The Second One...

My children are 9 and almost 2. My daughter, firstborn, was perfect. Labor wasn't the easiest, but the pregnancy part was a breeze. She slept through the night at 3 months, didn't have any formula problems (like I did with my son) was always a good listener, did not get into things, could entertain herself, didn't scream, hit, bite, and I could go on and on about how perfect she was. Now, my son is the complete opposite! The pregnancy and labor were difficult, he cried all the time, didn't sleep through the night until after 12 months, he screams all the time (when he's excited, sad, mad, frustrated), doesn't listen at all, gets into EVERYTHING, hits, and I could go on about him too. I love my son, but I can honestly say that if I would have had him first, I never would have had another child. And at this point, I can say I am done having children. I think though, if you feel that it is the right time to have another child, then you should. I think I made the mistake of having my son and thinking it was going to better the situation I was in at the time. And although he is so difficult and my life would be SO much easier without him...that feeling all fades away when he gives me a kiss or hug for no reason and when he smiles at me (he's so cute)! Good luck with whatever choice you make.

Hi J.: Well, if you are interested in having a second child-I say go for it! My 1st was very difficult (colic, night terrors) but, the love of my life! I had no interest in having a second child but, my husband really wanted another and I had heard somewhere how difficult of a life it could be if she had to take care of my husband and myself (in old age) all of the responsibility would be on her... and how she would have no one if something happened to us. Anyhow, we had a son (2 1/2 years later-good age difference!) and he is completely oposite, light-heartd, funny, easy, etc... they compliment eachother. And the first day I walked in on them playing together I knew we had made the right decission!

Good luck-H.

J.,
I had the same fears. My first one (my daughter) was super easy and transitioned through everything on her own and gave me no grief. We wanted to try again and it took time for me. We ended up waiting until she was 2 1/2 to start trying. We now have a 2 week old son and a 3 year old. So far he is just as easy if not easier. No baby is the same you just have to dive in :). Good luck!
J.

I too say go for it! You have an easy first one, it makes it hard to believe you would have ANOTHER easy baby....and then, in my case, you have a difficult first, and yet, we found it almost a rediculous idea to entertain....and we're pregnant now with our second! Our wonderful, yet challenging, daughter is 27 months. So they'll be about three years apart. I think it's a perfect age gap for our family. We just made a decision, and thank goodness I conceived soon enough before I changed my mind...lol (I had doubts a couple times)...but I couldn't be happier now!!!
Good Luck to you and your family!

Please don't let other people make this decision for you - having a baby does not require a vote (except yours and the baby's father's). You need to be in a place mentally and emotionally when you have the 2nd that no matter what, whether he/she's as easy as your first or his total opposite, you accept and deal because you wanted him/her more than anything else on earth.

You are absolutely not the only 'crazy' one. I feel the same way about my son. My pregnancy and delivery were hard, but he has been such a good baby all the way around. He is 18 months old and he is, and always has been, a good eater, sleeps well through the night, and is an absolute delight to have around. I keep hearing that my second one will be the total opposite because I couldn't possibly have two 'Perfect' babies in a row. My fear of tempting fate is the main reason why I am waiting for a while to have another. You are not crazy!! I totally understand how you feel. :)

Every child is different...or the same. My #2 was completely the opposite (didn't sleep through the night until a year and was borderline collicky). But, that doesn't mean your #2 will be. Good luck! I do think you should have at least 2, though. My 3rd and 4th were a bit more mellow than #2.

I can say I felt the same way when thinking about #2. During my first pregnancy, I was put on bedrest at 28 weeks for Preclampsia until I was induced at 38 weeks. We ended up having a healthy and great baby who slept ALL the time. I just had my 3rd baby, and #2 & #3 pregnancies were a breeze! Not only that, but all 3 of my kids are great sleepers and great kids! So, I wouldn't worry about your 2nd. I think you will manage with whatever comes your way...but don't lose sleep over it. I'm sure you'll do fine! Good Luck.

I was in exactly the same situation. My first (now 3) was a breeze, pregnancy was easy and labor was completely natural and only 3 hours start to finish. He was a wonderful baby so easy going and I thought well surely if we have another one it would be the same. Well from the start of my pregnancy it was completely different. Labor had to be induced and have to have an epidural. My#1 hardly ever cried and I could take him anywhere and just loved it. Baby #2 was typical crying newborn and so it taught me a lot of patience that I didn't have to have with the first one. And he is a MUCH different child. Everyone told me I should have a second one too while he was a baby...but to beware because #2 is always harder. When I got pregnant with #2 my #1 was 13 mo. so they are 23 months apart. I would not trade either one of my children for anything in the world but it was a lot harder the second time around. I think if I were younger when I started (I was 31 with #1) I would have waited a little longer in between babies. But now since #2 is getting around more and can handle a little more rough n tumble play, they get along like best friends.
I guess it really depends on what you are willing to deal with and how close together you decide to have your kids. As an only child growing up I always wanted to have a sibling which is why I wanted to have two children.
Best of luck in whatever you decide.

I wouldn't consider it testing fate as much as realizing that you got off REALLY easy with the first one LOL

Every child is different. While one may sleep beautifully, the other (like my dd) may not sleep more than an hour at a time until 18 months of age.

They are present their own challenges.... but are all equally amazing little creatures :)

My second one was easier than the first. There are 20 months between my sons and the second was a BIG, UNPLANNED surprise. I was worried like most second time mothers that the first one was so great and so cute that there was no way the next would be so wonderful. I've been pleasantly surprised so far and he just turned 1 this summer. Motherhood is wonderful no matter how many you have. My only complaint is that I didn't have all the weight off from my first before I found out about #2 and now I'm dealing with the extra weight from BOTH. This too shall pass. LOL!!

My second one came as a surprise-on birth control! So I was terrified. But the labor was shorter (the nice part about the second is they say almost always the time is about half-my first was five hours-secong 1 1/2), and my first started sleeping through the night at 2 months. My second slept through night the night she was born. She's definitely easier, which has stunned me! Every baby will be different, and there's no gurantee no matter what-HOWEVER I know several only childs, and they wished so much for a brother or sister...

J.,

dont believe everything u hear lol....i have 2...i have a 3 yr old nd a 19 month old nd both r boys. My 3 yr old only woke once for a bottle and slept pretty good. although, he only napped 2x a day until he was 1 nd then 1x a day and rarely naps. My 19 month old woke up atleast 3-6 times for a bottle. when he turned 12 months and went off the bottle he finally slept thru the night cept for maybe once then a lil while later he slept all night and he took hella naps and he still to this day constantly sleeps. he sleeps 12 to 14 hours at night and takes 2 naps a day for hours. im sure not everyones kid is like this therefore my advice is if u want another have another bc i dont think fate determines it i think each child is unique and i cant wait to have another no wait maybe i dont lol i currently wanna be pregnant so bad....i hope u like my answer....J.

J.,
All I can say is no two kids, two pregnancies for that matter, are the same. You may get lucky again or you could have payback. Whichever you choose, make sure it's what YOU want. Good luck!

Ya know, I have heard many many times that the hardest transition as a mother is from 0 to 1. Going from 1 to 2, or 2 to 3, etc. is always a lot easier. I don't know from experience because I only have 1, but that's what I've heard many times from different people that have multiple children. You'll never know how your children will end up until you actually have them, but once you already have one child, you'll know how to be a mother and what it involves (no matter how easy or hard your child was). If you want another one, don't worry about how hard they'll be...You just take things as they come, and I'm sure everything will be great!

Good luck!

J.,
No, you're not crazy. I had a very easy-going child and was a bit nervous about having a second. But it was so great being a mom, that I knew I had to have another one. No one can say if another child would be the opposite because they are people with their own personalities. I can tell you that my children were similar and different as babies. While one refused to nurse, the other one did so with a vengence. While one easily slept through the night, the other did not. I found that there great things about and some challenges with each child. But if you and your spouse want another child, then don't let fear hold you back. It's just as wonderful the second time around, even if it's different.

You can only do what YOU want to do. Don't let others sway your decision... all pregnancies are different and all babies are different...they are wonderful in every way, good with bad. They are the most precious gifts we are given. Best of luck!!!!