We moved my 20-month old son to a Big Boy Bed last weekend. He has a gate at his bedroom door. In general he's been going down ok around 7:30 (this has been getting better throughout the week as he gets used to the bed) but 5 of the last 7 mornings he's woken up around 5 AM and gotten out of bed and cried at the gate. He never had this problem in his crib (early waking) - he used to sleep straight through until around 6:30 or so. The first 2 mornings he did this one of us (husband or me) went and laid in bed with him and that was ok, but we do not want to make a habit of this.
Anyway, this morning he was up screaming at 5:15 and I put him back in bed and left. He was right back up again. I put him back in bed 4 times over a 45 minute period (during which he screamed the whole time) and finally I think he fell asleep on the floor by the gate from about 6-6:30 (I didn't get up to look, just enjoyed the silence). When I put him back in bed I usually tell him that it's time for sleeping and that he needs to go back to bed and lay down (which he does) - but then as soon as I leave the room he sits up and it starts again. He has some books in bed, which I point out to him. But he doesn't seem to care about that at all. There are also toys in his room that he could play with, but he is fixated on the gate only.
Any tips, or should I just continue to put him back in bed every 10-15 minutes and let him figure it out?
Thanks for your advice and encouragement, everyone! He has been doing pretty well since that last awful morning. He occasionally wakes at night now, but puts himself back to sleep without anyone going into the room. I think staying the course has definitely been the best thing to do - it will just take a little more time for him to get completely used to his new arrangements (and hopefully notice that he could play with toys or read books instead of waking Mom up at 6:00!)
He is too young to be in this situation, I would put him back in the crib. I assume you want him out of the crib so new baby can use it bit 20 months is way too young to be going through all this. I'd put him back in the crib and get some sleep!
A little about me: I am a developmental therapist working exclusively with age birth to three and a mom of a teenager
I remember when my son was young-every year probably close to this time we'd have a few days of waking early, not napping well, etc. Finally dawned on me that he wasn't getting enough exercise during the day, being inside more because of the weather. We'd play a long game of tag with him chasing me all over the house, (it's very easy to not get caught at this age) Then I'd let him chase me. Do it early enough before bedtime he doesn't get riled up. Good luck, L.
Most professionals don't recommend a big kid bed until at least 2 years. It sounds like your son just isn't ready. Put him back in the crib for a few months and try again at that point.
Good Luck!
It seems to me like 20 months is too young to transition to a big boy bed. I would not want my youngest out of his crib yet, and he was two in October. Little ones are supposed to be able to soothe themselves back to sleep, which they all eventually learn to do-with our help and consistency, but he's been taken out of his comfort zone. Now when he wakes, he's not where he's used to being and it may be too overwhelming to him-so he cries. He may get used to it, but you're all losing out on much needed rest, particularly for you since you are expecting. When our third was born our second was only 17 months, so we bought an inexpensive second crib. IKEA has very decent pricing on their cribs. In fact, the one we bought for our first 6 1/2 years ago is still in great condition and we just gave it to a friend. I would go that route. Last time we bought from IKEA the crib was about $140, not including mattress. Congrats on the new baby, and good luck with the sleeping!
Mom wasn't ready for the big-bed-switch but when my b/g twins turned 2 they started to jump out of their cribs so I had no choice but to make the change.
We switched after Thanksgiving & not one night has been the same since. They used to take 2-3 hour naps & we're now down to 1-2 hours. If I get 2 hours, I'm lucky!
We're in bed at 8 every night & I sit in the bedroom until they fall asleep which takes 5-20 minutes. I've moved to the corner next to the door & hope to be outside of the door soon! Since I'm working with 2 toddlers I find it too stressful to leave the room just to keep putting them back to bed. When I stay & sit like a stone statue they know Mom means business & they stay put.
My daughter comes to my bed & will sleep with us around 4 a.m. & my son wakes between 5 & 6:30. When my son is up the whole house is up & I can't get him back to bed when he wakes at 5 either. I know they both need more sleep & the 5:00 wake up time is making for some crabby toddlers!
I wish my son would just crawl in bed with me but he won't & demands that MOMMY WAKE UP! I figure if he's only sleeping with us durning the morning hours that would be do-able but it's not happening so we're all tired!
Try putting safty rails on both sides of his toddler bed. My daughter has the toddler bed with the small safty rails attached to both sides & when I added an additional rail she stayed in her bed. She can still climb out but the rail gave her some extra security.
I think for the time being we're just stuck with early birds.
L.
PS We were watching home movies the other day & my daughter went nuts when she saw their cribs in the movie. For hours I heard that she wanted her crib back. Will both the crib & toddler bed fit in his room? Can you try working with both for now & give him the choice of where he wants to sleep?
Hi K.,
My sister was a montessori teacher and is now a language therapist, she's AMI certified. She has always encouraged children sleeping on a mattress, since birth, I chose not to do it because I got pregnant 3 months after my 1st was born and didn't want to deal with it.
Anyway, I do know she always said that it was the best for children.
This is what she always suggested:
Make it to where the child/baby has safe toys so he can play in or out of bed. She says they all eventually go back to bed, but at first they may fall asleep on the floor a few times.
She always suggested getting a video cam (I got my for 100 at target, they're not very expensive) so you can watch because the gate is but a "tease" they can see out but can't walk out, they don't like that. She always insisted that the door being shut was best.
She also said she doesn't keep going in, she did at first a couple of times and then let them get acclimated even if that meant crying some...
I hope I helped some, if you want me to get some more info from her on strategies, I will be happy to, send me a peronsal message and I'll contact her (she's in San Diego)
I treid it with my daughter at 11 months simply cos I was hopeful she'd like it since my baby was due when she was 11 months but she just sat on the bed and cried.... I decided I'd put them both through it later in life so we could just go through it once ;)
Good luck!
Keep doing what you are doing but only speak to him the first time you put him back in bed.
I just wanted you to know that you're absolutely NOT alone! My 28 month old is going through something similar right now. You're doing the right thing to do whatever it takes to correct the problem NOW so that you're not doing this a year from now too. Be consistant. I know it's hard to listen to the crying, but I think that you're doing the right thing to keep putting him back into bed. Be sure that you never actually get in bed with him...even once, or you'll start the process all over again. Eventually, be it a week or a month from now he'll pass through this phase and your mornings will be quiet again! Good luck!
We transitioned our son into his big bed last month (he was 22 months then) to prepare the way for our second baby due in February. We don't use a gate in his room, but shut his bedroom door when it's time for him to sleep. A few times he will come out after we've done our "bedtime routine" but then we sternly tell him to go back to bed - no more cuddling, etc - unless he's seriously upset by something. He also woke up at night for a while and would walk to our room, but we would take him back to bed and stay with him a little before returning to our own room. He won't come out after that - but it did take a good 2 weeks of training and making sure he felt comfortable and safe in there. He seems to have adjusted well.
Since you're expecting a second baby soon, I have heard that you should switch your eldest a few months ahead of time, so they don't associate their move with feelings of being "replaced" or moved because of the new baby.Besides having another baby is a HUGE adjustment for them anyway. No need to pile on the stress all at once - so, I think you're on the right path, personally. Besides I have heard of babies being transitioned much earlier than 20 months and they did fine. Everyone is different. It has worked okay with us so far. So, good luck and congrats on your pregnancy.
Wow, are you brave to use a big boy bed for a 20 month old! Good for you - I am guessing you are trying to do this well in advance of baby #2 arriving (by the way, congrats!). Since it isn't possible to explain or do any reasoning with one so young, you are just going to have to be consistent with whatever route you choose. In theory, you should keep returning him to his bed, without talking to him, and let him figure it out. If he senses weakness (re: exhaustion) in you, though, he will be sure to try and wear you out. This is a huge adjustmment for him to make, so it is expected that he will struggle for a while. When I switched to beds with my kids, I made their rooms as safe as possible, removed toys, and in general made it pretty dull so they would give up more easily and go back to sleep. When they did get out of bed, I stopped going to them after a few nights; the idea was for them to know that this is sleep time, not time with mommy. This sounds harsh to some moms, but I had a lot of confidence that when they were supposed to be awake, they had my full attention and love. But in our house, sleep time is for sleeping!
I have read in "Solve your child's sleep problesm" by richard Ferber, M.D. That you let them cry it out and let him fall asleep at the gate. He will get used to sleeping in the bed and then gate. It says that you should let him cry for like 10 minutes and go in and put him back to bed quickly, just to show him that you are still there. Then you wait another 10 minutes and so on and so forth. the next night you weight longer and longer. it says don't worry about him sleeping on the floor. he will eventually sleep in the bed. It worked for my daughter who is 19 months! hope that helps!
I think your strategy is right on. It's exactly what Super Nanny would say. he's definitely waking because he's in a new bed and this too shall pass with your consistency. It may take two day, two weeks, or two months, but it will be worth it and pay off, especially with #2 coming soon!
You're doing the right thing. Just keep at it. I transitioned my daughter at 20 months because # 2 was due and she did fine. I think some kids do well with some transitions and not so well with others. He'll figure it out. It might take some time. One thing that I think helped us is that our door knobs are impossible for her to open so she never learned or tried to open a closed door. I don't think it would ever occur to her. Some of her same age friends climb out of their beds all the time and open the doors. I don't know if I would suggest you close the door at this point because it might freak him out but I think it's helped us.
I'm curious why you put him in a big boy bed. Was he climbing out? If not, then put the crib back up. He might feel more secure in the crib..it is familiar to him. If you need the crib for a new baby then wait until the new baby is big enough for a crib.
