Three Year Old Suddenly Won't Goto Bed

We went thru that power thing with our son. First with refusing to take naps- had to give in on that one and then at bedtime. So I told him he didn;t have to go to sleep, but he did have to stick to laying down at his bedtime. I set him up with a small bedside lamp and table top box of books. He didn't have to go to sleep but he could read anything in the box and then turn out the light when he was ready to go to sleep. 9 times outta ten he would knock out and fall asleep. He's 5 now and we still have the box of books- now he negotiates how many books he can read before lights out and he actualy sticks to it.

So many people are writing in about sleep problems in infants and children, I am starting to wonder. I am a wellness physician. The number one problem in America is acidity. I wonder if these kids are so acidic already from their diets that anxiety and insomnia are already starting. I guess the first question I have is how are you sleeping? Are you on medications for anxiety or sleep? Lifetstyle is passed on. First, make sure there is no soda (pop, coke, or whatever you call soft drinks) in your child's diet. Secondly, and you aren't going to believe me on this one, stop the milk and juice. Children her age should be drinking primarily water. Make sure there are lots of vegetables in the diet, and very little bread,pasta, cereal, sweets, etc. Homeopathics such as chamomila or Nux vomica might help. If interested in homeopathics or other wellness issues, check out my web site www.sevenpillarstotalhealth.com.

L. Cheek, MD

This is very common. I havea 7y boy and a 2y girl.The way we handle it is that both kids go to bed at the same time. Even when the girl was little little. One parent with each kid. Switching every few nights. If only one parent is available, then the parent and girl do a routine with boy, and every one says goodnight. Then the parent and girl do their routine. Yes the girl would wake in the middle of the night, but by then the boy was asleep and it wasn't an issue.

There could also be an issue where she's feeling left out cuz the baby is getting all new stuff, etc. Try a reward system. If she goes bed on time for 7 days, she gets a small prize.

Ours was a batman toy.
M.

C.-

I think she probably needs more time with you during the day. Right now, you are thinking that I'm nuts.

Take time while the baby sleeps to spend with just her. Read a story, color a picture, whatever. Tell her that you need to spend time with just her and that the baby has been taking a lot of time. Tell her that you need some time together. Take her to the grocery store and leave the baby home. Take her with you to do short errands and leave the baby. Your husband needs to do the same thing - she needs her time.

As for bed time... You cannot let her win. It's that simple. I think once she has more of you during the day, the night time thing will fix itself. BUT, until then, you need to be strong. Do the bed time routine. Tell her that she cannot stay up. Tell her that if she gets up, she is going right back in. Put her back the first time and tell her that you love her. After that - no talking, just put her back. It will take time, but eventually she will stay there. You must remain calm and silent during the putting back in bed.

She wants you to interact. If you don't she'll give up. Be strong!
YMMV
LBC

I am going through a similar transition with my 3 1/2 girl. I believe our issue started with the removal of the pacy.Our old bedtime routine is unchanged, but we had to adjust her sleeping arrangements: namely she now sleeps with the door ajar (gated) which makes her happy. She also started sleeping on the floor! This bugged me at first but I bought her a sleeping bag and she uses that. We had to set some rules about noise and touching the open door during nap time which she now just uses as "quiet time", the incentive is keeping the door ajar. This I think makes her feel she is still "with us" instead of closed off.

Consider this a virtual hug from another sleep-deprived mommy. You probably guessed correctly when you assumed it's a power struggle or a fight to get some alone time. If she's craving alone time, try to carve out some time in the day, when your infant is asleep, and do something special(like arts and crafts) that only you and she can do together alone. Another reason for the sleeping fits could be she's hitting a growth spurt. I've noticed that everytime either of my children hit growth spurts, their sleep patterns become irregular and I have to readjust bedtime routines and schedules. You might have to push back her naptime. Unfortunately, my daughter needed fewer naps at 3 if I wanted her to sleep throughout the night. Most children outgrow naps at 5, but not my babies. Anyway, my children are now 11 and 5. I haven't slept a full night in 11 years! But, as you can see, you can survive. Might not thrive, but you will survive. As for the postpartum, monitor that. Lack of sleep makes it worse. But, I found humor (and prayer) to be lifesaving methods for maintaining my sanity. If you don't have any funny friends, find some great comedies on DVD at your library (whatever makes YOU laugh). Also, learn to see the humor in all of that happens in the parenthood and if you still can't do that, feel free to write me offline at ____@____.com. I've got a ton of anecdotes that might help you see the humor and joy in all of this. I battled postpartum twice. And, even though it was never diagnosed as such, I knew I experienced it or some form of the baby blues. This board is also great, so if you need some comedy, post another message asking for stories of the most insane moments in a mom's life. I bet you'll be in stitches with the return messages. It always helps to know you're not alone, and if you don't have a good support group, might I recommend MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), www.mops.org? You might consider leaving the babies with Dad once a month, though most MOPS groups offer onsite babysitting and allow breastfeeding moms to keep infants with them. You might need some time to decompress a little. If you're consumed with feedings, toddler/preschool development, housemanagement and still looking like the domestic goddess your hubby married, um, it's enough to make anybody want to shed a tear from time to time. If this is really more than the baby blues, never suffer in silence--talk to your OB/GYN, who might recommend a nonprofit counseling service for postpartum moms. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.

I know exactly how you feel. Exactly! My three year old has done the same thing. I found that if I put him down for a nap that he would be up til 1100 at night. I normally turn into mean mommy at about 800, so I like to have them in bed before then. You get really tired, and then your patience is thin. I don't give him a nap anymore unless we have a party to go to, company, he woke up early that morning, is sick, or I know its going to be a late night. It does get kind of scarey b/t 530 and 700, so that is a good time to put them in the bathtub.
Bedtime is 700. If they go to bed any earlier, they will believe it to be a nap, so try to get to 700. According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child the amount of children needing naps drops 50 percent by age 4. (meaning, only 50% still need naps by that time. So, you will have to judge your lifestyle etc, and see if it works for you.
My kids are at home with me, so I can easier regulate when they sleep and their activities. If they are in a preschool or daycare it may not apply to you at all.
Don't feel bad for losing your patience. That is normal for what you are going through.

Bribery. It gets a bad rep, but it works. With my very willful 6 yr old when he started acting up [around the age of 3, also) about going to bed, we figured he was coming into the Terrible Two's a little late. He was trying to assert his independence, so we made sure to start giving him more opportunities to exercise choice through out the day. For instance, he could choose, between two options for snacktime, or he could choose what lunch to take to daycare. Offer your daughter a choice between cool new pajamas to wear to bed, or a cute new toothbrushes to use [just at bedtime]. Offer her a special flashlight to use [only] under the covers at bedtime and only for 15 min. [give her a princess watch and show her how to use it for this purpose]. Buy stuff to make bedtime special, but tell her it's only for big kids who go to bed on time. It costs but it works. Good luck!

My three-year-old had the same issue with not wanting to stay in bed. With him I believe it was completely a power and control issue. We also have a baby in the house, but I don't know if that is a factor. What worked for us is tying his morning television privileges to staying in bed. If he gets out of bed more than a couple of times, he loses his morning tv. It took a time or two of actually following through on it before it really sunk in. But now he knows the rule and will cite it to me. "I'm staying in bed because I want TV in the morning." If your daughter doesn't watch tv in the morning, use something else that she likes and make it contingent on her staying in bed. We still have some relapses, but this issue has pretty much been resolved for us.

I've been there, I know how you feel! I had the same problem w/my older daughter when the baby came. Our problem was tied in to moving to the big girl bed, along with her having fears of monsters, etc and having a new baby.

We bought my daughter a tent that actually goes over a twin mattress so it was like a little playhouse hoping this would make her feel safe and excited to go to bed. (Tent from Target). It worked for awhile. Maybe a new special stuffed animal to sleep with might help. We also used "monster spray" (a spray bottle w/water in it) and sprayed the corners of her room and under the bed to keep the monsters away--maybe you could call it fairy spray to bring the fairies at night, bringing a special treat if she goes to bed. Just a thought.

Just give your daughter quality time before bed and maybe some incentives to be in her room. Good luck!

I have struggled with similar problems with my 2 and a half year old. We have a little baby too.

Some of my solution has been just to realize that it isn't her fault, that she's genuinely having trouble going to sleep and she's frustrated about it too. She's not trying to torture me. Some nights are worse if her tummy is hurting or she's getting in new molars, or if she's hungry or has to go potty but can't figure out what's bothering her. Or ESPECIALLY if she's traveling or if there are guests over.

Some of my solution has been realizing that what I do after she goes to bed is part of the bedtime routine. I actually sit in the same place, quietly, while she goes to sleep. Doing dishes or especially chatting with my husband was far too exciting for her and she couldn't tune it out. I sit where it is easy for me to catch her and put her back. I "close her door tight" the first time she gets out, and "close the door tight for longer" on repeated offenses. An immediate consequence has been helpful. The ten minutes I wait quietly for her to sleep has been a worthwhile investment.

I like the ideas about the digital clock and also letting her read herself to sleep with a stack of books. If it's a power struggle you're dealing with, giving her that control over her bedtime might be uncomfortable, but you might find that she just sleeps in a little later if she's up a little later, and that you can do all the cleaning or whatever else you need to do in that time that she's helping herself relax.

Ask yourself, what really bothers you about your toddler having a hard time getting to sleep? Is it the time you're spending on it? Then maybe letting her read herself to sleep is the way to go, because then you will be free to do what you want meanwhile.

Another idea is only to make her bedtime so late for a few days that she'll crash and make a pleasant bedtime experience for you so you won't be so exhausted by it, and push it back earlier a little every day.

I feel your pain... My son started this at three as well, his baby brother didn't come home until he was 3.5, so luckily we had some time to work on it.

What I did was get a digital clock for him, and discuss his bedtime with him. Part of his issue was that he really didn't need a nap anymore, but he got one at daycare, so we had to adjust his bedtime later one hour. That helped, so now he goes to be at 9 instead of 8.

Then referring to the clock, we would start getting him ready for bed at 8 pm, and tell him that he could have as many stories as he had time for. If he dawdled, I remind him he is using up his story time, but other than that, I am not stressed. I just keep repeating it, and reminding him about the time. Then with about 15 minutes out, I get a little more forceful, but he does respond when he knows time is running out. The trick is, once it is 9 oclock, I tell him he is on mommy's time, and I cut him off ( I won't stop a story in the middle, but won't start a new one). Just like anything, we had fits for a few days, as he kept getting out of bed, but it settled down pretty quickly and now he is fine, and knows what the clock means.

It makes it much easier, when they whine "just one more mommy", to show him the clock and say there isn't time. Then it isn't you that is just being mean, they see there is a reason. Plus it teaches them the consequences of their actions, if I am speedy I get lots of stories and playtime. If I pitch a fit and am slow, I only get one story.

Hope this helps.

Right there with you! Early this week I called my pediatrician in desperation and almost in tears. mine wouldn't go to bed because he doesn't like the toddler bed and would not stay in the room and would scream for hours. The pediatrician's advice was do the bedtime routine, lock the door, and use the ferber method, checking on him once every 30 min, then hour, then every few hours. And she suggested a small treat if he could stay in his room without crying all night. It only took 2 days of hell, and it finally clicked. He will fuss for a few minutes and then he curls up and sleeps by the door (still won't touch the bed). I remember my daughter was almost 3 when my son came a long and she reacted the same way. We tried to get her involved as much as possible in being a big helper (carrying the diaper over, getting a bottle). I also tried to give her some mommy daughter a lone time every day. Unfortantely, sometimes no matter how much time you give her, she will still want more. Stay firm and good luck, this too will pass.

She's doing it to test you to see if you will budge. Don't give in. Do as you have always done. Stick to your guns. When you put her to bed and kiss and hug good night leave the room and don't come back. If she comes out just put her back in the bed and leave again. I'm a firm believer of putting your children to bed don't tell them to go back to bed. If they put themselves to bed they can put themselves out of bed. So don't give up. This is a phase my daughter also did it and she's not 6yrs old and is doing great. It took a week or so. But she gave in. good luck