To Get Unfixed or Not To?

I am also 25 and have 2 children, while pregnant for my second we decided that I would get a tubal, I changed my mind. My husband also believes two children are plenty and I like you have this need that something is missing. I only right to you because it feels good to hear someone else feels the way I do. I have often felt guilty over my need and almost obbsession about having another baby. Good luck with whatever happens.

May I add a little food for thought for everyone out there who has thought about this? My husband and I have some personal experience with this. It may or may not sway any decisions,it's something to think about.

Adoption can be a good choice-that's up to you. It can be a long, emotionally wrenching process just to get there. It all depends on how you go. It's a good idea. Feel free to check it out. We did it. That's a whole other story.

If you want to get it reversed, some insurance plans will cover it, or up to a certain amount. You can look into it.
But the big point is, it may not work-that's between you and your doctor, the ifs. As far as anyone trying to decide on the "getting fixed" procedure, consider this:

How do you know something won't happen to either you or your spouse if you do get it done? For example, how do you know that if you get it done, something won't happen to your husband, leading you to get remarried later on, to someone else, only to leave you unable to have children with your new spouse? And vise versa. It can cause terrible heartache and expense. I know. We've been there.

The chances of something happening may be slim, but it may just happen that way. By the way, people buy insurance, not expecting anything will happen, but sometimes it does anyway. Such was the case with us, but only with my hubby and his previous wife, who has been deceased.

The point is, some people are definite in their decisions to not have any more. But ya never know what will happen in life.

I'm very suprised that your doctors agreed to "fix" a 23 year old! They refused to do it for my mother when she was preggo with me, over 29 years ago and she was also young.

My GF and her Dh have made the decision to not have any more children. Her DH had a V, so he had the procedure done. There are times that she gets the baby itch, but as they say ...whats done is done.

I would spend sometime around other peoples young children to remind my self why you and your DH took this action. A reversal to either of you has a much smaller rate of sucess, and for you a possible higher rate of ectopic pregnancy. Try to take in your blessing and enjoy the family you have :)

And to my knowledge this is NOT paid for in either gender by most insurences.

Dear J.,

before you go ahead with this pray first. I think you are so young to make this such a final decision. I know that the catholic church teaches about natural family planning it takes decipline and help for both of you. Ook into it and read up on it. I know a few people who they wish things were different now. Pray. In him C.

I can't believe your doctor let you do that so young! I have 4 children (i am 31) and still do not want to have my tubes tied. I don't see anything wrong with you wanting more children. I would really have a heart to heart with your husband. I LOVE big families, i wish more people would. Can you imagine the amazing holidays when we become grandparents!! :-)

Best of luck to you...my advice would be to have it reversed!!

Hi J., Wow, I feel for you. I could never had made that decision for myself and was honest with my husband and doctor about it. I really don't know what you can do...but you need to start by being honest with your husband about your feelings. I think many women go through a stage where they want "just one more" baby...I know I did. And now that all three of my girls are older I am so glad I didn't!! But then again, I had my youngest when I was 33, a lot older than you are now! My suggestion is to talk to your husband, talk to your insurance company then talk to your doctor. Take the time to really examine why you are thinking about having another baby...keeping in mind that what your daughter wants although important doesn't count as a reason to have a baby. Best wishes.

I waz just wondering how you waz fixed cuz I have been think about having a other baby I have 4 kids now and I have 3 girls and 1 boy and my son keeps teling me mommy i want a nother brother so I was just asking how how you was fixed cuz i was told that it you get kick tied and brent that you can't get unfixed So i seen you letter on here and I was just wanting to now how you was fixed if you was just like me or it you was just kick and tied? So if you can plzz help me out and talk to me I will like that a lot here is my address so you can right to me ____@____.com I hope to you hear from you so i can talk to someone that was thinking about the same thing I was..

First things first: talk to your husband. Obviously make sure that he wants a 3rd, if he just agreees to make you happy, the family will suffer. If he's gung-ho, then check with insurance. I don't know, but i'm sure it's not cheap.
On a lighter side, my 3rd was a happy accident that I haven't regretted for a minute.
We were on the fence, mainly due to our financial situation, but I never realized how much my hubby wanted a 3rd until the day I told him I was pregnant (I was on the pill). He was ecsatic where I was in shock. Six months after Matt was born I got fixed because we knew we REALLY couldn't afford 4, but we still talk about what it would be like had we been able to have 4. I don't feel like anything's missing, though, just wondering sometimes. So take that into consideration also. Do you really feel like there's a hole, or are you just wondering what it would be like? Good luck to you.

It is very common for the HUSBAND to be the firm believer in having less kids and the WIFE going to get fixed. ? Get unfixed, girlfriend, you're very young. And the next time he decides you have enough kids, make HIM get fixed!!!! Also, you don't need his permission to get unfixed, don't worry about how to bring it up. It's your life and your body. He helped you decide to do what you didn't really want to do, now he should help you undo it if it costs money etd. Tell him you made a mistake and you want to reverse it. Be firm, and be confident. Good luck!

I, too, am surprised your doctor agreed to "fix" you at such a young age! That said, what's done is done. Yes--you can probably have it reversed and, no, it probably will not be covered by insurance. Hopefully, that will not be enough information on which to base your decision. Please make sure you are considering another child for all the right reasons. Babies are not dolls to be dressed up and then put away! :)
Also--look at Jon & Kate--they had two and she wanted "just O. more" and ended up with 6 for a grand total of 8!!! Her husband had been trying to tell her that "the whole world is made for four"!
As for me, I have O. son and he is more than enough for us! :)
Good luck to you and your family.

It does not sound like you are ready....if you are thinking you may want another then wait. I know people who have had reversals & they did not work. My husband was fixed when we met. He had it reversed & now we have 2 boys & one on the way. Unless you are 100 % positive you do not want any more then wait.....

Most insurance policies cover sterilization. If you are not 100% sure that you want no more children, however, I wouldn't do it. and, frankly, I wouldn't do it. Having your tubes tied is major surgery and recovery for you. A vasectomy, on the other hand, is an office procedure, and I just discovered today that there are new needleless alternatives so it doesn't hurt at all. Not even to numb the area.

If you have any doubts about finalizing the size of your family, I would wait to get sterilized. It can be reversed, but why go through two surgeries ?? Use birth control, get an IUD if you don't want to take hormones, and wait until you are SURE you don't want more children to have surgery.

I had 2 kids, and my husband kept saying 2 was enough. When they turned 8 and 10, i began to look at them and think, "Where did my babies go?" Their faces didn't resemble the babies they had been at all. They were growing up. Then, oopsie ! We got pregnant and had 2 more kids who are now 13 and 15 while their older siblings are 25 and 28. It's frankly, a joy to have the 2nd set of kids, and I actually LOVED the age splits. I'm 54, enjoying my 2nd set of teens, and am truly ready for them to grow up now. Yes, we have a vasectomy in our family, too, and we decided because of the relative ease of the procedure and the fact that it doesn't require anesthesia which is its own risk.

If you think you might want to have future gifts (babies) in your family, just hold off for the procedure. You have lots of time to make that decision. and it's much easier to wait than it is to reverse it.

J.,
My heart breaks that you got'fixed' so young. I too got a tubal at age 38 and thought I was done. i regret it now and the reversal is so painful and there are few places that will do it. I have to travel to another city if I want it. Well, now I can't have it done cause I had an endometrial ablation but anyway.....
Call your insurance and check to see if they cover it. One phone call. Depends on your carrier. But you do know that the chances are low to conceive after the reversal. Look it up on the web and do some research and go talk to your OB/GYN and see what they say.
Good luck
C

Hi J.,

I have never been in your situation before (as far as wanting to get a reversal). We are currently discussing whether or not one of us should get fixed or not. Usually, I like to gather as much information as I can before I talk to my husband about things. I would check with your insurance company and see if they do in fact cover the procedure. I am a christian so I would also pray about the situation and pray about how to discuss it with my husband. Even if the procedure isn't covered, I would still discuss my feelings about another baby with him. Good luck. I will be praying for you.

If you feel strongly enough about wanting another child, would you consider adoption??? there are plently of children out there at desperately need loving homes.

I certainly can understand where you're coming from on this. Especially if you had planned on having a big family.

I realize that it's not as simple as this, but have you considered becoming foster or even adoptive parents? There are so many children in this world who need loving parents.

Good luck in your decision!