So I always decorate for Christmas each year the day after Thanksgiving. Each year, my husband complains about the ornaments on the tree, and the decorations overall. He doesn't like what I've bought this year, but honestly, he just doesn't like ANY Christmas decorations. He feels like they are ALL gaudy, "old lady," and chotchke (a few of his adjectives today).
His opinion and crabby Scroge attitude I can handle. But what I really hate is that he talks to the kids about it (they are 7 and 4) and is just a huge ball of negativity. Talking about how ugly this is and how ugly that is.
We host Christmas for my extended family and there are about 28 people who come for Christmas. I feel like the house needs some decorating to make it festive for everyone, including our kids.
I'm so tired of his bad attitude. He slept for most of the day and didn't do anything at all to help, besides bring up heavy boxes. I wish he had kept napping. Ugh.
So the question - are your husbands pro or con Christmas decorating?
Update: Good questions. My husband is not usually fussy. He's easy going about most things, but those things that do bother him he is vocal about. He was complaining of a headach last night and didn't sleep well and I think a busy day yesterday mixed with a headach and not sleeping and Christmas decorations going up meant good time for a nap. When he got up from his nap, he actually complemented the tree, then went right into the criticism.
Kristina - our decorations are more like the 1st link. I've chosen a few (literally 5) for the top of our entertainment center that match the deco of the rest of our home. In addition to that, we also have a tree and some natural looking garland over 2 large windows, and some white lights on the banisters. It is not excessive. Our home is decorated in burgundy and other warm colors year round, so I pulled from those when choosing the holiday decorations. We don't have bright reds, greens and clutter.
That being said, we resolved this problem like we resolve our other problems. We talked about it over dinner as a family. I let my husband know that myself and the kids worked hard and his criticisms were not kind or respectful. He found the inner strength to complement those things he truly liked, and, in a later conversation, I committed to not adding more decorations in the future.
Thanks for all your responses and listening to my vent!
I could paint the living room neon pink and green and he would tell me it looks, nice. He really doesn't care what I do. He also know's not to complain, especially if he isn't going to take an active role in it.
I put up with my husband's complaining about little things for way too long. He thought that was a normal way to converse and communicate. Wrong.
I think the next time your husband complains, tell him VERY FIRMLY, "If you don't have anything nice to say, I'd appreciate it if you don't say anything at all. Your complaining is really bringing me down, and I was enjoying myself until you piped in. CUT IT OUT."
You need to be really firm about it, like you would with your kids if they were complaining about things. It's just plain rude, and nothing good comes of complaining. If he argues with you, just repeat the same statement, and don't engage with his stupid arguments.
I'm sorry about your Scrooge of a husband. That would really bother me - especially the part about him being negative in front of the children.
As for my husband, he has always enjoyed the holidays, but has never really gotten into the spirit until mid-December. My boys and I (ages 8 and 14), however, are ready for Christmas November first. O.K., that's a little early (not really, but we have to compromise a bit). This year my boys and I were ready to decorate two weeks before Thanksgiving, and we had been listening to Christmas music since the beginning of October.
Well, my husband has been putting on Christmas music on Pandora without me asking (!!!) during every football game, and has been singing along! When we asked him to get the Christmas tree out two weeks ago, he happily put on a Santa hat and got the tree out, and then proceeded to help us decorate the rest of the house! We waited until last weekend to put lights up outside.
I asked him what brought on all of this Christmas cheer, and he said that after 18 years of marriage, I finally rubbed off on him. :)
If he's not into it, fine. But badmouthing something that's important to you is not acceptable. Ask him if he really wants the kids to learn that criticizing your spouse and saying her taste (in ornaments, in anything) is ugly. And "tchotchke" is a noun, not an adjective, so tell him to stop using words he doesn't know the meaning of.
He doesn't have to participate but he can't trash you. Thank him for bringing up the heavy boxes, and let the kids know that you LOVE to decorate and won't they just LOVE helping you. Say that Daddy lets you do your thing because it makes you so happy. If he helped you and did it differently, maybe you wouldn't appreciate it so much, so perhaps it's better if he stays out of it.
If he's always negative and always sleeping and avoiding family things, then I agree with Dawn, you should consider other possibilities. Depression is one but there are others. Consider a full medical work up or at least letting his doctor know about what you observe. His doctor can't talk to you without your husband's permission, but you can provide info to the doctor.
I just wonder-- is he exhausted from the Thanksgiving run-around, and then to have the hustle and bustle of Christmas decorating the next day--- could that be what is bugging him?
I am a big fan of down time. I don't know what Thanksgiving is like at your house, but if it's a busy time, I wonder if you could defer the decorating for a couple of days? It might feel like a breather and be better received.
Yep, he should keep his opinions about decorations to himself, or make an effort to get involved so he can have a say in the matter.
My husband loves Christmas. That said, it's usually at least until Dec 10th that we buy our tree. He likes decorating it with me and so does Kiddo. However, I know if I hustled out the day after Thanksgiving, he'd be rolling his eyes. He likes to have a little break on the T-day weekend.
He is taking what should be a wonderful memory for your kids and turning it into something ugly. Instead of looking forward to this special day with you they will learn to dread it because of your husband. Please don't let him do this to them. Don't let him off easy on this. TELL him-not ASK him, next year that he will need to leave the house if he cannot keep quiet about the decorations when they go up. The trick is to come at it dead serious with no whining or anything other than a very businesslike tone. Men respond to this much better I have found.
And although he has ruined this year pretty bad I would go to him tomorrow morning and tell him that there will be no more discussion of your decorations.
I suggest that you have a rule in your house that no one gets to complain. Yes, they can state their opinion once but after that it's not acceptable to continue with the bad attitude. You could make a joke out of it by saying anyone who continues to complain gets a time out. He can go to a different room for his nap or to watch TV but he's not to put a damper on the fun for the rest of you.
Have you told him how this affects you and the children and he's still not willing to quit? I wouldn't argue with him. I'd do like I do for whining. I'm just not able to hear a whiny tone of voice. Perhaps if he doesn't get any attention for his attitude, he'll give up.
When I was married my husband didn't care one way or the other. He didn't help decorate. Of the many men I've dated over the years none of them helped with decorating or even paid much attention to what I'd done.
Does your husband fuss about everything? Does he have depression?
You mention him sleeping most of the day. That's what made me think of depression. Negative thinking is also a hallmark of depression.
I would find SOMETHING that means a great deal to him that involves you being a part of. Make a deal with him. Tell him that if he wants you to be a part of this thing that makes him happy, that he HAS to shut up about the tree. NO fussing about the tree to ANYONE, especially the kids.
And make it stick. You have to be sneaky about this and you have to be willing to make a stink.
Dawn
I would tell him that this makes you happy. If he doesn't want to help, fine~ But don't complain to you anymore. Unless he is going to tell you something nice, he should be quiet--especially to the kids. This is the season for kids to be happy and get to be children!
Next time, ask him...well, what do you like about it????
My husband goes along with it, but hes not all excited about it. He usually gets stuck on the TV and I have to start cursing to get his attention to help me with the Christmas lights.
He will finally get up and help me and stick his finger in my butt crack at least a million times.
I'm totally into the decorating thing for Christmas. My husband doesn't complain or criticize because he knows I enjoy doing this. If I didn't, he would think something was really wrong with me. I've scaled back over the years, as my style has "matured" a bit. I've given away lots of old decorations too. There is a such thing as TOO much. Honestly, he doesn't care how I decorate. It's just not something that becomes an issue for us.
Well.... there is a way to decorate for the holidays and not be "chotchke" and there is a way to decorate to be "chotchke" and I am NOT a fan of the typical holiday deocrating style. So, I, like your husband would probably be annoyed if every year the house was decorated in a style I found absolutely annoying - it is his house too. It will do better to show visuals vs describing.
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoQydR...
VS.
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A0PDoX49R...
The first one is livable, the second is not a house I would enjoy living in for a month.
Does he hate Christmas in general or just the decorating?
I hate Christmas but the decorating is fine with me as long as it is not over done. A tree and few other things are fine but so many people really overdo it and the house ends up looking like a flea market.
To explain: to me Christmas has always been a long stream of disappointment. And yes I should get over it but it's really difficult. Now, my kids know I hate Christmas, I have for over 40 yrs, but I still buy gifts and I am always happy to see my children and my grandchildren. I choose to be happy because I get to spend a day with them.
It's time for hubby to grow up and choose to be happy.
My Hubby doesn't talk about about the X-mas decor but he does not help either. He could care less if I decorate. He does not help put up any decorations or help take it down. He carries in the totes of decorations (usually forgetting a few) and puts them away (usually losing a few) and hauls off the tree at the end of the season. I also do all the shopping but he does help wrap a little lol.
