To Invite or Not to Invite?

At my daughter's school if you don't invite the entire class you must mail invitations to student's homes, this way student's don't feel left out when the invitations are being passed out in the class. However, kids will talk, but I make it a point to tell my daughter not to talk about the party at school and I also don't tell my daughter that she's going to a party until the day before.

Good for you....I think smaller "backyard" parties are so much more enjoyable for everyone.
I do agree with the mom who said not to hand out invites at school, that can cause hurt feelings. Otherwise, these kids are old enough to understand they can't invite/be invited to everyone's party.
I suggest going on birthdaypartyideas.com for lots of free advice on games, themes, food, etc.
Have fun!!!

I asked one of my twin girls' kindy teachers for perspective on this and she reassured me that other parents would understand that families can't always invite everyone. So I sent rice krispy treats to their classes on their b-day and had them each pick a few friends to invite over for a backyard party (My SIL has the same "invite as many as the age you'll be" guideline but we modified it a bit b/c they also wanted to invite neighbor kids and friends from church so it ended up being 4 classmates each plus the other neighbors and friends)

Have fun! Another friend told me that her son went to an 'old fashioned' backyard b-day party and since most of the kids had never played musical chairs or other standbys from our childhood, they all had a blast and thought it was the coolest thing ever!

I've been through this three times with my kids. Home parties are great fun. The first two parties I invited the entire class. By the third child I realized it was ok to invite those students who were actually her friends. Invite the children whom your child enjoys and are real friends. You'll want to give him a set # of kids he can invite before you sit down to decide who to invite. My oldest spread the word about her party before checking with me and we had 14 fourth graders inside our small home in mid-Dec. It was close quarters but they still had a great time. Good luck with your party.

When my daughter was in kindergarten it was the teacher's policy that we invited whomever we wanted, but that if we passed out the invitations at school, we invite the entire class. If we passed them out outside of school, we could invite just the playmates of our child. My daughter has always been to girl/boy parties and also has had girl/boy parties. I think it's fine.

I don't know what the "proper" rules of etiquette say, but I think it is perfectly fine to only invite kids whom you and your child considers his to be his friends (kids he plays with regularly, or see outside of class). I think inviting an entire class is a bit much, especially if you or your child doesn't really have a friendship with most of them.

In my experience, once they go to public school people just have them invite a certain number of their friends. I always feel bad for kids that get left out, but we can't have them all come over every time!

I've always gone with one person per age. So if he's turning 6, ask him which 6 kids he would like to invite.
There is no set in stone etiquette. However, I've noticed many Moms invite lots of people out of fear that people will feel left out. Sorry, but who cares?
I invite people that my kids ARE friends with or people that they WANT to be friends with. There is nothing wrong with setting limits and boundaries. Whenever I personally get invited to a function when I don't know (or care) about the person I decline. I think its weird to go to a party just cause you know some of the people there.
Here's my other beef...
We are setting our kids up for disappointment with all this extravagance! I am talking about huge crazy b-day parties, yes, but everything else too.
The 14 year old that I nanny for has been getting her nails done for special events for about a 2 now. So what happens when she's in college and she can't afford to get her nails done? Will she feel like less of a person for having to (God forbid) do them herself? I think all of this extravagance is giving our kids an inflated sense of entitlement that ultimately will be a major let down when they are all on their own. Sorry for the rampage.
I applaud you for keeping it simple... let's start a revolution! LOL

Go ahead and invite only a few children, but, make sure to not bring party invitations to school. All invitations should be my mail, phone, or email. Be clear with your son that he is not to talk about the party at school where children who are not invited might hear about it. This is a good lesson on respecting others feelings and letting him know that if everyone isn't invited, he doesn't want them to feel left out, so he shouldn't talk about it at school.
Ask your son's teacher if you can bring small treats to school to celebrate his birthday with the class. Pencils, super balls or other trinkets from the dollar store or party supply store will do nicely.
Have fun and good luck.
J.

Oh, your poor dear, feeling obliged to do the big huge expensive birthday party because everyone else does! I feel your pain! Of COURSE it is acceptable to invite just a few kids, and please don't allow the new (and in my mind RIDICULOUS) societal pressures of keeping up with the Joneses to dictate how your son celebrates his birthday! I like the "1 child per year of age" rule that some mothers adopt. Let him choose his six favourite friends. Believe me, when he's grown it will be the memories of the fun things they did - NOT the number of people that were there. PLUS, you don't want him to remember a stressed-out, short-tempered mother. When it comes to birthdays, my policy is 'LESS IS DEFINITELY MORE!!!" Less prep, more enjoyment. Fewer children, more meaningful time with the ones who are there. Less money spent, more left to do something special like take him on a trip somewhere. My daughter is turning three in September and my plan (already!) is to have only her nearest and dearest friends come; each one will pick out a fish at Petco for the aquarium I plan to get her. How fun will that be for her friends - to actually go out with their parents and buy a cute little fish and name it for their friend! Now THAT'S a birthday, if you ask me (and you did, so there's my two cents worth!!!)

K. in EC