Toddler Having Difficult Being Left at Daycare

wash /shampoo every night with a mild shampoo and it will go away. Especially if you have softened it with the olive oil. It is very common in infants and again late in life

I would look into if there is anything going on in the daycare. Is there someone picking on him? Is he interacting well with the staff? That would be where I would start if there is nothing going on at home.

If he is a more one on one type little boy, maybe try finding another day center to place him in. Is this place to crowded? Is there someone. like a mom with a couple of children that could care for him, instead of a daycare?
I, personally, couldn't drop him off day after day knowing that he is having this type of separation anxiety. There has to be a reason this is happening..........I would seek out a mom-type, family to care for him and not a daycare with a lot of children.

I agree with Paula M. and would just add in order to make yourself feel better that you try calling about 10 minutes after you leave to talk to the teachers. In my boys' daycare, the director transfers the call into the classroom so there is no way to hide if a child is crying (you can hear it on the phone loud and clear). You may find that he is just fine by the time you call and this is just a transitional issue ot a safety issue as others have suggested. If he isn't calmed down, maybe try stopping in at various unexpected times during the day (if you can) to see how he is doing. If he isn't being soothed after you've gone, I'd follow up with the daycare director. Letting him or her know you are unhappy may result in some extra attention to your son which may help him through this time. I'd also check with other parents in the class to see if they can report to you on how your son is when they are in the class (and you are not). Good luck.

When I drop off my two boys (3 1/2 and 1 1/2) I make sure they are settled in with morning snack and drink. They sit there smiling and days that they aren't I still carry on as if they were...they can sense any type of concern when you're walking out that door. To make me feel better, I call and of course the boys are playing with other kids.

My son went through this too and it is heartbreaking. You could try a reward system. Make a sticker chart and tell him that for every day he has a good dropoff, he earns a sticker that you and he put on the chart together. After a certain number of stickers, he can get a treat of some kind. You can also see if they would do that at the daycare. It may work better if he can look forward to putting the sticker on his chart right there at the daycare. Obviously every child is different but I hope this helps!

I agree with all the responders. But absolutely check in on what's going on at the day care. Is it possible for you to arrive early and view the goings-on without your son seeing you? Does he seem happy at the end of the day or visibly relieved to get out of there? We pulled our daughter out of a day care situation when she was younger because she was absolutely unhinged when I left her--and when I arrived to pick her up she looked like she'd been crying all day. She was as upset after 6 hours as she was when I left. The caregivers told me it was a phase, but my gut told me that my kid was trying to tell me something she couldn't put into words. I did a drop-in and saw absolute bedlam; it was total chaos and my daughter, who was one of the youngest and smallest, was just overwhelmed with it. Turns out they had fewer people on staff during the middle of the day than they were telling the parents. So that, coupled with my daughter's dislike for kiddie chaos, made her absolutely miserable. I have never regretted taking her out, and we found her a smaller place where she just completely flourished. I only wish I hadn't waited so long. Short story long: listen to your gut. If you get the sense that your kid is really trying to tell you something in the only way he knows how, listen to it and find out what's going on.
Good luck; I know it is extremely difficult.
Best!
E

HI C.,
It sounds to me like something may have happened at daycare which upset or traumatized your little one, and he doesn't have the verbal skills to explain.How much have you spoken about this behavior (privately, with your boy not present) with his teacher(s)? Have you asked her /him if anything happened or was said to or around him three weeks ago which might be triggering this?? Did he have a spat with another child? Was there a disclipline incident with a child and a teacher? This bears more exploration to find the reason. You might even check with another mother or two to see if their children mentioned anything which happened at school then, or ask them if a teacher got mad at anyone.
Best of luck in sleuthing!
~ A Mammy Twice Over

It's probably a phase that your son is going threw. Most kids will cry at that age even after being fine for along time. My son used to cry when being at my parents and I'ld leave for work. Most of the time they stop shortly after you leave. The teachers at the school are good at comforting the kids when their parents leave. I swear kids do it to make the parents feel bad. I'ld keep the drop off as quickly/routine as possible. What I mean is don't prolong it just because he's crying and let the teacher take him it nakes it eaier for everyone if you drop him off put his stuff away and give him a hug and kiss goodbye. I used to work in a daycare and it maed it a lot harder when the parents would linger around trying to settle their kids. Believe me we understand how you want to leave your child when he's happy and not screaming but he'll be fine. Most of the time the crying has stopped by the time you pull out of the parking lot.
good luck

Is there anyone you could ask to find out whether anything unusual happened at daycare just before he began to be upset about going? Has he had a problem with one of the other kids? Has another kid been very upset about something, causing your son to be fearful about being there? Has there been a change of caregivers on duty, that could make him feel unsettled about life there?

C., I am a Day Care provider and I see this all the time. Usually the kids are fine after the parent leaves. They just don't understand the concept of time and how long you will be gone. It is seperation anxiety. My oldest daughter would cry when I left her at daycare too. I would peek in the windows after I left and she would be fine. I remember that if I left without her seeing me leave and without saying goodbye it was better for her. But very hard for me to do. Because I always wanted to say bye. But, saying goodbye and hugging her made her cry and know I was leaving. I told my provider that I was going to try this. And that I wanted the provider to keep my daughter busy doing something and she won't even know I am gone. It worked. Emotionally it might make you feel bad for not saying goodbye and giving hugs. But, you can give your little one double the hugs when you pick him up at daycare.

I would suggest to talk to the daycare provider and see if there is anyone new there.
It could be that you need to remind him frequently (during days when you are home with him) that when you drop him off you will be back to get him later.
also try to pinpoint that time associated with an activity. Example... I will come to get you after nap. or I will be there when craft time is over.
Practicing at home on the weekend helps.

I have a daycare in my home and I can tell you that I bet if you ask the provider, he stops crying within minutes of you leaving. I always feel bad when this happens to a parent 'cause I know they've gone off to work all upset and they are at the end of the driveway and their child is off and playing without a care in the world. I also suggest if you can have someone else drop him off in the morning for a little bit, sometimes it's hard to have mom leave. I also agree with the suggestion of another mom..if it continues and it is in fact that he cries for awhile after he leaves then maybe it is just not the right place for him. Good luck...I hope it gets better!!

Its been my experience that many kids settle in but then when they realize later that its not a temporary arrangement they have resurgence of separation anxiety. Having said that, ask him if anything happened at school with eg. teachers, friends, bathroom, anything you can think of. My daughter started getting upset when a teacher was behaving irritably towards the kids. She was subsequently fired. Hang in there. I know how heartbreaking this is.

Hi C.,
Your son may be just going through a phase with some seperation anxiety, however; I do suggest talking with the daycare providers and ask them how he is while he is there. The other thing is, not to scare you, but sometimes our kids let us know that something is wrong by acting out. So I do strongly suggest you even take some time to pop in occasionally at his daycare to make sure all is well and what your being told is what the situation is.
Your gut will tell you if something is wrong. It may very well be nothing at all, besides that he misses his mommy, but my advise would be just make sure...do a little investigating with his daycare center to make sure.

Kris

Hi C.,

Not to freak you out or anything but when my oldest child started doing that, really out of the blue it was because there were things going on at the day care that were unprofessional. I do not say this to scare you, but rather to make you aware. I asked her at the age of two why she was upset about going and she couldn't really tell me then and the answers she was giving me could have gone either way of being believeable or not, turns out she was telling me the truth. Try asking him or the provider if there is anything going on. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things as far as leaving the picture for him, assuring him you love him, letting him know you'll be back, etc. It could be a phase or it could not. Good luck with this though, I ended up taking my child out of day care all together and became a SAHM because after our experience, I was not willing to take the risk again. Hope everything turns out well for you and your son.

Of course you should make sure everything is ok with the actual care. Most likely it is. My son has been going to day care of some sort for the last 4 years (since he was 3 months old) and has had various episodes of separation anxiety lasting anywhere from a week to a month or so. There have even been a few times in there where providers have had to physically remove him from my body and I had to walk off (hopefully not looking too guilty and upset for him). Anyway, the point of my story is that he is still a well adjusted kid and overall likes his "school" a lot. I think most of the literature says you should be loving, firm and quick when you make your exit. But you will figure out what works for you, your child, and your provider (following their lead is often the best path I have found). It feels awful, but it seems to be part of most parent's lives.

This can be a red flag to check out what has changed at the daycare facility, especially if things had been going fine! Good Luck!

I am so sorry, this is hard. My daughter went through this...broke my heart. I am sure it is just a phase. My little girl would stop crying as soon as I left and was perfectly fine all day. I can tell you what worked for us. We did not drag out the goodbye and I tried not to show any emotion, until I got in my car...then I would cry. I would quickly give her a kiss, say goodbye and I love you and hand her off to the daycare provider, and I would leave. This was hard for me, but after a week or so she stopped. He will grow out of it, but if you react to his distress it will take longer. Talk to your daycare provider and see how he is after you leave...like the other moms said.