The Most Pickiest Eater (Cannot Be Bribed, Super Picky Eater!)

She's 4 so you're the boss. If you make something different for her than the rest of the family, you're catering to her pickiness. Give her what the family eats. Her choice is to either try it or go hungry. She's not going to starve and eventually she'll try the food. We do a "no thank you" helping. My 3 year old has to try 3 bites of everything on her plate. It can be rough to get the habit started but after a week or so she'll realize that's the new rule. I do let my daughter dip her food in ranch, but only if she requests it. We've been doing the 'no thank you' helping for several months now. It was rough at first, but now she eats her bites without complaining. It's tough because you don't want them to hate meal time, but they need to learn to eat properly.

My 3 yo boy is very picky. Has only willingly eaten a veggie like once since he was off baby food! He loves a lot of fruits so thats good. I just put a small piece or scoop on his plate of what we are eating and once in a great while he will try it. Like a few weeks ago it was breakfast sausage (we call hotdogs lol). He loves bread, cheese, muffins, crackers, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cereal. Sooo if he won't eat I will offer him a cheese sandwich or cheese and crackers or maybe something we have leftover in the fridge. We do try to be stubborn and say he has to eat what we eat, but its not always realistic. Just try to be creative and make things look like fun or maybe have her help you cook (I have heard that helps, not in my case though). Good luck, you're not alone.

I understand. You won't get any criticism from me, only empathy. But what made a huge difference for my daughter was getting her into a Sensory Integration Disorder therapist and a Pediatric Feeding Issues program at a local hospital. The therapists are pros and they have a way of helping both the child and the parent understand the underlying issues. Please look into Sensory Integration issues. And yes, for those who don't understand, a child with Aspergers or Sensory Integration or OCD or other issues can differentiate between brands of food and cannot tolerate a new brand or flavor or texture without the help of an understanding therapist.

I don't think you have a "picky" person on your hands. I think you have a child with unusual sensitivities who needs the help of a professional who is experienced in this field. It's not anything to be ashamed of. If she was a diabetic, she'd need insulin. If she had allergies, you'd keep her away from what she was allergic to. If she has a sensitivity to textures or Sensory Integration Disorder or an issue that makes certain foods or tastes intolerable to her, she'll need help to develop a healthy eating process. It has taken our family considerable time and effort to understand our daughter's situation, and at times it was a bumpy road and there were tears and frustration and desperation along the way. And it's ridiculous for a a doctor to say "no kid will starve" because the sad truth is, yes, some children can't help it. Yeah, my son wouldn't starve. He'd eat something he hates if he were hungry enough, but he doesn't have any feeding or texture or sensory issues. I don't worry about him. He'll eat eventually and he's healthy. But my daughter has gone without food long enough to get ill, and we have had to cut vacation days short to go find something that she could tolerate. But we realize she's not being stubborn or spoiled. She has a diagnosed condition. The therapist explained that her brain reacts to certain foods just like our brain would react if we uncovered a pot on the stove, expecting to find a delicious meal, and found a decomposing rat instead. Having a therapist experienced in sensory and food issues along side of you can be a lifesaver.

You're not alone. My 5 year old daughter is the same way. She will not eat any cheese, butter, tomato sauce, red meat,....in fact, it would probably be easier for me to just list what she will eat. Plain bread/toast, plain boiled noodles, corn, green beans (sometimes), all fruits, chicken, dry cereal, chicken noodle soups and crackers. And about pizza, she will eat the crust but we have to scrape all the cheese and tomato sauce off. Fun stuff!

Our ped said as long as she's eating most food groups, not to worry about her style and preferences. She's perfectly healthy. He encouraged us to continue to offer but never to force or make a battle over it. By the time children become adults, the number of taste buds drop from 10,000 to about 2,000-3,000 so they're tasting food so much greater than us adults.

Oh dear.
Pickiness never worked in my house and as a result, I don't have picky kids. Your daughter cannot be bribed? Why would you even try?
You serve what you serve and if she won't eat it, or at least even take a bite, there is always the next meal around the corner.
Your 4 year old won't eat any peanut butter other than JIF? How did that come to pass? How would she know if you put Western Family peanut butter into a JIF jar? She wouldn't.
I don't mean any offense, I really don't, but if you think your daughter is the "Most Pickiest Eater"...I know a kid that could give her a run for her money. Only....he's 15 and I'll give you one guess as to why he's so picky.
I've told his parents that a kid will eat a dirt sandwich if they get hungry enough. It's true. But the longer you cater to it, the worse it gets.
This kid won't eat peanut butter unless it's JIF either. He won't eat cereal unless it's the most expensive brand on the shelf. He won't eat anything but brand name white bread with the crust cut off. He won't eat homemade bbq steak, salad and a vegetable. His mother will drive 20 minutes one way to get him a burger at McDonald's because she's afraid he'll go hungry if she doesn't. He won't even eat Jello unless it's name brand and in the little containers. And he'll eat an entire flat of it instead of having what everyone else is having for dinner. HE'S FIFTEEN.
I did daycare and had a girl whose father insisted she would only eat chicken nuggets and french fries, breakfast, lunch and dinner, and fully expected me to let her have it even though the other kids had to have a variety of healthy foods. I didn't have her very long because he didn't like me trying to get her to eat what the other kids had....fruit and vegetables, and I wasn't going to explain to the other kids why she was in charge of what I prepared.
Kids have their oddities and they go through phases. In the summer, my kids wanted melon with every meal and I didn't care, but they had to eat the other stuff too.
There is no bribery. There is no power struggle if you just offer her different things. I never made my kids eat anything they didn't like, but fortunately, they liked everything. One bite rule.
Your daughter is 4 so she knows how to feed herself. She can take one bite of something and if she doesn't like it, fine. But she has to take a bite. If she chooses not to do it, fine. She can sit there with nothing else to eat and you'll try again next time.
Don't cave in with her favorites.
Offer her orange slices or grapes for a snack, but not if she refuses to eat dinner.
If she won't try what you serve, she can go to bed hungry.
She will not starve.
I know it sounds mean, but I'm telling you, the list of what she won't eat will likely get longer and longer the older she gets and the less she's introduced to other things.

Just my opinion.

Two years is another half a lifetime to your daughter. She'll have plenty of time to start experimenting with new flavors and textures. Yours is the third request today regarding picky eaters! Here's the answer I've written for the others:

Lots of parents report that their children "refuse to eat." It's a completely normal stage, and by itself is usually pretty harmless (though not ideal from a nutritional point of view), and in spite of their parents' deep anxiety, their kids aren't wasting away. In fact, many of the same parents mention that their kids are in the normal weight range. They are just very, very particular about what they would choose if left to their own devices. It's so common that some development experts think it may be a way for kids not to poison themselves by sampling every plant and bug that they can get their little fingers on.

Understandably, parents get anxious about their children not eating enough, which often leads to mealtime battles, which in turn can lead to long-term food issues, up to and including serious eating disorders. The unfortunate few toddlers are burdened with eating problems that do call for medical intervention, sometimes associated with sensory integration issues. Kids this age can be genuinely disgusted by certain flavors and textures, and that reluctance to try various foods can last for several months to a few years. Imagine a hostess offering you grasshoppers and sheep's eyeballs at a dinner party (gasp, choke, gag…).

My 4yo grandson isn't much of a mealtime eater. He's never been much of a self-feeder, but if he's engaged in interesting conversation, he'll usually accept bites of food from his parents, which they offer because he's on the skinny side. He is usually willing to "graze" on high-quality snacks, like cut up apples and fruit, raisins, sweet peppers and cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, whole grain crackers and cheese, omelet, yogurt, olives, peanut butter on toast…. Quite a healthy diet, actually. His preferences can shift quite a bit from month to month, and are most likely signaling that his body needs more of certain nutrients. We've also noticed that if he doesn't get to eat right when he feels hungry, the feeling will often pass and he'll have absolutely no appetite when dinner is ready 25 minutes later.

Many kids are much better grazers than mealtime eaters, and that's actually a fairly healthy and natural way to eat. They can grab a few attractive/nourishing bites right when they are feeling hunger. You might consider trying that, along with having her sit with you for a little while at meals to maintain a pleasant family bond.

It's completely normal for kids' appetites to disappear completely for days at a time. Making kids eat foods they dislike, aka force-feeding, makes for an unpleasant mealtime experience, which further kills appetite. It also teaches some of us to eat when we're not hungry, which can become a very unhealthy habit later on.

I hope you'll consider offering a variety of healthy foods, and keep empty calories out of sight, or better yet, out of the house. Sugary, fatty, and highly processed snacks are too attractive and easy, and tend to replace healthy eating even for lots of adults.

Hi M.,

I just have to LAUGH when I hear the moms say "pickiness doesn't fly with me"!!!! They obviously don't know what it's like to have a picky kid. My son is soooo incredibly picky! He will throw up if I try to make him eat something he does not like. He is 9 now....I thought he would outgrow this by now, but he's still just as picky today as he was when he was a baby!

So, I just offer vitamins, and I let him eat what he does like. I was a picky kid, and I now love things that I did not when I was young. SO I figure he will probably like a lot more variety as he gets into his teen years. I know parents say don't cater to this, but I do, because it's a battle otherwise, and I would really rather use my energy on more important issues.

I know it''s hard, but if you're comfortable with it then let her eat what she will. Is she malnourished, underweight, or anything like this? If her doctor is not concerned, then she's probably okay. Honestly, there are so many things that become battles that don't have to be. Good luck.

K.

My youngest son (9) is very picky too. When we do have something new I do expect him to at least try it. There are some foods that he shivers at, I know how that feels so I don't expect him to eat that. If I am just getting the "I don't want to" attitude, I do expect him to eat it BUT not all of it. Then I will tell him to take 4 full bites (or any random number that is acceptable for what the food is) and for whatever reason... that works with him. I guess if he thinks he has to eat all of it, he just can't bear to eat it, but when I put it in those terms, he will eat it. I don't if it will work for you but I wanted to mention it.

I do think what the doctor says may hold true. Your daughter may be picky, but from what you listed she does eat a variety of things - mine would only eat pb & j's, oatmeal and chocolate milk. He did grow out of that and eats a wide variety of foods now. It's just hard to get him to try new things and re-try the things he says he hates. I was super picky as a kid, I don't have that problem anymore :)

You've received some good advice here. Good luck to you!

hi-
Please know that although it may feel like it, you are NOT alone. I would recommend that you seek out professional help (e.g. ask your pediatrician for an occupational therapy or speech therapy referral for feeding ** make sure the therapist has feeding experience). You may also want to consider seeing a pediatric behavioral psychologist that specializes in feeding issues. Unfortunately it will not be a quick or easy process to get her to expand her diet. For some kids feeding issues can be caused by medical issues (food allergies, food intolerances, GI issues, constipation, etc), sensory issues (food textures, food colors, smells, gagging) or oral motor issues (e.g. difficulty using tongue, lips, cheeks, etc to move food in the mouth thus the person can’t control it to safely swallow leading to a gag response). Psychologically eating new foods for a child with true feeding issues is like asking you to eat a worm (you would probably want to gag, refuse and not open your mouth).

Not to be disrespectful to your doctor, but I completely disagree that she will eat when she is hungry/with grow up and eat a typical diet (e.g. I am working with a 15 year old who still eats a VERY limited diet (eats carrots 2x a month, no other veggies, only 2 fruits, crackers, bread, 2 types of cheese, peanut butter and bacon). This may work for kids with some behavioral issues HOWEVER it does NOT work with children who have feeding issues. I find that some kids (typically the ones I work with) who are severe picky eaters will not eat - even if they are hungry. Diet needs to be expanded carefully and respectfully. Is there a children's hospital near you that has a "feeding team"/”feeding clinic” (doctor, speech therapist, occupational therapist, feeding psychologist, dietician/nutritionist). If so I would encourage you to make an appointment.

To answer your question about why she does not eat peanut butter on bread but will eat them separately – the answer is that they are 2 completely different textures. Take a spoonful of peanut butter and place it in your mouth. Think about what you do with it – push it on the roof of your mouth, then push it back to swallow – it coats your mouth does not take effort to eat. Take a bite of a plain piece of bread in your mouth – you place it to your front teeth – move it to your teeth for a couple of chews and then swallow it – again depending on the bread not too much effort. Now take a bite of a PB sandwich. It is VERY different. You need to chew it more, the bread and peanut butter mix together making the bread stick to the roof of your mouth. I encourage you to eat the foods she is eating and really think about the properties of the food.

Here are some other tips to try:
1) Make sure you do NOT force feed her
2) Try your best not to feel overwhelmed/stressed during meal time (she will feed off your stress (i know easier said than done - I'm sure this is VERY stressful for you)
3) place a food that you are eating (that is safe for her) in front of her (without ANY expectation that she will eat it).
4) let her “explore” food – this allows her to learn the properties of food (smell, feeling, sight) – try art projects such as cutting apple dipping in paint and making a picture, take cool whip and smear on a plate and draw in it
5) offer foods she eats and try to expand within the same food area (e.g. if she eats banana and yogurt. You can also mix banana with the yogurt or have him dip it). Place a spoonful of peanut butter on the plate with her bread and encourage her to dip it – letter her put as much/little as she wants
6) encourage her to touch new foods to cheek/lips (WITHOUT expecting her to eat it) – cheer/provide positive feedback when she does this. Eventually encourage her to lick it, then eventually bite it (this may take 10-20+ exposures before she bites a new food) ** may need to wait for this step until you are able to have a feeding specialist support you

Remember you are not alone, you need to be patient and also know that expanding her diet will not happen over night.

I hope that helps! Good luck!

M., don't listen the all the moms and dads who say make them eat what you serve or go hungry. I have a picky eater, but he's getting better. He just turned 6. I don't sweat it. I feed him what he'll eat and occasionally ask him to try a new food. Most of the time, he says no, but sometimes he says yes. The older he gets the more willing he is to try new foods and once in a while he actually likes it. The most recent is celery. I cut it in pieces to avoid the "strings." My suggestion is just feed her the healthiest items you can and give her some time to grow and mature. Once she gets to kindergarten and sees all the different foods for lunch, she may just want to try some new things. Don't make mealtime a big deal because that will only lead to bigger problems down the road. Good luck and don't stress about it!!

If you can rule out that she has an underlying such as sensory prombles or something some1 else suggested, than I think you should start being a little more firm in creative ways. My suggestion would be to prepare a meal for the family try to have at least a little of something she would like and add in something she might not like yet but that is appealing to most kids start with a different fruit or something like that. I would cut out any fake sugary treat like the fruit snacks Iv switched my kids to raisins the treats give your child false sence of what "good" is supposed to taste like and that can really confuse a picky eater. What she eats she eats. Try to act unconcerned with her pickiness she might like the attention from it so start with maybe lunch and give her her meal if she doesnt want to eat her meal let her know that dinner will be in a few hours dont offer her the old favorites when she complains. 1 question have you thought about her drink intake becareful she is not filling up her little tummy on juice and milk all day many preschoolers would just prefer to do that. Keep water available if she gets thirsty and limit milk and juice to the daily reccomended serving for her age. Try to make sure she is getting a vitamin or a nutrition drink if youre worried about her. Oh 1 other thing, I hated and would almost throw up as a child eating vegetables and to be honest besides salad and corn I still really don't care for them I was also picky with other foods but not so much as your daughter now I eat a wide variety of healthy foods. Find a good balance between understanding and being firm and not letting her call all the shots and you will be fine Hope this helps good luck.

I think you should take a break from trying to get her to eat other things. Just act like you accept it when feeding her. Talk about other things. Don't offer her different stuff, or suggest that she try something different. Then after a while, set out some items on the table that are similar to what she eats, but still serve her favorite items. If she doesn't try the new items, then don't let her see your disappointment. Sometimes just taking a break from your usual response, might give your child a different perspective. She might begin to have her own ideas about trying something new. Right now she is in a control situation with eating. Her stance is always in response to your efforts to expand her palate. Perhaps if she realizes over time, that it is not so important to you, she will begin to consider other foods. You should take up a new project with your daughter, maybe building a scrap book of all the things she likes to do (play w/ dolls, ride her trike, watch the Backyardigans, etc.)... then she can see all the wonderful things about herself, which will place the 'eating issue' in a less prominent place. Basically, I suggest that you decrease the focus on her diet. Increase the focus on other aspects of her that are wonderful! I think that in time, she will come around.
I was not convinced that this was a sensory issue because of the interesting variety of foods that she is willing to eat. The crackers and cashews are crunchy; the peanut butter is creamy; the fruit strips and gummies are sweet and chewy; the cheese and bread are soft; the apples are sweet and you can sink your teeth into them. I am an early intervention specialist and have had experience with children who have tactile defensiveness, or taste defensiveness with eating; as well as muscle tone issues related to eating. My own son has low tone in his mouth and had such strong sensory issues that he vomited and gagged quite often just by looking at particular foods. Children w/ oral motor sensory issues typically will have a diet w/ similar types of foods that they are willing/not willing to eat. For example all the foods she is willing to eat might be crunchy or soft or chewy or sweet or salty or gooey. My own son would only eat pureed foods until he was three and we began oral motor therapy with an SLP. I would try my above suggestions for a while. If she doesn’t begin to expand her palate once the pressure is off to try new foods; then I would consider getting the support of a therapist. When she is older you can teach her about ‘respect for the cook’ and taking a bite even if it doesn’t look appealing. I'd love to hear the outcome!

P. D.
Early Childhood Intervention Specialist
Reading Specialist
Early Scholars
Granville, Ohio

"Pickiness never worked in my house." "If they get hungry enough they will eat". These are not true statements if you have a sensory kid. Kids with sensory issues with food will go hungry and not eat for days rather than eat things they aren't comfortable with. My son is 10 and still having issues, so we know how it is. We've recently started feeding therapy with an occupational therapist who is trained in the SOS feeding program. It has started to make a difference and he's finally adding new foods to his diet after MANY years of shutting down at the thought of a new food. Please read about the SOS program and perhaps contact a therapist in your area who is trained in it. It may be helpful to your daughter. Good luck!

My son is 4 1/2 and super picky himself. We have read "Green Eggs and Ham" quite a few times, and he knows that he might just like it if he tries it. I now here him telling his little brother (who usually eats everything), "try it, you might like it...you have to take at least one bite or else you won't know". This has worked to get him to expand his horizons a little bit, but there is still lots of food that he takes one bite and cannot continue. He was also, not a fan of sandwiches, but sometimes I have him make it himself, with all of the things he likes, and he will either take everything out and eat it separately or sometimes he will just eat the sandwich.

check out this website: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/picky-eaters.html
This page has great suggestions for introducing foods.
Also on this site are symptoms lists for sensory disorders. Might help you decide if that could be the problem.
Otherwise, starting by 4 yrs old we have the one bite rule of each food. It doesn't bother me if they don't like it. I just want them to try. I don't fix separate meals if they don't like dinner, just give them something I can grab like cheese or yogurt or ham.
Good luck!

Lots of people are picky eaters (kids AND adults). My kids are super-picky, but so am I, and so is my husband. I can assure you that I wouldn't put anything in my mouth (as a kid and now as an adult) that I didn't "want" to eat. If all your child was eating were snack cakes and potato chips, then maybe i'd be concerned, but there's a good variety of food listed there. I am hoping that like myself, when my kids get through puberty, they will start craving and trying a variety of foods. Until then, my 9 year old eats PBJ every single day for lunch, and my 8 year old eats plain yogurt with fruit mixed in. I don't mind making it and sending it to school with them... I know how they feel. I just thought i'd give you perspective from a grown-up picky eater!

Have you considered your daughter may have a condition like Aspergers or be on the Autistic spectrum? Hearing your frustration, I have been there and this can be just one symptom. Check with your Doctor or do a check list on the web to see if there are others things you have been dealing with and just not noticed since you are dealing with the food issues.
Good luck with your journey and I do hope you get some help.
I totally know the frustration you are feeling.
From one Mum to another

Well, I am not a big fan of pandering to kids' pickiness. The rule at our house is "one bite". They must take at least one bite of each food. I make pretty much the same things all the time (grilled/roasted chicken, pasta with sauce or veggies, raw veggies, grilled cheese, meat roast). The only things that I switch up are the vegetable offerings. Right around 4 and 5 children start to develop eating habits that will effect them for the rest of their lives. It is important to get them to eat a variety of things. It's not important that they eat a whole SERVING of them, but at least try. Also, it takes about ten times of trying a new food before they get a "taste" for it.
Why don't you just make food, set it in front of her, then if she doesn't eat.....well there will be another meal soon. Only you can turn yourself into a short order cook. Only you can buy and prepare the food that she needs to eat.
One thing- Stay away from the gummies! They say that they "contain" "fruit" and "vitamin c", but really they are just junk that sticks to their teeth and causes cavities. Our pediatric dentist was very specific!