Toddler Screams When I Try to Discipline Verbally

At this age, a simple no without an explanation is best. If you have to explain then something like, "because that's the way we behave in this family." Believe me, I learned the hard way and have a lawyer for a 13 year old.

How are you reacting when he does this? I agree with Dawn that you might try being positive instead of using the word "no"
Instead of "No...don't throw your toys"...."It makes me much happier when you are gentle with your toys".
and talk softly to him...don't raise your voice to try and make yourself heard over his screams.
You could also acknowledge his feelings ....'I understand that you are feeling frustrated and angry right now but I can't allow you to hit your friend like that"
I would also tell him "you hurt Mommies ears when you scream like that and I would really like it if you would use your words to talk to me "
If his screaming is "working" for him...by distracting you from whatever it is that you are trying to correct...then of course he is going to continue to use it. You have to NOT reward him for the behavior!!!
Good luck

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My 2 1/2 yo daughter started this too! What has worked for me is to, immediately & every time, say "we don't scream in our house" and put her in her bed & tell her "you may come out when you are calm and ready to talk nicely". Our apartment is very small, we share a bedroom, & the toys are in a different room. And she is within my sight the entire time. When she decides she is calm, she comes out & apologizes for her behavior, then we go back to what we were discussing. I completely agree with you that it is a respect issue & they know better & they know it drives us nuts! :) Which is why they do it! At 2 1/2, they can understand that screaming answers (or just screaming) at us is not okay. By giving my daughter a safe place to be (her bed) and the option to come out when she is calm, I am teaching her to recognize her emotions and begin to control her responses to them. You can use any "calming down spot", we just use the bedroom due to lack of space elsewhere in our home. This is just what has worked for me with my daughter, I hope you find the right solution for your son! Good Luck!

Don't explain why.
Just NO.
Stop.
================================
Let's see . . . 2.5 years old.
That's around ONE THOUSAND days, more or less.
He can walk, he can feed himself,
he can explore, he can imitate songs and finger games.
He can, maybe, put pieces of puzzles together.
He can, probably, climb into the car and into his car seat.

What CAN'T he do?

He can't say . . .
Gee, Mom, when you tell me "No"
I get so frustrated but I don't have the vocabulary
to express my frustration.

I want you to tell me "Yes", not "No"
but instead of tellling me "Yes" you start telling me a long story
about why you've said "No".

Gosh, I hope I learn how to express myself really soon.

Until I do, I've figured out this screaming behavior.
It does seem to get your attention.
Y'know . . . I don't like it either but I don't know what else to do.
=============================
Mom --
Are you going to cause pain to his cute little butt?
And, do you think this pain is going to TEACH him
not to scream?
Nah.
It will TEACH him that mom sometimes hurts my butt.
Gee. First she tells me no and then she hurts my butt.
Maybe she's not on my side after all.

As some of us already have learned,
DISCIPLINE does NOT mean punishment.
DISCIPLINE means TEACHING.

Think about what you want to teach DS.
You want to teach him NOT TO SCREAM.
Do you think causing pain AFTER he screams
is teaching him anything?
You need to figure out a way to teach him not to scream
BEFORE he screams.

I also have twin boys, 3 in December....I certainly wouldn't put a child this young in time out in his room alone (as some suggested)! I think this screaming is more out of frustration than anything else. I agree with the moms who wrote about trying to redirect in a more positive way...instead of saying "no" as the first thing, try to say it in a different way. I almost always start off by saying "we don't do ____ b/c ______" When he screams like that, tell him that you can't talk to him when he's screaming, and that it makes you sad when he screams at you. One of my boys does the high pitch scream once in a while too...usually when he answers me, but he doesn't like what he's expected to answer! Like if I tell him to stop doing something and he says "OK", he might scream it...I just wait until he's done, and try to talk to him again. Probably not reacting is the best thing you can do...In his frustration, he may also be trying to get your reaction and get you upset....It's so hard knowing the right thing to do....I do believe in being as consistent as possible...try to keep your tone calm (even if you feel like you're going to explode!), and yes, keep reminding yourself that he's only two and a half!! good luck!!

When my daughter (3 in January) tried this out I walked away. I looked her in the eye told her no screaming, and when she did not stop, I left the room (I could still see her but I would not interact while she was screaming). I guess since it did not do her any good, she stopped screaming shortly thereafter. I did the same thing the next time she tried it, and again the next time. Now she does not do it anymore.

What also works for my daughter, if "X" is something you might allow at another time, is rather than No give a choice - after the intial No if she still says Yes she wants to, I will say you can do it tomorrow (later, etc.) or not at all. She will usually say "now" a few times to see if she can change my mind, but when I tell her "Ok since you only choices are later or never, and you aren't choosing later, it must me never" she quickly chooses later and is happy because she got to choose and had some control.

I find that the more times I can give a choice instead of just No, the less of a problem she has. Also the few times she gets a straight up No she listens. Good luck!

I'd start putting him him timeout like his room where he's away from everyone and it's boring so he'll learn that when he screams he gets nothing. Hopefully he'll stop.

shira's response is priceless.
he's not being disrespectful (at least not very), he's only 2. it's more likely a combination of frustration (no one understands me!!) and exploration (let me see if this works) both of which are very typical of 2 year olds. and you want him to have the courage and confidence to explore and try new things, right?
but i agree with pretty much everyone, as most folks have said that long explanations are counter-productive. even 'i can't hear you when you talk in that loud voice, so please stop hitting your friend and talk to me in a big-boy voice' is too much at this age. time-outs aren't going to have much impact here, and i've never liked the idea of punishing a child by putting her in a bed that should always be a haven.
i absolutely would not tolerate the screaming, though. whatever fun activities are going on come to an absolute halt, and that includes if necessary taking everyone home. zero response to him (other than removal from fun) if he continues to steam-whistle. make sure your voice is modulated and even low so he has to pay attention to hear you. and make sure that his occasions of using an appropriate tone get praised. don't get angry. he's only 2, and while he may 'know better than that' he sure doesn't have any better tools to replace it with yet. give them to him.
khairete
S.

with us i would just remove my daughter from the situation. soon i could say do we need to leave? funny how leaving the grocery store is a punishment. i only needed to turn the car around a couple of times even from mundane tasks before she got the picture that if she wanted to participate she needed to behave.

gee, try this, you can out scream me. no problem. but, you are not going anywhere with me with that attitude. you remember the trip to the park we were planning? well, guess what you are not going, mister screams alot.
you cancel a couple of outings for the boy and just take his non screaming brother and he will suddenly decide that screaming over you is a bad ideal
K. h.

Time out each time and he'll stop. be 100% consistent.

You can check out 1-2-3 Magic (book or DVD from the library). I suggest this because it's a method that is meant to work without words or emotion coming from the parent. Basically your counting is what stops the misbehavior and there is no explanation coming from you that your son can scream through (though you can certainly explain rules and why we do or don't do things at another time, just not at the same exact time you are trying to correct the behavior). I have a 2.5 year old also, and this has worked for me so far (just started using it recently). Good luck.

Words are not discipline, you say you're disciplining verbally. Telling him no is simply telling him no-and NO you're no out of line for telling your child no. Even yelling is not discipline, it's an adult tantrum in addition to or instead of dispiline-and doesn't teach anything other than that you're mad and you can't control yourself or the situation.

Screaming when you talk to him is something that needs discipline. My son is almost 3, and he understood a loooong time ago, that you don't throw fits, you don't scream at or talk back to mom. How? Calm warning the first time, firm consequence the second. Every time.

His screaming to shut you up is a totally defiant tantrum and needs maximum prevention from getting worse and morphing to other ways to shut you up. Don't waste your time on wimpy times outs, you'll need way too many if they work at all which they may not.
Give him one warning that the next time he screams when you talk, he'll get a sting on the butt. Follow through the next time. Repeat as necessary(dont' worry it won't be many times-though he may get worse at first to try to make you go back to not disciplining him-can't blame him for trying-but it may only take one time too.) Dont' get riled or upset, just let him know what his consequence is for his choice.

He's not too young, he's actually too old for this..

And no, he probably doesn't do it to his teacher. But he may avoiding listening to her if he's getting in that habit. Once you have taught him what's allowed, he'll be even better with others, that's just the way it goes.

Also, with boys (and girls too) don't explain yourself too much. Save that for when your'e teaching things and enjoying your time together. It's totally annoynig to them, like pleading and nagging on top of the direction they already don't like, and it dilutes your authority, because they get used to you having to explain yourself. It's not to soon to teach them to control their impulses and be respectful. WAY NOT TO SOON. Concise directions, firm enforcement. Drop it, move on, Positivity and fun the other 99% of your day. Boys like brief clear boundaries. You'll see his whole entire demeanor improve once you snuff this.

If you don' t approve of spanking, fair enough, but you asked how to get it to stop, and it works.

I have really headstrong kids. I've learned there are lots of ways to say no.

'You can X, right after W'.
'Oh! I'd LOVE to do X too.' (however don't do it. You can empathize and still not have X happen)
'Fine, but i'm going to do YZ! ' and make it appeal fun.
Tell him what he CAN do. 'You can B'.
'Okay, but DON'T do Y'. (reverse psychology)
Have something else "talk" and have that thing tell him why. Use a fun voice, a robot voice, a squeaky one, anything.
Give two choices of other things to do.
Find out why they want to do it and look for a creative solution. (you'd be surprised how often you find one when you take the time. Besides it's more pleasant than arguing with them for at least the same amount of time.)
Start whispering.
Pause.
Only say 'mmmm' and gesture.

Also, I match my conversation to their style of talking. For example, at 2 my son had about 3 word sentences that he repeated about 4 times till he completed his thought. I would often do the same when talking to him. -- Short and simple.

Get the book (or audio) "Playful Parenting" and learn to catch flies with honey instead of a flyswatter. It will make things much easier and I know from my experience and many others that they grow up just a well behaved (if not better) than a kid who is told 'no' , 'don't' and 'stop'.

Also, you're just about ready for 'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen". This really helped me.