Toddler SCREAMING....how to React

Updated on October 24, 2011
3.B. asks from Tampa, FL
8 answers

My youngest who's over one, has lately started SCREAMING. I mean to the point that your ear drum feels like it may pop. Just one big LOUD PIERCING scream. Sometimes if he's mad, sometimes just for the hell of it.
I hate it obviously. It's nerve wracking, and I'm not sure what to do. It seems if he gets attention he'll do it again. But ignoring it doesn't seem to curb it. Should I "time out" him, ignore?????

What can I do next?

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I have done two things depending on the situation. If it is for "fun," I speak very quietly and remind them of the "inside voice" or - seriously - sometimes I just scream with them to see what all the fun is about. and then when we are done I look at my kids and say "whew, that was fun, but you know what, let's do it outside next time and then we march right outside (or if in car, roll down the window) and do it again.
If a yell or scream of protest, I pick up and put in the "thinking chair" and leave the room or speak in a very hushed tone so they see my lips moving, but can't hear because of the noise - man, it works, they hush it up because they want to know what I said .

good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

My daycare taught children the phrase "Use your inside voice." I carried on with it at home for YEARS.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to leave the room when he does it. He's too little to be punished for it, and putting him in his room will probably just make him scream more until he's older.

But separating yourself from him might get the "cause and effect" going in his mind. And keep reiterating "Use your inside voice". At some point he will understand.

Good luck!
Dawn

2 moms found this helpful
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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I vote for removing yourself or him. He is probably too young for time out and is probably just doing it to see what happens. If his mommy leaves the room each time he does it, hopefully he will stop.

And - as I always think when my toddlers do stuff like this - they will stop eventually on their own. Just think - they wont do this when they are headed off to college...

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I tell DD that if she screams, she can go to another room and sometimes pick her up and put her there til she's done. I don't want to hear it. I have also told her to use her words. If your toddler is not very verbal, you can teach signs. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

If it's the fun shriek, then ask him to use an indoor voice.

At one we did start time outs. It's just a minute.

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I would discipline it. Time outs are a bit vague at one, but you can try and see if they work.

My third, now two, was an angry LOUD screamer, starting around 12-14 months, especially in quiet public settings! Literally, the minute we stepped into a grocery store, library, Target, restaurant, she was SCREAMING. I disciplined at home with one warning, and then a consequence, not angry, just methodical after warning. She curbed it right away at home, but not in public. In public, my uncle, father of 10 awesome kids, recommended the pinch since you can't give a swat on the hand or bottom in public. The first time I did it, after one calm warning, she was so furious, she screamed even louder of course. She may even have done it one or two more times (she was way tougher than my other two in every way). The third time, she started to scream, caught herself, and leaned away from me with a look like, "OK, I'm not screaming." and so I gave her all kinds of praise and hugs. That was it. She no longer did the screaming past age 15 months. People lose their minds over physical discipline, but I have to take all my kids on all my errands and I couldn't just "wait out" the screaming phases or "leave them home".

To clarify, I ONLY disciplined the purposeful "screaming" knowing she understood my warning, and was in control of the behavior. I never disciplined real emotions or crying from fatigue or hunger or sadness or boo boos.

If you're home alone with him and no pressure, and you can just let him do it, then you could wait for the phase to pass by walking away and things that may sink in eventually, etc. If you choose to ignore, it's totally up to him how long he thinks it's fun to do this, and he may spin it into full tantrum mode a bit early if he gets enough practice. Try time outs, but I would step it up if they have no effect. You can see by his behavior that he knows what he's doing and he does understand you dont' like it. Give him credit, he will understand effective discipline. The earlier he learns to control his voice at certain times the less work you have later.

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M.O.

answers from Chicago on

We put our little guy in his crib when he screams for attention. We don't "get him" until the screaming is over and we tell him "Yelling is not nice. Say sorry." He may not be able to reply to you, but enough repetition and he'll understand what screaming is going to get him.

I used to think that putting them in their beds/rooms would be a bad idea and cause sleep issues, but that's not the case since we don't do it for long periods of time or often enough.

On those "screamy days" when he's out of sorts, sometimes he's just tired and will fall asleep anyway.

Now that he's two he understands yelling, hitting, kicking and biting will get him a quick trip to "his bed". As soon as he calms down (and is playing with some toys quietly in his room) I'll go up to see him, ask him if he's ready to "be nice". He says "yes". Then I remind him, "Hitting hurts. Not nice. Say sorry to Mommy." He does and then he comes out.

Hope this helps you

(Mom of 3)

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E.C.

answers from Boston on

When my daughter was that age and did that I would use one finger and tap her mouth and say no screaming we use inside voices. She eventually stoped. Also he is old enough to be put in a timeout for 1min and he will learn that timeouts are for naughty behavior. You could also put him in another room and tell him when he is done screaming he can come back out to play with you but you dont want to hear the screaming. Good Luck.

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