Too Attached to Blanky

I wouldn't push him too hard about it. He's only 4 and coping with a world that doesn't operate in a way that he understands, plus he can't hear. Those are huge challenges to overcome. If the blanky makes him able to cope, what's the harm in it? If you don't want him to carry it everywhere, could you try a social story or a visual to show him (for example) that it is in his backpack until a certain time and then he can have it back? You may need to introduce this in very small time increments. However, I wouldn't take it away entirely. You probably won't like the behavioral consequences if you do.

Good luck!
J.
Mom to Emma (5), Devon (5 & PDD-NOS) & Ethan (2)

I carried my blankie around constantly I have it now and it looks like a spider web all holes and frayed. The only reason I quit carrying it around past age5 was because I was taken away from my mom and put into a foster home otherwise who knows how long I'd have carried it. I am now almost 30 years old and still have a different favorite blanket I have to sleep with everynight that I will not share. I don't carry it around with me or bring it on vacation or anything but I love my blanket everynight I don't use a pillow I snuggle up with my blanket. Call me weird but that's how I get comfortable everyday.

With a child with autism/special needs I'd personally let him have his blanket at home whenever he wants and just work on carrying it out in public or at school. He may grow up and be 29 years old like me and still want a favorite blanket what's so wrong with that.

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I believe that his blankie is comfort to him. At the age of four, I do have daycare kids bring blankies with them still. I understand that you feel by the age of 4 this stage should be over with, but with having Autism, it delays him a bit. I think let the teachers do what they can as long as it's not disrupting him too much. As for him at home, let him relax as much as he can. He will let go of it when he is ready.

My 5 year old daughter is autistic so I totally understand the attachment issues and the impossible to redirect meltdowns!!!!!When my daughter was attached to a rolled up PURPLE piece of paper(I know a little odd) I found that she really just wanted something in her hand, so I removed the paper and gave her smaller objects to hold. The 1st two days we had some major meltdowns but she quickly forgot about the paper and she wasn't as interested in the other objects and now she doesn't carry anything around :) I would say, get rid of it!! Good Luck! God Bless you and your famiy.

Hi S.,
When my brother was little he had a blanky too, this was back when teachers were allowed to punish kids as well, he had his fits and finally my mom cut a piece of his blanky about a 4x4 piece and pinned it to his shirt. It was with him but not if you know what I mean! he was fine with that until he didn't want his blanky anymore. My brother was mentally challenged and this was in the day when the cure all was put him in an institution and my mom chose to keep him home. It was just something you do.
Good luck, B.

I really feel for you sweetie! We have dealt with this issue with our children but do not have the added difficulties. I would suggest though to take a picture of your son with his blanket and print out a size that you can put it in a key chain for him to carry around, Or order a key chain from Walgreen's with him holding his blanket...this is just a thought. It might help him to see that he is holding the blanket in the picture.

I've had a few thoughts about this both as parent and teacher (with some autistic children in the classroom). I first thought cutting it into handkerchief size pieces might work (like in the book OWEN by Kevin Henkes). However, change is difficult for children with autism so would that create a new, different problem? I guess I wonder if it isn't so bad - knowing that it is frustrasting for you. Can you work at adjusting to a new lovey object? Do he like certain textures or colors? We've used koosh type balls with our autistic students. Do you work with a doctor/counselor/etc? They may have good ideas for you and more info for his developmental stage. Does he "melt down" at school without the blanket? How do they get through the day and would that work for you? I would think errands would be challenging for an autistic child - lots of sensory things going on. Could you use sunglasses to cut out visual stimulation? You said he is deaf so headphones for noise don't seem necessary. Anyway, just thinking out loud and brainstorming. Good luck.

Would it work to explain to him that it is a "rule" at school or when he reaches a certain age that he can no longer carry his blankie? One thing that worked for my neice (she isn't autistic, but was extremely attached to her blankie too) was to cut a small piece of it off and she would either put it in her backpack at school or carry it in her pocket. I hope this helps some! Good luck! You are absolutely right to want to take it.... it really isn't age appropriate. I think I would want as much "normalcy" as possible for my son were I in the same situation. God Bless! C.

My daughter is 3.5, not autistic. She also has a blanket (she calls it "my number 4 woobie" and she is a thumb sucker. The thumb and the woobie are things that give her comfort and confidence. I would never consider taking them from her.

I think that your son psychologically and emotionally needs that blanket, and trying to take it from him is going to lead to trust issues or worse. Tell his teachers to back off, and eventually he may become so comfortable at school that he won't need it any more. Every effort to take it from him will only make him that much more attached to it.

with all of his issues...is a blanky so wrong??..i went thru it with both my kids-and they dont have the issues your son has..by time they were 5 yrs.it was a done deal...i would just slow it down..dont make such a huge issue of it...jmo

I would have to agree with Katrina. Most children, you could cut a piece off and let them carry it in their pocket... but with Autistic children, change can cause a "meltdown" (I have worked with a couple Autistic children). Is it very possible to let him carry it in a backpack (on his back), so it's near to him (comfort) - yet out of site for others?? ...just a thought. Yet, that could cause another issue of having to break him of carrying around the backpack.

Another idea... (thinking as I type) I often used the "if/then" scenarios in school (I was an aide in the sp. ed. dept.). Could you have it in the car when you run errands and sign to him "If you do well in the store (or if you go in without blankie), you get your blankie back when we go to the car"... "If you do well at the post office (or if you go into the post office without blankie), you get your blankie back when we go to the car". I hope you get the idea. To us, we obviously know that we are going to get it back when we go back to the car, but in "his world" - he may not realize that and need the reassurance. Rather than being argumentative and only let him know he will get it back - the "if/then" is more specific to him. Signing calmly will also keep him calm.

I don't know if you do this already, but one autistic child I worked with received a skittle when he did a great job on something (as a reward). He looked forward to it. To most children, just one skittle probably isn't enough. To him, it was a treat :)

I hope I was of some help to you. Good luck in whatever you find works out for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

))hugs((
~SR

Don't sweat the small stuff. Sharon's comments were well put. My four year old has many comfort items (they switch from time to time...she must be taking turns). This is a hectic world. There is a lot of fear being driven into our brains (if we let it) and we could all use some extra comfort.

A four year old that is attached to a blanky is a normal behavior. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate as a four year old. I would let him have the security of the blanky. I have a 13 year old that has a special blanket. She doesn't take it to school, but she does get it out to watch a movie. I think being able to stop a meltdown in public with a blanky is pretty fantastic. They are only small for such a short time. Don't sweat the small stuff.

My niece is autistic. She hated to go shopping and her mother and I enjoyed it. We finally came to a compromise. My niece liked being dressed like a turkey so we let her play turkey as we shopped at the Mall of America. Picture a very tall 4 year old with a pillow tied to her butt and red tights tied around her head with the feet dangling under her chin. We all had a blast and we didn't pay attention to all the silly looks we got.

One day he will give up the blanket and you will realize how much he is grown.

I agree with the general consensus of letting him keep the blanky for now. The only thing I would add is that perhaps you can work on "downsizing" it. I cut my oldest son's blanket into quarters and seamed the raw edges. The blanket still fulfilled his comfort and thumbsucking needs, but now we had four blankets instead of one and they were a much-better size. You may have to start by only cutting it into half for your son if he doesn't respond well to change, but that would still be an improvement. Good luck!

My son was very attached to his blankie - he actually went through at least two of them as one pretty much turned to shreds. I know he still had it at age four because I remember him bringing it to preschool a couple of times. What's the harm in him having it if it's a comfort and soothing thing for him? He will give it up in time. Let it be his time and don't worry about it too much. Eventually see if you can keep it just in his bed - but I wouldn't push it too much since he's so attached right now. Age 4 is still very young.

Why are they taking the blankie from him? He is using it as a security blanket which means it makes him feel safe in a place he is unsure of... many kids do the same. When he gets more comfortable, he will give it up for the day, but I wouldn't take it away from him when it is obvious that he still needs it.

If you really don't want him to have it to lug around, then maybe cut a corner off and stick it in his pocket, so he can feel it anytime he needs to.

My dd is 6 (typical) and has a blanket that goes everywhere with her. She takes it to school, but at the bus stop it goes in her backpack, unless she is having a tough morning (then it goes in the backpack before she gets off the bus). At school, it stays in the backpack. Last year in kindergarten, there were a few times she was having a very difficult day and her teacher did let her have her blanket out. She put it around her neck like a scarf and caused no disruptions or problems. On the way home from school, it stays in her backpack until she gets home, unless, again, she is having a tough day, then she holds it on the bus ride. She takes it when we go shopping, out to eat, to the movie theater, everywhere. She drags it around at home all the time. It is hers, she will give it up when she is ready.

I think it is wonderful when a child (especially one who may have a hard time controlling/expressing their emotions) has a comfort item that can help. I would not try to take your son's blanket away, but I would have rules - such as it stays in his backpack at school. Or if you go somewhere, he can bring it in the car, but it doesn't come in. But I would have him in control of it. If he has an hour and a half bus ride (I have to ask WHY???!!!), having that blanket is critical! I would make the rule, that when the para gets him off the bus, he gives it a hug and he puts it in his backpack until he gets on the bus again. Then, when he gets on the bus, he takes it out of his backpack, gives it a hug and holds in on the bus on the way home. Having clear, set rules should help. Same thing with running errands, let him bring it in the car (errands are boring, a comfort item will help), he can give it a hug and leave it in his car seat when you go in someplace. Then when you get back to the car, he can give it a hug and take it out of his seat. My dd has been awful about dragging it around the house, then forgetting where she left it and not being able to find it at bedtime. So we made the rule, it needs to be in her hands or in her bed. If she isnt feeling like she needs to hold it, she has to go put it in her bed, so she can find it again later at bed time. This has helped cut down on the dragging it around in the house.

As for the suggestion of cutting it in smaller pieces, I would not do that at all. My older kids have special items from when they were little and they want to keep them forever. I have my favorite doll that I drug around forever. This blanket is a huge part of him and he (or you) may want it (whole) years down the road. Also, if I cut my dd's blanket, there would be hell to pay!! There is NO WAY she would accept a cut up blanket and she would NEVER forgive me. If a child is that attached to an item, I think YOU ruining it will cause all kinds of other issues, such as them not trusting you. I would not do it.

As for the thumb sucking, I would not try to take that away, either. You really can't. Again, if he is on the bus for that long, he needs something to comfort him. That is a LONG time for a little guy. I dont think *I* could handle a bus ride with out some comfort!

It sounds like, for right now, the blanket and thumb are helping him, so why take that away? Both are VERY typical for his age, and his situation (school and bus).

Good luck and let him be a kid.
S.
mom of 3 and daycare provider for 21 yrs.

Hi S.,
Cut it in a smaller piece that he can put in his pocket or backpack. This way he can still have the comfort of the feel of his blanket without lugging the whole thing around. My youngest grandson has Autism and I've worked in the special services at a public school for 17 yrs. Many children have a special something that calms them down. With just a small square (about 3 inches by 3 inches) of his blanket around, toss the rest of the blanket.

I know meltdowns are difficult! I know when our little guy (he'll be 3 in 5 wks) has a meltdown and we are unable to redirect him, we have to turn on the movie Madacascar. Funny but that stops him immediately and the whole house enjoys the movie for the 1 millionth time. *LOL*

Just remember that the meltdown does eventually stop. He may freak out when you cut the blanket to a reasonable size for his pocket or backpack BUT the meltdown will stop and the blanket will be gone.
Good Luck and God Bless your family!
D.

I don't suppose there is anyway you can cut his blanky in halfs or quarters so its smaller and easier to manage? I can understand why you (and the teachers) would want to take the blankey away, but at his age and stage, it probably isn't going to hurt anything for him to keep it.

I work at a day program for MR/DD teens/adults and we have some who have a blanket for security and will wrap up in it when they are feeling overly stressed.