Thinking About Conception of Baby #2 with IVF (ICSI)???

My husband is an only, I am on only, we have 4 children and if we had met and married earlier we would have had more.

We both had wonderful childhoods. We both were balanced onlys, however, we both lacked social skills with peers and we were lonley. His father is ALSO an only and the death of (husbands grandparnets) was so HARD on his father. I realized at the funeral, that he had no one to lean on. No one to remind him of a great story about ma or a great story about dad......... no one. It was then that I decided we would have as many kids as we could. I want my kids to have friendships that last forever, some one who will understand them always and some one who can make them smile when I die. I know it sounds morbid, but my mom and dad come from HUGE families and death is looked at as sad but a part of life and funerals realy celebrate the lives of the people and after the inital shock and grieving the funerals are acutally fun events with stories never told before coming out of the mouths of siblings and cousins and .........

So I am all for siblings. However, don't have a baby because you think you should. HAve a baby because you want HIM/HER.

Do it! If you're even considering it, just go for it. You don't want to always wonder what it would have been like if you don't try. I'm an only child, and I'm definitely going to try for another. Best to you whatever you decide!

Hey Chrstine: I am close to your age (39 in July) I just had my second baby back to back in Feb. Had both naturally but had complications with gestational diabetes due to my age and weight, you will automatically be classified as high risk due to your age. I hope all goes well. Both pregnancies aside of the diabetes were ok. I wish you the best it is hard working outside the home but I love my babies so much, hope all goes to plan for you.

I didn't want any children (selfish of me but honestly how I felt) my husband wanted 4. We settled on two. I went through 4 pregancies to get the first one and the second was a snap!!!

I was an only child for 9 years, myself. I thank God daily for my brother. He wasn't a lot of help physically with my parents when they were older and ill (he was in the service and stationed first in Texas then Italy and finally in Kansas), but he was a voice and a sounding board for all of the decisions I was making and was there the last few days with both of them and through the weeks following their demise to help with all of the work that has to be done. A rock for me to lean on when my husband of 29 years died, and has helped me out with the 10 year old child I am now raising alone. My children are 23 months apart. They have fought, stood up for each other, learned the value of sharing (they are 28 and 26) and will be there to shoulder each other up as I get older and I will have more than one set of arms to care for me as I age.

Financially it would be better to only have one, emotionally for me it was better to have two.

I am not encouraging you to have the second child or discouraging you. This is a decision only you and your husband can make.

I will pray for you to make the right decision for your family and for the right reasons.

P. R

Before you do anything check some of the resources on ccli.org

God Bless,

M.

My husband is quite a bit older than me, and has three grown children, but he decided he wanted more. I had always wanted at least 4 but because of my age we have only gone with 2.
Our first one we had to have a little help from my local OB/GYN to have, then we tried for over a year and a half to have another with no success. We tried the IVF and ICSI and it didn't work.
We then had to use an egg donor and it worked just fine. One of the reasons we wanted another was that so our first daughter would have a sibling closer to her age. The whole time I was pregnant and still to this day, my older daughter considers her baby sister her baby.
They fight a lot but they also love each other!!!!!! there is 5 yrs. between them.
Some days I think gee if we didn't have them then we could do so much more, but it isn't worth it. the kids are worth so much more than anything else.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We step on toys and have to move them around the living room to get through it sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
My first daughter is today, finishing her last day of kindergarten. I am very proud of her, but am also sad. Next year in 1st grade she will be in school all day long, and I will miss her tremendously!!!!!!!!! It would be a hundred times worse if I only had one. At least I have her baby sister to spend time with.
I support whatever decision you make, but I would encourage you to have a second child.

You and your husband need to sit down and have a serious discussion about this. If you choose not to have any more kids will you end up regretting that decision or if you have more will that hinder anything that you two may want to do down the road. There are also cons of being an only child. My niece is an only child and she wishes she could have had a brother or sister because she had no one to play with or anything like that. I thought of only having one but decided to have a second child 3 yrs. after my first. I didn't want my child to be an only child. Then after my second one 3 yrs. later I had one more. I am glad I did this. It is something you two have to discuss and weigh the pros and cons.
D.
I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

I grew up as an only child and have a half sister 11 years younger. We didn't grow up together and it was tough keeping in touch with her as our dad didn't stay married to her mom for very long. I always enjoyed being an only child but since I am older now and have a child of my own, I love having a sister. I love sharing with her and seeing how she is doing. We live 3000 miles apart but we are so glad that we have each other. She is also an only child. I don't know h/t explain it but there is something about having a sibling that has filled a space in my heart. We are so close in so many ways and so alike. We love each other very much. Anyway, I have one child and do want more b/c I know what it's like to be an only child and still have a sister. If my husband would agree, I would have at least one more.

Hi there,

I come from a family of 5, I always LOVED my bunch of sisters and my brother, birthdays were always as blast and life is always full of excitement :)

My hubby and I had a very hard time getting pregnant so for a long time we thought we'd be alone, grow up alone and never have children or grandchildren. My hubby has one brother whom he doesn't see or speak to bc of a fam business, long story - but he's very lonely, like an only child.
When we naturally and surprisingly got pregnant we thought we'd be having one child. Our beautiful daughter was born 7/24/06. I was 35.
SInce you're most fertile after a baby we chose to try again wondering if we would be able to. 3 months later, I was pregnant with our son who was born 11 months later 7/09/07. I was 36.

We were amazed and happy to stop at 2. We got an IUD and were very busy for a few months until we found we were pregnant with #3 due 11/12/08. I would be 37.
Three under 3 :) WOW!
It wasn't really by choice, the 3rd, we had seriously discussed it but would probably never do it since we were very busy with the Irish twins.

Well, we are just estatic now, have embraced the idea and are ready to find out the sex next week!

I think that if you decide to you will find that it is the most amazing journey, to see your children love each other.

When my DH - who puts her to bed every night - picks her up for bed the first thing she says is night night bubba (for brother) She's 21 months and he is 11 months.
When she wakes up and my DH picks her up the first thing she does is look at his door if its shut, she says shhhhhh and if he's awake she says HI BUBBA.

Either way you'll be happy. Because that is what you decided would be best for your family.
Really all 3 but mostly the 1st and 3rd were complete surprises. If I had been in charge we probably would only have 2, I look forward to meeting my 3rd one, one I certainly never thought would be here ;)
I guess my point is don't over think it.....I'm rambling :)
Nite!

I also struggled with the decision to have a second child. My ex-husband was an only child, and really liked being an only child. I love children, but did not enjoy being pregnant, and wasn't eager for a second pregnancy. I was also perfectly content with our family, and couldn't imagine adding another little person to the mix. Ultimately, we decided to have another child, and I'm SO GLAD we did. Here are a few reasons:

1) I have an older sister who is (and always has been) my very best friend. As luck would have it, I also ended up with two girls. They're almost 3 yrs apart, and they're very close. When I see them cracking each other up I know I made the right choice.

2) My ex-husband lost both of his parents by the time he was 25 years old, and he felt completely alone. He had no one to share childhood memories with, and no one to help him with his parents' estate. He had always been very spoiled by them (a perk of being an 'only'), and he felt like someone pulled the safety net out from underneath him. For the first time in his life, he really longed for a sibling...and a sense of belonging. He's still searching.

3) Having a sibling teaches kids the true meaning of sharing and compassion and empathy. There is just no other relationship like a sibling relationship. It's not always fun to have to share, but it's good practice for the 'real world' which doesn't always revolve around us. :)

4) Every time I look at my younger daughter (or see the joy she brings to her sister, her friends, her grandparents, etc.) I feel a little bit sick that I almost chose not to have another child. They are both such a joy in their own unique ways -- I'm so glad I'm getting to experience both of them. I just can't imagine my world without either one of them.

All that being said, this is obviously a very personal choice. I'm not judging anyone who chooses to stop at one child. (After all, I chose to stop at only two.) I'm simply sharing some thoughts that helped me with my decision. I hope you find the guidance you're seeking to help you make a decision you're comfortable with. Take care!

I am 63 and had made the choice to have only one child. I had a son. Based on my experience and if I had it to do again, I would have had a second.
I think it makes them more self consumed and you do them a great disservice not to have someone to share there life with. Sibling bonds are priceless.

I lost my son at 35 years old. He had a heart attack and it would have been so special if I could have that second child to still hold and love. Not that it would make his death less because nothing would, but I still would have loved the continued experience with that child.

The other thing is I have a sister and a brother. I love having them in my life.

Hope this helps from someone with life experience. Jennifer

I'm not an only child and I plan to have a "big" family so I'm not sure how valuable my input is, but what I do know is that I LOVE having a big family. I come from the other extreme....there are 10 of us!! I am number 9! I know my mom and dad have been through the ringer with some of my siblings, but even those siblings have brought a lot of joy as well. We are all really close in different ways and I can't imagine not having sisters to chat with and brothers to "take care" of me! I know it will make life crazier, but I think you will love it so much and I think your first one will forever thank you. I have talked with some of my students who are only children and they all wished they had at least one sibling. Someone to fight with :), someone to count on, someone to cry with, someone to have a fun vacation with, etc.
Kids are so hard but are soooo rewarding!

hey C.

from what your say seem like you want to have anther one i think it a grat time to have anther child if you wish to do so and your son is 4 that bout the time a paln to have a nother one i grew up in a big famil it 12 of us and i think your soon will enjoy haveing some one to play with and go through life withand there will be a long time to have anotherr li lone around if u wait on the 4 ur olf to grow up and have anther one lol life is aways going to be busy and ups and downs i say go for it my cuzin was the only child and she was lonlyy for a long time she would always be over r huse playin with use and as she got older she told us she was she had a bother or sister good luck and stay blessed

This is a funny situation, as a matter of fact other than the IVF, it is our situation.
I am an only child and I absolutely LOVED it, never did I feel deprived. My hubbie is one of 5 (#3 to be exact, the typical middle child!), and he was COMPLETELY happy to only have our 1 and that was good for him. So we were pretty set on just being done with our son!
So as our son was approaching his 3rd bday I started asking people around me what they thought, not about my situation, but their own. I picked people with various amounts of children, and asked them to be completely honest, and this is what I got from it.

None of the ones with more than one child said they wish they wouldn't have had them, but the ones with one, said they sometimes wished they would have had more. Something else I also walked away with was, this decision, although was very much about me, was not ALL about me, or my hubbie, but about my son too. Maybe he wouldn't say it now (since he was 3) but maybe someday he would like to have a sibling, and that is something only I could give him, the chance to have that relationship.

So we took the plunge and 4 months ago had the baby girl of our dreams! She is wonderful and to see the interaction between the 2 of them makes me so grateful that we decided to do it. She looks at him like he is the world, and he wouldn't trade her for anything...well now that is, when she starts playing with his trucks, that may be another story! haha

Although I don't know how much help I'll be, I do completely understand your dilemma. I am an only child and go back and forth about having another child. My husband definitely wants another, but I loved (and still love) being an only! My main concern is that if we have another, I have no idea how I will divide my attention! I can't imagine my daughter not being my one and only focus (besides hubby). My daughter is only 16 months old, so if we do have another, we will definitely wait until she's 3 or 4. Let me know what you decide-maybe it will help me too!

Dear C.,

If you are considering it, maybe it was meant to be. I also had my son via IVF and he's two and a half now. I am 39. I wish that I had embryos that had survived and were available to us frozen. We had 8 total but they all stopped after day 5. I would love to give my son a sibling. I have a sister and my husband has a brother. Life was great! I still hope every month that something will happen "naturally" but it doesn't seem that it will happen. You do need to weigh the pros and cons. There are many other reasons to have a child than to give your other child a lifelong playmate (though I'm sure you know that) Pray about it and listen to other parents. If it was me, I'd go for it! Good luck.

My husband and I also decided we would have one child and stop. I was 36 when I got pregnant, and I felt like I was to old to have any more. I silently wished my baby could have a sibling, but my pregnancy was very tough on me, although thankfully, no real complications (I had carpal tunnel in both hands, kidney stones throughout pregnancy, was sick until the night I delivered, thyroid trouble, etc.) Anyway, it turned out we were lucky enough to have twin boys! I kept saying (when we found out we were going to have twins) that God must have known I wouldn't do it again, but he must have wanted my son to have a brother : ) I can't imagine life with only one of these little guys (they are 9 months old). It sounds like your life is pretty busy, and you said your lifestyle "seems OK" so nobody but you and your husband will have any weight in this decision. Think back to when you brought your son home - what kind of feelings did you both have? Did you get the help and support you and your hubby needed from each other? Do you have a baby book that you can go back and read through to bring back those memories? How does your little boy feel about a brother or sister? If you have some pre-embryos in storage and you are even considering another baby, I would go ahead and do it. I would hate to see anyone pass up that chance (let the window close) and regret it later. If it is not meant to be, it won't work (like it didn't work for so many of my friends and family). If you are lucky enough to have another baby, I am sure you will be happy every day that you went through with it. We (some friends and I) have wondered if someone can donate those embryos if they decide not to use them? Two of my friends had to get donor eggs to try IVF. If you decide not to try it again, maybe see if that is an option so they aren't wasted. Good luck with this decision - it is going to be a BIG one!

I am an only child and I hated it. I used to beg my parents to adopt a baby (my dad had a vasectomy after me).
I used to carry around dolls and tell my mom they were my sisters (weird kid, i know....). I knew from the time I was little that I wanted a large family since I knew how terrible it was to be an only. 5 children was my plan. My husband is one of 4 so he's ok with the large family idea. Also, i had several girlfriends in high school, all were only children, all hated it, all now want several (at least 3) children now that we're grown up and married. :)

Like someone else said, i've found as an only that you seem to get this idea that the world revolves around you. When I got married, it was so difficult to get used to the idea that that was not the case. When you grow up never having to share a darn thing in life and basically have the run of the house when you're parents arent home, then suddenly sharing your life, possessions and physical space on a daily basis is hard. I dont know how you felt, C., as an only, after you got married, but this was particularly hard for me.

Please, have another. You'll never regret it.
Just my 2-cents...

Take some time and pretend that the 'window has closed' and the decision has been made for you. Are you glad it's over and you can't go back? Are you sorry that you didn't at least try? Think about how you will feel when that window is closed and that may help you figure out how you feel about another child.

Good luck!

We have also done 3 IVF. We have one baby, who just turned 9 months and the 3rd IVF worked and I am 7 weeks preg. We chose to do it close because I am 35 and husband will be 40. We wanted Mikala to have a sibling. I would have more if I was younger and infertilty didn't rob us of so much money. I think its a personal choice if you want more then one but we always wanted at least 2. We will probably be done but we still have 4 frozen embyos.
M.

Being an only, you probably can't relate to a big family -- I know I can't (my mom was one of 12!). I am a 2nd go 'round child - both my sisters were nearly grown when I was born, so in a lot of ways, I have the only-child attributes as well as the baby-of-the-family.

I, too have only 1 child (at the age of 37, though not by choice, by biology). She loves children, and I babysit so she has exposure to other children and learns how to interact with them. I have to say I really enjoy having only her at this point, to dote over and show all my affections to, and I know she likes having all of our attention.

I know I could love another one if we're blessed again, and I keep thinking we SHOULD have another just so that she won't be alone. But, she too has grown half-siblings, so I know she's not entirely alone. I have nothing against onlys -- my cousin is an only and has an only and she's a GREAT child.
But as an adult, I can't tell you how invaluable my sisters have been to me throughout my life, especially in these later years. I don't know if that helps you at all.

Hi C.-
It's a hard decision. I am 34, we have 2 girls, 6 & 2.5, our youngest was born w/ Down syndrome and I struggled w/the decision of having a 3rd. I ended up having a hysterectomy when she was 9 mos.old and have felt comfortable w/ our decision, but that my oldest daughter wishes she had more siblings and that sometimes bothers me. Sounds like you are financially sound- what concerns do you have about having another?

Sure a sibling would be nice for your son and they are likely to get along well because of the age difference.
The second child is such a neat experience- same formula different result! But no matter how you look at it- you are taking a risk. You could go from 1 child to 3!!! But I have yet to meet a Mom who wanted to send 1 back! We end up loving what we get! Good luck to you!