To Those Who Have Dealt with or Had a Loved One with cancer...your Thoughts?

You are a very thoughtful person and she is fortunate to have you as a friend.
Having found out a little over a year ago that I had cancer, I know I would have appreciated something like that. Emotional support is very important.

I would write the letter and be positive and/or offer to be there to help them get through this time. As for a prognosis that they may have 7 or 2-3 years, no one comes with an expiration date stamped on their butt. Everyone is different so a time should not be mentioned.

I always let my family know how I feel about them, I tell them all the time because we really do not know how long we each have on this earth.

Personally, I would do it in person and apologize that it took this disease to make you realize you've never expressed it. No, I think it's a beautiful thought and there is nothing "insensitive" about it. I am sorry for the prognosis of your loved one. It's a very hard journey.

Write and go and spend time with her.

This time last year one of my very best friends/business partner was diagnosed with cancer.. We also felt it would be a few years or more once she got through all of her treatments, She completed all of it and then.. was told she only had 3 more months.. , but she died just a few weeks ago.only 2 weeks after.

I have no regrets, because we spent a tremendous amount of time together this last year. We had amazing honest conversations.. And we were totally open with each other. It never dawned on us she would die so soon.. NEVER...

All through this year her home was filled with friends and families from all over the country. You never knew who would be in her living room and what discussions would be going on.

We laughed a whole lot..

I told her I loved her every time I saw her. She told me she loved me every time..

Never think you are imposing, when you give from your heart..

"It just made me realize that we are all limited in our time here, and we should say what is in our hearts when we have the chance." 'What do you think?' I think you're right-and very sweet and able to put your feelings in a letter for your loved one to bring out in 15 years and read again for the 15th time. All the best and God bless.

Write them, but better yet, if you can visit them do so. I have said good bye too many times in recent years and never regret a visit (even if it wasn't a "good bye" visit). One of our friends had a tough 3.5 years after diagnosis, but he was just incredible. I am thankful for the time he did have and I hope I can pass from this world with half as much dignity.

I agree with Robin. And I, too, hope your loved one is reading your words many, many years from now. But whatever you decide, do not pass up the opportunity to tell this person your heart. If ever one needs to know one is loved, it's during a crisis.

Well, I've had quite a few people very close to me have cancer... and beat the odds so far.

The one thing my ex-MIL (whom I'm very close to) told me is that she HATED any kind of overly sentimental stuff at the beginning, because it made her cry and the person writing or speaking it cry, and she really didn't want to be around any kind of negative energy. Her sister wrote such a note to her, and she said it was hard to read because it was so emotion-filled and deep. Since then, I've always kept it light and positive with my friends who are going through cancer.

I send cards OFTEN! Like when they're going through treatment I would send cards at least once a week with a nice note inside -- something sentimental but light. For example, for my friend who had breast cancer, I made her a CD of all our favorite songs when we were kids and sent it to her in a card with some memories of our fun times back then.

After she made it through her treatments and was cancer free, I wrote to her (and also spoke to her) about how much she has always meant to me, and how much I love and admire her strength. I think it's easier after they have made it through the initial difficulties to hear things like that. Otherwise maybe it does sound like you're saying goodbye.... and I think your loved-one just needs cards, flowers, candy, hugs, etc., right now.

Write the letter, pick up the phone, go visit. I had 2 years, 8 months and 3 days to share with my mom how much I loved her. I didn't tell her nearly enough what an amazing impact she had on my life, the life of my children or how much she meant to me. I was worried about making her uncomfortable. Now my mom is gone. She passed away almost a month ago and although I hold no regrets, I know I could have and probably should have made more of an effort of sharing with her. You don't have to word it as goodbye. Just be HONEST, you are scared for this person and realize that they mean a great deal to you and you just want to make sure you share that with them. Let them know that it's not just about cancer.. its about life, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow and if you don't share with this person how you feel, then you are doing you both a disservice. Just my two cents. I wish a positive outcome to this awful disease. Prayers to you and yours.

Dear Erika,

I'm so sorry about your news. This is such tough stuff.

I think I would do this: write / journal your feelings - maybe on a computer? - so you can edit or delete anything you wouldn't want to pass on. It will help you to work through your thoughts and feelings and process the shock. Sit on it for a bit as you continue to work through things and think of things you would want to say either in writing or in person. When you feel ready, print it out and put it in an envelope. If you decide to take it to them, let her know that these are just some thoughts - no goodbye! - and they can read it if and when they are ready. You'll have no regrets by allowing for the opportunity, but you may if you never take the chance.

If you're going to write the letter, make sure you spin as supportive in their fight against cancer, instead of a goodbye note.

But apart from that, you will never regret telling someone how important they are to you.
You'll only regret NOT doing it.

I agree that we should let people know how much they mean to us - like you said, tomorrow is not promised!

I do, however, also agree that for you to write this letter at this time would be like saying goodbye. Attitude play a HUGE role in combatting cancer so I would not write the letter. Also, don't let yourself get overly concerned with statistics. The most recent friend of mine that had cancer had stage 3 prostate cancer that metasticized (SP?) and spread into his liver. EVERYONE thought he would not make it. I kept hope as did he and his family. After taking one full year off work, having two surgeries and undergone at least 3 rounds of chemo, he is great! He has his CT Scans every 6 months and so far, all is well. So, don't count her out yet - miracles happen and advances are made every day. Stay positive so she can stay positive.

You should just find ways every day to tell her how much you care and how much she means to you!

I can only respond as if I were the sick person and you were my friend. The letter is more for you than for her. ASK HER what she wants before you go there. She may want you to make a photo scrap book for her to look at when she is alone, she may want you to sit over and watch some favorite nostalgic dvds with her (Peyton Place, Melrose Place, Dallas, etc.), She may want you to cook somethign that she always liked of yours (cake, cassarole, pie, etc.) ASK HER.

You seem to be a dear friend.

First of all...NO, don't send them a letter if there is hope of survival!
Second, why type of cancer is it, and what stage?
Send them books on good nutrition and how to stay strong.
AntiCancer: A New Way Of Life is a good book.
Spend time with this person and tell them how important they are.
Cancer is something almost all of us will face. I've had cancer. So has my brother. HOPE is what this person needs most right now!

Both of my grandparents had cancer...my Papa almost 6 yrs ago and my Nana just in Oct (when they passed.) Are you able to spend time physically w/ this person or are they too far away? I would send a card of encouragement, and in that you can tell them how much you love them and are praying for good results w/ their treatment. Definitely do what you can, because you WILL wish you had done more when they are gone. I miss my Nana every single day and wish I had spent more time w/ her the last few years...I have a big regret w/ that. I have to look at her pictures and be ever so grateful for all she did for me and my family.

It never hurts to show someone love and support, sick or not. Prayers for you family member.

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your loved one. I just lost my Dad two weeks ago, he had leukemia and kidney failure. The kidney failure he'd actually had for 7 years, and he surpassed all expectations, the doctors thought he'd be gone a month after he was diagnosed with it! The leukemia was recently diagnosed last July, first as Myelodysplasia, (pre-leukemia) then when it turned into leukemia he went fast. We started in-home hospice for him on January 21, he passed on February 17.

We truly didn't expect him to go as quickly as he did, but are thankful for his sake he did, he was in terrible pain. A week before he passed his visiting nurse said, "He's going fast." I had been noticing things changing so wasn't surprised. She said she couldn't, of course, say exactly how much time he had left, it could be a day, 2 days, 4, there was no way to know but she felt it would be soon. He had a great evening that night with grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends, was talkative and smiling and very happy. It was our last good time with him, a real blessing. He lived one more week.

We began saying our good-byes the next day, and it was hard. Knowing he had so little time left made it all the more sad. In hindsight instead of just living life and enjoying it with him after his diagnosis in July (not good from the start as he wasn't a candidate for chemo or radiation) we could have also started saying our "good-byes" and "thank you's" then.

Don't wait, and leave nothing unsaid. We never know exactly how life will play out, and I truly hope your loved one will be with you many, MANY more years. Tell them now how much you love them, how much they mean to you, and thank them for everything they have done in your life to make it better. I believe this will be a major source of support to them as they face the challenges that lay before them.

God bless.

My MIL found out the Monday before Christmas that she had small cell cancer on her liver. She started chemo within a few weeks. She got a stomach flu in April and ended up in the hospital. She could not do chemo anymore and passed away that July.

I got to spend a lot of time with her during those last months. I would go out and just sit watching TV and having a gab fest. I learned a lot from her, she had only a few regrets in her life. One was not taking enough pictures. She said she would have liked to go back and look at lots of albums again and relive those memories.

I do tend to think that writing a letter to a person who may be dying about how much they meant to you would make them dwell on their demise even more. I think this letter is all about you and not about them. IF they mean that much to you then go visit them if they are up to it. If they are not then just visit with their care givers about how wonderful they are.

I guess if I were in that position I would not want to get a letter from someone telling me I had been a good friend to them or anything else. It would feel like a goodbye to me.

I think just write them a letter saying since your diagnosis, i have been thinking about you, and I want you to know how I feel about you, and how important you are in my life- save the goodbyes for when it is certain her time is short.

Hi Erika,

I would just try to spend as much time with them as possible and if its possible, try helping them when they're having a rough day. My mom has been diagnosed with cancer and this is what I do for her. I hope that this helps.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/13611946840290361345

I asked this question about a year and a half ago because my favorite Aunt was dying of cancer and I didn't know if I should call and "say goodbye" either. I was told overwhelmingly to call. I called my Aunt and told her how much I loved her, told her that we were going to name my daughter after her, told her how precious and wonderful it was to have her in my life, and cried like a baby (quietly!) while I was on the phone with her. I am SO GLAD I did that.
I say, 2-3 years is still quite a ways off...and 7 is a LOT! I certainly think that you should call, talk, be together, help...but I don't know if goodbye is needed yet. A lot can happen in 3 to 7 years! Yes, you should say goodbye, I just don't know if now is the time.
L.

I think it really depends on the individual some people might find it comforting to know how much they had an impact on a person & other's might not.. My sister passed away from Cancer in 2007 and I still wish I would of told her more how much she meant to me & that I loved her... You know this individual so you need to do whats in your heart no regretts... we will pray for your friend..