To Kindergarten or No????? Hold Him Back or Let Him Go.

I see a lot of people mention size as a reason to hold him back, people come in all sizes and I do not think that should be a factor. If someone is 6 or 7 but the same size as a kindergarden student should they be held back? What about if they are tall - should they skip ahead? They are suppose to learn to read and write numbers and letters in Kindergarden not be able to do these things before they can go so if it were me I would put him in the public school with his neighborhood friends where he already has a comfort level with them and they will be on the same level when they play together - sometimes neighborhood kids can decide they doen't want to play with the "baby" if they are the same age but not in the same grade.

I grew up being the youngest in class most of my academic life (started college at 15).

IMO, age aside, even if a child's intelligence is up to par to forge forward, you also have to consider his emotional and social quotients. He may not be developmentally ready for certain things. In a Montessori environment, since they do perform at their own pace, I would assume that the teacher knows him well especially since he has been there for 2 years. Personally, I would heed her advice and hold him back. They can always pull him up in the middle of the year (A private Montessori should be able to.)

I can understand why you are really thinking about this. I have heard many people say that they were held back and have said it was a great thing and others have said it was not a good thing. If you keep him in the Montessorri school I would wait another year. They probably know who is ready from experience at their school. If you do not stay at the Montessori then I would have him start school. If he's been in Montessori school he probably could handle public school well (definitely an advantage to kids that have had very little school experience or only daycare experience). Either way he will probably do great and kids are very resilient. As to the concern about being small, start teaching him how to stand up for himself and read suggestions on how to help him prevent being bullied, there is a ot of info out there right now about that.

Send your son to Kindergarten on time. Before you hold him back because of a suspected academic concern, please log on to www.wrightslaw.com and scroll down the left side fo the page, click on retnetion, and read about what holding him back could do to him academically, if indeed he has an issue with written expression, which is very common and often leads to full academic failure if not remediated early and correctly. You will stunt him by one full year of academic intervention prior to his window of oportunity closeing for the best remedition to take place. After age 9, it is far more difficult, and by holding him back, you almost gaurentee that he will lose not just a year, but more than that because he will be compared to children who are a year younger than he is, and where you see issues, the school will see none, unltil it is far too late for him to make progress and stay at grade level. Please read about the real statistical information about retention. It is not a good thing for children, and it is a disaster for kids who may need even only brief intervention. It may feel good, and you will likely hear terrific nice stories about kids who did great, but the people whose kids expereinced full academic failure will not be posting thier anecdotal infomation here in response to this post, and they out number the glowing anecdotes you will read here by a vast margin.

I work as an advocate, and I would say that maybe half of the parents I work with have a child who is in the 4th-6th grade, and contact me because they have a child in full academic failure, the school has just now begun to help them, and thier child is really miserable and needs extensive remediation, and usually, psychiatric services too. It all started when they were told that their child needed another year to "mature" becuase one or more academic skills seemed weak, and the child paid a horible price. I can go back through the educational records and show the parents the progression and it is the same every time. The child is held back, still has some issues in Kindergarten, but they are not so bad that the child is too far behind, he lags behind in first grade, and the parents ask for help, but the school says that the child is not so far behind the other first graders that it is a problem. Second grade, the teacher does not seem to like the child, and the child is lazy, a behavior problem, or just does not want to try. The teacher suggests that maybe the parents should take him to the doctor and see if he has ADHD. The parents say, no, he needs more help with reading, he is older than every one else, and he should be doing better by now. The teacher agrees to put the child in a minimal reading program. They see very small progress, and the teacher reports that the child has made great progress, more than the parents see, but that his attitude is the real problem. The child begins to be sullen and angry at home, and the parents begin to thing that the teacher is right. For third grade, they try to get him the good teacher that they think will help him, and they succeed. She is very structured, and he does a little better, and is in less trouble, or she handels it well when he acts out in class...she gives him a little more reading interventions, and she tells you that she would like to have him evaluated for special education. If you are lucky, he gets evaluated then, and actually starts a reading program that is scientificially sound and produces results, but for many kids, this never happens, and they fail the state reading assessment that is given in third grade, or the school evaluates, and puts the child in special education to try and keep them from taking that test, and does not provide appropriate servicecs.

When I get involved, the evaluation data has the child as far behind his peers on the standardized assesments. The problem? He is compared to his aged peers on those assessments, and the school compares him to his grade peers for everything else, and frankly, tosses out and ignores the standard measures. Parents are in a total panic. They see that thier child is functioning at the 11th percentile for reading at the childs age. But the school insists that they are nearly reading at grade level, and that the problem is not so bad...it is a never ending argument. The one who loses, is the child, and by the time I see them, they are failing everything because they cannot read, they cannot write, they cannot spell, and they are so frustrated, they don't want to try.

Please read the facts. The anecdotal information about sucess is fine, those were kids who were going to succeed no mater when they went to school. The problem is, you do not know if your child is that child, or the child I just described above. I do not point out to my clients where they went wrong, but they figure it out once I explane what the school can do, and why they get away with it, and what we can do to get better services, but I can try my darndest to keep this from happening to other children. You do not want to have to work with me. www.wrightslaw.com/retention.

Good luck,
M.

My son is in yh same situation. He started kindergarten this school year but he didn't 5 until the week after school started...he's an August birthday and just made the age cut off by two weeks. My sister in law suggested keeping him out another year because he just turned five but I didn't want to "cut him off at the knees" just because of his birthday. My husband and I decided we would enroll him and if he wasn't thriving and meeting the requirements, we would send him to another year of kindergarten. At our first conference, the teacher discussed the possibility of holding him back, one reason was his writing skills. I'll be honest, my boy was writing all over the page without consideration of the lines that were there. And he wasn't really counting as high as he should. We took it in and decided we would supplement some work at home. By our next conversation with his teacher (1 1/2 months later), he was counting like he should and his writing crazy good. It was like it was someone else writing! I couldn't believe something I was doing at home as actually helping him with school :) So now he's up to par with the rest of his class (kids who are 6 or much closer to 6 than my son).

All this rambling later...I say enroll him in kindergarten. The Montessori teachers may not think his writing is up to par but with a little work it could be. Honestly, I don't even work with my son every night but he's doing fine. And the immaturity...I was worried about that when my son started. But his teacher said it was common for kids to act like that when they start school but they soon adjust to the class and the schedule. And it doesn't just apply to kids who are 5, but to kids who are 6 as well.
I say take the chance on your son. You say he's very smart, I'm sure he'll do fine. Just because one teacher doesn't think he's ready for her program doesn't mean he won't excel.

I'm right there with you. My son will be 5 in late July, and I think we're going to hold him back, but we haven't made a decision. Most of the time I only hear people talking about academics: numbers, letters writing. I'm not even thinking about academics. If he's behind, I can work with him and help him catch up. That's not even remotely my concern.

I'm concerned with social maturity. I can't help him there. They only thing that can help him is time and experience, and the only way he can gain experience is through another year at school. I'm looking at a local private school that has a pre-k program. I'm going to make an appointment to talk to the teachers there, but I'm also going to make an appointment to talk to the kindergarten teacher at our public school (where he will eventually attend). I'm hoping they can talk about their expereience with summer birthdays and what they've observed.

This is really tough, because it's difficult to evaluate. I took him to the pre-k screeenings, and he was tested for fine motar skills and gross motar skills and language etc. He did fine in every area. But they can't measure his maturity.

Good luck, I'll be reading.

This was me a year ago! My son is a late July birthday and small (he is 5 1/2 years and only 34lbs and wears 3T/4T clothes). My son attended a Catholic preschool for 2 years. I loved his preschool teacher and asked her what she thought. She felt he could go either way. She felt he was ready for kindergarten (the Catholic school here is more advanced than the public schools), but she said there are advantages to holding younger boys back (size, maturity, etc). My husband was against holding him back because he is also a late birthday (August) and did just fine in school--graduated from West Point.

We put him in kindergarten with his peers at the Catholic school. He is doing great! He is the smallest student in the class, but I think he's going to be a smaller framed adult, so holding him back wouldn't have made him grow more! I really felt he would have been bored in preschool again. He is reading, doing math, and has adjusted just fine.

My thought was that if he struggled, then he could do kindergarten again. I'd rather have him do an extra year of kindergarten than an extra year of preschool.

Some articles I read talked about red-shirting kindergarteners. Essentially, parents were delaying their boys one year, so they'd have a size/age advantage for high school sports. That made me sick!

If you son spent a few years in a Montessori school, he is probably more than ready for kindergarten. I would send him and let him repeat if necessary!

It really depends on the child. My son has a good friend whose b-day is the last day of Aug, so he basically squeaked by the cut off. He's fine. All kids are different. They will work on writing -- a lot. Kids do not have to be perfectly writing by K....
I guess there's no harm in enrolling him in K--if it doesn't work, you can always re-do or pull him out til the next year.
Oh--O. thing is that my son's friend is basically always in the younger cut offs for all sports (not sure if that's an issue for you), so sometimes it is nice to have them in sports groups with their actual school peers...

My son was a June baby. He attended a private pre-school at age 3 and 4, then went to public school at age 5. He was literally the youngest child in the entire Elementary School (Grades K to 5th). He loved it - he felt very special and the school made a big deal out of it that year. He was smaller than most of his classmates, and also had "shy" episodes. You know what, it all worked out - he loved Kindergarten and developed friendships that he still maintains, 13 years later.

He is still shorter than the majority of his classmates now in 9th grade. But you know, he doesn't mind. He is confident in his abilities and with himself.

Open communication with your child's teachers and the school administration is important and it sounds like they are already willing to ensure his comfort and success in Kindergarten. Starting classes with neighborhood children is a real plus because it will give him a built in network in school and in the neighborhood.

My son will graduate high school when he is 17 (actually I did also). He will be a new 18 year old when he starts college - but again, age really doesn't matter as long as he is academically prepared and confident in his skills. Let's face it, we have all met 20 somethings that aren't ready for college.

Send your child to Kindergarten and help him to be excited about going to "big school". It really will be okay.

I completely understand your worries. My youngest, who is three is a mid-august birthday too. I am already worrying about whether to send him to kindergarten on time or not. I hope I have a better idea by the time we get to that point. Keep in mind though that in general Montessori programs are very different than other pre-school programs and pretty intense. I have a good friend who attended a Montessori program when she was young and she always says how weird she always felt around her peers who did not attend because of their teaching methods. She told me she would never send her kids because she feels even to this day-she is 40-that she processes very differently than most people. (she was in Montessori all through school. ).
Have you attended the public school kindergarten program and observed yet? Maybe they could share their curriculum with you? Then you may have a better idea. Good luck!

check into head start he doesnt sound ready it would be cheaper than monesterri school

I would send him. There is no evidence that holding them back has any benefits (there is some new research looking at this). Your description of your Montessori is strange - this sounds very different than the 'extended day - kindergarten' program my son will start at our Montessori next year. If you like the Montessori approach, you may want to look at other Montessori schools in your area - ours does not have an 'intense' amount of writing - it does not sound that much different than the first 2 years.

I'm not too familiar with the Montessori type programs but I thought that the purpose of the program was that the child was to work at his or her own pace?
I would probably let him try and give extra help at home if necessary and if things did not work out go back to the other program again.

Sorry read your post again? I see that the Junior program is not a Motessori program.

My son went to a Montessori school for preschool and kindergarten. He also has a late August birthday. When he finished that third year of Children's House at the Montessori school (K year) he was multiplying and reading the Magic Treehouse books independantly, so we really thought it would be a bad idea to not let him go on to first grade. By the time he got to first grade in our public schools, he was far far ahead of the other students academically, and fine socially. One thing to remember is that in Montessori schools, they are in mixed age classrooms, so he's already used to being in a class with kids older than he is. So back to our experience... by halfway through second grade, he was so frustrated and bored that he came to ask us if he could go back to Montessori, be homeschooled, or skip 3rd grade. We talked to his principal, they did some testing, and as a result offered to allow him to skip third grade. We decided not to, because he's young for his grade already and looking ahead, I hated the idea of his going to middle school having just turned 9. So he was accellerated in math, and they differentiated all other subjects for him, and it seemed a good compromise. I suspect that he would have been even more frustrated if he had not done K when he was 5.

j

I have twin girls whose birthday is in September. They just made the cut off by about a week. I had the same concerns as you and did a lot of debating about whether to hold them back or not. I decided to let them go with the option of keeping them back if they didn't seem to be doing well. They were still 4 when they started this past September. But they are doing great and as of now, the teacher doesn't see any problems with them moving on to 1st grade. I do also believe that working with your child at home with writing and other academics really does make a huge difference. My girls were already in daycare and preschool so I wasn't as concerned about the social issue. If your son has been in a program already with other kids, he's already used to that environment. One of my girls is very shy also and one outgoing. I think that is just their personality. I don't think holding the shy one back would have made any difference. But, again, she is doing fine, too. Good luck with your decision, it is not an easy one!

Jen, I am pretty much in your same situation. My son turns 5 the day before the cutoff for kindergarten, and we are going ahead with it. He is currently in a private Pre-K that is truly incredible, and he can do so much, so I feel completely comfortable academically. I know my son is a bit timid and sensitive, but I have really seen him grow and come out of his shell. He will do kindergarten in this private school and then head to public school for 1st grade. There are also 3 other boys in my neighborhood that he plays with all the time and he will get to be with them, but he wouldn't if I held him back.

The way I see it, you can always have him do 2 years of kindergarten, but you can never skip ahead. My husband and I like for our son to be younger because he thrives on being around older children, whether it be school or sports. It pushes him. Plus, we have a boy in the neighborhood being held back, so he'll be 6 when he starts kindergarten (for athletic reasons). So, he is going to know much of the information being taught, and likely be bored. I am trying to foster his education, not squash it.

Ultimately, it is dependent on the child, and I think that you can work with him and it will make a difference. My son loves to do education workbooks that you can buy anywhere with activities and practicing letter writing. You have the summer to work with him as well. The teachers and principal are not his parents, you are, so it is your decision and one you have to live with. I recommend you choose what you think is best for your son and your family. Good Luck!

What might possibly happen to his skills in the next 8-9 months? He will be a different child. Let him stay with his age group and go to Kindergarten, regular school, and see if he does well. My goodness, it's 8 months away.

As for college, he could just decide to drop out of high school as a junior when he turns 18 too. I know how hard it is to try and do what is right. Just do the best you can and then adjust when needed.

My son has a mid August birthday, too, and I, too went through the same agony. My gut tells me to keep him out an extra year, but then there's this little nagging voice that there are several of his friends both in his preschool and our neighborhood who are going to K next year.

I am going with my gut. We love his preschool, but because some of his closest friends are going to K in the fall, we looked into a few "transition programs" for young 5s, and will send him to one of those. Yes, the money would be nice to not have to spend, but as more than one person has told me (including his pediatrician), why start him off struggling, when he can go when he's 6 and more confident.

I have a daughter in 1st grade (Oct b-day), and she is doing great. I have spoken to her K teacher and she said that kids enter at ALL levels, some can write well, some can read, and some can't. She said that by the end of the year, they can all read and write, but still at different levels, but I think that's the case throughout school, even adulthood!

Good luck!

I know you have a lot of posts already.
What I find lacking in most conversations about this subject is what happens at the other end. Sure, many boys are smaller, or less developed in the early years, but this changes. They get big. And more scary than a younger small boy at the beginning, is a large bored 19 year old in high school. Don't you remember those boys? This thought alone convinces me to push my boy, small or not, to enter Kindergarten with his appropriate age group.

I haven't read the other responses to get what the majority is saying but I will share that I have five year old twin boys whose birthday is in mid June. They could have started kindergarten this year but my husband and I decided to give them another year (they go to five day a week half day preschool right now). I am so deliriously happy that we made this decision. I love them being the oldest in their class and know I will next school year as well. On the other hand, my 12 year old daughter has an August birthday and started kinder 8 days after her fifth birthday. While she has done fine, I kind of wish she had the benefit of being the oldest among her peers, especially now that she is in the crazy world of middle school. Also, in my life before kids, I was a public school elementary teacher and I can tell you that there were some kids that I felt were way to immature to be in the grade they were in. I look at it this way...I could see myself regretting sending the boys earlier and wondering what another year would have done for them but I really don't think I'll ever regret holding them back. All the people I've talked to (mainly at church) who held their young birthdays back said it was the best decision they made.

Kind of sounds like hte Montessori wants your business for another year or two..... :)

I think, judging on your description of him, he is ready for K. My oldest has a June birthday and started K when he turned 5, and is now in 3rd grade at 8yrs old and doing wonderfully. My younget son missed the cutoff by 20days and he's so bored in preschool again this year. I wish he could have started K but he can't until next year when he's 6.

Send him.

Jen,

Schools are very academic these days. The expectations by the time they exit Kindergarten are high. A child on grade level can read a simple book, write a simple paragraph, has the ability to write their numbers to one hundred, can add, subtract and tell time to the hour and half hour. In addition, there is very little time to play. Sadly, kindergarten is no longer a place where they learn to go to school and socialize but a place where a child can find themselves already behind. Most schools, have moved from a half day model to a full day program. This taxes the child more.

I have taught first grade for 11 years. In my experience, as a mother and as a teacher, I would rather have my child as one of the oldest than one of the youngest. School should not be a struggle.

My two oldest are school aged currently. My 11 year old is in fifth grade. He has a December birthday but missed the cut off by four days. Many of my friends encouraged me to request from the school early admittance because he is very bright. I did not do it. When he was younger I did not see the benefit of this decision. Now I do. He scores in the 99% on standardize testing and academically he does well but he still needs the actual instruction from the teacher to succeed. Could he have succeeded if we had pushed him? Sure, but it would have made him work all that harder and perhaps he socially would not have fit in.

My second son was born in April so there was no question when he would start. He also is academically strong but he is socially and emotionally immature. It's too bad that I could not have held him back to grow developmentally. His academics though demand the higher grade and he actually goes to the next grade up for math.

So ask yourself, if the cost of school is the only thing making you want to push him forward, why are you? Don't worry about what the other boys in your neighborhood are doing. In the end, when your son gets home from school and homework has to be completed, those families won't see the success or struggle your son is having (and you won't see theirs).

The junior program sound developmentally appropriate. Ask yourself, what is the rush? Let him be a young child that has time to play.

If you get the opportunity, you should see the movie "The Road to Nowhere".

Have you tried asking your son what he wants to do? No, seriously! I'm an August baby so I was just barely 5 when I started kindergarten. The school said technically I was allowed to enroll, but they didn't always recommend it for "young" 5-year-olds. So my mom asked me. I was bored with preschool at that point and was eager to start something new, so off I went to kindergarten.

I did eventually have trouble with other kids, shyness, etc., but I think I would have had that at any age. And the "just turned 18 and off to college" is not bad at all. By that age, if you've raised him to be independent and self-sufficient, he'll be ready; otherwise, he won't be. Whether he's 17, 18, or 25 :) Added bonus was that I had graduated and started a job at 21 :)

hold him back.. give him an extra year of being a child playing.. you might need to find a different preschool for next year if hte school you are at is not a good fit for next year.

my daugher has a december birthday and she did not make the kindergarden cutoof this year..(5 by 12/1 in our state) she is enjoying her last year of preschool and maturing nicely..