To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool ...an 11 Year Old?

The red flag: He just started middle school. Big, big transitional time. If he was doing fine academically until this year, the possible culprit is all the change of middle school life -- it's probably the first time he's had to deal with having a locker and keeping all his stuff together; going from classroom to classroom on his own without a teacher telling him "Time for us all to move to science now..."; not to mention the newer, tougher social world. He's at an age where kids also decide it's cool to be bored with academics, especially if they are imitating friends who have decided that. I think you're panicking a bit, and too early. Sit down calmly with him; tell him the Cs are unacceptable; set a serious study schedul and consequences; look at his outside activities (Scouts, sports, whatever) and seriously consider whether some of that must go, for now; and talk to his teachers, now; don't wait for the next parent conference. If he has been in school all this tiime and it's the first problem (and it's only his FIRST report card, remember), why not work to nip it in the bud now, rather than rushing to pull him out of school suddenly? I think at his age he will resent it. And unless you're truly willing to do homeschooling from now until he's ready for college, why pull him out for one year or whatever? Don't overreact to one report card; deal with it instead and set him some goals and consequences that will be meaningful to him. Nothing wrong with homeschooling but I would not pull a kid out of school so quickly for three Cs when he's only just started middle school.

What Leigh said...

He just started middle school. There are more responsibilities. There is more time management that needs to happen. Socially, things are changing. The classes are more demanding because the next step in just a short time is high school. Why pull him out? That's teaching him that he can do crappy work and get to stay home.

Most middle school students don't care about homework, schoolwork, or anything that doesn't involve themselves. Set some goals. Make him show you his homework. Show him some consequences of a crappy report card as in: No phone, no friends, no computer. That will cure most of it.
LBC

I work as a para in a middle school and I see this frequently... at this point, school (to them) is all about "socializing" .......

The best thing you can do at this point is to set up structure and routine for him at home.... be in contact with his teachers to make sure he is turning in his work.... (in younger grades, my son would complete the assignment quickly in class so he could read, and just shove it in his desk instead of actually walking to the turn-in basket). I've seen students with many zeroes because they just didn't complete the science lab or in-class assignments (which should have gotten completed IN class), or left it at home, etc.....

Set him up with an organizational system in his notebook.... possibly pocket folders to put homework in. Make sure he has an assignment book and that he is USING it.... maybe even set it up with his teachers that for a while, he has to have them initial each day that he is writing down the assignment. If he doesn't get things initialed for you to see, then he loses (or doesn't earn) privileges at home. You may have to make a point of going through his notebook daily (for a while) to see what is needed to organize things. At some point, turn that into a way to earn points... if everything is in its proper place in the notebook, he earns points toward computer time.

As far as no tv, etc. until homework is done, some kids do need a bit of time to "unwind" after school, so I would suggest allowing maybe 30 minutes of free time before he starts homework. However, at this point, he needs to start "earning" his gaming time (Wii, x-box, computer games, etc..).

Are the "c"s from missing work, or from low grades? Is there a particular subject he is struggling in? Many schools have "tutorial" time before school if they need help or have gotten behind.

The best thing is, though, that you need to be in contact with his teachers to see how he is during school..... do they have an online gradebook that you can monitor to see what the grades are, or what upcoming assignments you may need to watch for? Many schools do have that... I'm nearby, in Georgetown, and we've had an online gradebook parents could monitor for probably 6 years.

Good luck.... at this point, I would work with the schools rather than homeschool.... unless you want a continual struggle on YOUR hands to complete the work. Unless he is motivated to work, homeschooling may not be much different.

I pulled my daughter out in 5th grade, but she was puking every day in school and still wetting her pants. She couldn't concentrate on anything and was truly unhappy. Her anxieties were getting the best of her.
She will go back next year, to the high school.

Would I recommend you pulling him, no. Why not? Because he is fine socially and is still adjusting to middleschool life. Middle school is a hard adjustment.
Homeschooling could work but it will take him a year to get into the routine and adjust to that too. He will still not want to do the work you give him, he will still rather play video games or whatever.
3 C's are not the end of the world. You need to set some guidelines.
First look at the classes, can he do the work?
No tv or computer time until homework is finished.
No Wii or game system until grades are up, or on weekennds.
Look at his extracurricular activities, how many does he have?
What is he doing in class?
Help him get organized.
If he doesn't want to learn chemistry now he still won't want to learn it with you.
Are you willing to fight with him every day, 8 hours a day to get him to do his work?

I am not bashing homeschooling, I do it. I also have many friends who are having the same problems with their own middleschool boys at home. I know one famiy whose son has been put back into the schools after being home since kinder and he is having a terrible time, he is in 5th. It really does take about a year to adjust either way. And that goes for middle and high schools too.

Hmm. All I know is that in math in particular, there is a LOT of new information to learn in 6th grade in Texas (read 5th grade TEKS, read 6th grade TEKS.) I remember a math specialist telling me when I was a teacher that like 60% of math in 6th grade is brand new stuff (the other 40% builds off what they already know or is review). So perhaps the same is true in other subjects too, not to mention that 6th graders are expected to do work on their own instead of being spoon-fed.

As for socialization - maybe you can enroll him in a sport? Or have him do weekly socials with the other kids at church. Or allow him to invite his friends from school over after you take him out of school. Just b/c he doesn't see them at school doesn't mean they can't be his friends anymore.

Since you're in middleschool you MAY have a killer 1/2 & 1/2 (or 1/8th & 7/8ths) option.

As in; you son could still take SOME classes at the middleschool, and do the rest at home. As long as he's there for lunch it's the same RELATIONSHIP-WISE as he'd have if he were in awayschool fulltime.

Texas is one of the most liberal HS'ing states in the country, so HS'ing would be no problem at all. Whether or not the school wants the money for the "head", and would allow you to continue on a part time basis you'd have to look up (through the HSLDA, Texas Homeschool groups, AND via your local school... HINT: Many schools are completely unaware of laws that allow homeschoolers to attend part time -and to take advantage of enrichment offered, like clubs and sports and special needs assistance, so don't take their word as the final say... MOST states have such laws. It's in their own self interest. Even if a student is only there part of the day they still receive federal funding as if they were there longer).

This option does NOT work well in elementary school, where one has the same teacher all day long and it just creates a huge disruption; but many many many HS'ers I know do this starting in middle or highschool. They send their students for specific classes (like math or art) and homeschool the rest (which can include sending them to OTHER classes taught privately, tutors, or online school... if you feel leery of teaching yourself, OR just because there's a fantastic x class you want your son to take advantage of. I do this, btw. I'm MORE than capable of teaching several subjects -and teach it well- that I outsource).
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Okay, assuming that you might NOT have anything to do with the school... here's how the "S" word (socialization) works:

- You set up playdates and hangouts with all his old frineds, and with new friends he makes, the same way you always have.

- You enroll him in outside classes. Whether that's football or drama or boyscouts or whatever. From free to uber expensive...HS'ing means that you now have the TIME to enroll in as many as you feel like.

In sum; You don't live under a rock. You keep living life just as you always have, just with a lot more time TO socialize than you had before.

<grin> Here's a funny link on the subject, btw: http://www.secular-homeschooling.com/001/bitter_homeschoo... Check out #s 2&3 in particular
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I have to stridently disagree with anyone who says "If he hates it at school, he'll hate it at home".

HOW a subject is taught, and what the subject matter covered varies WILDLY between teachers, schools, and curricula.

Take Chem.

It can be as dry and boring as dusty old rocks filled with brain twitching memorization of H1 + H1 + O1 = h2o, and electrons and protons and neutrons that make you want to stab a pencil through your skull to alleviate the boredom.

Or you can study fireworks, and cooking, and magic tricks.

Or vice versa... if you have an equation driven kid who is *sick to death* of the "real world" uses.

It doesn't matter HOW you're learning about phosphorus and magnesium and carbon and oxygen... just that you're learning it! Understanding chemistry can be done in several ways.

And those are just two options out of about 7 different models I can think of to teach chemistry. ((Others include things like unit studies, CM, and skipping Chem altogether for a DIFFERENT area of science to really dive into. Like physics, biology, astronomy, archaeology, botony... something that REALLY interests your son, instead of something he hates. This is MY personal view of schooling. I treat school on the 'college model'. Meaning we need humanities, and sciences, and maths... BUT WHY NOT allow a students natural inclination to "pick" the same way we do for college students. A kid might HATE MATH WITH A PASSION, but love working on cars. Well, there is a LOT of math in auto mechanics and mechanical engineering... which that same kid can soak up like a sponge. There's NO REASON, in my not so humble opinion, to pick the hardest/worst way for a kid, when there's another option. Kid loves warfare? That's a way to teach history to a kid who hates history. Kid loves ANYTHING and there's a way to teach it in a way that they LIKE. Okay, soap box standing over now ;))
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I recommend this place a lot, but DO check out Yahoo Groups. Just search ___________ Homeschool (secular homeschool, texas homeschool, college bound homeschool, charlotte mason homeschool, whatever). HUNDREDS of boards with thousands of hs'ers on them. Some are more active than others (you can check the message history before you join). They're moderated USUALLY (I've yet to come across a good one that isn't), so it can take 24 hours to be approved (they make sure you're not a spammer or stupid enough to flame in the questionnaire if you're a troll), but they are the BEST 'boots on the ground' boards I've come across.

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Is HS'ing right for you and your fam? No idea. AND I started with my son in 1st grade, so I'm not the best person to ask about later transitioning (although from friends who have, while there are common problems, there are also some really cool common benefits... like the child REALLY being able to help sort curriculum and classes and figuring out how the day will look, and being MUCH more independent learners, etc.

DO know, you only need 2-4 hours a day to homeschool to keep most kids at grade level.

DO DO DO make sure you look into 'deschooling' (solves 90% of all problems with one fell swoop... the basics is that you take 1 month off for every year in school... which is no biggie, since kids catch up FAST to their current grade level and are usually 1-4 years ahead in the first year to two years).

DO look into different homeschooling philosophies & Learning Types (audial, visual, kinesthetic), and with an older kid... have them be a part of it. I cannot TELL you how. many. times. *I* have loved a program, but it was a bad fit for my son. This is really common. Even with young kids, free trials are MANDATORY.

With homeschooling your son would get one on one attention and you could choose the curriculum and schedule for your son. You can join a homeschool group or co-ops to get your son active with other homeschoolers.

If he doesn't care about chemistry (which I don't either!) at school than what makes you think that he would care for it at home? He would still have to study vocabulary, he would still have to do sciences, he would still have to read and write. Homeschooling doesn't mean that he doesn't learn! He's new to middle school. He will struggle a bit in the beginning. I think you just need to help him at home when he gets home. Maybe weekly progress reports. 3 C's is not a reason to try to homeschool.
L.

3 C's!! Oh my!! :) I have kids who are getting D's and F's on their mid-terms!

As a teacher, there are times that I, myself, forget that a C means average. Our world is stuck on every child makings A's. There are some kids out there where a C is going to be their top grade.

Now that being said, a lot would depend on your child. In my household, our oldest has never had to actually "work" at school until she got into 4th grade (she had other issues to deal with at that time-- the main one being the custody battle between her dad and mom). Anyway, she had hit the "wall" so to speak in math and it's been a struggle ever since. I've gotten the impression that she doesn't think she needs to focus on the work etc.

Then there is our second oldest. We finally got him qualified for special education as the school has bent over backwards trying to get him up to grade level in math, reading, and writing. He still struggles and has an F in MN History this mid-trimester. Apparently he didn't think that he actually needed to have homework turned in!

Now our two oldest are diagnosed ADHD and I know that traditionally these kids are immature emotionally and lack MAJOR organizational skills (yes, even worse than your typical teenager! :) )

We have contemplated homeschooling them as their cousins are homeschooled. But when we really talk about it, I tell my husband that I don't think I could ever really homeschool them. The main reason being is that I'm just the "stepmom" and even though I have a masters in education, they still wouldn't respect me as a teacher authority. Now if I was their school teacher at the high school, it would be completely different!

I spent this summer trying to keep them on top of math and reading skills by having them do a worksheet or two on reading and math and the second oldest would literally spend from 8:30 until 3 pm or later on the ONE math worksheet! AND no, it was not a difficult worksheet. He just chose to spend the time screwing around, not focusing etc. (This, thankfully, was also an indication that his ADHD medicaton wasn't going to work well this fall and it was confirmed when the special ed teacher said he wasn't focused unless she was literally sitting right next to him.)

Now, all this being said, if you think your child would actually listen to you, get the work done in a timely manner and enjoy working at his own pace, then by all means try homeschooling. If you have any indication that it would be otherwise, you need to put rules down. No computer/tv/hand held games until grades are wherever you deem your child should be able to do or homework it turned in etc. In our case, we know that our daughter should be able to do B's and A's if she applied herself. Our son, with his modifications should be getting B's and C's.

I'm not sure what your school uses for its grades, but my kids's school uses Infinite Campus. I'm able to check daily or more on their grades, as long as the teachers post assignments and what's missing that is! :)

Anyway, that's my two cents worth!

Good luck!

I would not home school him. But if you have the time to homeschool him you have the time to set up a schedule after school to sit with him and help him with his work. Honestly if you cant do the hour or two after school then you would in no way be able to homeschool him. I'd contact his teachers find out what he is working on and do a review with him. He wil come to realize he better start getting better grades and a little less socializiing.

I think there is no one size fits all kids with education. A family I used to babysit for pulled their kids in middle school. One was being bullied and one was getting very serious about a sport and it would suit his schedule better to be homeschooled. Parents figured if they were getting into homeschooling with one, why not both? The boys did fine.

Friend of mine homeschools her kids (6 and 10) and one of the ways they keep a social life is to be involved - girl/boy scouts, and to use a co-op to share the teaching. They take field trips with the co-op, for example. Another friend was homeschooled and his parents had him go to another homeschooler's home to learn French and they taught both kids Algebra in exchange.

You might also find out what the district's rules are about homeschoolers being involved in school sports. Sometimes they are allowed if they live within school boundaries.

What I think you need to do FIRST, though, is find out what might be going on. Not caring can be a sign of depression or a learning disability, too. My nephew has ADHD and his father fought medication. So nephew struggled and struggled til he finally dropped out (and later got a GED and is taking classes a the community college). So is it just that it's hard (middle school can be a tough transition) or what? I would talk to the guidance counselor about his behaviors. Like someone else said, if he doesn't care, then it will be your FT problem vs having the resources of the school. You should rule out other reasons for the grades because otherwise it will just be more of the same at home. See what changes you can make so his home structure encourages his schooling. If he doesn't like vocab, can you work with him and make it fun?