To Preschool...or Not to Preschool?

Updated on May 07, 2009
K.H. asks from Murrieta, CA
9 answers

I recently enrolled my daughter in what my husband and I deem as an "excellent" preschool. She is scheduled to start in June (She will be 3 next week). This was not a problem for us until I started thinking about her not being here! She is supposed to attend two-half days per week. I had one mom tell me, "why would you want her to go? They are in school so long...12 years, why start her so soon? Don't you want her at home?" I had another mom tell me that her kids went to Preschool at 4 (a very good one...btw) and they were behind in school for a while. She said that she wishes she started her kids at 3, and that her youngest will start at 3. I am just so torn! My daughter is very ready, and is asking to go. To add to the mix, we are expecting our second child next Jan, and I know that these next few months will be the only one-on-one time I will have left with her. I called the Preschool, and they said that there are no guarantees that she will get in if I choose to register her later. I have another friend who put her kids on waiting lists for Preschools, and they NEVER got in. Now, they are going to Kindergarten without any formal preparation (which I don't want to happen to me). I want her to go, but maybe not right now at only 3. So, in lies the dilemma. Thoughts? Help!

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all of your suggestions and support. I am going to send her in June:) The bottom line is that SHE is asking to go, and I know she is ready. I can't put other people's opinions and my guilt in front of allowing her to grow, learn, and thrive. I shouldn't have doubted my original decision in the first place, but no one is perfect. After all, like some of you said...it's only 2-half days per week! Haha! Thanks ladies :) xoxo

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D.C.

answers from Reno on

I think it is a good idea to send her. If she is excited about going and likes it, 2 half days would be good. If she hates it then let her get a little older, and try it again. Every child is different, after all the advice moms just have to do what they think is best for there child at the time. Good luck!

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R.J.

answers from San Diego on

<grinning> My first reaction was: It's only 2 half days a week.

The second reaction: What a great time to start... To give her six whole months of continuity before her sibling comes home. That way, the preschool will already be set into her schema of what's normal & fun... and doesn't get jumbled together with baby craziness.

Of course, these are my opinions and reactions. And here are my two bias:

1) We had a FANTASTIC preschool experience. We started off slow, too. 3 half days per week. About six months later we took the "lunch option", which added an hour (because he sooooo wanted the extra time, and low an behold, I managed to "fill" that extra hour to myself ;). The next year we bumped it up to 4 half days. The plan* was that that would lead naturally into 5 half days for Kindergarten, which would lead into 5 full days of first grade. I have to tell you, I did NOT sleep the entire night before his first day. I was soooo nervous. Him: Fine. Me: A Wreck Pretending Not To Be. I could have gotten an oscar nod for that performance. Oi. But he had the most WONDERFUL 2 1/2 years at Chelsea House. If we ever make it "big", or win the lotto I'm going to be making some huge cash donations to that school. They were such an amazingly good influence on my son, I not only wish he could still be there, I'd like to set up a grant program for other kids to go there. Have I mentioned that this bias is that I LOVED our preschool experience? ;)

* See below

2) We homeschool. Our plan did NOT go as scheduled. First off: by the end of his last year at preschool he was doing 5 hour stretches... but the kindergarten 1/2 day was only 3 hours long. Ummmm.... & the full day was 8 hours. HUH. Not a lot of give, there. So we decided to go full time, rather then backwards and then thunk him into reeeally long days the next year. The 2nd problem was that my son LOVED school (montessori preschool), until he started at public school. Then he started to HATE it. Crying literally everyday as soon as he got in the house. He was bored. He was t.i.r.e.d. He liked his friends... but the school itself was miserable. The curriculum at his proper school wouldn't catch up to what they had ALREADY learned in preschool until the 2nd/3rd grade. Long story short: For 1st grade, this year, we decided to homeschool. So, just because your smart little girl heads off to preschool, doesn't mean your plans might not change midstream, if you end up like us, you could very well be with her 24/7 again for the next 10 years. :) (Most homeschoolers start going to college around 14-16)

Now, my assumption is that since you're a psychologist (or in the process of?), is that you practice authoritative parenting? With gradually increasing areas of independence and responsibility? If so, your plan sounds perfect, If I were you I would enroll her and keep an open mind. See how it goes. See if she's thriving and you're thrilled. Introduce, observe, plan, & act... instead of a preemptive strike. ESPECIALLY if the preemptive is brought on by a wave of self doubt introduced by your friend coupled with the oh-soooooo-frustratingly-natural "My baby's growing up!!!" pangs we all get.

Anyhow. Just my opinion. Choose what's best for you and YOUR family. We're all so very different. Good Luck.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree with SH. You know your daughter better than anyone. You know what they say...Opinions are like rear ends.Everybody's got one! Follow your Motherly instincts,because everyone has their own ideas on proper rearing of children.Two half days a week isn't a whole lot of time away from you. She may be real excited now, but you may get a different reaction,once she sees you leave her there. This could be tougher than you think. She may be more prepared at three, however if you have a new baby on the way,this could be benificial for her as well as you,giving you some one on one time with the baby,while shes having fun with children her age. Don't allow yourself to be pushed by the school. If it turns out she isn't ready,then there's next year. If they can't guarantee a spot for her. Oh Well! They aren't the only great preschool around! I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.J. M

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Do what YOU want and feel. NOT what others tell you.

My daughter, started preschool when she was 3 going on 4 years old. She went for 1 year. Then she went to Kindergarten when she was 4 going on 5 years old (she is late born).
She was fine... she was NOT behind or too young or too this or too that, or not enough this, or not enough that.

And yes, we started her with preschool, when I was preggers with my 2nd baby...my daughter had about 2 weeks of preschool, after which I gave birth to my 2nd child. It was all fine and good.
I had chosen her preschool and then registered her about 6 months beforehand. I was told THEN, that my daughter would have a slot in her school and her space was confirmed. But her preschool is year-round enrollment and goes year-round.

My daughter WANTED to go. She asked to go. She was HAPPY to go. We started her off at part-time 3-days a week for half-a-day. Then after a few months, she went full time, everyday. She LOVED it.

Go according to YOUR daughter's emotional "readiness" and maturity. Each child is different.

And, it does not matter how exclusive a Preschool is... or if it is a "feeder" school for private schools. My daughter, after I visited several preschools, went to a darn good preschool... in which they learned way more than a "private" preschool AND the Teachers were FABULOUS and it was a lot darn more creative and so so terrific. MAIN THING IS, that your child like the school, and is happy and the Teachers are caring and loving.

All the best,
Susan

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son will be 3 in July and has been attending to 2-half days since January, and loves it. I didn't really think of it as school, but more like a chance for him to be around other kids for a few hours (like a playdate) and learn some stuff while he is there.

I work full-time, and my little dude spends mornings with his Dad or my Mom and really this was a blessing. While he was already a chatter box, this has given him confidence and now he's explaining to me how to draw circles or paint a picture.

I agree with Susan and Julia...follow your heart and your gut. I have a friend who has had her little girl in daycare/preschool since she was 9 months old and she's a SAHM. But, this works for her and is what she needs to do for her family. We butted heads about exposure and socialization, but in the end having my son home with Grandma was a better option for me and not a choice that I could make in my heart.

You are the best judge of your kiddo and if she is ready, then go for it.

Good Luck!

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

I sent my daughter to preschool in September and had baby #2 in Feb. She loves her school. Not only is she learning, but it helps my shy little one so much socially. She knows that she needs to be respectful of her teachers and the other students. Preschool is definitely more about learning social behaviors which helps children to advance on an emotional level. I think that is more important than ABC's or 123's. That is also something that they can not get from staying at home. If your daughter is asking, shouldn't you give her the opportunity to go?

Another benefit is that it gives you some baby bonding time once you have your newborn. Think about baby #2 since he/she will never get to have you 100% of the time like your daughter did.

In my opinion the only negative to preschool is the cost.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi K., I think 2 and a half is a little young for pre school, but only you know if she is ready and 2 half days a week isn't going to take away from your daughter, because she will be learning and making friends, and growing in so many areas. I went to mommy and me classes with my first child starting at age 3, my second child did not want to go to pre school, but my daughter went in Japan when she was 4 it was only 2 days a week, and i missed the hect out of her, it's not about not wanting your daughter home wth you as one parent put it, it's about letting your daughter spread her wings a little when you think she is ready. I'm a home daycare provider, and I know from a lot of experience that children your daughters age loves to learn and do activities, this other mom maybe a little jealouis ause she didn't sent her child. J. l

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

if she wants to go let her. you can always pull her out if shes not happy after a month or so. its only a few hours 2 days a week. dont you want to see her soo happy to tell you what she did in school that day?. my daughter will start preschool most likely at 3 (thats next year!). you will still get one on one time with her. to me its like your mind is making you think she will be gone all day. plus when the new baby comes those couple hours shes gone you can get a good nap lol.
my thoughts on preschool are that its a great preperation for kindergarden. it helps the kids to learn to sit still and do crafts and make friends. it also teaches them needed things for kindergarden - abcs, numbers, their name (writing it also), colors, shapes and writing.
i hope this helps you good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

If she is asking to go then why would you not want to send her? It's only 2 1/2 days... thing of the precious time you'll get with the new baby... not to mention they develop social skills and the teachers do get them ready for kindergarten. Research some studies on the benefits of pre-school... noticed you have a degree in Psych... put it to use and break out those journals. :)

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