The Worry and Letting Go

Honestly, this might be anxiety disorder/OCD.

I've just found that the stuff you worry about is stuff that never happens.
It's the stuff out of left field that gets you.
And you can't usually even imagine that stuff.

Good luck!

My daughter has anxiety, specifically sickness/germ/food related. Therapy did wonders for her. It took over a year of going in once week but she is so much better now, and not on any meds, never went that route.
Find a good therapist and stick with it, it's so worth it in the end!!!

Ugh, I'm just the opposite. I do everything wrong. I just live. I just enjoy life, I'm not really thinking about how LONG I'll be enjoying life.

Pretty sure I'm not gonna live to 100. But if I make it a few more years til my youngest graduates from med school, well, that's about all I need!

:)

I used to be a bit like you.

Then a couple of years ago, I got breast cancer. No family history going back generations, I was only 40, generally healthy, I was essentially at a super-low risk of getting it. But I got it anyway. It was caught early at Stage 0 (some wouldn't even call it actual breast cancer). But it sure was treated like cancer: surgery, radiation, etc. It changed my entire outlook on life.

I spent a long time trying to figure out why I got it. I took online tests that figure your cancer risk, which always told me I was extremely low risk. I wasn't ever a heavy drinker, I was a tad overweight my whole life, but I was also always active, ate fairly well, went to the doc every year for bloodwork (which was always stellar), etc. And what I became convinced of was this: I spent many, many years stressed out and anxiety ridden. What can cause cancer? Inflammation. What can cause inflammation? Stress and anxiety. Holding all other risk factors steady, I concluded that I needed to let go of my stress and anxiety.

If you'd asked me if I was a stressed out person, I would have said "oh, no, I'm totally laid back." Which I am. I have a laid back personality. But I also had 3 super active kids, one with special needs, a husband who worked long hours (and at that time, hated his job), I was so involved with the kids, I really didn't take time out for myself, life was just generally constantly stressful, and so yeah, looking back, I was *really* stressed out. I just didn't recognize it at the time. It was a constant low-grade stress, which I mistook for "how things ordinarily are".

You're doing everything right. Eating well, avoiding toxins, exercising, etc. But you really need to do a mental reset. You KNOW that, right? You see that you're living with constant low-grade stress, right? You GOTTA let go of the stress, anxiety and guilt. You GOTTA just simply trust yourself that, in fact, you are going above and beyond in caring for your health. The stress you're putting yourself through trying to avoid disease is counteracting all the good you're doing. And please stop searching the internet for the latest super-fruit or supplement. It's doing you no good. If this is truly caused by your OCD brain, it's time to get some professional help to deal with that specific issue. If you can simply stop (perhaps try meditation or yoga, something that engages your brain in a calm way), then do (I know, harder said than done). If you can't, get professional help. You need to.

Okay, first take a deep breath. It can be easy for some people to over-
worry.
Listen, none of us will live forever.
What you want to do is live a happy, healthy, long life.
So you exercise, eat in moderation, stay away from as many things as
possible like processed foods etc.
Live every day for every day.
Be thankful when you wake up.
Be happy.
Love your kids & family.
Love your life.
Eat as best you can every day.
Eat a well balanced diet. Be sure to get your fruits & veggies.
Don't over indulge in anything.
Have a piece of dark chocolate, glass of red wine with friends.
Get outside & enjoy the air, walk, play with your kids.
OCD or not, you can't control anything even by micromanaging.
Repeat that to yourself. Be engaged in the world around you, don't think too far ahead, don't research cancer causing things etc.
Turn off the tv, be active, love your family, friends & yourself.
Treat yourself well!
Spend time doing things you love as our time on this earth is limited.
But that's okay because it doesn't have to be forever, it just hast to be
good.
So be happy, give yourself treats, smile, laugh, spend time doing things
you love.
Never worry about what will become of us. That gets in the way of our
daily joy & appreciation of life.
Just let nature take it's inevitable course.
Eat as best as you can, exercise, walk, get off the couch, be a little
adventurous.
Be appreciative of all that you DO have (your life, that of your kids', your
home, your health etc.).
Don't watch too much news & worry what will happen to you.
Be busy actually living your life.
You go this. Put down the OCD (insert smile here) & get living.
Start every day off as a new slate.
When you catch yourself worrying, silently say "stop" then get busy with
your day.
Take deep breaths to relax your body & slow down your "worry" state.
Don't feel guilty, each new day, each new meal is a chance to make it
better.
Breathe in the air, notice the birds, feel the sun on your face, call an old
friend for a quick good old fashioned talk for a few mins, relax & watch
a funny program, read a good book, peruse a fun magazine, indulge
in relaxation/a pedicure, buy yourself some flowers.
Really enjoy each & every day.
Don't put the cart before the horse (meaning spending your time each
day worrying how will I die, what affliction will I get?). Just live!
Wishing you a life filled w/less worry & lots more happy!!!!
Just do it! :)

I guess I just figure most of the things you're talking about (things that "fight cancer" or have been found to maybe, possibly cause cancer in certain very specific situations) is either hype or fear mongering. I just choose not to listen. Except for the fact that I'm overweight and should try to eat less fat and exercise more, my doctors are very happy with my health. And I see both my doctors (general and obgyn) every year.

I love the show "The West Wing." When I read your post, I couldn't help but remember this particular scene:

Margaret Hooper: [the Surgeon General is waiting with Margaret outside Leo's office] Red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?

Surgeon General Millicent Griffith: Let me tell you something, I'm not a hundred percent sure we've ruled that out.

Your post makes me so sad because you are intellectually aware of your problem but so out of control with anxiety that you can't work through it. How exhausted you must be! I hope you get help for this. There are counselors that specialize in OCD and anxiety and can get you to a place mentally where you feel ok starting meds and then the real self work can begin. You can do this!!!

see a psychiatrist.. there are medications for this.. therapy can help.. but first drugs to get you out fo this thought pattern.. you are very articulate and seem to have good reasons for all the healthy things that you do..

but it is overwhelming to eat or not eat all of these things to be healthy.. you need balance in your life..

call a dr asap.. and once the meds start woking.. you can start therapy.. it will help..

Here's what I try and do when thoughts overcome me and I find myself becoming obsessed with different scenarios and or guilt...
I meditate... (I do try and do this BEFORE) I even become compulsive with my thoughts... meditation needn't be long, but long enough to get you present-minded and in the moment... even if just for that moment.. it all builds on itself...

When I am trying to become present-minded, I do so by asking myself.... do I feel good, am I healthy, what are my blessings at this very moment in time..
The reason I do this is because most of my anxiety comes from two places.. either my thinking about the PAST or my thinking about the FUTURE.. IF for the moment, I allow myself to be present, then it's a good reminder of how my life is as it should be and too....and my anxiety if lifted...even if just for awhile...

since yesterday is gone, you cannot change it... the future has not happened.. therefore, try and focus on the here and now.. even if you can do this a few times a day, it can help.. start out small.. example...
every morning I wake up and while having my coffee, I say things like, God (as I know God to be) thank you for another day to feel better, be better and do better.. Thank you for my family, the lessons you have taught me and the roof over my head .. basically, I say whatever comes to mind... by giving thanks, it allows me to be present minded..... and to stop worrying about what might be.... Oh believe me, If I allow myself, I can get pretty wound up too about the future of my child... but knowing that I will drive myself nuts, I just can't allow myself to go there... and too, who knows IF there is a future ... again, I practice on the here and now...

it's all the little things that add up.. even taking walks and while on one, notice your surroundings, do you notice the scenery, the buildings, the people... whenever my son and I walk around the city, he tends to like to talk about the future, which is ok.. BUT.. he gets carried away and I caution him that he may also want to be in the present moment and not miss all the beauty around him...seasons come and go I tell him.. try not to be too far into the Summer when it's still Spring and it too has so much to offer..

You have to stop or you will drive yourself nuts!

Control what you can like your food and such. Know that you have done the best you can and don't go overboard worrying. All that does Is give you wrinkles?!

Sometimes cancer is a gene gone wry we don't know why it just does. There is no way to know where, when, how, or why it just does. I say that because I am a cancer survivor and to worry needlessly would have me loopy. I try to eat correctly lots of veggies, lean meats, variety of things. I try to exercise. I try to find solitude and just stand still and enjoy the moment of the sun on the face, the wind in the background, the birds flying and chirping.

If you eat too much at a meal then you know the next one to eat a bit less or exercise more. Enjoy that drink or so. I would love to have a glass of wine but I can manage about a half glass now days when I used to be able to put a way a whole bottle at a meal with hubby.

Take a class or get therapy for your OCD so that you can stop feeling the way you do before you run everyone around away.

Life is to be enjoyed and not worried over. Stop being so hard on yourself.

the other S.

PS Stop and smell the roses. I haven't read any of the other posts so I might be repeating some things.

In theory, you could do absolutely everything 'right', from cradle to grave and live to 150.
But it would seem twice as long, not be any fun and if you are not enjoying it - you're doing it wrong!
To a degree - you have to live life on your own terms.
If your brain is being bombarded - turn off the source(s) (tv/internet/etc).
Consider going on a retreat to a mountain cabin that's remote enough that you have no cell phone coverage.
Enjoy a hike in the woods, do some bird/wildlife watching, a swim in a lake, float down a lazy river in an inner-tube, toasting marshmallows by a camp fire - totally un-wind.
If by some freak of Fate that a few toasted marshmallows somehow causes your death - shoot, it was totally worth it!

My favorite 'philosopher' - Beau Sheep from 'Garfield and Friends'
"There's no point in worrying about what you can control" - you can change it.
"And there's no point in worrying about what you can't control" - you can't change it.

Let go of the feeling that you NEED to control <what ever> and go with the flow.
For some people, they 'Let go and let God <do all their worrying for them>' and it works wonders for them.
Try it!

You know, brain science is beginning to recognize how extremely influential our genetic makeup is in our mental outlook. Lots of mental illness resides in both sides of my family, and of my mother's 4 daughters, I believe we all were "gifted" with genes that set us up for emotional difficulties (bipolar illness, anxiety, and depression, in our case). The degree to which we express those tendencies is, to some degree, under our own management, but not all of it can be avoided.

I have always had a strongly anxious streak. I was a fearful child, and am still way more cautious than most people about new situations. But as I gradually recognized how much this was limiting and draining my life, I set out to quiet my thinking. I did a lot of "self-help" reading and learned to meditate, and I think both were extremely helpful.

But, unlike you, I think I was probably gifted with a fatalistic outlook, so the ultimate things, like severe health problems and death, just leave me thinking, "Meh…". For me, it will happen if it's meant to happen, and won't if it's not meant to happen. So that part of my brain is much easier on me than it sounds like yours is on you. And it's probably neither of our faults; it just is. (I do, however, take very good care of my health as a tool for moving in a positive direction.)

If you have financial access to counseling, this might be really helpful. Meditation might also help, in more ways than you can even imagine. There are lots of helpful tools (including medication) available to help smooth out that anxiety. I also suggest you google The Work by Byron Katie – really good techniques to help us question and calm our most painful thoughts.

Psychologist, ASAP. You don't want to take meds, but that is not the only option for treatment, so get your self some therapy - such as cognitive and/or behavioral therapy.

I do disagree with your assessment of the meds. A diabetic is dependent upon taking insulin. Does that mean that person shouldn't take it? No - her body is missing that component, and so she needs to take it. Your body is missing some neurotransmitters that control anxiety, so you need to replace that. If that means that you become dependent - and in the process you become healthy - that's ok.

But if you won't try the meds, then please get a therapist.

Actually, I have to agree with OneAndDone. This really does sound like an anxiety disorder. Have you considered going to talk to your doctor about getting some help with this? Maybe a low dose of anxiety medication would make the world of difference in your life...

I'm an emotion healer. I know that when we get emotionally involved in getting any kind of dis- ease, we are actually manifesting that we get it. If you pay no attention to the problem, the problem may not ever manifest. If there is anxiety over breast cancer, the chances of getting breast cancer is manifested. The law of attraction works in every direction of our lives. If you want to focus on creating more money, it works there as well. Don't focus on the lack, but focus on the having. If you are now afraid of going out in the sun, it won't stop the cancer from ever coming back, but focus on having fun in the sun. Get your vitamin D, You need it! Emotionally, physically and spiritually, You need the sun. After 30 minutes, put on you sun screen, but your skin absorbs the Vitamin D better without the sun screen. Try creating the life you want, not the life you don't want

Well, here's a way to flip your thinking without completely letting it go.

We live in a society where powerful people and institutions are irresponsible. Instead of MAKING healthy foods, our society blames people for eating the cheap, tempting, bad-for-you foods that are about a million times more accessible. Same goes for products like skin creams, Tylenol, etc. (though honestly, drugs go through much more scrutiny than just about any other product, and hence, the risks associated with Tylenol are pretty low).

It's complicated, because the people making the products aren't usually the same exact people telling people not to consume the products (though there are exceptions -- a lot of companies involved in producing massive amounts of pollution are also involved in things like anti-littering campaigns -- it's weird, but it has its own messed-up logic).

But overall, in our system at large, profits flow upward. Blame flows downward.

This is ridiculously unfair.

More to the point, it's unfair to YOU. It forces you to blame yourself for not being perfect, in a world where the companies making the most money seem to have very little sense of responsibility at all. The same goes for the politicians and governmental entities that these companies directly fund. I am NOT alleging a deliberate conspiracy; I'm just saying that in a society where people blame themselves (and other individuals) for public problems, there's very little impetus for change.

So, it's incredibly natural and understandable, after a cancer scare, that of course you'd want to control everything, and to believe that you're in control. Anyone would do that.

So, first, forgive yourself. You're being a great M. and a good person.

And second, instead of being self-blaming, get mad. Because if you occasionally slip up and have a tortilla chip or two -- all the blame should not come crashing down on you, with none left over for the powerful elements in our society, which profit from making tortilla chips easy and truly healthy living incredibly hard.

As someone who's no stranger to self-blame or getting mad, getting mad is a lot more fun. And it's good for your workout, which is good for your health.

And if you work out, then it's less of a big deal if you have an occasional tortilla chip and cheese. Because tortilla chips and cheese (and wine)? Mmmmmmm.

Why haven't you ever sought therapy? Most people do that before trying the drug route.

I hear ya. The internet is a powerful and wonderful thing - but it makes so much info available, it raises the fear level! The warnings make us so crazy that we are afraid to do anything that's any "fun" - like have a glass of wine or a burger!

I think the trick is to moderate what you can - make adjustments when you can rather than eliminate a whole category of food. For example, "they" have been pushing us for decades to eat low fat, no meat, more vegetables, blah blah - and now it turns out that we need healthy fats, it matters more what the animal ate than whether you eat it, and the grass fed beef might be better for you than the genetically-modified vegetables!

I work in nutritional epigenetics, and we're finding that the entire paradigm has changed. In the 50s and 60s, it was all about the diet - macronutrients - put protein, carbs and veggies and some fats on your plate. In the 70s and 80s, that changed to micronutrients, and the vitamin/supplement industry was born. Foods were harvested too quickly in depleted soils, so they were nutrient-deficient, so we had to make up the difference. But people started becoming their own "kitchen chemist" and trying to mix/match bottles of pills. The result: we're heavier and sicker than we were then. More heart disease, more diabetes, more cancer. Two out of 3 of us will die of one of these non-communicable, chronic degenerative diseases! And food sensitivities are out of control! In 40 years, we've had to remove all peanuts, tree nuts, gluten, sugar and dairy from our children's lunches and classrooms! After 5000 years of virtually no food allergies, suddenly in 20 years it's an epidemic? It's not our basic body structure that's the problem! Doctors just say "eat healthy, exercise, take drugs" - so everyone's on statin drugs and insulin and ritalin and nebulizers.

Now we're in the next phase, which after 17 years of research, is clearly here to stay. I am an educator in nutritional epigenetics. All that processed stuff and all the junk in our environment has actually damaged our epigenome, the covering and "control panel" of our DNA. So our cells don't work properly, the bad genes switch on and the good ones off, the oncogenes in our bodies naturally activate as cancer cells when the protections wear away, and so on. But there's hope! Now that we understand this, and we understand that our growing techniques and processing techniques, as well as our lifestyle choices and our environment (toxins, chemicals, etc.) are causing our bodies to react. The inflammation, the reduced immunity, the cholesterol, the diabetes/metabolic syndrome, even the cancer - these are all reversible with proper cellular health and epigenetic super foods.

After a career in women's health education and other teaching, I now spend my time educating everyone about how to effectively (vs. ineffectively) supplement, how to go back to eating some of those foods you've been told are taboo but they aren't, and how to continue what works and abandon what the "conventional wisdom" has us spouting even though there is no evidence that it has made much difference for 25-30 years. The food allergies are reversible - we don't have to eliminate all those foods, we just have to give our bodies what's needed to process them!

One of the country's leading epigeneticists who has been invited to the American Heart Association for his work in cardiovascular disease reversal, showed us a cartoon at our last seminar: the doctor is saying to the patient, "We've exhausted all conventional options. One last desperate option is to put you on an alternative medicine that has a 95% success rate." And that's where we are - it's not a product of big pharma, it's a natural peptide we've been stripping out of our foods for decades or coating with chemicals. The answer is in front of us. The room I was in was just filled with regular people like you and me, and lots of medical people as well - a lot of doctors are agreeing with this and see that they've been going down the wrong path and really doing things the hard way, not to mention the ineffective way, full of expensive tests and medications and side effects.

Our DNA is only 2% of the issue - it's only the 2% that we can't control. The 98% is within our power!

So I think, if you look into this, you'll find out you're worrying about the wrong things. There's more that can help you than you can possibly imagine! I drink wine, eat burgers, don't exercise every day, have a soda now and then, eat gluten and soy and dairy and nuts and peanuts, have a cookie, get some sun, and go out and have fun with friends. I'm never sick anymore, have gotten off my medications, no longer have allergies, no longer have breast cysts and bad mammograms, no longer have clinical depression, and a whole host of others things! No doctor's visits, great lab work, thrilled physician! Life is better than it was when I was 10 or 20 years younger!

Hi - I can totally sympathize. I'm a big worrier too, but mainly over my son's health, as opposed to my health. I just don't feel like I could hand "it," if something happened to him. I've always been anxious; and I finally found a low dose medication that really helps. Without it, I'm a total insomniac! Per my research, the health benefits of controlling my anxiety far outweigh any side-effect/dependency concerns. Stress is a killer (literally)! Aside from medication, I have also learned to pray! I'm not religious, at all, but I believe in the power of intention/prayer, and it helps me let go a little! So . . . I'm sending you a prayer this morning . . . "may you find the strength to find the peace in your day!"