Tips for Gaining Compliance in Our Nearly Two Year Old?

I didn't have one like this (we had other phases though that were just as trying..) but I too think you might want to be a bit firmer with the biting. We had a preschool/daycare teacher who wasn't firm enough, and the biting (another child was the biter) went on far too long. So I'd nip that in the bud a bit more. Good tips below.

I've heard (as suggested below) options are good for kids who show they want to decide things for themselves. I've seen that work with friends and their little ones, so I'd likely try that route.

Walking away though is always good as you say :) I used to do that - it sends the message you're not interested in their behavior. I would just be a bit firmer is all.

Your biggest weapon in your arsenal is ignoring. He doesn't want to get out of the tub? Fine, let the water out and walk away. Bath is over. Doesn't want to get in the car seat? Fine, he stays home with dad (every single time). Doesn't want the booster seat at the table? He can sit on the floor and scream until he is hungry enough to comply.

Let the stuff go you can let go of and don't turn it into a power struggle. Like hand washing - set up a stool, take the soap away and let him run the water over his hands as long as he likes. Who cares? Water doesn't hurt anything (although we have our taps set so you can't get the water hot enough to burn).

Give choices when you can in a limited fashion (this or that, not 3 or 4 choices). Stand your ground when you throw down . . . seriously, stick to your guns. Pick your battles - with everything I would ask myself if it really mattered or could I let it go.

Good luck!

I had one like this and it started even sooner. One of his first words was "SELF". If I put him in his car seat, he would say "SELF", climb out, then climb in again on his own. If I carried him upstairs, he would say "SELF", go back down the steps, and climb back up on his own. We had many situations like this.

I learned to give him choices as much as possible, and only force compliance in emergencies. Examples:
- A booster seat at dinner isn't really necessary. He can kneel on the chair if he needs to.
- Of course he has to be in the car seat - however, you can give him a choice "Do you want me to put you in your car seat or do you want to get in yourself?"
- "The bath is over when I count to 20. Do you want to get out yourself or do you want me to get you out?"
- "Wash hands while we sing the ABC song, then you turn off the water or I do." Sing the song and at the end, give him the chance to do the taps or you do it.

For the biting, I responded more strongly than you do. He's not an infant biting you accidentally while nursing, this is an act of aggression and needs to be handled firmly. I would say very firmly "No Biting!" and immediately put him in his pack-n-play and walk away for a few minutes. When I came back to him, I would say "You need to say sorry for hurting mommy before you can come out" and wait for him to apologize. If he was proceeded to have a tantrum in the P-n-P, I would say "I'll come back when you are done crying." and I would stay out of sight (but within hearing range) and come back in when the tantrum stopped (no matter how long it took, I would wait), and then ask for the apology.

On the plus side, when I wanted to potty train him, all I had to say was "you want to use the potty like a big boy right?" and he potty trained early and easily.

He's a very advanced child - he's into the terrible twos and the "three-nager" stage early!

I agree with saying a lot less and making the consequences HIS CHOICE vs. something you are inflicting on him. That's a subtle difference but an important one.

So, if eating is done in the booster seat, then when he gets out, he's telling you he's done eating. So, as Military Mom says, you let him scream but you don't try to fight the tantrum and get him to stop and eat. If he doesn't stop, and you can't stand the screaming, that's fine. Just put him in his room since he's a) not hungry and b) screaming, and tell him he can come out when he stops screaming. Remember that he will not starve if he doesn't eat a meal. Offer limited choices - he can sit in his booster in Seat A or Seat B (if it's convenient for you to move the chair) but he can't choose not to sit in it. So, as B says, fewer choices: Not "where do you want to sit" but "Do you want to sit at A or at B?"

I'd change up the biting thing - you are walking away, which is good, but I'd think again about saying "Mommy is not for eating." He's not eating you. And he knows it. He's biting you. Biting hurts and it's not allowed.

I agree about draining the tub when bathtime is over. If there's no water and he wants to sit there in the empty tub, fine. Find something else for you to do, like folding towels or scrubbing the sink/toilet so you can supervise without him thinking that you have all the time in the world. He'll get cold in about 3 minutes. If he screams constantly and you can't stand to be there, gather him up in a towel, half dry him, and put him in his room with a diaper and not much else to do. Say you'll come back when he's able to talk like a boy and not scream like an animal. It can't be a power struggle all the time, like Military Mom says.

If he doesn't get in his car seat, he doesn't get to go to the park or the play date. "We're not going because you're not in your seat." Period. Done. Back in the house and not for something fun. He needs to be bored because he didn't get in his seat. Offer him the choice: "Do you want to sit in the driver's seat or go to the park?" "Do you want to sit in your brother's seat or go for ice cream?" Then it's "Sorry, no ice cream because you picked sitting in your brother's seat." I always has to be about HIS choice, HIS decision to pick the unpleasant or unrewarding thing. That can make him more compliant while making him feel he has some control over the situation.

I agree about taking away the soap and preventing endless handwashing. I have mixed feelings about letting the water run though - it's a resource you don't want to teach him to waste. But you could consider something like plugging the sink and letting a certain amount of water accumulate in it. You could put a plastic cup in there and let him pour the standing water over his hands. But if he's going to make a huge mess and soak the bathroom, then that's not going to work for you. Otherwise, "Do you want to wash hands or read a book?" If he choose washing, fine. Then when it's time to read, the answer is, "Sorry, no time. You picked handwashing, not reading. Next time, maybe you will pick reading."

Just limit the choices, as others have said, and only give 2 choices that you can live with. The same thing works for you: "I picked quiet time in the other room instead of your screaming in this room."

Engage less, don't over-explain (they don't care), and let him see that, essentially, he chose to be miserable.

Oh B., aren't they something else! From babies to little tyrants! :)

Your house, your rules. Never forget that! Consistency all the way. Don't let him win important battles, such as sitting in his booster seat, carseat, etc. "You must be done" should be said every time he doesn't want to be in his booster seat to eat, and he gets no food outside of sitting in it. And he only gets the same food that you gave him in the first place. It will take a while, but he will finally start to understand that the only way he eats is sitting in that booster. I promise you that he won't starve. He might make you think that he will, but he won't. If he can get you to think that he will, he has won the battle and will do it even more.

I said this in another post recently - I'll never forget going to a work get-together at someone's home, watching a mother following her toddler around that house putting food in his or her mouth, dripping food on the carpet the whole way. I couldn't believe my eyes. (I can't remember now if she had a boy or a girl...) That child had that mother absolutely trained to do his or her bidding. Just wow...

Never give in to a child who is having a tantrum or bites you. Instead, contain him and walk away. It's not enough to put him down. He needs a bit more than that. A playpen would be very helpful. And leave him in there long enough for it to have an effect. You will have to do it over and over every single time in order for it to seep into his brain, the cause and effect. And that's totally normal. If you're out and about and he does this, leave the store and plop him into his carseat, strap him up and let him wail. Stand outside of the car within eyeshot, concentrate on your phone acting like you aren't paying one bit of attention. When he starts wearing out with the crying, open the door and say "Are you done?" Wait him out. Don't go on shopping trips without having plenty of time to deal with this. Just think of it as your "training time" with your child...

There is a Berenstain Bears book that you should get - The Berenstain Bears and the Gimmes. He's too little for it now, but I have a feeling you will have that problem with him. He is very headstrong, and will want what he wants until he gets some maturity and until you are able to bridle him. And bridle him you must.

Another thing that I want to mention is that language will be very important in hhelping him through these phases. Children who can't verbalize adequately are very frustrated and strike out. I don't know if he's talking or not, but if he doesn't have enough language, that could be part of the problem. Look up what the speech guidelines for 24 months recommend. That should be the benchmark of what you are looking towards for him. If at 24 months, he is "off" in a meaningful way from these guidelines, ask the ped to referral for a speech/language evaluation. This is SO important. Don't discount it. Getting some help with speech will make a huge difference in his behavior.

Oh dear.
He's a little early on the Terrible Twos.
You can't allow him to do anything that would be a danger to him or anyone else.
Praise him when he's a good helper or does things pleasantly.
Try to have something he wants to do right after hand washing - so he has something to look forward to.
Biting in frustration - especially before they have a lot of words to express themselves is very common - and when they DO have words - these things get a bit better.
When he's in tantrum mode - he can't hear you and can't be reasoned with.
Talk to him later when he is (and you are) calm.
Instead of telling him what he can't do - be prepared to re-direct him with what he can do.
Steer him in the direction you want him to go.
Don't attempt outings when he's tired or hungry - and if he pitches a fit when you are out and about - pack it all in and head right home.
Give him a few simple choices - but don't overwhelm him.
"Do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt?".
Not wearing a shirt is not an option.
There's no easy way through he Terrible Twos/Terrible Threes.
They all go through it one way or another.
Think of it as a developmental step.

Well, I'm not a believer in the 'ignore & walk away' style of parenting, I'll just throw that out there to start. I also happen to really enjoy this age when our little people start really coming alive & into their own...moving about, touching everything, experiencing it all (feeling water run over our hands), making choices (like where I'd like to sit) etc. I dig it! Not to say I just allow allow...that's not an efficient way either. I guess I'm more about firm line drawn with what's a real no-go (like directly looking at him so he sees & hears me saying that's a No-No after the biting, you gotta be firm on that but no need to walk away-abandonment won't fix anything but if they're biting to get something, they just don't get it) but then follow up with a decision or distraction when they are that age. You wanted that toy, nope sorry, we don't bite. Like, for the chair issues: you can not sit in brothers chair buddy, sorry, that's his, silly. You want to move your chair closer to his tho? We can do that! Or do you want to sit by Daddy? ~That kind of thing.

Even with the bath tub playing in the water, you know he digs it and it's his fave, talk about it before hand, you can only play for a bit, we don't waste water (they will get this, I promise!) or telling him how it only stays warm for a small amount of time & others need it as well.

I think for the most part if we get to know our kids they are pretty pliable, even the most stubborn strong willed child (my middle jokester!) could be/can be reasoned with and he was a tough case. You just have to know personality and what makes them tic & what appeals to their natural senses...like back to the bath, if you know getting him out is an issue, think about what he likes more than or just as much as washing his hands forever, like maybe you read him the book, or play toys with him, break out the special stuff even...like come on, hurry up we gotta go walk and check the mail or walk the dog, who knows?! ...there's tons of ways to get them to listen without knowing and eventually it's all built in, trust the process! There's a million ways to say NO with out saying the actual word NO! Ha! There's just so dang cute at that age...even when they seem to be wreaking havoc and being nothing but disagreeable. Funny little humans.

Just chiming in to say that I think a tougher response is better for biting. "Mommy is not for eating" wins you points for humor, lol (I laughed), but I think it is too lighthearted and sing-songy of a response for biting. I'd say: "No Biting" - in a firm voice, with direct eye contact, clasping both of his hands in yours to make sure he is paying attention.