Tired of Petsitting for Friend/neighbor

I would find a 10-14 year old that would want to earn some money doing it and then tell the neighbor that you are pretty busy and wondered whether the Eager 12-year-old could do it (the pet care & trash part) for them to earn a little cash and learn responsibility. You could tell her you'd be happy to get her mail and water her plants still. Good luck!

My opinion is that neighbors should take care of neighbors. Thank God that you have a neighbor that you can trust and who trusts you. Although you may not have the same needs as her when you go out of town, there may come a time when you are in need of assistance of a different kind. When looking at the big picture, even if you do not get back exactly what you give, you are blessing someone else and someday you will be blessed in kind.

Hi K., This is an interesting situation. How often can they possibly "leave town"? And how long is it for exactly? If its a week or less or even 2 weeks, they can put out enough food and water for the cat, the plants will NOT die, and the mail can pile up in the mailbox, as well as the trash can sit for another week. Why do you feel obligated to go over there twice per DAY? That seems excessive to me. How would she know if you went twice per day or once a week???!!! That could be an option for you. Or if it truly is too much for you, just tell her that. When she asks if you can take care of things while they are gone, just say, wow, that week I'm really busy, you might have to find someone else this time...and keep saying that each time, she will get the hint! I hope you find something that will work for you. And yes, you can charge your neighbor, that is your BUSINESS. If all of us business owners gave away our sevices/products for free...what would be the point?!!! Good luck to you!

You just need to tell her. I know it will be awkward but maybe you could even start a little informal business and tell her that is what you are going to do to earn a little extra money over the summer. I am sure she will understand.

Dear Heidi,

I am a (reluctant) cat owner myself and find the little beasts to be very disgusting to take care of...which is why my boys do it! :-) Never in a million years would I ask someone to come into my home for that length of time - even a good friend - to take care of my house and pets for FREE. One or two days...no big deal (even though I would STILL pay!) But SIX WEEKS! That's WAY over the top. You have already received some great advice, but I want to let you know that you are not wrong to be feeling taken advantage of. You ARE being taken advantage of! Being a SAHM doesn't mean that you have the luxery of time - a HUGE misconception from anyone who looks in from the outside. I think you should talk to your friend/neighbor and be honest with her. I like the advice of starting the conversation with "Can I be honest with you?" If she gets upset over your honest feelings, then she is not a true friend. Although I do think it's important to be a good neighbor, saying "no" to a favor doesn't mean that you aren't a good neighbor - it just means you have limitations. There are so many options for her out there -- and you don't have to be her #1. Just because you've said "yes" before doesn't mean you don't have the right to say "no". If from her point of view she doesn't think it's a big deal for you or that it would be appropriate to pay you for this lengthy commitment, she has a problem. Take some deep, cleasing breaths and go talk to her!

Just say "No". You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Your neighbor will understand--no need to explain.

Hi Heidi! Your neighbor is definitely taking advantage of you! You mentioned that you do pet sitting as a home business. Do you perhaps have some business cards or a brochure you could give her? If so, you could say that while you have been happy to help here and there in the past as part of being a good neighbor, 6 weeks is really too much to ask. Tell her that you are willing to cut your normal rate, but that is the best you can do. I am also surprised that she does not have the post office hold her mail for her. I do that whenever I'm away and it is very safe and convenient. You can even do it online at usps.com When we return the postman brings a big box with all of our mail. Good luck!

I think I would tell her that you are normally a pet sitter and that you usually charge whatever you happen to charge but tell her you would do it for a greatly reduced price. afterall you would you expect a neighbor that is a contractor to charge if he helped you with a project at your house.

I would also have her get her mail stopped til she came back. and I would have her put the plants in the bath tub so that part of the job is easy. and I would go down the list and make sure all the tasks are about as easy as can be. 6 weeks is a long time for anyone to expect a neighbor to do anything for free.

But I would assure her that if she decides to not pay you and you decide not to do it for free that you will watch her house so nothing happens to it.

I think it would be a good idea to get some information from local house/pet sitting services (flyers/brochures) and hand them to her as you explain that you're just available to do this for her any longer. She'll get the hint, and see (in black and white) what it actually COSTS to have these services done for her.

If you are interested in actually being paid for helping, and want to do it for her with pay, then hand her the brochures and tell her that you picked up some info for her about house/pet sitting, and that you'd be willing to do it for a discount (but don't cut yourself short - you deserve to be paid) and she SHOULD have offered/insisted on that herself!

Either way, she'll have the facts, and you'll have the chance to do what feels right for you. Don't be afriad to speak your mind, and don't ever assume that someone knows how you feel. It's no good to feel resentment or worry about something that just needs to be openly discussed :)

Best,
C.

Hi Heidi,
Although not always the easy thing to do, however it will most certainly be the most rewarding...I suggest that you step into your own personal power and strength and with confidence and compassion you have the conversation with her that you just spilled out here. Really open, honest communication is the best for everyone in the long run. Right now this is the white elephant in your relationship and, just like in a marriage, it puts a rift in it that will eventually show up yucky at some point. --You can do it!!!!

Hi K.,
In a way, it seems you've backed yourself into a corner by agreeing to do it as a favor the first time.

We ask our neighbor to "watch" our house when we are out of town, but we feel awkward asking for anything more. We stop our mail and the newspaper, and take our pets to the kennel. They are an active couple, and they ask favors of us only occasionally (like borrowing our tractor).

My point is this: we really like our neighbors, and would rather be more help and less burden. They do tell us "no" on occasion when we ask a favor, and we always give them the opportunity to say no.

If it's a true friendship, she should always have the right to *ask* and you should always have the right to say *no*, and neither one of you should get angry at the other for doing so.

(Maybe she doesn't know how easy it is to hold the mail, get an automatic plant-waterer, and install a cat door???)
T

I would just tell you'd love to help but your schedule's just too tight this time.

Keep it simple - not a lot of explanation so there's no awkwardness or hurt feelings.

Keeping a neighbor is more important than the $$.

Six weeks!!!!
I wouldn't even ask my very best friend to do something like that for free for six weeks!

Since that is such an huge time commitment I think it is time that you said "I've been thinking it over and six weeks of twice daily monitoring of your house and pet is a lot of time commitment from me...it's not like we are talking about a weekend or something. When I do this for other people I am usually paid for it. Since you are going to be gone so long, wouldn't you feel safer with a house sitter? That is a long time to leave a house virtually unattended..."

Or you could just lie and say that you are planning several short trips in that same time period and don't feel comfortable taking responsibility when you won't even be there...

Or you could say "Oh my daughter and I were just talking about ways she could earn money, would you consider hiring her to feed the cat and water the plants, I would monitor her of course since as you know I do this sort of thing for extra money myself." (That might bring her attention to the fact that you actually get paid to do this and/or let your daughter earn a little something out of the deal).

Any which way if you do this now for this length of time she will continue to assume you will always do it, for free. What nerve to not even offer to compensate you for it! Bad bad manners...

I know everyone assumes we "stay at homes" have all this time on our hands to watch their kids or houses or run their errands but put your foot down...you are busy with your daughter and don't need this stress without compensation.

You can be honest with her. Let her know that what you do is something that you are doing from the heart... and that your time is just as important as hers. I kinda had that same issue. I think that she is in someway taking advantage of you. You can suggest pet hotels and if you have other families in the area, maybe they can take care of the plants and so on. Suggest to her that you would appreciate if she can stop the mail and the newspaper to help you if you should keep doing the duty. I got out of it since she is now in a relationship- but even the first year, he did not help me. I still did it. She had 4 dogs, 2 cats, a turtle, and 5 bunnies. With this weather, I had a misting system and floods - you name it, it happened. Another angle you can go on- is letting her know that a weekend is ok, but long term like that; there is the liability... of issues. That you keep watch of their house, but that is it. I say just be honest. You can simply say- "can I be honest with you?" buy asking that, is allowing her to hear the truth of the matter.

I would simply express to your neighbor that while you don't mind helping her out for short periods of time, six weeks is really too long for you. Let her know that you have several plans this summer for you and your family and don't feel that you can give her house and the cat the attention they deserve/need. You could also nicely offer to show her how to stop her mail/paper online if she doesn't know how so that it's one less thing she has to worry about. Just make it sound like you’re looking out for what’s best for her.

If you're comfortable enough sharing more personal information you could also let her know that you really need to keep yourself open to paying customers since it is the summer and this is your busiest time of year with your clients. Good luck. It's a hard situation but it's also pretty presumptuous of her to ask you that. I would never dream of asking anyone other than a family member to help take care of our dogs for that period of time.

I think your feelings are justified. A week here or there ok, but 6 weeks! On top of that, you do this for income and she's not paying you. She is not being considerate of you. I would have offered to pay you if I were her. That being said, I don't know how to approach it. But possibly you could politely decline saying it's too big of a committment. Maybe you can add that you need to leave yourself available in the event that a paying job comes your way. Perhaps she will get the hint and offer to pay you or she will get someone else. She has put you in an akward position. Good luck!

I think your neighbor is asking too much. Even if she wasn't, the fact that you're tired of it is enough to stop or change it. There's a sort of unwritten "rule" that you don't ask people to do for free what they do for a living. I too have friends who house/pet sit for a living and would never ask them to do it for free. Likewise, my ex-husband is a mechanic - I ask him to help me move things or fix broken things at home, but always pay for car repairs. If my BEST friend was a cosmetologist I might accept a free trim but never ask for coloring or a perm. Even when we've had neighborhood kids take care of things, we pay. It seems a difficult situation to back-up and tell her that that's what you do for a living so you either need to stop, or she needs to pay, but that seems what is necessary. I don't know how you'd word it, but if you don't say it I think it will turn to resentment that will hurt your friendship anyway. Good luck.

I know that feeling of others perceiving that you have tons of free time, when you really don't. If this is something you usually charge for in your business, I think it's appropriate to talk to her. If it were a day or two, I could see letting it go. Six weeks is a HUGE time commitment on your part. I think charging her half of your normal rate is very generous. You are her friend and it sounds like you are doing things that I wouldn't even expect a relative to do for free for more than a a few days. No wonder you feel taken advantage of! She may not realize what she's asking so it sounds like a conversation is in order. Good luck and I hope she understands.

I agree that that is too long. I would just be straight with her and say.... I know I have done this for free in the past but times are hard. I have things of my own to do and need money to help out with the household. I value our friendship, but doing this for free for you would mean losing money doing pet sitting for someone else. I would be willing to do this for you on the condition that I am reimbursed by being paid for the time I dedicate to you. You can either tell her to follow your current rate for others or you can say I will take this much per week or month.

Hello Heidi,

I would definitely bring up the pet sitting charge to your neighbor. 6 weeks is more time then I would like to take care of any friend of mines animals. I would bring up the fact that you charge others to do the same type of thing, so you would like to start charging them a discounted fee for the service you are providing for them. I would also mention to them that they need to stop their mail as 6 weeks is too long for you to be piling their mail in your house and you have no place to put it. We go for 2 weeks to CA 2 times a year and we stop our mail. It isn't a big deal to do it online. Point them in the right direction and then see what they say. A week for free is one thing, maybe even 2 weeks, but 6 weeks is really too long.

You need to tell her that you can only do so much in a day and in the summer vacation months you need to keep your schedule open for your housesitting clients. She may offer to pay you at that point and you could offer her a discounted rate if you so choose. There is probably some possibility that you'll be out of town for part of that time (she's ruining the possibility of your own vacation or even a weekend trip during any part of that time which is the majority of the summer). If your life is anything like mine your husband may get some free time to take a trip this summer and you get to go with little notice. Once you have made a six week commitment you have to stay, it's as if you have the pet. Since our dog passed earlier this year we're really enjoying the lack of pet responsibilities, you've chosen a life free of those ties, you don't pet sit for the love of other people's animals, you do it for money. If you're polite and assertive it shouldn't have any affect on your friendship. One thing to consider though is that is sounds like she is taking advantage of you (and she probably knows) and it sounds like you've already told her yes, so she might be angry especially if it's short notice that you're cancelling on her. I typically find that people who are knowingly taking advantage typically like to try and turn it around like you're the jerk.

Don't lose your nerve, if you can't be honest with your friend the friendship is really already over.

I think you need to find a nice way to let her know she should be paying you for your services as this IS your side job. If you wanted to do a D. here or there for free because she is your friend that is one thing but for any extended period of time it is no longer a favor it IS a job and a burden when you feel like you are being taken advantage of. Personally I hire my friends to take care of my pets unless it is a one time thing then I ask a favor of them. They never ask me for money but they are doing me a favor by being a friend I trust with my pets, I would rather pay a friend then a stranger. I don't want my friends to feel like I am taking advantage of them and your friend should know better.

IMO 6 weeks is too long to even ask a good friend to watch your house! You need to tell her that your family has plans (even travels) that will not allow you to watch the pets/house for that long. A week or 10 days, maybe... but 6 weeks? I don't think so! I often watch my neighbor's house and cat while they are out of town, but it's never for more than a week... and they watch our house when we are gone, so it's more fair. I would let her know that it's not convenient for your summer schedule and that you would recommend them hiring someone (even you!) Money would make it more worth the trouble!

I'm amazed that your friend would feel okay about asking you to do such a huge "favor." I agree with those who said you should just explain that it's too much to ask, given your current schedule. Please let us know how this turns out!

You can simply say, "NO... I'm so sorry it won't work out for us this time".... or you could give another option.....

"I'm too busy to handle all that right now, but perhaps you could hire my children to do some of that for you.... they have been looking for ways to earn money. Just let me know, and maybe we can work up a price per week or per job or something like that...."

It's very nice that you've been so helpful in the past, but 6 weeks is just overkill and I would never expect my neighbor to do it that long!

When we ask our neighbors or friends to feed our dogs, we thank them by buying them a gift card, usually to PetSmart (if they have pets as well).... I just can't even imagine asking someone to do it for 6 weeks for free!

I would not tell her straight out "no" because I wouldn't want to ruin the relationship with a neighbor. But you could suggest that she do things to make it easier on you, given the length of time. Why does her trash need to be taken out more than once if she's not there? Tell her how to put her mail on hold, or if she's gone for that long, she might even have it forwarded. You can put the newspaper on hold too. And plants only need watering once a week, you wouldn't be doing that every day. I like helping out my neighbors and I would do just about anything for all of them. They have done many things for me including watching my dog for almost 3 weeks, and watching my toddler, which is much harder than watching a cat for someone. Or you could ask another neighbor to help you out and take turns or something. I understand that you feel like you're being taken advantage of, but maybe that's because you don't ask as much from her? Maybe you could ask her to babysit for you or something. Or jokingly ask her what's in it for you! You never know when you might need her to return the favor, so I wouldn't burn that bridge just yet.

Your generosity is definitely being taken advantage of and expecting you to take care of their needs for 6 weeks for free is absolutely unreasonable. I think you would feel so much better about the situation if you asked for at least half you standard fee - I see that as a win/win for everyone.

Heidi,
I would politely refuse the next time she asks you. Six weeks is a long time to work without pay.If you already have contacts as a pet sitter you could supplement your income there.
G. T.

I did and would say no. Its too much to ask and you need to take care of you and your daughter. Say no, I did!!!

That does sound like a lot of work. You are being taken advantage of and if she knows that you do pet sitting for a job, then she should offer you money. In order to keep the "peace" and she is your neighbor so you have to see her all of the time, you can just apologize and say that you have a lot going on right now and you are unable to help her this time. It is O.K. if you do that!

I think that helping out a friend/neighbor for a weekend or a week is reasonable, but six weeks is truly imposing. As a busy Mom, every additional task adds burden. And to be honest, even if you did do nothing all day, you still have the right to say no! Having said that, you could try apologizing to her that you wont be able to help her because you are increasing your part time house/animal sitting cause your family needs the income and you have to focus on the income. If she then offers to pay you, you can either accept or not. The ball is in her court. And I think a neighbor's discount is very nice of you, but I dont think you should offer her half price - then you still may wind up with a resentment for six weeks and more. Additionally, I dont understand leaving a cat alone for a week much less six weeks. Unless it is a completely outdoor cat that they feed. If this is truly a family cat, is there any way you can take the cat in, or at least talk to her about the cat needing some more attention over that time frame.