In the last few months, my 4 year old daughter has started playing what I call the procrastination game at bed time. She is currently winning, and last night managed to bother us for 35 more minutes after we kissed her good night.
I need suggestions here. She is exhausted when we kiss her good night, more than ready for bed, but she doesn't want us to leave, so she asks us questions, has us remake her bed, etc. Telling her enough is enough isn't working. Hubby thinks we should just mix up the routine, and start reading books to both kids together in the living room, and then we just put them in bed, end of story.
Suggestions?
I just tell my 5 year old that he doesn't have to be sleepy, he just has to lay there and be quiet. He is allowed to get up ONCE to go potty after he has been laid down, but any more than that and he better be throwing up! That just is how it is. I guess I'm a mean mom! lol
I agree with your husband. Bedtime routines don't need to last more than a few minutes. In our house Daddy does bedtime Monday - thursday, and Mommy does it friday- Saturday. We do it this way because Daddy works all week and only sees the girls for a few hours a day on weekdays. He just changes diapers, puts in pj's, brushes teeth, and plays a little. Then it's time to lay down and that's that. I read a short story instead of playing. Neither of us ever take longer than 10 minutes. Just tell her "it's bedtime. I will talk to you in the morning. Good nite." And then just walk away. Children love routine so just keep doing the same thing.
Four year old kids go through a lot of mental and physical growth. It could be that she is not sleepy yet, needs to push back a too early bedtime, or is just more curious about things and this is the first time all day she thought about it to ask.
She could be feeling a little anxious about something or just going through a change. She just needs the emotional comfort right now. Totally normal.
You could try starting the bedtime routine a little earlier than usual so that you can include a little more of that special time. Let her know that you are doing that and that the routine tonight will include an extra book or a song together or something else that she would like. Let her know ahead of time what to expect, "After bath we're going to brush teeth, read 3 books, not just 2, sing a song, say goodnight (with hugs and kisses) and go to sleep." That way there are no surprises and she is prepared for what will happen.
My 6 year old likes to try and negotiate, but when I let him know what's going to happen, even if he doesn't love it, he can accept it. It's when I change something at the last minute (and we all have to do that sometimes) that he gets upset.
If she's really tired (like too tired), you might need to put her to bed earlier. Maybe she's going through a growth spurt and needs extra sleep. But it kind of sounds like she just needs a little extra reassurance.
Good luck!
you tell her "night night" and leave the room... the only way this procrastination game works is if you are doing everything she's asking for. stop doing it, problem solved.
She can only hold you hostage if you let her. Put her in bed, kiss her goodnight and leave. Don't answer her questions; don't remake the bed. Kiss her good night and leave.
If she starts getting up and coming out to the other room, put a baby gate over her door. I know she can open it/climb over it, but it's a good deterent and it will cause her to have to stop and think before just bounding out of the room.
We've found with our son (age 4) that it is easier to give him a "reward" for good behavior than punish for bad. So, we have him a "dimmer" switch for his lamp. He's allowed to "read" books with the lamp on, as long as he is in bed and quiet. If he chooses to get up or make a lot of noise, he loses the dimmer for the evening. Most nights he falls asleep with his books within about 10-15 minutes. On the rare occasions that he isn't sleepy, sometimes it is up to 45 minutes, but at least he is quiet and in bed. (I figure if he was really tired he would have fallen asleep!)
I have to say that you are fortunate! In my home with a dd with severe adhd, we have had the struggle for most of her life and she's nearly 6! 35 mins would be amazing...we usually have to fight her for 2 hrs or more!!! And that could be even after giving her melatonin. I wish that I had your life.
It takes both parties to play a game, stop playing ; ) Do your routine, stay mute when she asks questions, silently put your fingers to your lips and then point to her bed and leave. If she gets up and comes out you can put a gate across her door, stack two if necessary.
Dad's idea may be brilliant, as going to her room really will mean it's time to sleep, nothing else.
Give her one time she can come out, after that her bedtime is 15 minutes earlier. One or two times of being put to bed right after dinner solves it usually.
I like hubby's idea as well. Perhaps you could make a checklist for pre bed time - water, pee, teeth, question, bed perfect - ok, not allowed to come out now or you go to bed earlier tomorrow. For her age make the list a picture list.
