To IVF or Not to IVF, That Is the Question...

Hi... I'm a successful IVF'er... we put in 2 embryos... and got 2 babies out... I had grade A embryos... for some women the quality of embryos is not so great... I know a woman that put in 5 ... she had twins... you CAN'T have twins (unless they split and are identicle) if you ONLY put in ONE embryo. So the risk for multiples has to do with how many embryos you put in... A dr. probably wouldn't recommend just one... as the success rate islower... but you can always have that conversation... The fertility drugs are intense to say the least... the first drug (can't remember the name) shot into legs for 2-3 weeks... stops your cycle so the dr. can control it... the worse mood swings you will ever have... the second batch of drugs develops your eggs... I highly recommend drinking TONS of gateraid... your overies get HUGE... you can be at risk for hyperstemming... can be dangerous... I just suffered from swollen painful overies... I have friends that were hospitalized to drain them off... the egg retreival requires sedation... and DH has a 2 minute job to supply the sperm. You will return a few days later for a transfer... full bladder... a little uncomfy not major (except for some ovary pain)... then wait 2 weeks to see... failure or success... if successful then 3 months of shots in the bottom with progesterone... to help maintain PG... I ended up with nerve damage that went away around my twins 1st birthday... PG with twins... highly monitored... weekly visits/ultrasounds... SERIOUSLY strtched tummy, although I have twinn mommy friends without a stretch mark (depends on your skin)...

FOR ME... ALL WORTH IT.... It's also very $$$$$ we spent around 20k on all my treatments 3 failed IUI's and 1 IVF

If you don't think you want anymore children... this will be an EXTRA hard procedure on you... emotionally (all the hormones etc...) and physically... and then I ask... who will be the primary care giver? Typically mom...

If DH had to go through all of this and the exhaustion... would he feel the same? This is a very easy accomplishment for him... and more often than not... daddy's go to work while mommy deals with all the poopies, screaming, sore boobs, feedings etc...

I would find a friend with a baby... give him a one day lesson in baby care... and have him baby sit while you and said mommy friend go have a mani pedi...

Hi A., I feel that if you are seriously not wanting anymore children, then you should go with your feelings. Having newborns are alot of hard work and it sounds like you already did that and are now looking on to having time for yourself. Talk with your DH and make sure you understand how eachother feel on this subject. Maybe he is more understanding than you think and could have possibly changed his mind as well. I have a nine mo. old baby and am constantly feeling exhausted although I love being a mother. Just remember that although being a mother takes more work, patience, and love than anything else it is also quite rewarding and a blessing.Good luck!!!

What a tough decision! You are not being selfish. I think you are being incrdibly honest with yourself and everyone else about the situation, your feelings, and the risks involved as you understand them. Even if your husband has been told about PPD, he can't possibly understand it unless he has seen it first hand. Part of him probably thinks that it will be different for you this time because you are with him and he will make it so. You already know that a lot of people don't fully believe that PPD is real.

You hit it on the head when you said that you wonder what will happen if you take away his dream. If he does feel a nagging resentment, it will fester no matter how he tries to bury it. You have probably been to counseling for your depression, but have you tried going with your husband? Maybe go to a new one so he feels like it's neutral territory and really talk about his feelings so he knows you care deeply about them (of course you do, but he might not know that). Make sure he understands your fears by having him come with you to a doctor appointment to explain all the risks, ask lots of questions. One of you will feel guilty no matter what you decide. You, for taking away his dream, or him for making you go through a stressful pregnancy and (hopefully not) the PPD nightmare afterwards. Maybe there is a compromise out there somewhere, like adoption, or surrogacy, or perhaps your positions are closer than you think. When allowed to examine things closely, without outside interference, he might discover he isn't as excited about a baby as he thought he was, or you might realize that you really do want to try for a baby after all.

Another thing, your daughters should be included in this process somehow. Even if they are excited about the baby idea, keep reassuring them that THEY are most important to you in your new life, no matter what. If they witnessed your depression, they might be wondering why you would consider risking that again and who knows how kids interpret things.

Good luck to you. And BTW I am happy to share the name of my therapist if you want. She is very gentle and intuitive.

Wow! You are in a pickle. I wish I had answers for you.
My situation is similar...sort of, okay not really. Some of the same ideas though. I have two special needs boys 5 and 7. I have two ruptured (but recently replaced)discs, and one herniated, all in my lower lumbar.
I want, like nothing else, to have a third child. My husband and I just got back together after a year's separation. I would say we are on pretty rocky ground still. Just not sure if we can make it work, as much as I want to for our boys, etc.
I'm still on medications for anxiety issues (big time worry-wart), and pain medications because the back surgery didn't help the chronic pain.
I know we can't get pregnant right now, because of all the medication I am taking.
On paper, I am obviously not someone who should get pregnant. Nuerologically, my husband and I are not the best match for reproducing. I can't take any kind of birth control with hormones in it....talk about one angry basket-case (normally I am very happy). So our options are condoms with a natural lubricant (I also have chronic UTI's...everything irritates. Tried IUD, etc. So, my husband, as I type, is getting a vascectomy.
Such a hard decision to make.

So anyway, back to you. I guess my advice would be to wait it out for awhile. Give yourself a set date, and put any decision making on hold until then. I know it sounds a little corny, but answers to these big questions sometimes have a way of figuring themselves out...in other words, "you'll know". Another idea: Write it down, write it down, write it down. You have obviously thought this out very thoroughly, but maybe keeping a daily log for about 3 months of whether you want to have another baby, or not that day. You might be surprised at what you tell yourself from week to week. (When I am stressed out, and totally worn out...I think there is no way in the world I could have another..only lasts a day or so though).
Now, what if you decide you absolutely are passed this phase? You definitely need to bring the issues of your husband's patience etc. to him before you do anything. He doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Because he is pushing so much for this, you need to make it absolutely clear to both of you what your expectations are of him as a father. Does he get upin the night with you? Does he help feed? Blah, blah, blah. Plan out in advance how he will handle things if your depression comes back. Make him read about ppd before he decides how he will handle it. If you can get some agreed upon tactics set "before" they happen....much easier to handle. And then, once he has all, or as much as he can get without the experience....he may not be so keen on the idea himself.
Alrighty, Good luck to you. I wish it were all more clear.
E.

Hi A.,
I was really moved by your posting - your candor is refreshing and I wanted to reach out to you and say I understand a little of how you are feeling :) I am the very proud Mum of a nearly 6 year old boy and I don't plan on having any more children - I'm steadfast in that outlook and will not be changing my mind...but it's interesting how many people, especially women, struggle with my choice, the fact of the matter is that I know myself and my limitations and I'm a one-kid sort of girl (though when I was younger I always wanted lots of kids - people change)...reading all your concerns makes it clear to me that you should not be trying to have a baby right now...every reason you list is a practical and logical one, and it's not fair to you, your husband, or your unborn child/children to go into something this important with any ambivalence whatsoever...you run a risk of forcing yourself to do something you really do *not* want to do and then resenting not only the child but your husband as well....that's two very important relationships down the tubes (so to speak)...
I also suffered from *awful* ppd after having my son, and it is likely if you endured it with both your other children, that you will suffer it again...and IVF is not a cheap and easy process, as I'm sure you know...
All in all, I think you already know the answer to your question - it's now just a matter of accepting that there is nothing wrong with your reluctance to have more children. Your husband may well be disappointed, but you can't "promise" someone something like giving them a baby...people change, it's par for the course, and he will come to understand that in time. If it's really a deal breaker, I have to say that doesn't bode well for how strong your relationship would be if you *did* add the burden of a child in your situation - does that make sense?
I think if you explained that you really cherish and adore the time you spend with him, and want more of that time and the freedom that comes with not having a young child, he might see things in a more positive light...
I don't know if any of this helps at all...but I wish all the very best that life has to offer, you deserve it.

We lost our first pregnancy (conceived through IUI & it was triplets) & were scared about higher order multiples & another miscarriage with IUI so we chose the IVF w/ICSI route. We don't believe in selection reduction. We put 2 embryos in & got twins. My girls are 11 1/2 months & it's A LOT OF WORK! I was so focused on getting pregnant & getting the most out of the cost of IVF, I don't think I thought it through. You can choose to only put one embryo in at a time. If we do a frozen cycle for a third child, I plan to only have one put in.

Hello there,

I was in a similar situation in the past and I can undertand your frustration. I have two children and had a tubal ligation after my secon child (I was only 24). I dated a man who made me rethink about having more children so I looked into IVF. It was very expensive for one and on the other it is not one hundred percent. I also thought about the emotional consequences if the pregnancy did not occur and whether he would still love me if I didn't have a baby. He ended up looking elsewhere for the kids I could not give him and the relationship ended.

Recently I found myself in the same circumstance. I have been dating a single guy who has no children and at some point in the relationship I was considering IVF if our relationship moved to the next level. At first I placed an age limit on me going through with it but later I changed my mind and decided against it. My children are 12 and 9 and I also have low back pain issues due to the births. I thought about not being fair to start all over again since I have two semi grown children and I am to a certain extend looking forward to bein alone sometime soon. I also like you did not want to have children just to keep a man with me since it would be unfair to the child. I communicated my decision to him and he was disappointed but he has decided to stick around despite that.

I am not sure what your agreement was with your husband when you told him of your situation. I think that you need to be sincere with him about your second thoughts and if he decides to leave the relationship based on the fact that you can't give him children then maybe you are better off. A man who cannot accept you for who you are and places conditions on your relationship is not worth keeping. I know you must love him very much otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to write for advice here. But you have to decide what is best for you.

I wish you the best. It is a hard decision to make but I am sure that you will make the right one for you.

You are NOT being selfish at all. My husband always wanted 3 kids and I would have been happy with 1. We compromised and I agreed to have 2. And then once she was born, he started lobbying for a third child again! I did not have happy pregnancies either time, and had horrible PPD, so I have flat out refused to consider a third pregnancy.

But, I read the book "Forever Lily" and realized that adoption could be my salvation! I talked it over with my husband and I think in a couple of years we will probably go ahead with adopting another. I am pretty clear that I don't want to adopt a newborn. There are a lot of toddlers out there in the world without families and being that the newborn phase was never my favorite, I think it would be the perfect fit for my family to adopt a slightly older baby/toddler. It's just something I've been thinking about, and wanted to share with you. It may or may not be something you'd want to consider, being that you're about to enter the challenging teenage years with your other two.

So... I don't know what the answer is for you, but it sounds to me like pregnancy would not be it. I wish you the best of luck with your decision! Please let us know what happens!

With regard to the PPD and back problems -
I think spending some time discussing the issues with Dr and professionals in those areas might help. (I wish I had trusted a therapist enough to talk about my concerns prior to getting pregnant)
I had a traumatic first birth experience and had trouble postpartum. When I was pregnant with my second my new doctor told me that estrogen patches might help me postpartum if I started feeling PPD depression or frazzled. I didn't have ppd but by 2-3 months postpartum with the second I felt like I had the worst PMS in the world and was getting very short tempered in the evening - I told the Dr how I was feeling and it was amazing how quickly the estrogen worked at restoring some sense of balance. It is just to say that things have changed since you had your first children and you should be able to find a dr who can be supportive esp given your past experience. Similiarly talking to specialist about what can be done about back pain maybe helpful and talking to husband about the importance of not doing excessive lifting and diaper changing postpartum might help. Regular yoga classes before and after so you can be as healthy as possible and not be worn out physically or emotionally because of lack of time to take care of yourself.

hon, everything i've read in your letter tells me you don't want to do this. here are some decision making tricks i use. flip a coin (seriously, i mean this) flip a coin and choose yes for one side and no for the other side. tell yourself you are really going to go by this result, that this is the deciding factor. pay close attention to how you feel in that second that you see the result. is it yes and you feel deflated? is it no and you are so relieved?

to me the answer is clear, but you won't feel good till it is clear in your own mind. if you can just hang on for 15 more years, you'll probably be holding your grandbaby.

be patient. 2 is plenty. think of having an infant as your girls go through their teenage years. i think you have enough on your plate. if you feel that way also, than don't fill it up more.

my girls are 4 and 8. i get a baby craving sometimes, but i content myself with other peoples babies. i know i am set with the 2 i have.

Although only you can make this decision, your email says "no" to me. It does sound like you would only be having this child or children only for him. Dreams do change and a good marraige will withstand that. I suggest a counselor. A third party that can listen to both of your issues, dreams, fears etc and help you both work through them. The IVF process is NOT easy and having a child is a big strain on a woman's body. You have every right to say "no" or "yes" for your own reasons and no one has the right to label you selfish. Other women can be very cruel, but this is your body and your life - own up to what you really want and have the strength to make the decision.

How you guys thought about adoption. This is an option that would leave you without pain and no PPD. My concern would be that the pregnancy would cause you to be in more pain after the birth due to the weight carried during the pregnancy. I know that they have 3 Christian bases agencies in the central valley. You could adopt any age you wished. There are so many babies and children that need loving families. Good luck and God bless you.

A.

I think you need to listen to yourself. PPD is horrible and gets worse with each pregnancy. I had PPD and would never go through it again. I still don't feel the same.

I think you need to have a long talk with your husband about your concerns and feelings. You might want to consider adoption.

All of your feelings are very valid. Going back to babyhood is difficult and finally reaching the point where you have time to yourself is a milestone. Do not have a baby to make your husband happy.

A.,
This is a very difficult situation to be in and I really feel for you. Having a child, in my opinion, is not something that you can compromise on, as it has enormous importance and impact on you, your partner and the resulting child.

I have an 11 year old and a 16 year old and, as much as I love seeing and holding babies I realize that our lives are so different now and we have so much independence to do so much that I would not want to do it over again. I also feel that my life has been, to some extent, "on hold" while my kids are growing up (I am a working mom) and I am looking forward to doing some of the things for ME that I have hoped to do when the kids are older.

I think that you both need to see a reputable and competent therapist to help you both to navigate through these decisions, an outside party who is not emotionally involved. Someone to help guide you each to what is best for you.

Take care.

L.

Okay someone brought it to my attention that my first response was wrong-so I am sorry. However I can see what you are talking about with not wanting another child now. I was married when I was 29 and we had kids right away. I am sad I was older, but I wanted kids. My husband wants a boy and I do want another kid. I have two girls right now. I am 32 and wish that I could be done, but I got started late. So I do see where you are coming from. At the same time I can see why he would want a kid of his own. It is a hard decision.

If I had doubts I wouldn't do it. Talk to him and explain that health wise you can't handle it, and emotionally it'd be too much for your body to handle. Be honest with him. Tell him you want some 1:1 time at some point with him, after the kids are gone.

A number of your concerns are about the physical aspects of being pregnant - the back problems, the PPD. You also have concerns about how a baby will impact the time with your husband as well as all the stuff that goes along with having a young child again. You've just come through all that and your family is in a new place now.

Perhaps if you thought about these different aspects to your challenge, you could identify which are the most important to you and go from there. For example, if the physical impact on your body is a huge concern, but you'd like to explore raising a child with your husband, perhaps adoption (or a surrogate) could be an option.

It's a hugely difficult challenge for you and your husband because as you mentioned, it is a dream you both shared for a while and now you are changing. Keep the communication flowing with your partner and the love you have together will help you sort it all out.

Hi A., this is my not personal situation, but one that is close to me. My parents (my mom and step-father) married when I was in grade school and when my sister and brother and I were teenagers, they had two more kids of "their own". Having a big family was wonderful and difficult, and although my parents would never admit it, they are really tired. Raising teenagers and babies at the same time is really hard and you are pulled in two different directions, and then when your older girls are in college and getting married and having grandkids, you will still have a child in high school. Its not that it can't work, but when my sister was faced with a similar decision (they had two girls early in their marriage and after some financial problems they have been trying to get back on their feet enough to have a few more) they finally decided that they were enjoying the older kids and that phase of their lives and didn't want to start over again. It is a very courageous to be honest enough to not have more children when you are ready to be "done". I hope this helps a little, I have to say though that 33 isn't that old. I was 33 when I had my first!

A.,
This is a tough situation. You have big decisions to make. I had a hard time deciding when to stop having children myself. Of unmost importance I feel that doing the will of God is most important. I felt three was enough but wanted to be sure that that is what the Lord wanted for me. As long as we are obeying and moving in obedience from the Lord, our life will be blessed for that. When I learned how to put God first everything else fell into place. God first then Husband then Children and then yourself and others. So I suppose my advice would be to pray about it. God loves you and is interested in every aspect of your life. Hope this was not too far off for you. Have a great weekend
T.

What about adoption? I went through IVF for several years before having 2 boys about 3 1/2 years apart. It does take a toll on your body - and I didn't have any pre-existing issues at the time. If you were taking care of a new baby without the stress of pregnancy before-hand, do you think it would make a difference with the depression? At 33 you are still young (I was 35 when my first was born) so you have time for traveling. But I can definitely relate to being "done" with caring for infants & toddlers. I'll be 43 in August and struggle to keep up with my pre-schooler and first-grader.

Congratulations on your beautiful family! Is adoption an option for your family? It seems that your health is a big factor in haveing this other baby, but the beautiful thing is if you want an addition to your family, you can! I understand your husband would like a child of his "OWN", but he shares two beautiful girls with YOU! And the child you adopt will be his "OWN". Talk about it, think about the good you will be doing for a child that otherwise would not have a home and a family to call his or her own! You should not feel guilty of your feelings and fears, feelings are not wrong, and fears can sometimes be irrational, there is nothing you can do about them, it's the decisions you make that count. Have faith in your new LOVE and talk with him. Good luck, God bless, I will keep you in my prayers and don't worry it WILL work out! You have a beautiful, bright future of proms, and Homecomings and dresses and nails and hair and......to look forward too, don't get down because of this....think about it, it could be MUCH worst!

Barbara

I really want you to know that this comes from my heart, but how do you think he would feel about you opening your heart to all the mom's on mama source instead of him ? First I think you need to have this very open honest communication with him and then I think this is a decision that the two of you need to make together, you would have to make so many more decisions together if you do have a child, that should start now. If you strongly disagree with going through with it then it is better for you not to, but again look at your fears and see who you have to support you this time around.

I'm a huge fan of fostering and adoption. There are a lot of little babies out there that just need a loving home. This would eliminate the physical concerns. I knoe you dont think it will be "your child" but you will change your mind very quickly. If you go ahead and try to conceive, accupuncture worked for me. After trying for three years it worked immediately. It will work wonders on all your physical issues - pain and depression too.

If you are ambivilant about having more children you should absolutely do more research so that you understand all of the risks associated with IVF, including the potential for having twins (or more)!

Many people do not fully understand the risks of carrying multiples, which include increased risk of poor in-utero growth and premature birth. And, many people do not understand what a premature birth really means. Even though modern technology allows even very eary, very small children to be saved, the toll on the child(ren), the parents, siblings, and the marriage can be enormous. I urge you to find out everything that you can about your personal risks for compromising your own health, for conceiving multiples, and for difficult pregnancy/premature birth. Please do not rely only on opinions of doctors associated with fertility clinics as they have a financial stake in keeping you as a client. Good luck!

E. Werner

A.,
I feel that it is important to be honest with ourselves. I will be very blunt and real - As you are pointing out, having children is not just a whim - it is a life time commitment. IVF can is a big deal - speaking from experience. If you have already had depression issues then putting yourself into a situation you are not 100% wanting is not a good idea. It would not be fair to the children if you are not wanting to give it 100%. I applaud your honesty. You have two children who are at a great age - and you are young and can start filling YOUR dreams. What ever you decide will be the right choice for you but I find it never quite feels right when I life changing decisions are made to accommodate others.

Hello, I am writing not because I ever had an IVF procedure, but to encourage you in a couple of ways. We have two birth daughters and three adopted sons. We started the adoptions when we were forty. All were final at forty-three. I really liked the comment above that this discussion needs to be with your husband. You need to know his heart about having his own child, an adopted child you bring to your family together, or keeping things the way they are. Each stage in a family has its special treasures, and its challenges. I look at my friends who are my age(53) and have finished raising their children( in their homes),They are still very involved with their adult children in a friendly way. Then I look at my two 13 year old boys and my ten year old, and I am so thankful that I did it all. I work as a substitute teacher, and enjoy my job too. God has opened up the doors for our family so differently than other friends, but it is not better or worse. It is the life we have been blessed with. You are very blessed with your husband, your daughters, and your life. What do you both( and we asked our daughters too before we adopted) believe is the best for your family? What do you both need in your hearts? What would a very loving God show you both about this as you ask for understanding and the best path? Our choices are directed if we just ask the Lord. He loves your family, and I hope you can find a peaceful place for you all to walk in. I will be praying for you.

You know your answer, you just want to feel ok with it. As I read this, I really felt that you know yourself very well, and have reasonable concerns about having another baby. Raising two is an amazing feat all by itself, adding another would be daunting to most. You also have medical reasons to consider, depression is serious, so are ectopic pregnancies.
You need to be at your best for your two girls and for your relationship with your husband, make your decision with honesty and with an openess to communicate all of your feelings.

Hi,

I think if you reread your own letter you will have your answer. Maybe you should let your husband read it and you both talk things out. All children should be wanted by both parents

dear A.:

children are precious gifts of the universe to us, please do not bring one in to the world to please any one.... you and your husband know what is to be parents, and your daughters are almost teens, the energy around teens is very different with a new born in the house,,,
the first thing is that you will have less time for their activities that are going to be many!
i have a 17, a 14 and a 12 year old boys... they are great kids, i love being a part of their world.. we go to the movies, to eat burgers, bowling soccer games,etc... i have three nieces, ages 6, 4 and almost 2.... my boys love them,, but not to have them everyday, because as any 4 and 2 year old they touch everything, ask constantly and my boys try to be as nice as possible, but when is more than once a week... they sometimes close their doors and do not let them in their room, because the two year old destroyed my 14 year old games that he left in his night table. the 4 year old some how got into his room while we are having a bbq, and deleted two weeks worth of research he had for high school.... besides they all listen to their different musics, have different friends and all three play sports and music...
just want to give you a snap of what happens when my nieces come.... when is once a week my boys are nice to them and share, and talk , play with them.... but if they come in a week day that they have lots of home work.... the girls get into their things and all i hear is "mom please keep the babies away, i have tons of work to do for tomorrow" teens always have last minute things they have to do.... please remember your teen years.. what kind of things did you like?

you sound like you are done with the part of babies and their world..... you are ready to enjoy your life and go after your dreams.... go for it! your children adn husband will be happy if you are happy... children never save a marriage.... and is not like you guys do not know what is like being a parent....
i think if you talk with your husband about it... he would understand, do not have the fear that you will loose him because you do not want to have any more children... your body had a big toll on you with the two precious girls you guys have.... why does he want to have a biological child? his answer should tell you if your concerns are well funded..... some guys want to have children so their last name or blood line continues,and can say this is mine and yours,,,, that is very different than wanting to give love to a child.. he has that already...

A., please take the time to listen to your self.. nobody knows the future.... go forbid , lets say you have a child and 3,4, 7,10 years down the road you guys go separate ways.... think what will happen to that child, you... and your relationship with your daughters...nothing is for certain.... i had my boys because i knew if something happened i wanted and was ready to face the world alone with them..and i only wanted three, so after that my husband of 22 years had a ten min surgery . we went together and we do not have to worry about bringing unwanted babies into this world.... there was no choice who has to have the babies... but, there is a choice who can prevent more births...
please be happy and enjoy your life with your self, your daughters and your husband....
finish your education...... that is the best role model for your girls.... lead by example!
all my best...
warmly,
sandy

I think that open communication is the best thing. You should talk to your darling husband, sit and make a pros and cons list. Tell him how much you are looking forward to spending time with just him and the enormous cost of IVF for a chance that often doesn't work the first time. You may just find that although he would like to have a child with you he might be fine not having one either. It may be enough for him to be daddy to your girls. Talk talk and talk somemore. It may still happen in the coming years without the drastic treatments. If its mean't to be it will be.

It really sounds as if you have already made up your mind and are happy in your life right now without another child. That seems very clear from your message. There is nothing wrong with that feeling. it seems that the negatives outweigh the positives from your perspective (unless you are only mentioning the difficulties of getting pregnant again and carrying 1 or more children to term). I suggest you sit down with your husband and a counselor, if necessary, and share your feelings of wanting to keep things as they are.

If you do decide to go through with it, it will be stressful to go through it all again and wear and tear on you and the family, but in the end as you know. babies are worth it. Sounds like you have support either way in your husband.

A little about me, I am have been a teacher and now a State trainer of managers. I am a mother of 4 and have a his, hers and ours situation. We want another child as well and also are looking into tubal ligation reversal but don't know of any doctor's in this area who perform the surgery. My regualr family doctor does not know either. Do you know of anyone?

My Husband promise to help out but I don't think he remember what he was getting himself into. We already had one so I thought he knew. I ended up doing most of the work. I really think it's a no from your side but I would get things in writing on what he plans to help out with and make sure he's going to help out with the night or morning feedings. We introduced a bottle at 2weeks and I nursed all the time except for the 5am feeding so I could get more sleep then after 3 months we introduced to bottle feedings and I was able to start running errands or even take a nap w/o being wakend by my Husband to feed the baby. Maybe your teens could help to but they shouldn't be expected too. Again, I think you need to sit down with your Husband and make sure he's going to help out everywhere you need it. Diaper changing, helping when he's fussy (Happiest Baby on the Block DVD, you have to have it if you decide to try again) Anyway if you do decide you better make sure he knows how you feel so when your exhausted and he's not helping out you can bring out the sheet where you talked about everything and him helping out and there are no surprises. (also write down that you may go through depression again and he needs to be loving and supportive and not impatient with you, but you don't ring it for everything either, that'll really hurt you marriage. Hope this helps