Toddler Discipiline

Time out works at a very young age. You will probably have to put them back in time out a million times at first but it works.

When my child has done something they aren't supposed to - I talk to them in a stern voice and tell them what they did was wrong and WHY it was wrong. Then they have to go to the corner for a time out because of what they did. Often (with my 18 mo old) I have to stand right behind her to keep her there and facing the corner. Then when the time has passed (1 min for every year of their age) I pull them out and remind them what the right things are to do, give them a hug and kiss, and tell them I love them and want them to do good things and be good.

My 18 month old knows the drill and understands that she has been naughty. I highly recommend this. Nothing happens overnight but it really helps control behavior.

I have twin boys that are nearly two now, but were starting to hit or push or pull hair (mainly to each other, but to my older daughter as well) around 18 months. With my older daughter, and with my twins, I started using time out at around 18 months. Since my daughter was the first, it took a while for her to get the hang of what time out was, but my boys caught on rather quickly because they saw her doing it. So, they go to time out every time they do something mean to someone else (for about a minute or so) and as soon as they come out, they have to go tell the person the were mean to that they're "sorry." (since they weren't talking yet, "sorry" was a hug, and mama saying sorry for him.) So far, this has really been working for me, so I'm not sure what else. Some people recommend repeating the action back to them, but since it's hitting, I don't know if I'd be comfortable with it. When one of my boys pulls hair, I will pull thiers back occasionally. Not to hurt them, but to say "ow. ouch. It hurts when you pull hair" while I'm tugging (gently) on his hair. That way he associates the words "pulling hair" with the action of pulling hair. I'm not sure how I would do that with hitting, but it's worked with pulling hair, pinching, and even biting. Anyway. I'm sure you've heard of time out before, so I don't know if it really helped any. But that's what has worked well for me. I think because part of all my kids' personalities so far has been disliking making me or my husband mad or disappointed with them. They much prefer hugs and praise than getting in trouble, so hugging to say sorry and showing affection after doing something mean is natural to them. Some kids don't care if they get in trouble and time outs may not work as well for them. The key is to find what he responds best to, and do that. (easier said than done, I know). Good luck with it.

As far as the dangerous stuff, I think it just comes with the territory when you raise boys! I never had much trouble with that kind of stuff until I had my boys. It was like night and day between my daughter and the boys. It's annoying as all get out, but the only thing that has worked for me is to get rid of all opportunity for them to do the dangerous stuff. Like with your coffee table, you may just have to move it or put it away until he gets older. For my boys, they started out with a rocking chair, book shelves, lamp (on top of the shelves), books, and other toys in thier rooms when they were first born. We switched them to twin beds on the floor around 15 months (because of a move) and between then and now (just shy of 24 months) their room decor has dwindled down to just the beds (and bedding) on the floor, a night light that we have screwed into the wall out of reach, and a short, wide, two-drawer cabinet with the handles busted off(because they tried to climb on them) solely there to block the outlet that the nightlight is plugged into. Everything else that used to be in the room was either destroyed or became too dangerous. The bookshelves were knocked over trapping one or the other of them underneath twice because they tried to climb on them. The books were either chewed or ripped beyond salvation, the rocking chair was being banged against the wall because they rocked it so hard, and the toys were used as weapons to throw at one another.

So... It may just be that you have to put stuff away until he's old enough to understand that he's not supposed to climb on it or whatever. If you find another solution to that issue, I would be SO glad to hear it! ;) Sorry for the length. Good luck with everything!

I am going through the exact same thing with my 18-month old daugther (the hitting part). What I have found effective is what many other moms have recommended below - time out or remove your child from the situation. Some of the Love and Logic stuff is not effective yet (like giving choices for example), but the discipline side of it is totally appropriate. What we do is this. If she hits us, I firmly but calmly tell her hitting is not nice and if she hits one more time, she will go to timeout. I set the limit and see what happens. If she hits again, then she goes straight to timeout. I set up a place for her in our laundry room (I safety proofed it first) and when I bring her there, I tell her why I am sitting her in timeout (because she hit mommy/daddy) and then leave her alone. I stay nearby but wait about a minute to get her. I then ask her to say she is sorry by giving mommy a kiss and we move on. It has worked so well that we went from putting her in several times a day to just one or two if any at all. She is now thinking twice about hitting. Just yesterday, she went to hit me and she saw that I was about to give her my lecture and she immediatly gave me a kiss and her behavior immediately improved. This has only been about a week or two that I started this. She gets it! As long as you act quickly and consistently, and explain why he is in timeout, he'll get it. The problem that I have is when we are in public. Not all situations can you leave, and when you are at a restaurant or something and you can't pick up and leave immediately, I find it frustrating to get my point across - this is still a work in progress, but the discipline at home is going great. Fun ends if she can't be nice - period. Hope you find the right thing for you.

He's a little young for time out to be effective -- he just doesn't get the connection yet. When he does the behavior you want to stop, gently remove him from the situation. Hitting and throwing things are his way of showing he doesn't like what's going on. He doesnt have language skills yet. So give him the words like "I can see that you were angry when ..."
Also, do what you can to prevent the behavior. If a playmate is coming over, put away toys he doesn't want to share or have duplicates. Make sure he has plenty of naps and doesn't get over hungry as these make the behavior worse. And be patient yourself - no yelling or hitting/spanking because he will follow your example.

There is some really great advice already on here. I just wanted to say to nip it in the bud now. An 18 month old is not too young for discepline.

I had my daughter when we were overseas in a millitary community. The kids of the parents who refused to discipline and who hit and threw toys were quickly scratched from everyones playdate list. I lost a lot of respect for friends who didn't discipline their kids and stopped being with them. Teaching your kids how to behave as early as possible is the best thing that you can do for them.

Hey, what is working for me, is to give two options..."you can stay here and play nicely or you can go in your room until you are ready to play nice." No big reaction on my part, just two options (this is the important part, if you show excitment/anger...the behavior will continue). If/When the unfavorable behavor continues, I would take my son to his room and say I will see you when you are ready to play nice. Try it, you will be amazed at the results. Also, we are teaching our son that it is only ok to trow balls, we felt it was important for him to be able to explore his new skill, just not with everything. I am sure at some point that we will change trowing balls to only outside but currently we are still having fun playing both inside and outside with balls.

I don't know what to tell you about the dangerous behavor, because I have yet to find something that works, we are dealing with the same issues with our son.

B.-
I know what you are going through. My daughter is 20 months old and when she was around 18 months she started through things and hitting me husband and myself. We started with time out and it has been working pretty good. First do not get upset you need to stay calm and your voice need to be like you are just talking to him like you do every time during the day when his is not hitting or climbing on this. First the hitting and throwing, we started by finding a corner that is out of the way of toys and stuff that he really would like to have. The kitchen is a great place. Another thing is to have him on a chair and not let him be able to kick his feet on the wall or put his hands on the wall. Know when you first start, start by doing it only for 15 - 20 seconds. After that pull hm off the chair have him look at you and tell him what he did wrong and then say I love you and give him and hug and kiss. When you are out is public and I know that this is hard and people will probably think that you are bing mean but do the same thing only with out the chair, my daughter will stand in the corner at stores, so what ever you think that he will do. On the climbing and jumping on the furniture you need to teach him that is an outside thing to do( like on the playground,etc...)On the time out thing it took us with our daughter about 2 weeks to make it work. Just stick to it and I hope that it will all tune out. One other thind it is never to early to teach your child discipline. The early you start the better I have found out.

Get the book 1 2 3 Magic. It was awesome and my son got it after less than a week.

time out or spankings

Hey, I dont really have a lot of advice, I am going through the same issues. I just read Harvey Kapps book called Happiest Toddler on the Block - he had some great suggestions! I haven't really put them to use yet, but am looking forward to trying them out. Good luck!

What we have done with our little one is just simply not let her do it. If she hits or offers to hit we hold her arms and tell her no. If she does it again, we remove her from the situation. The removal is the big thing cause they don't want to leave the fun that they are having and they will learn quickly. Its all about reaction. If they know that you will not let them get away with it the first time they try something, then they either won't do it, or a warning will be sufficient. Kids are smarter than we give them credit.

Some little people are more challenging physically. A great place to start is to be his shadow--stay within arms reach of him when you are with other children, so you can predict his next behavior and redirect. If he cranks his arm back to toss a block, gently grab his hand and say, "Build a tower," and help him. If a child is approaching his toys and you know he will hit, gently redirect the child away from "his space." When he does hit (and he will!) take time to say, "Ow. That hurt him. I'm sorry, baby," and let him hand the baby a special toy as an apology. My trend here is he is too little to know how to socualize correctly, and being his shadow and his voice will help him learn sooner.
Some great books: Love and Limts by Crary, 365 Wacky Wonderful Ways to Get Your Child to Do What You Want by Crary, The Happiest TODDLER on the Block by Karp.
Since others have mentioned time out, I'll suggest Time-In, When Time-Out Isn't Working by ?? Time-outs was a discipline technique designed for regaining control, such as time to do play playdo quietly, read a book, etc--NOT as a solitary punishment. OUr culture has warped its original intent, so my two-cents as a mom and educator is to read the book before you enlist that technique, because you may find a better way. I have many other favorites if you'd like more ideas. Good luck!

First when he hits, hold his hand down to his side and say sternly "we do not hit, it is not nice" and then set him away from the situation. Even putting him in the corner now, if he gets up, put him back and tell him he has to stay there for one or two minutes. If he throws a toy, take it away for the day, period. If he climbs, pull him down from what he is climbing on, take him away from the area and say "very dangerous!!" and be stern with your tone. If he does it again, do it again. If he continues, it is time for a time out in a play pen, highchair or another room with a baby gate.
At this age it is about learning new things, trying to see what they can do and testing. Being consistent, removing him from the situation and distraction. Move the coffee table so he cannot jump off of it. He needs to learn your tone of when you are serious and it is not okay.
Most kids crumble with deep tones from their moms and dads, just remember that everyone has to do it and be on the same page so he gets it. It may take a 100 times but eventually he will learn. I would scoup up my son and just say "that is dangerous and you can get hurt"...and remove him when he started his climbing phase. Little boys are daredevils at that age and it just continues. As he gets older you can explain that you love him and just don't want him to get hurt, I can say removal and distraction will be your best bet though.

1. Set an expectation. Furniture is not a toy. We climb on toys at the park, not on the couch. We don't bite/hit friends or we won't have any friends.

2. When he does something like bite/hit he gets removed from the situation entirely. IE if you're visiting a friend and he bites or hits, you calmly get up, pack up, and leave. Tell him that you are disappointed that neither one of you will get to play. If the person happens to be at your house, explain what you're trying to do and let them know they may have to cut their visit short. You'll only have to do this a couple of times before he realizes biting/hiting is very serious and you won't hesitate to discipline.

For the couch, or when he does something with an object, either put the object in time out and he can get it back later when he behaves well or in large items you get to pick something to take away. My daughter has had her room totally emptied save her bed when she's had a couple especially bad days. It only happened twice, but she is quite good at taking care of the household things now!

3. Help him put words to his feelings so he can begin to verbalize feelings to friends rather than using physical actions.

4. Make sure he's getting enough time to play and rough house in an acceptable place like a park or back yard.

Good Luck!

I have worked with small children quite a bit at church and have three little ones of my own. One thing I have learned is that they understand a lot more than the appear to on the surface. Go ahead and give love and logic a try on your little one. Make sure there are consistent and pertinent consequences to these actions. He is not to little to understand that every time he throws something or hits a certain conseqence will follow. If he throws a toy, take the toy away and if he hits when he is at the park or playing he can no longer play and/or will have to leave the park. He is little, but that is something even an 18 month old can understand. There also always needs to be a time out so that your child can calm down (with an 18 month old a time out should only be 1 1/2 minutes). Also make sure he knows exactly why he is in time out and why he received the consequence. You would be amazed how often kids go into time out and aren't really sure what they are being punished for, even when it seems really obvious. Be patient and consistent. It can take a long time to see results at that age, but it will eventually work. Keep in mind that children that age can understand the rules and want to follow the rules, but it is very hard for them to have the self control to actually follow them.

"How to Say No to Your Toddler" - great book, explains the PROPER employment of the time-out method. I started at about 18 months and really only had to put my little girl in timeout about 10 times before just the threat of it worked like it was supposed to. She's nwo nearly 3YO and while we still have some issues when playing with friends, she's entirely manageable and I credit the book with helping me to understand the right way to teach discipline.