Toddler Party - What's the Etiquette on Inviting Some Kids and Not Others?

Parents do not invite "EVERYONE" because either (1) they can't afford it & everyone has a budget or they have more than 1 child to have parties for during the year (2) "overages" are charged for larger parties (3) their own child perhaps only plays with some of the kids (4) the comfort level socially with some parents/kids and not others. (5) personal preference for small gatherings, versus a "party" with tons of people.

As your child gets toward preschool and Elementary school... the class sizes can be daunting and it is just not reasonable to invite everyone... and by that age, a child WILL have an opinion on who they consider their friend or not or like or don't like... and it is really not practical nor affordable to invite every single child. The Teacher KNOWS how to facilitate this and they have "tips" and rules on it and "how" to give out the invitations. In my daughter's classes... the parents were instructed to give "invitations" to them, and that the Teacher would disperse them to the children, privately, and/or children usually have "mail boxes" in the classroom for their own papers to take home. At least in my daughter's classes, this is how it is.

I don't think ALL parents expect to be invited.... most know it is a cost factor as well. Myself, I have never had a child's party that big, or at 2 years old. And some parents I know, do not even have a "birthday party" thing... until their child is older, like 4 years old... when they are in Preschool.

You invite who you want... and are comfortable with AND whom your child tends to play with more and regards as a "friend." But at this age, its more for the Parents.

If you want to invite everyone... that is fine and there is nothing wrong with that... but also remember that it is COMMON that with Birthday parties... some are invited, and some aren't.... because at least for me, it has to do with who my own child feels comfortable with and considers as her "Best" friends and just plain budget.

But really, there are no 'rules' except that down the road... usually parties get bigger as your child grows up...
or as we do with my daughter, who is 6 years old now, we "limit" party size to 12 kids and their parents. We don't invite the entire 1st grade class... and nor do the other parents. I ask my daughter, and one year she said she didn't even want a party, she just wanted to be with us and a cake. So it can vary.

Good luck,
Susan

I am planning my son's 3rd birthday party for in July and thankfully his class is pretty small, but I have friends with kids and cousins. So, I decided that the kids he goes to school with will have the celebration at this school and only invite his buddies that he is particularly close with to play with at the party. Otherwise, its just going to be family and their kiddos.

I think I put it in terms of who would my son most have fun with on that day...playing and just being kids.

Good luck and don't forget to have fun.

The formula is the age of the child plus 1. Yes, that is only 3 kids. Pretty small. But think of your daughter first, 50 kids plus their parents would be quite overwhelming wouldn't it? When my kids turned two, my daughters party was at The Little Gym and if I recall there was about 8/9 kids. These kids were the kids we saw most often at playgroup and Mom's I was closest too. I didn't invite everyone and those that didn't go, didn't even know. W/my son, we had it at our house and it was pretty much the same group because they had become really good friends and most of them had a second child as well around the same age as my son. I've been involved w/more than one Mommy and me group and never thought I needed to invite them all, I mean, I can't believe any Mom would think one should, that is just too much. Too many kids, too many parents, way too many presents! My vote is too keep it small and simple, the less stress for everyone the better, especially the Birthday girl. Oh, and somebody's feelings will always get hurt - you can't please everyone.

By the way - my daughter's 3rd party - at my house, too many people - she spent the day in my room watching TV and being upset. Didn't have a 4th or 5th (went to Disneyland instead). With my son we didn't have a 3rd or 4th - just the family for his 3rd and we went to Legoland for his 4th. My daughter finally wanted a party this year for her 6th and she invited the girls from her class - 8 kids it was perfect. So, looking back, I enjoyed my daughter's 2nd party at The Little Gym, it was small and she had a lot of fun, plus I was very prego so it was nice to sit back and relax. With my son, we didn't need to have a 2nd party but it was fun to have our friends over and the kids enjoyed it, plus he doesn't get overwhelmed. So, yea, this party is more for you guys, invite your close friends, the others should understand, give invites privately.

Happy 2nd Birthday!
M.

You need to think about what is best for you - and not what other may think of you for doing XYZ.
If I were you, I'd invite the kids that you know your daughter enjoys to spend time with.
If that includes only 3 or so kids from a class with 20 kids, that maybe the case, but so what?

we had my daughters 2nd birthday at the park because we were having like 20 kids and then all the parents. we were going to do a party at a gymkinz type place but they were expensive to add hours and extra kids... then this way all the kids can come. just an idea though.

This may seem like the mean way, but unless you are willing to change your venue or pay the overage you don't have much of a choice except to offer an invitationto some parents and not others. If any parent wants to know they didn't get an invitation, tell them the truth. Explain that you wanted to invite everyone to the party but your choice of venue allowed only a certain amount f guests. I can understand how you feel about not wanting to offend anyone, but I always that it was sad to feel pressured to invite people to a special occassion not because you truly want them to share the day, but because you don't want to offend anyone. But that is just me.

Good luck