Ok, not really but sometimes it seems that way! My daughter is 2 1/2 and I am a sahm. She sees Daddy for a couples each evening and he works every other weekend. He actually seems afraid to deal with her because he doesn't want to be rejected or deal with the tantrums. I do leave her with him once a week at least, but as soon as I'm home again she wants nothing to do with him. She'll fullfil her duty by giving him a hug, then tells him to get out of her room. She won't allow him to get her out of her crib in the morning and just screams for me. We have two older sons and honestly never had this issue with them. She has even gone so far as to tell him she hates him. He doesn't seem to know how to treat her and just gets in her space before she's ready. What can I do to help them develop a loving father/daughter relationship?
Just at a loss and feel so sad for him and her. He's a great Dad, but they just seem to butt heads.
Thanks for any advice,
S.
Stop intervening. If you keep coming to the rescue everytime she will never forge a relationship with daddy.
And daddy will have to start saying no Mommy isn't coming in this morning I am going to get you out of bed and get you dressed. He also needs to come up with a game or something that is a father daughter game only. They could roll a ball across the floor to each other for instance, kinda like toddler catch.
I too was a stay at home mom and my daughter was the same way and it broke my husband's heart. He would look at me and say "Why does she hate me?" I started to realize that I was part of the issue because I wasn't backing him up. For example when she would say I want mommy to do it, I would say no mommy is busy daddy is going to do it and even if she protested I stood my ground. I didn't leave the room but I made sure I let daddy do it. She protested for a few days and then she got over it quickly. We then started taking turns at bath time etc. One night daddy did bath and one night I did. Same with bedtime. Eventually she will become comfortable having daddy do things and the phase will pass. Also, do not have him conform to your way of doing things, have him do things his way. This will also show her that different isn't so bad, and will also help her in the real world, showing her there are different ways to do things and end up with the same result. Also the biggest factor is that she SURVIVED without mommy!! I know how hard it is and it broke my heart, but in the long run it will take some pressure off you and having to do everything, it will give you a break, and mostly help her foster her relationship with her daddy!! Good luck!!
hey S.
i'm not a sahm mom, but my daughter is the same way. she will be 3 in Feb. my husband is at home with her half of the week and she still does this even though i'm gone all week plus some weeknights. she is our first so no siblings at this point. it may just be her personality or they are too alike as my husband/daughter are very alike and butt heads. my husband hasn't grasped the way to communicate with her and she actually puts him in time outs. my husband and i talk about it and i let him handle it. while i can see ways that he could do things differently, its not something i interfere with at this point. we do set limits, like "hate" and "stupid" are not ok words...spitting is not ok and she gets time outs for those. sometimes she wants only me and i have to go to work, so daddy is her only option. they will work it out themselves. she just now started asking him to read her the last book at story time when going to bed. he tries to find things that are special "daddy activities" like hiking or walking the dog or doing puzzles. we also made a point to pick out some daddy and me story books. hope that helps, don't feel badly there will be a time when us moms are so uncool and dad is the fun one I'm sure.
The three of you need to spend more time together. She is playing favorites and its not okay its hurtful but she cant help it because she sees you more than daddy.
When you two are alone, playing try talking to her. Talk to her about daddy and how much he loves you two and her. Talk him up to her, and say when daddy gets home, were going to play and have fun, and you need to be nice to him okay? It hurts his feelings and makes him sad when you dont want to play with him so when he gets home were going to give him a big hug. And do so, follow through.
Your hubby needs to be firmer and if she is having a tantrum then he needs to deal with it like any other. He shouldnt be afraid, I think too he doesnt get to spend a lot of time with her so he doesnt want to do anything wrong, and is probably a little shy too.
If your daughter sees how you love your hubby you hugging on him, saying I love you right in front of her, she will start doing so too. Have your hubby join in on the bedtime routine and have him read her a book while she's in bed and you there too but standing a little ways away, and let him take over. The more active he is in her routines then the better it will be.
Good luck!
You mentioned that she "wont let" him get her out of the crib, well don't give her the option. Don't go in there and "rescue" her from daddy. Dont step in at all. If anything back up dad and make it know that you will not be getting her, and she needs to be more respectful of daddy.
talk to your daughter during the day about what daddy does for the family. He works, so you can have your clothes, activites etc but be specific during the activity. "isn't it so nice that daddy works so hard for us to get to have this toy, or this outing etc." No lectures just short sentences here and there to put positive thoughts about dad. Talk about dad during the day, make dad a special card, picture or whatever to bring to work or as a thank you to him when he gets home from work. The more she hears from you how special dad is the more she will feel it.
Maybe dad can have a special way to get her from the crib or whatever. fly her like an airplaine, blast her off with a countdown 5 to 1 and then she becomes a rocket ship out of the crib. Anything silly and funny. (of course that depends how hands on he is. she can climb on his back for a piggy back ride out of the crib.
good luck
The best thing you can do is to make sure they have alone time together.
Go do something with your other kids and let them have some father daughter time.
Or he can take her to the play ground or some other fun outing.
My son at 3.5 actually pushed my husband away from me and told him "MY Mommy! Get your own Mommy!".
He was very jealous and possessive of anyone who got any of my attention.
This changed when he became Daddy's little helper with his own tool belt, and when Dad took to to every fire house open house to look at all the fire trucks.
They need some bonding over some fun activities together.
Kids go through phases where they favor one parent over the other.
Both parents need to be wise of it and not be so crushed when the pendulum swings back and forth between them.
It's totally normal, and the child loves both parents but in different ways.
.
my husband and my son were not close until he was 2 or 3...it is our first child and i honestly feel he just didn't have a clue how to relate to him. the first year he was basically 100% hands off. i know you have other kids and this wasn't an issue, but i'm just giving an example - now they are two peas in a pod and each other's biggest fans. i think you are doing everything right (it's somewhat unavoidable i think, since you are a sahm she spends almost all her time with you - but leaving once a week is great) and you just have to stick it out i think. although i would absolutely time out (or whatever you do for discipline) when she gets sassy and mouthy. telling her dad to get out of her room, or that she hates him, is absolutely NOT okay. they will bond eventually...but that respect needs to be instilled now. (one of my husband's biggest things is that he is a big kid himself, he's not used to putting anyone else's feelings first, so he was always getting in my son's face when he didn't feel like it, wanting to play things my son had no interest in...etc...it took awhile for my husband to realize he had to come to my son on a kid's terms, not his own.) good luck, hang in there!
