My son is two and he sleeps with my husband and I (I know, shame on me!!!). He also goes to sleep by sucking his thumb and twirling/biting/sucking on my hair. So we have 2-3 "problems" as I see it. Sleeping with us, needing the hair and sucking the thumb. Not sure how to go about transferring him to his own bed. Has anyone tried any of the many sleep methods out there that could provide your opinion on what may or may not work and any resources I should check out. He does wake during the night, asking for "Hair, Hair" and crying at times. This pattern has progressed during the past month, he use to sleep through the night and only use the hair when falling asleep. Thought I would check here first before submerging myself in the vast information on the web! Thanks in advance!!
Do not be ashamed of co-sleeping.
BUT, the hair thing would drive me crazy. I do not like anyone playing with my hair. I would pick one thing at a time to work on. Sleeping is so fragile. Work on it until it is taken care of and then give it a couple of weeks before starting one something else.
Good Luck!
First off, you did nothing wrong co-sleeping with your precious baby! It does not have to be a difficult transition to his own bed if you don't mind doing it gradually. My older children trasitioned to thier own beds at 2.5 years. My daughter (now 7) was just ready on her own. She picked out her big girl bed and that was all we had to do. My son was tougher. We first transitioned him to a matress on our floor for a couple of weeks. Next we moved him to his own room, but I would lay down with him to fall asleep. After a while, I traded with my husband and he would just read to him and tell stories/say prayers until he fell asleep. It was a gradual process that took several weeks, but he is now 5 and is a very healthy sleeper (so is my 7 year old). We are getting ready to move my 2 year old to her own bed. I expect she will be a little more difficult to move, but hopefully by doing it gradually we won't have too bad a time. Good luck.
My daughters who are now 15, 16 both slept w/me until they were 10, 11. I was single then. I now have a 3-yr old who sleeps between my husband and I...most of the time. We bought a toddler bed and put it next to our bed. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and joins us, but she knows she's a "big girl" now and has her own bed. It's been working so far.....can't help it but I miss her hugs at night too! Good Luck!
I don't think you can tackle all 3 simultaneously. Maybe if he was older then you could transition out of multiple bad habits althogether, but my gut says at age 2, you will need to tackle "stages".
He probably wants your hair because it means mama is close. Moving him to his own room/bed will knock out the hair and co-sleeping, although he will 1.) probably wake up crying in the middle of the night and 2.) might not stay in his bed (I should add that I'm biased about 2 year olds having the mental ability to understand the boundaries of a bed. I think kids need to be closer to age three to understand 'stay in bed'... that being said, you might need him to go to a crib following the initial weeks/months after the transition to his own room).
AND SUPER IMPORTANT: Once you start the transition to his own room, do not back down. Hold firm. He needs to learn that there are no other places for him to sleep.
Can you give him something else of "yours" to replace the hair...? Nothing too long and stringy that could pose a choking hazard though.
As for thumb sucking... Get him sleeping in his room, then tackle that. Thumb sucking is his comfort/soothing device. Taking away his "hair'" and putting him in his own room to sleep alone will be a big adjustment for him. If you don't let him suck his thumb, he'll probably redirect towards sucking clothes, bedding, stuffed animals... My 2 cents: let him suck his thumb to sleep. Work on ending that when he's 3-4.
Maybe start with him sleep on your floor next to your bed on a "special bed" mat, mattress that is his, to get him used to having you not right there next to him, but close enough that he can see you. As that works, then start having him sleep in his own bed. As to the hair, have you tried a very furry stuffed animal he can bury his fingers into?
The hair thing can be a hard one,go to a beauty supply store and see if you can buy a small hair piece of long hair. The sleeping together will have to dealt with the hard way and you and your husband will just have to listen to the crying for several days and nights.Don't give in because he will get the idea that if he does this he will be able to anyway. The thumb sucking been there with son also, I kept taking it out even while he was asleep he finally stopped. Good luck
Well, my son is 3 and it was tough, and we still dont have it down completly...I lay beside him while he drifts off and tell him stories that I make up...he seems to do very good and then I go into my room...sometimes he will wake up and get in bed with me and my husband...but we let him when he is sick, otherwise, I go into his room with him after we go to the potty and thendrift off again...its a good time to start showing him how to get up in the night to potty and it is getting better...good luck
Well I feel for you. I went through the same thing. and as hard as it is you just have to tell him. "No sweety Im sleeping with daddy tonight, your a big boy you can sleep in your bed by yourself." he will get up and start crying but you just pick him up and put him back. dont say to much to him. and continue to do the same thing every time he gets up. It takes a couple of times so be patient . dont yell or anything just keep taking him back to the bed, saying less to him every time. finally he will fall asleep and you and your hubby can snugle up by yourselves. you may have to do this a couple of nights in a row. also it works best if you try putting him to bed like 45 minutes or more before you would normally go to bed . that way you have a little bit or working time and its not cutting in to your sleep time. well good luck and just be patient
A.,
There is NO shame on you! You were doing your best at the
time. Since you asked for advice, I will share w you my
experience w my 3 children (9 years, 2.5 years & 9 months)...
I read the book "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard
Ferber. It explains that you "teach" your children how to fall
asleep. With hair, by your side & his thumb. You can help him
overcome these needs he feels at bedtime and throughout the
night! It isn't easy! However it has worked w all 3 of my little monkies
and they all sleep through the night. Good luck to you and if you
have any questions, please ask!
S.
I second Sonja: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber worked wonderfully well for us! Just be consistent!
Get him a "blankie" to substitute for your hair---or get a really short haircut! Once he's not twirling your hair anymore, work on getting him out of your bed. Leave the thumb alone; he'll give it up when he no longer needs that self-soothing. Good luck!
A., my twins both sucked theirs thumbs and had special stuffed animals that they slept with. They would rub the tag on the animal while they sucked their thumb. I would suggest trying a special stuffed animal to transition your little guy from your hair - you might try pulling it up while you lay with him. Start by laying in his own bed with him. Slowly implement the things you think will help with the transition such as nap time to begin with, giving him a stuffed animal to replace twirling your hair, etc. Before you know it, he'll be sleeping in his own bed all night. Also - one of the things might be that he gets hungry and wakes up because of his tummy being empty - you might try oatmeal or cream of wheat at night before bedtime to see if that helps keep him asleep all night. Good luck!
My son was over 2 1/2 when we transitioned him to his own bed. I laid down with him for awhile until he went to sleep; then I started sitting next to his bed; then sitting just outside his door until he was able to fall asleep on his own. I also used a sticker chart: he would get to add a sticker to the chart each morning after he went to sleep on his own (without crying or getting out of bed numerous times). The first chart had 12 squares; the 2nd had 20; he asked for but I never made a 3rd one. He got a "big" prize after the first one (a $20 train) and a smaller one for the 2nd (a $10 train)--Thomas was his currency!!
I can relate to the other "problems" too. My almost 5yo daughter STILL sucks her thumb and twirls HER hair. (She tells me she'll stop when she's 7!!--talk about being at your wits end!) The hair twirling has gotten better, though, by getting her a doll with longer hair (Little Mommy Sweet as Me doll). I remind her each night at bedtime to twirl Marie's hair instead of hers. She does pretty well at night; the problem is when she doesn't carry Marie around during the day! If you can't find a boy doll with enough hair and don't want a girl doll, you could get your son a stuffed animal with some long hair (a horse, perhaps?) for him to twirl. I'm also very likely to buy this product in the future to help get rid of the thumb sucking: http://www.thumbguard.com/Thumbguard.html. A friend of mine recommended it after using it with her almost-4yo son. Good luck!
