Too Embarrassed to Go Potty

He can be ready physically before he's ready emotionally. He has to be ready in both ways before any attempt at potty learning will really work and be something he's comfortable with, in my opinion. I would just wait.

If he wants to run into another room to fill his diaper, he can go into the bathroom and close the door. He'll get used to that being the room to poop and pee. When he is ready he'll decide to start doing it in the potty (get a ring that sits on the bit toilet, and a stool so he can get up, he can do it more privately/independently). Be patient. My son wasn't trained until he was 4, mostly due to us pushing him before he was ready. Eventually we 'gave up' and stopped pushing, and about 6 months later he was trained in less that a week (to accident-free). Kids will do it, on their timing.

My son would go in the other room to do the deed too -- and sometimes when he goes potty now he wants to do it alone. Maybe just have a little conversation with him. Make it matter of fact, "no big deal" and let him know that if he wants to have privacy to go to the bathroom that he is welcome to go potty IN THE BATHROOM, but that any other room is not private for that kind of thing. Getting them to associate the bathroom with those acts is the first step to getting them potty trained (plus it keeps the whole house from stinking up :)
Once he is consistently going in the bathroom just gently remind him that it needs to go in the potty, not the diaper. Over all, don't push too hard on this. Potty training at that age is more about teaching them what is expected of them. Once I stopped making such a big deal out of it my son made great progress on potty training.

Hi!

When my kids were small, my favorite pediatrician advised me that most boys (if you really want THEM trained) aren't ready until 3 - 3 1/2 years. Also, I think you made too big a deal about it. I know it's what the books say to do, but using the toilet is normal. Next time try just a private high-five between you two and see if that helps. I left a box of baby wipes by the potty for when they think they can handle wiping by themselves. My youngest trained herself ... one day I turned the corner from the kitchen and there she was sitting on the toilet (hanging on for life). I'd try just putting the potty back in the bathroom when he's three and not making too big a deal over it.

Best wishes,
L.

T.,

Waiting will not help the situation.

I wonder if your son is feeling you are getting rid some part of him. It sounds to me that somewhere along the line he created the belief that it's not OK to flush down his poop.
Is there a book at the library that could assist him to understand that it is simply a by-product of the food he eats?
Perhaps something about the digestive system for toddlers.

Best of luck figuring out this puzzle.

With my whole heart,
C.

I think if were me, I think I would put the potty back in the bathroom, and just not mention it again. I have 4 children, and they all potty trained at their own rate, but they all did do it eventually, so don't worry, it will happen! I also have a 2 1/2 year old girl, and we are just NOW starting to mention it to her. She is getting interested. I think if you let them potty train at their own pace, you will find better success. Maybe he got too much stimulation and attention about it too young? I don't know? If you just don't mention it, and it is there for him when he is ready, he will probably just surprise you someday and go himself. Maybe when he does, just say wow, great job, you must feel like such a big boy, and leave it at that. You don't even need to give him a treat. He will have to just go when he is ready, and sometimes we as parents just need to be patient. Good luck!

my son did not want any company, attention or treats. He finally learned to go potty when he finally learned to tell me that he wanted "privacy." He didn't want me in the room, to talk about it or give him treats or rewards. Like you, we started when he was 2 1/2 because his daycare wanted to transition him to the next room, but he didn't actually get potty trained until he was three - he needed to be able to communicate better about how he wanted to handle things. I would back off completely. leave the potty chair where it is, but don't talk to him about it. Let him grow into it. Not all kids are ready when we would like them to be!

take care, S.

He may not be ready to train yet. As for the embarrassment, I'd give him more time watching you and his daddy and stuff so he learns that every big boy and girl goes potty in the bathroom on the seat. I wouldn't push him going at all. It's become a power struggle for both of you and it needs to be left alone for a while. Good luck!!!

In addition to the other advice, a great incentive to get our daughter exicted about the potty were stickers. She is just over 2 so the only time she really uses the potty is right before bathtime, but she is soo excited to get a sticker and then count all of them. If trouble presists, you might take hime on a special trip to buy stickers just for being a good potty user. It's like your own personal potty then, and you can count you success.

If you were in a public bathroom busy 'going' and your son banged open the door as another person were walking by, what would you do? If you're like me, you'll freak, bang the door shut and tell him you need privacy.

I applaud his sense of self enough to know that going to the bathroom is a private activity. Respect his privacy.

Just wanted to echo everyone else who's said its time to back off and let him take the lead on potty training. Clearly he knows what the expectations are, and he'll get there. Give him some room to grow and do it for himself. You can't decide that he needs to use the potty any more than you can decide how tall he'll be when he grows up. GL!

I've learned to not make the potty too big of a struggle either way (getting too excited or getting upset). Kids just want control & they love to see how many hoops they can get you to jump through & how to get a reaction out of you. If he sees that something makes you too happy, they figure that doing the opposite will get a rise out of you. So with potty & eating issues, I've learned to show as little emotion as possible (not too happy, not too mad). In your situation, I'd wait a while and then casually mention that the potty is there in the bathroom & that big boys use the potty. (Personally, I always used the seats that go right on the big potty - I don't have to clean up & I don't have to go through transitioning them later on.) Once in a while, when you see he's hiding to do his business, ask if he wants to try the potty & that he'll get a treat if he does (I do m&m's - but there are a million things that work). If & when he refuses, just say 'that's fine - you let me know when you're ready to go on the potty like big boys do.' Whenever my kids are successful in going on the potty, I just say - good job, what a big boy (casually happy - not jumping up & down) and then I give him a few m&m's. Sometimes my kids need a push, so I let them go pick out their very own, really cool big boy pull-ups at the store & tell them that we don't poop in them - only in diapers & the potty. If he poops in the pull-up, I put a diaper on him. If he poops in the potty, he gets to wear a pull-up. Natural consequences without emotion. That's what's been working for my cute little strong-willed kids. Good luck!

T.,

I have 2 boys and both of them refused to sit on the potty chair. I had to go buy a seat that sits over the toilet for them. They did so much better with that and potty trained very quickly. Those seats are also great to stick in a large diaper bag for going out in public. All of my kids were embarassed to use public restrooms and that seat really helped.
Also, have you tried to have you son go in the bathroom with your husband? Sometimes that helps.

Good Luck!

I would suggest that you just let him poop however he wants to for now - you may inadvertantly be making a big deal out of it, thus making the situation worse. I know, because my oldest was very hard to potty train, and he wasn't potty trained until well into his third year. He also used to demand privacy so he could poop in his diaper. Ironically, I don't even remember the moment when he finally became ok with pooping regularly in the potty. Your guy just isn't ready for pooping in the potty yet, so don't push it - it will happen eventually. Good luck!

Most boys don't potty train until after they are 3. My first son truly potty trained at 3 1/2 and my 2nd son potty trained himself at 2. When I took my kids to the dr. she told me that he will backslide because he potty trained so early. Anyway, I introduced the potty to my son, he went for awhile and got really excited about it, then it was an all out battle, he was not ready. So I left the potty where it was, put him in diapers, and he was happy. I continued potty training my daughter (my 2nd is a twin) until she was done, and then a week or so after she was done, near their 2yo party, he decided he was ready to go, and he did it himself.

So, put your son back in diapers or pullups, talk about potty with him, but don't force him. If you force him, it will just be a battle to potty train, and you don't want to do that. Have him pick out his favorite character underwear and buy them, and then when he gets all excited about wanting to wear them, then he's truly ready.

Hi T.

I had so much trouble with my son, who is now 7 and just fine :) I'd probably say that it won't change after he turns 3 if it has lasted the 6 or 7 months you put the issue away. It took my son at least 8 months before we worked out all his issues on the potty, especially with pooping. I have three kids and they are all so different, with potty-training too. My girls love having all the hoopla when they had a success, and they thrived on it. I'm potty training girl #2 right now. My son was more quiet and at first I lavished him with praise and treats and told everyone too, because I thought that was the way to do it. But I learned that he was more quiet about it and just wanted maybe a small treat and a "good job." Do you think it would work to bring the potty chair into his room where he can be in his territory by himself and no one knows what he is doing? Maybe if he had the choice of going in his diaper or Pull-ups or whatever and going in the potty in his own room, he would choose the potty. I know I finally learned to just leave my son alone while he did his business, because if I was there, he wouldn't go. Kids are really finicky about potty-training. I just had to let my daughters lead the way after my long struggle with my son, and they have done it so much faster and less stressful. I hope that helps. Good luck!!

God bless,
J.

Give him some time, kids have potty issues that range from being afraid of the toilet to being embarassed when first starting out.
My kids are both ones to not allow me anywhere near them when they are pottying (wish that worked for privacy for mommy).
They at least have no shame in just undressing in the middle of the living room, hee hee.
Just reassure him as much as possible. Maybe it is overwhelming with the excitement when he goes and you can downplay it a little. Have him reward himself with putting his own sticker on his own chart in the bathroom and when he gets to a certain number of stickers a reward for him at the store? My son got motivated at 3 because he wanted a Transformer toy, I told him only big boys had those and to be a true "big" boy he needed to be out of pullups. Two weeks later he was 100% trained. At 2 1/2 he could have cared less.
Hang in there. The next phase comes down the road of wiping themselves which I am struggling with my four year old son right now. A moms job never ends.

Hi T.,
I started with my (now 2.5 yr old) similar to your approach. When we got to the point where I was practically begging her to "make a pee-pee on the potty" I realized that this was more my issue with control than her issue with learning.
SO, since she had all the information I took my hands off, didn't even ask her about pottying. There were a couple of accidents, and then she really caught on and is daytime potty learned now.
Using the toilet is something that is ENTIRELY in THEIR control. I think, "how would I feel if someone were pestering me about going to the toilet?" I'm betting I'd end up with a complex about it!
Good luck!
A.

Relax, it will come. Have you pu the potty in his room? We put it near the door and the night light so there was light at night to go. I layed down a changing table pad under it. that was good start to help mine have ownership. Also, we took bears and everything...almost redicuoluly so...to the potty. Lastly, let him watch you. Have your husband "sit" and go in front of him (standing is too scary for the little guys just yet.) also, get stupidily silly. Say like: Woo, I jsut went potty and feel so much better...' This age doesn't want to miss out on fun stuff...so get him to see everyone does it all the time and tht it is "fun," so don't miss out.... And even my daughter went back and forth then at 33 months, she just sort of did it on her own in a week. That is about when I was like...I can't do this anymore, I give up.