Tips and Tricks for a Fussy Two Year Old?

I had the same situation. What worked for me was a DumDum lollipop:
Try on the dress - get the lollipop.

My little one initially said no. I said very non-chalantly, "Ok, Mommy will have a lollipop." Then she watched me very slowly and carefully pick out a flavor, watched me unwrap the lollipop and watched me enjoy eating a lollipop. It took about 2 minutes, but she decided the lollipop was worth trying on an itchy, pouffy dress.

Good Luck!
T. Y

I like B's suggestion of a softer dress (Hannah Andersson does make very soft clothes). However, you may not have time for dress shopping. If you do, and you are willing to take her, go for it. If you don't, my suggestion is to find something *very special* that she would like to hold while she is wearing the dress. Me personally, I'd put the dress on right before pictures were taken and remove it afterward. Just tell the adults that you are keeping it clean for pics-- let her eat in shirt and leggings and wrap her in an apron.

The reason I suggest a 'something special to hold' is that with edible bribes, sometimes when the goody is gone, the incentive to wear the item in question is gone. Or the goody might stain the item or make a mess of her face. You could consider a beautiful crystal (some tumbled rose quartz) or something else which would be novel, not highly breakable, and 'precious'. She can only hold it after she puts on the dress.

The older I become as a parent, the more I find that there are fewer hills to die on. I'm unconventional-- if I were in your situation, worse comes to worse, wrap her in a brocade tablecloth with a brooch and call it good. It will be a great story for future years. (Parenting is all about having a sense of humor!)

My 20 year old had problems with two kinds of clothing, turtlenecks and certain kinds of sneakers. LOL

Two solutions come to mind:
1. Have two dresses for her to choose from making certain the fabrics are soft to the touch and trims aren't scratchy. If she gets to choose perhaps there will be less fuss.

2. Have another relative change her into her dress right before the photo op. Sometimes kids respond better to others than to parents. Familiarity breeds contempt and they love to test boundaries with parents. You may have better success letting someone else getting your little lovely dressed.

I wouldn't expect the kid to travel in their pretty dresses if you have to travel far. I always schlep another simply play dress that suits the mood of the holiday without being formal.

Hope this helps.

How about she only has to wear the dress for the picture? She can wear what she wants for the rest of the event. Having a 2 year old wear a formal dress to EAT is just asking for trauma. Besides, you don't want it to get dirty. Tell her she can pick what she wants to wear to dinner, but she has to put the dress on for the picture. Then she can change back into her comfy clothes.

Also check out Love and Logic (books, website) parenting. Awesome stuff.

You could probably check by simply holding it up against her back. Could you possibly do that while she naps? Would she be willing to stand still while you tried it?

I only have boys, so I don't know what "needs to go with it." Are you talking about shoes and hair bows? Do you have another dress in a slightly bigger size that you could bring as a backup?

Keep in mind that even though she doesn't want to wear the dress today does not mean she will react the same way on Thursday. Kids are funny that way, and 3 days from now is a long time for a 2 year old.

How important is this, really? Would your in-laws really be upset if she wore something she wanted to wear, even if it was a sweatshirt and leggings? She's 2 years old! It think forcing a 2 year old to wear something "formal" is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, at that age I let my kids wear whatever they wanted, as long as it was weather appropriate.

I don't see why formal has to be uncomfortable.
You already have a dress so it's too late for this but this Hannah Andersson dress is adorable (soft cotton velor - it wouldn't be scratchy):

http://www.hannaandersson.com/pdp.aspx?from=SC&pcid=2...

I know you're enjoying your adopted family and want to show the girls off and want them to experience the big extended family experience.
That's all good and well.

Sometimes you need to throw the schedule out the window.
Your 2 yr old might not cooperate with the dress or the picture or the meal.
You're not as in control as you like to think you are - learn to let it go to a certain degree - welcome to parenthood.
She's not a little kewpie doll to dress up and trot out for the relatives.

Why can't you stay home and enjoy a holiday all day in your pajamas?
This sounds like a very stressful routine you've got going on.
Maybe the 'trick' you really need is to learn to relax and go with the flow a bit more.

The choice seems to be: chaos and tantrums, or a happy child in an unfamiliar setting. I'm not saying that you should let your kid wear a stained t shirt and a diaper, but really, you'd think that the rules might be bent just a little for those who are 2 and under and those who are 85 and over.

What is she comfortable in? It seems that after a long trip, lots of relatives, and new surroundings, it would be reasonable to let your child wear something comfortable. Could you buy her beautiful new pajamas? Would she wear leggings and a pretty sweater?

I took my daughter to a wedding once. You would have thought the pretty shoes I tried getting her to wear were made of porcupine quills and cactus needles. We were far from home and I was afraid we would not make it to the reception because of all the screaming (her) and crying (me). I understood that she was nervous, anxious, tired and who knows what else. I let her wear her sneakers. Not a soul noticed.

It doesn't seem very likely that your child, at age 2, is saying to herself "wow, I'm going to make my mamas really mad by refusing to wear this dress. I hope this ruins their day. Ha ha! I'll show them who's boss." Now, at age 13, that would be a real possibility! But at age 2, your baby doesn't understand formal wear, dinner, in-laws, Thanksgiving, silverware, wine glasses and social etiquette. She only knows that this dress is itchy, or she senses tension in the air, or the dress is unfamiliar and therefore not comfortable, or that her legs are cold, or that this is way more fuss than buttoning up overalls over her favorite Frozen shirt.

It sounds like she's very perceptive, and very aware of her surroundings, and very aware of sensory issues. Perhaps it isn't a disability, but it's her nature. Some kids wear anything that's thrown on them, some kids have to have things just so. My son wasn't particular about anything that he wore except for his shoelaces. If they weren't equal bows, life would come to a screeching halt, and it was a pretty easy fix. But that was just a small thing with him, not an overall problem. With my daughter, it was more of an entire body problem. Clothes often didn't feel right or comfortable.

I encourage you to be honest with your in-laws. Tell them with the long journey, all the new faces, tiredness, etc., that your littlest angel won't be wearing formal wear, and you hope that her introduction to her new family will be as comfortable as possible for everyone. Her beautiful face will be all that anyone remembers!

I see you've decided to make the trip which your last post indicated is always stressful.

So now your in-laws require your children to dress up in formal attire? Is this really necessary? You've already said that the trip itself is long and tiring, with lots of stops necessary, and that the kids don't sleep all that well in a different house. Neither of these is surprising, of course - most kids feel that way.

Two year olds are asserting their independence. Sometimes kids also have sensory issues, and there may be aspects of that dress that are uncomfortable - a not-so-soft fabric, rustling sounds, anything. Sometimes kids even pick up on the parents' agitation and nervousness or stress about getting something done ASAP, and they incorporate that into their M.O.

I think you have to put the dress away for several days. If you bought in in the last few weeks, it fits. Also ask yourself what horrible consequence will come from your child actually being comfortable on Thanksgiving rather than wearing an outfit that you are insisting on. Did Grandma give her this dress? Is there any other reason why this is so vitally important? It seems that your kids have been through a great deal of adjustment, and I guess I'm not clear on why this outfit is a deal-breaker for you.

Sometimes kids can be distracted while getting dressed - can you try playing a game or even dressing her while the TV or some favorite CD is on? Can you make up a silly song about getting dressed and how fun it is, posing in front of the mirror? I realize it may seem like "giving in" to the pressures of fashion and getting her to focus on the superficial aspects of dress-up, but it might work. Do you play dress up with her at other times? Do you have a bin of dress up clothes that you put on yourself as well as her? All those things can make a game of getting dressed but you have to make sure she doesn't get in the habit of putting something on and then switching it for something else so it takes 10 times as long.

Formal wear? For a 2 year old. Let her pick a dress she is comfortable in. Chose your battles really. My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter is the same way. They have to feel just right. So let her wear what she is comfortable in. You know what it's like when you have on uncomfortable clothes. Why expect her to do it?

There are so many soft pretty dresses out there (think velour or velvet) I can't imagine this being a problem.
And if it is, well then that's on your in laws not you. They may end up with a screaming or unhappy toddler in their photo, and they can forever remember how "important" it is to be formal.

Bring her to a store and let her pick something out that she thinks is pretty.

Bribe her good - what the hell. 1 cookie strategically placed in your bag and shown to her might seal the deal. Try this first with a try-on session. Make it a Hershey bar if you have to.

Let her wear whatever to the house, change when it's photo time and then change her again after.

She's 2 - really, you can only get her to do so much.

Take her shopping. Let her pick out a new dress.

I'm assuming you have money and this would be no problem because they are comfortable telling you it's formal wear for dinner. That indicates money. Normal people don't expect children to wear formal wear and eat in those clothes...

I second the lolipop.

I guess I'm late, but little sisters often like to match big sisters or big cousins. Or if there is an older cousin to help her get dressed and praise the dress she could be very cooperative for a 6-15 yr old cousin, if she has one.

T.,
I hope everything worked for the best on Thanksgiving.
One thing to be mindful of is this: Having the children make decisions before you make them for them.

Once decisions are made by them, then you can enforce them.

A two year old will test your authority.

Correction is quite different from hitting.

Rewarding children with a gift for behaving appropriately is setting yourself to be controlled by them in the future. Children need to learn to do the right thing because it is their duty to behave as God has taught us.
D.