Too Late for Another Baby? Spacing Question

My Mom's friend had 3 girls each 5 years apart.
It worked well for them.
They are a close family and they way they managed college was - when the first one made it through and got a job she helped parents pay for the next sister and then they both helped with the 3rd.
They all helped to keep debts low and pay off any debt that couldn't be avoided.
They've always worked like a collective.

Not every family has siblings that get along though no matter what the spread in ages are.
My best friend is one of 14 siblings and most get along - but one can't get along with any of them and every time she marries (I think she's up to husband nbr 4 by now) they loved all her husbands. They kind of wished they could have kept the ex's and dropped their sister.
You just never know what you're going to get.

My sister has a 7 year old, soon-to-be 5 year old, and is due to deliver baby #3 in early September. They felt their family was complete after 2, but last winter they decided that they were open to having another, and within weeks were pregnant. We're all so excited! They didn't keep ANY of their baby items.

It is such a personal thing, but it sounds like you're wanting another, and if you are in a stable situation relationship-wise and financially, why not?

I have three brothers and we are all 5 years apart so my oldest brother is 15 years older than me. Yes-he was almost out of the house by the time I hit Kindergarten and we weren't that close but it all works out how it is supposed to.
Did I think my parents were crazy? Yes-I did and I had my two kids very close together and my Dad thought I was a nut.
Just do what is right for you. It will work out either way in my opinion. If you pass on having another, you will think it was the right thing and same for having another one-you wouldn't be able to imagine not having him/her.

there are pros and cons to ALL considerations of age and spacing. of course it's not too late, if you and your dh want to expand your family. it might be WAY too late for someone else.
there are over 20 years between my oldest and youngest brothers.
i do think some people keep going because they have baby itch. i think THAT'S a pretty poor reason to keep reproducing. many people seem to believe there's a nice neat psychological line that says 'you're done now!' which actually rarely happens.
khairete
S.

I think family and parenting choices have a lot more to do with the two adults than it does any of the kids.

Guess what I am saying is that if you and your husband sit on this for a while, decide you really want a third child and make that happen- if you are committed to making this new structure of family work, it will happen in a good way.

If you sleep on it for a few weeks and find you are just really missing an infant, offer to do baby care for a friend sometimes with your own kids at home. You'll get your baby fix and then get to hand them back before Yet Another Sleepless Night.... :)

Don't worry about spacing.

Now that both children are on their school track, there are going to be a ton of activities with each of them.

School, Scouts, Sports, Lessons, then the homework, projects, school events. All of these take practice, homework, shopping, organizing, prepping, travel and I am going to bet it is mostly going to fall on you.

I have always felt bad for younger siblings being dragged alone to all of these activities and when it is the youngest turn to do all of this, everyone is worn out and are off doing their own things and no one to cheer on the youngest when it is his/her turn.

Just because right now it will feel like an empty nest, all of a sudden you are going to be going in 2 different directions with the 2 children. Add a pregnancy, birth, newborn/toddler.. Ugh, I am exhausted typing it out.

Just take some time, and definitely speak with your husband about this. I just heard today. A child born today will cost $245,000 to raise.

And mom, follow your heart and brain. We are strangers and do not know you, but your husband loves you and will want what is best for all of you, speak with him.

You are not crazy, and it's not too late unless you've been through menopause. Some wide spaced siblings are close, some are not. A lot is up to the parents.

Speaking as a Mom to 3...it IS harder than 2. You don't have 3 hands to hold, you cannot easily tend to 3 kids in the pool, 3 people eat more than 2..... So a LOT comes down to how well your 8 yo does in making smart decisions. I wouldn't have it any other way, but we had to stop doing many things for awhile after #3 came along.

By the way, I was 46 when my youngest was born (and he was welcome but not planned). My oldest is 10. My youngest is 4. My middle son is 6. Sometimes they get along. Sometimes they don't. I'd say they are on track to be close for most of their lives. I know some siblings who are nearly 10+ years apart who are very close.

Just don't tell them they won't be close because of the age spread...and speak up if anyone else does that....I don't know why people do that! Good luck!

At one time I wanted a third. I asked hubby and he said no. So I put that thought out of my mind and did my thing with the two we had. Hubby goes off to the Gulf Desert Shield/Storm comes back and wants a third. By that time I was out of the idea of a baby and everything that went with it (6 years later).

If you want one and the budget is right, do it. Otherwise enjoy the two you have and know that it is just the fact that the baby has come of age to go to school. You could always help at school or get a part time job or take up a hobby for your personal time. All is not lost just a change in the family.

the other S.

PS I am glad that I didn't have the third but that is another long story.

I would stick with two, but that's me. I don't enjoy babies and strollers and diapers etc. Your kids are at an age when you can do so many fun activities with them. You can go to waterparks, for bike rides, hiking, amusement parks etc, but with a baby in the mix it would be much harder to do those types of things. Things like getting a hotel room or going out for "kids eat free" dinners will be more complicated with three. Finding family activities that will interest all three kids will be a challenge. With that age spacing it is likely that you will end up with kids in three different schools at some point, which will be a hassle as well.

There is over 7 years between my sister and I and 5 years between my brother and I.

This is a personal decision only YOU and YOUR HUSBAND can make. Talk it out and figure it out. I know my husband and I wanted 4. We were blessed with two and have three in Heaven. Ours are 2.5 years apart...my oldest (first marriage) and my first son (second and last marriage!) are 13 years apart.

My mom? She was the youngest of 6. She was an aunt the day she was born.

As to "feeling complete"? I know this is what we can handle - financially with sports and then car sizes...my husband wouldn't be able to have his fun CR-V if we had had 4 kids...he would've had to get a bigger car too...LOL!!

Any way - You need to talk this out with your husband. Can you afford another one? Is your home big enough for another? Are you ready for diapers and late nights? Only you and your husband can answer these questions!

Good luck!

Only you can figure out if what you're feeling is actually wanting another kid or just wanting another infant.
There is no "supposed to" when it comes to knowing if your family is complete.
I knew I was done the night my first, last, and only was born.
Have you considered talking to a counselor and asking him/her to help you figure out if what's going on is just nostalgia for the baby days because your "baby" is growing up?

No rules!!! If you want another baby, have another. There are pros and cons to every scenario, only child, too close together, too many kids, etc etc. Everyone has an opinion right. Only yours and hubby's matter. For what its worth, I say do it! On the plus side, older siblings will be so helpful, will be very good and gentle with a baby whereas young toddlers are freakin scary near a baby! LOL!

Pros and cons to how to space your children. If you have them too close together they don't get enough individual time. If you space too far apart they might not be very close emotionally to their siblings. But in the end it works out no matter what you decide. I found that going from no children to 1 was the hardest adjustment of all. Every child after that was just adding to the family.

My mom had 4 kids in 9 yrs so the oldest was in 4th grade when my youngest brother was born. When they became adults they developed a friendship. I had 4 kids in 5 1/2 yrs and it was crazy busy but they all call and text each other all the time.

It all comes down to what you and your husband decide. Just talk it out and whatever the outcome it'll be ok.

We know a family with 3 kids. The mom got pregnant every time a kid went to K. (Except the last O., of course!)
It's not about "spacing" in my opinion..it's about what you guys WANT to do.
Good luck!

There are reasons not to have another. There are plenty of reasons to stop and say "Okay, we're done." But the reasons you describe don't sound that convincing. Kids of all ages can benefit from having younger siblings. Maybe they won't play as much as peers, but they'll learn to be sweet, caring, mature, and responsible.

My niece was born when my nephew was 5. Nobody told them "Oh, a 5-year span is perfect," but for them it was. The big boy absolutely adores his little sister. He's her self-appointed personal entertainer. And she worships the ground he walks on.

Rather than, "is this the perfect age span?," I think the most important question is, "Can we afford to send this many kids to college?" But that's just me.

My son is 8 and our 2nd is due in October. They will be almost 8 and half years apart. If you and your partner want another child go for it. There are no rules stating you have to have your children x years apart (society may seem that way but it does not dictate the choices for your family).

C., please don’t feel obligated to read this whole response. And I hope you will forgive me if this doesn't feel kind – my intentions are entirely kind to tender life everywhere. So, up front, it may be perfect for you to have another child; I only hope you will wait until you are certain that's what is right for you. That can only be your own choice.

This response is overflowing with the pain I’m feeling with the state of the whole crazy world, so ladies, I excuse you in advance unless you feel able to consider my views. It may seem a bit off-topic, but I’m hoping for a more expanded picture. I’m awfully tired, so perhaps should hold my silence until I’m less disturbed. I have hardly been sleeping. Last night was one of many during which I have struggled and cried and prayed over the suffering of children in the world, trying to understand how to help those people who are least equipped to cope and adapt. Especially children, whose pain is so evident in every level of existence.

It’s a simple fact that we are designed to reproduce – God/Nature/Life worked it out it so we adore babies, we want babies, we even crave babies enough to willingly face the pain and challenges of birthing and raising them. And we have become so successful as a species that we're now quite capable of ruining the earth for ourselves and most other life. (I'll note that we’re designed to love eating, too, but for health and comfort we learn to live within reasonable bounds.)

There's no right number of kids for any particular woman; some will have several, some none. But too many of us are making too many babies, already to the detriment of every baby's future. Population pressure is already harming health, opportunity, innocence and hope in poorer areas. Too much consumption of natural resources and space, too much garbage, too much toxic pollution, too much social stress, too much competition for space, jobs, and in some places even air, water, food, or farmable land.

Moms, I might be losing my mind, but I don't think it's just me. We humans are SEVEN BILLION STRONG and increasing quickly – when I was born in 1947, there were "only" about a third as many souls, but social scientists and agronomists were already deeply concerned about population growth, resource depletion, and pollution. And now it’s clear that we’ve changed the environment, probably irreversibly.

It's far too easy to numb ourselves with bread and circus, with more of everything we can possibly desire, and that's all that some of us learn to live for. We're the greatest consumers in the world. I have chosen to stop with one child and live simply for the health of the world, and I may be one of the lowest-income participants on this board… but I'm pretty damn comfortable compared to many mothers and children today, even right here in our own great nation.

I expect some annoyed readers will report this, but please notice that I'm not trashing anything beyond our “want it – have it now” economic model. I'm not angry, just terribly sad for all the suffering and deprivation I’m seeing in children everywhere. I believe the whole blessed world in in some degree of crisis. Action, new choices, and change are very much needed.

A note of hope that keeps me going sometimes: Crisis is good IF it prompts us to be more responsible, loving, and creative. Change for the better seldom happens without crisis. I’m reaching for responsible and creative ways to care for this beautiful world, and all the beautiful children we have already birthed.

Well, my youngest sister was 16 when my youngest brother was born. Honestly, I think it's easier because at this point the youngest one doesn't need the extra care young toddlers need, and is out of the house for a while every day, so you will be able to dedicate time to the new baby without so many jealousy issues. (They will still be there, I'm sure... But not quite to the same extent.)

My Husbands youngest brother is 18 years younger than him. :)

Nope, 8 years is nothing.

Definitely not too late:) We have 3 boys...9, 6, and 4. My 9 & 4 year olds get along the best!!

There are 11 years between me and my sister and 15 years between me and my brother.

Gaps don't matter. Have the children you want to have.

Is it different? Of course. Once they get to school age it's pretty much all the same developmentally.

As an infant the biggest thing is toys. Choke hazards are important. Lego's, Barbie Doll shoes and jewelry, and more.

Think about the families that have several children. Their oldest could be in high school and have a new baby brother. One of my friends had 6 kids and her youngest was her parents 40th grandchild.

Have the kids you want. Age gaps really really don't mean much.

***Added: Don't base decision on temporary things like infancy pros and cons. In the long run those things don't matter. But yes, your "urge" to have an infant will be gone suddenly one day, so strike while you want one...if you want one...***

The answer to this is like so many other questions: Everything works. Families come in all different glorious shapes and sizes and age ranges and spaces. So. If you do it, it will be great.

If you don't, you'll decide to be happy and complete and embrace that choice.

So don't sweat it.

I have three and it's never been difficult to do stuff vs having only two...they keep each other occupied and my oldest is now 8 so she helps a lot. The only bummer is they all sit in the back seat so we need more seating to bring friends, so if anything I want a bigger car :)

Also, mine are close together, and I'm a single parent, and spending individual time WAS a challenge. I feel like 2nd two sort of flew under radar right under my nose in some ways and now they're all school age at once in kinder, 1st and 3rd...I don't know how I'm going to keep track of all their separate classes...so your spacing sounds ideal actually...

The diaper and stroller stage goes by in the blink of an eye. I really don't see that as a reason not to have another.

I have two, and they're 7 years apart. Oldest loves her little brother. I have a cousin who had a teenager before her second and then quickly had a third. All of her children get along, although she is super busy with activities, but luckily aunts are happy to shuttle around the teenager. I always knew I wanted another, and I am very happy with our family right now. It does take a little more planning to get out the door with the 7 year old and the 3 month old, but the only inhibition he's given us this summer was doing many outdoor activities, because of the heat, neither he nor I take to it very well.

I love having a 3rd. It's 7 years between #1 and #3 and that's great. I can actually leave my baby alone in a room with my 7 year old and trust her to keep an eye on things.

It has been a little weird to have bottles on the counter again, baby bouncers in the hallway (after 4 years since #2) but I have so much more perspective now (like, almost sad when I think we'll probably only need bottles for another 5 months or so... and that soon it will be time to really, officially get rid of the baby swing for good)

Personally I have age gaps of 10 years with some of my siblings. There's 21 years between the oldest and youngest in my family, and this has not really affected sibling closeness among us at all (we are all girls, 6 of us)

I don't think I'll ever get that "my family is complete" feeling.. my heart will probably always be open for one more. Even if I had another, I know it would still be open after that. But I have to accept reality of how much college costs, what my husband feels he can handle, how old I am, etc etc.

You're not crazy :)

My first 3 were within 4 years... August 1982, April 1984, and August 1986. We then waited 5 years for #4......

It was really nice that the older ones could interact more with the baby, and be trusted to play with and monitor him if needed. The first three (all girls) were 9, 7, and 5...... the last was a boy.

It wasn't that big of a deal to go back to diapers, strollers, etc..... and also, the older two liked to help with some of the care duties!