Timeouts for a 16 Month Old

HI! I have an 18 month old. There are times when she needs me close and I need to get things done... just like you. I found a baby backpack at a yard sale and this has been fantastic. I pop her on my back and ask her to help mama wash dishes or cook. I give her a cup, a spoon, something. Then I can tickle her with my hair and keep working or tickle her foot or play boo now and again. I also happen to be pregnant and I now am not able to put her on my back so I have found that sitting with her for an intense, focused, fun 5 minutes reading a book, tickling, talking, etc. followed by a way for her to "help Mama" satisfies her. If I am cooking, I give her a bowl and a spoon near me on the floor and she stirs, or I put an apron on her and she marches around me, or if I am cleaning I give her a rag and she "scrubs" the wall near me. I talk to her all the while. Another thing that goes far more and more is taking her for a few minutes of fresh air to visit the dog next door, throw the ball, see the airplane in the sky. Again another fun 5-10 mintues followed by something to do with Mama while she is working.

Good luck, J.

A couple suggestions...
If it is at all possible, take everything that you do not want him to touch, or get into out of his reach. Put it up on a shelf, or put it in a box and stick it away until he is beyond this stage. put together a box or a shelf with his things. Everytime he gets into your things, redirect him to his things.
Time out doesn't work for everyone, spankens are not a solution, and though he probably understands that you don't want him to get into whatever he is getting into his attention span is short and all he remembers is that there was something interesting on this shelf or in that drawer, or that mommy came and played with me when I did this.

My main suggestion would be to put everything away. Get down on your hands and knees and sook around. If there is anything you see that you don't want him to get into, remove it. Ask your mom if you can store the stuff at her house to save space. Make sure he knows what he can play with and always try to catch him doing the righ things, tell him what he's doing right and maybe even stop and play with him when he is doing the right things.
DONT make it into a battle, that will come soon enough when he gets older. Enjoy him while he's still small.
I went through this with all 5 of my kids, it even got to the point where I was able to pull out my pretty things, then my daughter turned 6 months old (there is 10 years between my youngest nephew - I raised my two nephews and neice from a couple weeks old - and my daughter.)- started walking. She got into everything. I finally put everything in boxes and then into storage. It really made a difference in my time and interactions with her, a lot more positive. My son has been going through the same thing, I made a mistake and thought my things would be safe on a shelf, my youngest would just climb and get them down. I only have pictures on the walls now, but now at 3 1/2 he get into all his daddy's tools, they are scattered all over the house, yard, and many are missing. I let his daddy deal with him, but have suggested that he collects the tools and locks them away in his tool box...
Hope this helps,
T. C

Hi! I have a 15 month old who does that same thing with the whole, "Hold me" all day long technique since I go to school twice a week.

But on timeouts, I don't really suggest a chair in a corner just because to me they are still a little young to be doing that and they don't really understand what's going on when you want them to just sit there and not do anything. What I do for my girl is when she needs a timeout I hold her still in my lap for 1 minute. She doesn't get any toys, books, etc until that minute is up. It's hard to do at first, but she is a lot better behaved since I started doing that. I also talk to her afterwards and give her a hug and tell her I love her so that she knows that she did a bad/wrong thing and that even though she did that I still love her.

I really hope that makes sense to you.

I put my daughter in timeouts anywhere & everywhere. I just tell her sternly she's going to timeout & quickly put her in the nearest corner or facing a wall. I stand close by and if she turns or tries to walk away I tell her again she's in timeout and have her turn back around. I even do it when we're out in public (if I can do it w/o making a huge scene).

With you being a single working mother, he may be insecure about you leaving him. Perhaps you can keep entertained nearby while you do chores (fridge magnets while you're cooking in the kitchen, wooden spoons & plastic bowls to "help with" while your doing dishes, have him help put clothes in the washer or dryer, etc.)

Hi There, I couldn't imagine being a single parent, but this kido situation has happened to me. I have a 15 month old boy and a 5 year old girl. When my son acts up I try to figure out what his issue is by putting him close to me. Like when I need to do the kitchen work, I put him in his highchair so he can see me with some toys and this normally works. If not, I try independent play. I live in an apartment to and I have the living room gated off from the kitchen. I pick up stuff I don't want him in and then he has a toy box in the living room that he can get into. I close the gate and make sure it is locked and not just closed because he knows how to open it. He goes about his business and I go about mine. I check on him without him noticing so I don't interrupt. I took a course at the college that encouraged this type of play and it works. It may be heart wrenching at first, but it encorages independent play which is important at this age. After I am done with my work, I go and sit on the floor where he is and play with him. We have a lot of fun. If none of this works, then I put him in his crib, because then it means he is tooo tired to cooperate and is ready for a nap. It worrks great. Hope this helps.

not sure how you might feel about this, but we emplyed a method of 'direct discipline' starting with 'no touch' and removing the object, but leaving it out and progressing to gentle flicks to the hand with a 'no'. if he continued to do what we told him not to, he'd get another flick to the hand and a 'mama said 'no' and you need to obey'. if he did listen to the 'no touch' i would say 'thank you for obeying'.

now, at 18m, he is not perfect, but will listen to 'no touch' a lot. we still flick his hand, and sometimes give him swats.

but i am not sure what you are comfortable.

I have a 20 month old boy and he to doesn't listen to me most of the time. He continues to test me on how far he can go without me becoming stern with him. I found that when you kneel down to there level and look at them face to face and in a nice firm tone convey your message to him. Be firm and show him who's the authoritive one or should I say the "BOSS." Being consistent is very important. Hang in there.....

I don't think being a single mom rules out clingy kids. Some kids are just more vocal about needing to be held. I'm a stay at home mom and my 9 month old boy can play on his own, as long as I sit and watch him. As soon as I got to do something else, he'll follow me and play in the next room I'm in, or try to climb up my legs (which isn't always a safe thing for him to do). When he is especially clingy, I break out the baby carrier (which are usually good upto 35 lbs or so). I can put him in the carrier and still do some chores (though limited).
Maybe you can involve your son in what you are doing from time to time. Or you can get a gated play yard and move it around so he can see you while he's playing.

I don't envy you being a single, working mom. You are probably right about him acting out because he wants you to stay. I'm sure you love him very much! I am a big supporter of hugs and kisses. Maybe each time you pass him you can give him a hug or a kiss or a rub on the head just to let him know you love him. Maybe a cuddle and reading time together can help.

It's hard to do everything and I struggle each day to not feel guilty that the house is not perfectly perfect all the time. It's better to sacrafice doing the dishes to spend a bit more time with my boy.

With my own 2 yr old, I find that distracting with a video or if you have Cable, some Nick Jr.,is very helpful. I know everyone says "dont let the TV be the babysitter, but sometimes something has to give. I am not saying let him watch TV all day, just long enough for you to get things done. I feel as long as the show is educational its ok. We like Dora, Diego, Blue's Clues, etc.

Timeouts are really not developmentally appropriate for a 16 month old baby. I would suggest checking into some Gentle Discipline books like Adventures in Gentle Discipline, The Discipline book by Dr. Sears, Raising Your Spirited Child or maybe check at the Mothering.com forums in the gentle discipline section. I think with a baby that young it is really hard to expect compliance with rules and it is very hard to get things done. I have an 18 month old and he is just barely starting to get some of the rules.
W. Jones
Breastfeeding Educator
http://www.mosaicbaby.com

When you are a single the kids tend to hold on to you allot more. Try making a deal - If he will hang out with some of his stuffed animal "friends" and play a game or watch cartoons while you get some stuff done. After that you will hang out with him and watch his favorite show or play his favorite game. you may have to watch Dora a million times but at least you might get something done.

I put my 2 year old in his crib for timeouts. I make sure nothing else is in the crib with him (especially his special blanket he uses to comfort himself) and I leave the lights off. I've hear 1 minute per year(s) of age is best. If you leave them too much longer then that they forget why they're there.

Wow, it must be hard to be a single mom. You son thinks you are the world to him and he doesn't understand why you have to work! He wants you to play with him and be with him all day long! Then when he sees you after work, you are probably too busy taking care of the house and chores to sit and play with him and he doesn't get it.

If you could relax on keeping a clean house for a bit and spend more time on the floor or outside with your son, it will pay off in the long run when he is happy and well adjusted. It is really hard to know how his brain is processing things right now, but he is dealing with feelings he won't be able to articulate or understand for 5 more years.

Remove anything you don't want him in. For your sanity! Make his toys available where he can access them on his own. In the kitchen try having a drawer where he is allowed to go in and get things to play with like tupperware and wooden spoons. He might just want to be like you!!!

I know he is probably pretty big, but get a backpack carrier and wear him around when you can. Go for walks with him in it. Let him sleep with you at night for additional closeness. He just needs to know his mommy loves him and even though you have to go to work, you will pay attention to him when the 2 of you are together.

Best of luck!

I read some of the other posts, and I just wanted to add that is it NOT appropriate to try to put a child of this age in Time Out. He's not ready and won't understand it. And it is NEVER appropriate to put any child in Time Out in their crib! That is counter productive if the crib is their safe place to sleep at night. Don't violate that. Never use a crib or high chair for punishment unless you want to teach your child to be afraid to sleep or eat!