They Think Something Is Wrong with My Son!!!

I'm not sure there is anything wrong with your son. I would say though, that his daycare was WAY out of line kicking him out without warning you first or even telling you there was a problem! I can't believe they would do that! He may be a little misguided because of the video games, but I don't think there's anything wrong. I am assuming that on the video games your son is at least percieving his father's role in them as the hero of the game. In that case, he is most likely trying to enact being the hero in the classroom. Perhaps he only needs to be instructed in the proper way to be a hero in the real world. Hero's tell someone bigger than them when someone is doing something wrong instead of trying to solve it themselves. Heros read lots of books so they gain lots of knowlege, heros share their toys with others, heros are kind to others, etc. Having his father be part of delivering that message will be key if that is indeed where he got this behavior. As for the OCD-like traits, my 3 1/2 year old has a lot of those too. He has to line everything up, fix it if it gets out of line, close any open door, make sure whatever he is fixing is just so...and often has a melt down if either he can't do it or someone messes it up for him. All kids line things up. I asked my son's doctor specifically about that because he's been doing it since he was 8 1/2 months old. He told me all kids do that. At around age 3, kids start to be able to manipulate things a lot better with their fingers and can even begin to hold a pencil properly. They will spend great lengths of time arranging things with their new learned skills. My guess is that some of the animal arranging stuff might also have to do in part to that. If you have any doubts about "normal behavior", you can always ask his doctor. If they think there is something that needs evaluating, they will let you know, but my guess is there isn't anything wrong at all.

I don't know what to say about your son all the sudden not wanting to stay in his bed. I would ask you if something stressful has come into his life...and if not, it is likely either for attention or control, or both. What worked when I couldn't get my son to stay in his bed was, every time he got out of his bed, I simply led him back to his room and put him in bed...not talking at all (not one word), no smiles on my part..i basically ignored him, tried not to look at him if at all possible, and only put him in bed. I did not even tell him to go back to bed. I just took him there. He quickly learned that he was not going to stay up and he was not going to get any attention for trying to. Once he learned that it got him no attention, he quit trying to get up and has stayed in bed ever since. That may work for you no matter the reason. He may have sensed his teachers anxiety about his behavior and simply started having trouble being alone in bed. Good luck to you. Feel free to message me if you want/need to talk.

L.

V., first I agree the school should have notified you of the problems when they first occured. That would have given you time to figure out exactly what changes have been going on at that time. It sounds to me like there has been a major change in his life....whether it be a new friend for you or dad, or something going on that he is not comfortable with. I don't want to scare you because it may be something as simple as typical 3 yr old activity, but as a fellow mom of a 3 yr old boy, I'm a little concerned. First I would talk to dad about the games. My husband finally just agreed with me about the kind of tv shows our children are watching that is causing their bad attitudes and has agreed to turn them off. In only a couple weeks, our daughters have stopped talking back and being hateful to me. It's ok for dad because he is mature and understands what the games are...simply games, my husband thought since the shows were cartoons, the kids would get it. They don't. They see violence and ugly words and think since it's TV, it's how you should act. Talk to dad. Don't attack him or he'll become defensive but explain your concerns. As far as the bed issue, I think that is just normal. My daughters all tried that and my son does at times. Unfortunately, you'll have to be "mean" and let him cry himself to sleep for a couple of nights until he learns. It's hard, I'm still working on it myself. Best of luck and hope it all works out.

im sorry to hear about that..its too bad..my 3 year old is rough too...im afraid of having the same problem as you..she hits, yells, and very greedy...and she does show signs of OCD too...well..she has been vaccinated....

Is the head start program flexible with schedule..im trying to find out more about it so i can put my daughter in the head start program.

V.~ I am so sorry about the Head Start issues and I wish that someone there had had the backbone to tell you about some of the issues sooner. My son was also one of those "problem" children. Thankfully I had a teacher who was honest and could handle the issues with me. We worked together and solved some them together. Some I really had to get tough and enforce rules at home. I don't know where you are located but if you need someone for daycare in bend, oregon and want more one on one care I am available. Please feel free to call or write me directly if you have more issues. Some of what he is going through is very typical behavior. I have 3 boys(10 & adhd, 9, 3) and I really had to set rules and limits. I still do! Not always easy but I have kids that come to me with whatever is going on now. What a joy that is to see!
Good luck.
A. N @____@____.com or ###-###-####

V., I agree with the other mothers about the video games, TV programs and involving his Dad in eliminating them. I also think the preschool should have talked with you earlier.

But I have a different slant on getting an evaluation. My grandson was also in Headstart and has many of the same behaviors as your son. Headstart also could not keep him in their program. He is now in a therapeutic preschool because of his anger issues as well as having a speech disorder. He is getting along with other children much better now and is successful in an in home daycare.

The Multnomah County Intermediate Educational Service District pays for the preschool and also provides support for my daughter. They provided the evaluation which diagnosed the speech disorder.

They may provide an evaluation for your son if there is a possibility that your son has a learning disorder that might prevent him from having success in school. The service is mandated by Federal law. Please give them a call and see if your son would qualify. You'll find them in the phone book under your school district. It is a county service.

You son may be "normal" but I don't think of behavior as either normal or adnormal. It's just behavior. Some behavior indicates that a child needs some help in learning how to deal with his world. I definately believe that exposure to adult games, TV, and movies, as well as some adult behavior (ie: foul language and anger) will handicap a child's ability to know what is appropriate behavior. If that is all that is happening, changing his exposure and perhaps some counseling would help him adjust. But since his father does not live with you changing this may be difficult if not impossible.

A child's development is so complex it's not possible to know for sure what is happening. An evaluation will help you in making decisions on how to help your son. If he has a learning disorder, no matter how mild, an evaluation and treatment is importantant for his success in life.

Some of his behaviors which you describe as possibly OCD could also be symptoms of a learning disorder or of a neurological development issue. These terms sound so scary but they may not be as serious as they feel And can be changed with the right treatment.

I think that your son is wanting to sleep with you because he's feeling scared and overwhelmed and is searching for comfort. It doesn't sound like a control issue with you to me. He is trying to find a way to have some control in his life. Coming to you is a positive behavior. I suggest that you let him sleep with you for the time being if you are comfortable with it. I definitely believe that putting him in his bed and letting him cry it out is not an appropriate way to treat him. He is having serious emotional issues at this time. He needs a sense of security. You have more serious issues to resolve before you try to resolve the "normal" issue of sleeping in his own bed. Being asked to remove him from Headstart and daycare is traumatic for both of you.

Another thought. If your son's father doesn't or isn't able to cooperate with you in changing what your son experiences while in his house, an evaluation could result in getting professional help dealing with him.

If your son continues to be exposed to negative situations you may need to find a way to limit his time with his father. Is there a court order requiring "parenting time?" Even if there isn't a court order refusing to allow your son time with his father will be difficult. I recommend talking with an attorney. If you can't afford a private one, Legal Aide has many good attorneys with custody issue experience.

First you need a professional evaluation. I see enough indicators of a physical/emotional problem that I highly recommend getting an evaluation and treatment now before he gets to grade school. The earlier he gets help, the better he will be in making a positive adaption to his environment.

I know that this is a difficult decision. I wish we had started searching for help with my grandson much sooner. He was three when he started in Headstart. Because he had been evaluated and started with speech therapy the summer before Headstart he had a "case manager" who was a liason between Headstart and my daughter. Otherwise, I don't think Headstart would've known how to handle my grandson's misbehavior. They did recommend an evaluation to you and I strongly believe that this is where to start.

You might discover he has a problem that needs a therapeutic approach but which isn't as serious as what you fear now. Something definitely needs to be changed for your son. You deserve having help with knowing how to handle this issue which will only become more serious with time if something major doesn't happen.

I wish you the best as you go thru this.