M.D.
Hello G.,
First I have not adopted, but have several cousins and friends who have. One cousin adopted a Chinese toddler, and a Mongolian toddler (they were not able to adopt infants, due to foreign regulations). Another cousin adopted twins from the USA. All of the children are doing well, and yes there have been stresses for all- kids and parents. The twins have contact with their birth parents, and see the birth parents once a year. As children get older they may want to know and find their birth parents.
I had the fortunate opportunity to listen to one of my seniors give their senior English presentation this week, and it was in part about adoption. He and his siblings had been in and out of the foster care system in our state, and finally all were put up for adoption. The sisters were adopted by a family in one part of the state, and the boys in another part of the state. My student's comments were he is so happy to have been adopted (at 13) and to have the stability and love of a family. He is happy all of his siblings are in stable homes, and sees adoption as a very necessary option, and wishes it were more readily available for foster kids who will eventually be adopted. One of his comments was it takes time to build trust and relationships.
From an observer's point of view, be sure you are adopting (not to save a life) but because you and your husband want another child, who will be come part of your family, as a child, and as a sibling. One thing my cousins and friends have told their adopted children, that the child was chosen to be part of their new family, and that they are part of the family, loved and respected, and that they are special- likewise their siblings are also special, loved and respected.
As the child gets older the child may need some counseling- due to many issues, including who are my birth parents, why did they abandon me, do I have any biological siblings, cousins, other grandparents etc. My cousin's older child has had some counseling, and some of my high school students who have been adopted have shared some of the above issues, and have also received counseling.
Whatever you and your family decide the adoption process takes a while, and also money. One of my co-workers is a foster parent/ family. That is another suggestion. Go to the classes / meetings that are suggested/ recommended / required.
One further comment my niece is an only child, who is healthy well adjusted successful young adult graduating next week from college. (Her parents decided to have only one child in part due to several miscarriages). A family can be a happy fulfilled family with a single child. You and your husband must decide what is best for your own family.
Best of luck, enjoy your little one.