Toddler Discipline Help

My daughter is just a month older and she also loves to dump out crayons, or anything else! If giving her a few at a time makes you feel better do that, but just know she'll drop those too. My advice is to let her drop them and pick them up at will, but if she wants to move on to another activity not involving the crayons then make a game of picking them up and putting them away. We sing a clean up song and I make it sound ultra exciting to be putting away crayons and soon enough she's on board to help me. If she walks away, I just guide her back to the crayons and persevere...it will work! In fact, this works with just about everything that needs cleaning up. I also got my daughter a pencil bag for her crayons and threw away the box b/c it's much easier for them to get them into the bag than the box. We've been doing this for months and months now so I know if you just make it fun she'll get on board and think cleaning up is awesome. My daughter now sings the clean up song by herself and will initiate clean up of different games, books, etc...not all the time, but enough to make us smile and take advantage of the moment! ;)

I think you're on the right track with the time outs but I wonder if maybe you should designate a different spot for them. You don't want her to associate her crib as the "naughty" place. Hopefully this is just a phase she's going through. I have an almost 27 month old and he can be very "willful" at times. The majority of the time he is as sweet as pie but a lot of times they "test" you. How do you react when she does that? A lot of times when my son does stuff like that I just ignore it and he usually lets it go. Hang in there!

There are a few things at issue. 2 year olds have very short attention spans. They can not color more than 3-5 minutes before they are bored and dumping the crayons changes the game. But it's more than that. Children repeat what they are getting a rise out of. I just read a great example of this.

A daycare friend said that she had a child that was a biter. After several months of trying to get through the phase it stopped for 3 months. One day mom said very loudly that she was glad that this child wasn't biting anymore and she thought they would get kicked out. The child heard this and started biting less than 5 minutes after mom left. The child had long forgotten about biting. But mom brought it up and the child remembered the great fun and rewards he/she had received because of the attention given.

I have seen the same thing in the daycare many times. It's so hard not to react. But it's better to keep as much emotion and fuss out of it as possible.

Here's what I do with crayons. I tell them they may have only 1 crayon at a time. I hand them one and put the box next to them. But I don't use the boxes they come in. They are too hard to keep straight and the temptation to dump them is worse. I use plastic tubs and keep enough for one child in each container. They each get one container next to them when they color. The moment they take more than one crayon out I take the crayons away and tell them they are done. I quietly tell them to go get another toy and play. Most of the time they are not at all upset that I have ended the coloring session because in their mind they are done. Over time they want to do it longer because they have other friends with them. Your daughter at home would not have that positive reinforcement of coloring with other children. You could try coloring your own picture next to her. That may make her want to stay longer. But if you are using this as a way to get a few things done, then just know she is way too young to stay long at all.

What it sounds like you are doing is turning it into a battle. Don't feel bad. We all do it sometimes. But turning it into a battle is the fastest way to make it a battle for a long time to come. I am still guilty of this after 22 years in daycare! I've been a parent for 25 years. So if I forget this sage advice don't think you'll remember every time. So just take a step back and do your best.

Suzi

I agree with the other Moms, don't make a battle out of this because you aren't going to win. She is 2 years old, 2 year olds dump things and she is getting such a huge reaction out of you when she does that it is just imprinting it more firmly in her little mind. I like the idea of only letting her have one color at a time...make a game out of putting that color back in the container ( I would go with a plastic bowl or tub instead of the crayon box, much easier for little fingers). Help her start to learn her colors by talking to her about "Can you put the GREEN crayon back in the tub now?".Let Mom or Dad get in on the action....talk about what you are doing...that you are putting YOUR crayon up before choosing another one. Children are great imitators...so SHOW her what you want her to do but do it in a fun, interactive way!!!
R. Ann

I would try rewarding for doing the right thing and less emphasis on what she is doing wrong. Maybe you could make it a game and pick up all the blue crayons first then move to other colors and make it a race. Or there is always the "clean up song" that usually gets them going and you could offer a sticker chart as reward. Once she has 5 clean up stickers she can get a prize. With my children it was mostly about how I approached them. Rather than asking them if they were ready to clean up or can we pick up crayons now (where she has the opportunity to say no), I would say lets sing our clean up song so we can get ready for lunch.

She's 2, that's what two year olds do is dump everything out. Let her dump them out and play w/ them for a while, and when she's done, show her how to clean up. You are going to have to help her, because I don't know A 2 year old who can clean up their own crayons perfectly. It sounds as though you are expecting your child to be perfect and all this is going to do, is wear you out. I had to take my 2 yo crayons away from him because he seemed to color on everything but paper, and when he learned that paper was the only thing he could color on he got his crayons back, and the first thing he does is dump them out so he can see every color. I don't freak out about it, I just make him pick them up when he's done. All you have to do is be firm and show her what to do and don't let her play w/ anything else until she gets it done.

They say not to use the crib or bed as a place for time out. Pretty soon they won't want to go to bed because they associate it with being in trouble. I would probably try and find a different "time out" place. We have always used the corner which has worked well. Remember she is still young and will continue to test your boundries. I know it gets very frustrating! Try getting her when she runs away and putting her back in front of the crayons. Keep doing that (might be 20 times) until she sits with you. Help her pick up the crayons and then praise her!

I think you are just expecting too much from a two year old. The key is to limit them and do insist on help cleaning up (always good to set habits early), but don't expect them to do the bulk of the work. Give her a few crayons at a time. If she throws them down, let her keep coloring until she runs out. Then the natural consequence is that she has to pick them up. I would consider it a success if she helps you pick up one. Sing a clean up song. It will get better if you stick with it.

I like the ideas posted here: give her just a few crayons & teach her the colors as you work together. With my daycare kids, all the 2 y.o.s are learning colors. With clean-up time, everybody has to help & usually they fight over who gets to put away more crayons. If I notice a child not helping, then ....sometimes that child will end up in timeout. Nothing wrong with actions/consequences. That's how children learn.

As for not using the bed for timeout...I do! It is their safe zone, their place of comfort. It is the one place in my home which is all theirs. I have been sharing my home with children for the past 7+ years, & every single child has -at times- requested to go to bed. Sometimes just to lay there! The key is to never display anger/frustration when using the bed for time out.

AND that would be the key to working with children...never let them see you sweat! Remain matter-of-fact, calm (even if you're seething inside)....& then you'll be able to work thru most issues. Oh, & for timeout, I do use a chair in the living room if it's simply non-compliance. If it's a personal offense against a friend, then the bed is used... with an apology required upon return to the group.

Age 2 is the perfect time to set consequences. If you don't get a handle on your child now....imagine what life could be like when your child is 4 & still throwing things on the floor!

E. you are certainly right in wanting to get the right discipline for your children, I know others on here have said a 2 year old is to young to expect much from, but that is not wise advise, they are very smart and they know how to wear down a parent. Yes she is old enough to know to pick up her things, I have raised 3 children and helped with 4 grandchildren. they all learned very early, starting with throwing things off the high chair. I would take them out of the chair and show them to pick up what ever they threw, I would do that maybe 3 times depends on the attitude they have about picking it up. after the 3rd time, they got a small swat, if it continued the swats got harder until they didn't want a swat anymore, then I won. It is very important to win the battles you pick, if you don't plan on sticking it out until you win, then don't start the battle, because once they win the next battle is even harder to win. What ever discipline you choose just be consistant, consistancy is very important, your child will learn you are a parent who keep their word. A child need a parent they know they can trust to keep your word. This virtue will be important all through the child training and even more when they are teenagers, then they also will learn to be a child of there word. I know this from experience. E. if I can be of help to you in any way please email me. Oh by the way my children that are grown with children of their own, are people you can trust at their word, and they are training their children the same way. We certainly need people in this world that know how to stand on the truth, and have confidence in themselves because of how they were taught that your word is important.
grandma J.

Hello E.,

About the crayon issue... give her 2-3 crayons at a time. That way if she throws them, there's not a lot of pick-up.
Toddlers will be toddlers, won't they?? Don't expect too much from this age. To keep her busy, try to find things she can help you with. For example, when I unload the dishwasher, my three year-old son will get plates out and bring them to me so I can put them away. After I fold laundry, I have him bring me items out of the basket so I can put those away. Finding things for her to do not only will give her things to do, but also give her a sense of responsibility. Yeah, she's younger... but you can get her started by helping HER help YOU.

As for food, you can do the same. Give her a little of each food, one at a time, and don't give her more until she finishes what she's got. This won't last forever, so you can give her more once she shows it will stay in her plate.

NONE of this will last forever, keep that in mind. She's still very young and perhaps later on, she may be your best helper!

Good luck and God bless, ls

PS I agree with Karen B. about not placing her in her crib for consequences. That may backfire on you later by her not wanting to go to bed for naps and at bedtime.

Good Morning E., One of the first things you must not do is use her crib as a time out. Find a place with a little chair or have her stand there. Even if you have to have her just sit on the floor, don't use her crib. It's a discipline time, and if you keep doing that she will get the idea ( possibly) that being in the crib is a bad thing.

She runs away Go Get her, firmly tell her she needs to pick up her toys or what ever. You will probably have to keep hold of her hand and show her how she needs to pick things up. Then place in time out and tell her why she has to stay there. You threw your toys on the floor, that wasn't nice or being a big girl. So you need to sit here until mama says you can get up for being naughty.

Consistency is the key no matter the discipline you use.
Your the Mom, she is the child, learning isn't always fun but necessary for any age.

God Bless and the best of everything to you E.
K. Nana of 5

Hi! I would say, first, give her a little at a time. Kids at this age like to see things fall. She's testing her limits with you. She has learned that this a way of getting your attention.When you give her the crayons, take them out of the box. Set out 3 or 4 without even saying anything, about the other ones in the box. Put them on the floor, along with whatever she colors on. Don't let her see you put the other ones away. Add something else along with her crayons, paper, coloring book. Change the normal routine, maybe it might be the supplies she is upset with. Little ones become bored just as we do. Rotate things that she uses at this time. See if that helps. The food throwing, could be, (I don't like this anymore). Try adding variation to the foods she's eating. Again, they like games at this age. Put the food on her tray (If she eats in a high chair). Try not to give her to much at one time. If you offer her food on a plate, try giving it to her in a bowl. Some toddler have a thing with space. It could be to big of a plate. Let her pick out what she wants to eat. To many choices at one time drives them crazy. This could be a way of expressing her feelings about different things. Remember, they aren't always able to tell us what their feeling. Let me know what happens.

I didn't read all the responses, but here's what we did. Our daughter will be 2 in two weeks, and she is very strong-willed. The first time we had the problem you're experiencing was a few months ago when she dumped Cheerios on the floor on purpose. I didn't get mad, just said, Uh-oh! You need to pick those up. She said no and ran off. I told her she needed to pick up her mess, but she wanted me to do it. I told her no, it was her mess, she needed to pick it up, but that I would help her. She still wouldn't do it, so I told her she would have to sit in time out if she didn't (I know that's not successful for everyone or every situation, but time out does seem to work for us for many things). She refused again, so she went to time out for 1 minute. Then back to the kitchen. She still didn't want to pick it up, but I sat on the floor basically keeping her in the kitchen without any toys or distractions. I would cheerfully say, let's pick up the mess now, and get one or two of them (since I said I'd help) and gave her more chances to clean it up. After a few minutes, I would tell her if she didn't start helping by the count of three, it was back to time out. This went on for an hour. (I only put her in time out 4 times.) I realize that seems extreme (I questioned if I was doing the right thing myself), but as I said, she's every strong-willed. She needed to understand who was in charge and that she needs to obey. It was very difficult, but I stuck it out, and the next time it happened, she only had to go to timeout once because she knew I meant business. We still have battles of the wills from time to time, and if it's something minor, I let it go, but if it's important, I stand my ground and don't give in (even if it takes a long time and I want to cry, too). It's difficult, but in the long run, I know it's the best thing for her. Good luck!!

Just hang in there...I think what you are doing is perfect. She does need to learn that it is ok to make a mess, but she has to help clean it up. You will be glad later, especially when the new baby starts crawling and putting things in his/her mouth! Keep up the good work!

I have the exact same situation. I am due in August and have a 20 month old who also likes to dump things out. I usually get down on the floor with him and put them back together and talk about why it's important not to throw things on the floor. I also sit between him and his escape route. I am not sure if it's working or not, but I think with any form of cause/reaction discipline it takes awhile to take effect and can get worse before it's eliminated. Maybe take a look at some positive discipline books every now and then just to remind you you're on the right track so you don't get frustrated.

When my daughter (2) does this, we sing the Barney "Clean-Up" song until she gets them picked up. We also do a thing that she thinks is fun where I say, "I get two, and you get two." Then we each take turns picking them up two by two. She starts saying it with me and we get it done. She thinks both of these things are fun and so she helps me pick them up. Just an idea, but this works for my family and this gets her to pick them up--which is the end goal.

E.-

I have a 23 month old daughter and what I do in situations like that is hold my ground. If she refuses to put something away (toys or a book), I firmly tell her she cannot play with anything else. She has just now started to fight me (and her grandma) on this issue. She'll keep telling us no and get another book. We firmly tell her that we will not read another one until she puts the first one up. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, but eventually she realizes she will not win.

I do not suggest time out (if this is what putting her in her crib is supposed to be) because I do not think she's doing it to annoy you or purposly make you mad. She's testing you to see what happens. If I throw these crayons down, will mommy pick them up? Will she laugh or give them back to me? She knows she getting attention from you too. I would suggest limiting her to one crayon, book, etc for the time being and when she is done, try to catch her before she throws it down and show her how to put it up. Instead of having her put it into the box (this may be too complicated), have her put it into a bag or plastic box or bowl. Maybe give her two crayons and sit with her and color and switch crayons and show her how every time you are done, you put it back. Praise her when she does it right. I am a firm believer in modeling. If she sees you doing this, she may follow.

If that does not work, maybe remove the crayons for a week or two and focus on different toys. In order to get my daughter to clean up her toys, we sing the "Put Your Toys AWay, Don't Delay, Help Your Mommy/Daddy/Grandma have a happy day!" I've sang this to her since she was young and she now sings the song and puts her toys away. This includes in the bathtub. Last night, she made a mess of her playroom in the bsaeement and it was time for bed and she was heading upstairs and I told her she had to clean up her blocks. My husband said he would get it. I told him that she needs to be responsible for it. So I brought her downstiars, started singing the song and helping her and she put everything away.

On the food topic, is the throwing her bowl/plate down or just the food she has in her hands? If it's the entire bowl/plate, I woudl suggest getting the ones that stick onto the table so she cannot do that. Sometimes my daughter throws her silverware or food when she's done. We calmly tell her 'no throwing' and move her food away. After a minut or two, I give it back to her. Maybe start by only giving your daughter 1-2 bites of food at a time?!

Good luck. It sounds like she's testing you, which is good because she's exerting her independence. I have a little one also coming in September, so I know how important it is to get her back on track with listening!! She also may know that 'something is up' (ie:pregnancy) and this may be her way of getting your attention or showing you that she's not comfortable with the changes coming. This too shall pass!