age, the spitting would warrant an immediate 2 minute time out, and any toy that was thrown was put into toy timeout (put on the fireplace mantle where he could see it but not play with it). If he's old enough to laugh at you for saying "no", he's old enough for consequences.
My son also didn't play alone at that age and wanted me to be with him. Some kids are like that. Just be very matter of fact with your son. If you don't want him to do something and he wants to and cries when he doesn't get his way just let him cry. Kids cry when they don't get their way. He'll get over it. You are the mother and you set the rules. Sometimes he won't like the rules and that's fine...he still has to follow them. If you give in he learns he can manipulate you to get what he wants by crying. If you don't give in and he cries and has a huge tantrum you just go about your business ignoring the tantrum. When he spits (or throws), tell him calmly no spitting or you go in time out. Then when he does it again put him in time out. Do it again and again till he stays there 3 minutes. He will try to out stubborn you. Don't say anything or show emotion...just put him back over and over. He will cry. He will have a tantrum. Ignore. (My friend always gave in to her son when he was little. She could not stand to see him sad. He would refuse to go in the house and she would end up standing outside with him for an hour even though she needed to go in and do stuff. He would refuse to get a haircut, so she would not get him one. He would refuse to take medicine and she would give in and not give it to him. Unfortunately he is the most annoying little boy ever. He is school age now and will refuse to go to school and she will give in and let him stay home. He's going to be the most entitled adult ever when he grows up. I'm not saying you are like this...this friend of mine is the only person I know who is like this.)
You need a playpen that he cannot crawl out of. When he spits, tell him "no spitting" and put him in the playpen and walk away. He hates being alone, so he will eventually put two and two together and stop spitting. Same thing for when he throws. When he does destructive things.
You can't just let him tear your house up. Telling him no does nothing, but taking yourself away from him and making him stay in one place without you is what will make him think twice.
Try putting music on and dancing with him. Singing and dancing. That might help with the hand holding, and you can get work down while you sing and dance.
Sounds like you need Mother's Day Out so that he can gain some separation from you. I would not allow him to manage me like that. I know you love him but you need to work on saying no and redirecting him to something that isn't you and he needs to know you're not happy when he tears into stuff and makes a mess.
My mother always said, “kids cry - it’s what they do - and then they get over it.” If my children misbehaved, they went in time out. That could be a playpen, a chair, a step, a corner.
If he looks like he might spit, he gets a warning. “If you spit, you go in time out.” When he does, you put him in there.
When you need to clean, let him help. I used to let my kids vacuum and dust and put the clothes in the laundry, etc.
Get used to it ...will be the same for the next 18 years until he moves out
My kids weren't like this, so can't really relate. You say your first wasn't either.
Some kids have way more energy. Go to any daycare, and some kids are just way more active, are up and about, are on the go - the teachers are chasing after them. So I'm sure some of this is personality.
Here's my thought. I wanted to raise very self sufficient kids and independent kids. That's because I know my limits and strengths. I am not into playing with kids. I love my kids dearly, but I am not about entertaining children. As a babysitter, then nanny, then working with my mom (kindergarten teacher)(I was her helper at her summer camps she ran) - I am into kids big time - but I know my strengths - I lose my patience with kids who are 'needy'. I'm not saying kids who want people to be with them all the time are needy. That's how I feel about it.
I think you can encourage independence at that age. I like the suggestions below. The crying hysterically - you can let him cry a little. I mean - what are you going to do when he goes to playgroup or daycare? They aren't going to hold his hand. You kind of have to start somewhere.
If he's not into toys - that's ok. Maybe try different toys or let him take the couch cushions off - maybe he's more into climbing. One of mine was much more into that - and he's very physical. If he did play with toys - it wasn't 'typical' and that was ok. Didn't mean he had behavioral issues. I mean - so long as they find entertainment in something, who really cares?
If your son likes to walk the house and needs you to call out now and then - that's fine. I used to have little 'stations' all over my house, but they were on my terms. My toddlers came with me. So when I was gardening or hanging out laundry, my toddler/preschoolers came with me. They played in the sand box. When I was making lunch, there was a little table there with crayons. Then off to laundry room where they sorted (made a mess) of our laundry. Who cares if it was all over floor. ..
When it was time for me to go upstairs, they had a box of toys up there that stayed up there. When it was time for me to put feet up and have a cup of tea, there was a big puzzle that came out (or was left out - I was pretty relaxed about this stuff). It was geared to me though.
I definitely don't recommend gearing it to be all about him. I think you will exhaust yourself. You have another one right? There's no way you can gear this all about this child. It won't work. Play pen (or one of those enclosure gate things) may work wonders for you. My friend had one. The other children would go and bring new toys in when baby would look bored. They would talk to him and keep him entertained for mom when she had to get something done.
It's a tough age.
Spitting is for when we're brushing our teeth.
He dosn't get to tear your house apart if you won't let him.
Put him in a playpen sometimes.
It should work until he can climb out.
Our son never liked being alone in any room.
Even into 1st grade he would follow me around the house - but he'd help me with what ever I was doing - he even won stickers at school for being a good helper every where he went.
Have him be your helper as much as possible - give him stickers for good behavior.
The toddler years are when you need chain locks high up on doors especially on any that lead outside.
Sounds similar to my son at that age. I really think most of this is age. He's a baby. My son would not sit still or play with anything longer than 5 minutes. He took everything off the shelf and loved to dump stuff out. It is so hard to get anything else done. I totally get you.
For the most part, I say roll with it. The spitting thing is hard but if he spits food, take it away. If he throws something you don't want him to throw, take it away. Make sure he gets plenty of time outside to throw things and run around. Find some balls and things that are okay to throw inside the house. They make fake snowballs that are fun to throw but are not heavy and don't knock things over. My kids played snowball fight with those a lot!
In addition to story time, look into other more physical things. Look for gymnastics gyms or Gymboree classes. We also did a Music with Mar class (which I LOVED), which is similar to Kindermusik. They are musical and somewhat active. If you have a zoo or botanical garden close by, become members and go as often as possible. Just walk along the trails and wear him out.
The only break I ever got was when I physically left my house. I could not get a break if I was home because my kids only wanted me and I was pulled in a million directions. Try to plan at least one night a week (or at least month!) that you can just get an hour or two to yourself and go to the bookstore or coffee shop or something.
My son is now 8 and although he's STILL very active, he's the sweetest thing. He is very independent and does not need me for everything anymore (so my point is you won't spoil him by indulging him at this age with play time, etc.). I know that you're tired and I feel you. I know you just want to get chores done or feel like a grown up, but I promise things will get better, you just have to take the long road...and it really will go fast! It feels awful right now, so make some breaks for yourself and keep on keeping on!
