Too Many Babies? - Saint Petersburg,FL

I am still working on number 2 so I cannot answer out of experience but my feeling is, if you feel like you might not be done, you're not done yet. Good luck with whatever you decide!

I love children-I always said I wanted six. But, for various reasons (health, not money), we are definitely finished at two. We haven't done anything permanent about it yet, but we may.

My youngest is almost three, still young enough that I can carry him from bath to bed and snuggle a bit. But on the mornings he goes to preschool, I miss him so much! I have friends with younger children and love to visit them, I'm looking forward to more nieces and nephews.

Like any major life decision, I revisit it now and again, and think one more would be nice....but then I remember why we decided not to and, since we have good reasons, I'm okay with that. I appreciate the beautiful big kids mine are growing into and visit with friends' babies for my fix!

I think you just know, you have that baby and it just feels complete. You should have as many kids as you want, not as many as you can afford, a parent will always find a way to make ends meet if they truly want to.

Hi, Congratulations on your newest baby. Oh, how sweet. I love the babies! I have 6 and want more. We do not prevent children at all, but accept them as the gifts that they are. My husband feels the same way I do. Why on earth would we prevent such a wonderful thing? If someone wanted to give us $1000, we wouldn't prevent that gift! Children are so much more valuable than money. Also, I don't think that they cost all that much if you are not a materialist. Our children are well provided for. They are loved. No material thing would ever be worth giving up the opportunity to have a child. Our baby is 4. We have not been able to conceive since she was born. Oh, how I would love to have another. I'm 43. My last was born at 39. It was a great pregnancy. Don't think that you are getting old, or that a baby at 40 would be a mistake. Our lives would not be the same without this little firecracker.
As far as paying for college, stuff, etc., why do we think we have to do that? If they want to go to college, they can get scholarships, they can CLEP out of classes, they can do online courses. We have so many options today (and in the future, who knows what all!) that were not available 20 years ago. We don't have to pay the huge pricetag for the brick and mortar experience. If it is truly about the diploma, then it should be about that, not the lifestyle of college. I guess what I am saying is, don't get so caught up in the money thing. If you don't have the mindset of materialism (every new gadget that comes out, nice cars, designer clothing, high price tag colleges, etc), you see that children are not that expensive.
My "baby factory" will be officially closed when I enter menopause. Up til then, I keep my hopes up that we will be blessed again. My kids love having many siblings. They thrive on the love and friendships they have with each other. Our culture is missing the truly good things in life by forsaking children and chasing junk. I hope you will find peace about this and stop listening to the wisdom of the world, which isn't wisdom at all. Blessings!

Well, we are only having one child. I had a terrible pregnancy, which is just one reason I closed the door on children. The size of our family is different, but I will tell you why we choose to only have one. I can't imagine being able to spend quality time with more then my son. I feel like I will be giving another child only the leftover parts of my energy, abilities, etc. I would ask yourself, can you realistically supply another child with as much attention, time, that you did with your precious children? If you 100% believe you can, that's great. If you can't, is it really fair to the new child? I also wanted to share with you a story about my friend. First...I obviously don't know you and you might have nothing in common with my friend! She has 5 children. Nature shut the door on her having anymore, but she would have had dozens, if she could have. (seriously.) She loved being pregnant, having a newborn, that wonderful feeling of a new addition. She always got the longing when her children reached a certain age. Now that she is several years out of childbearing, she came to a pretty big realization. While she loved all her children and didn't regret having them...she was really filling needs the wrong way. She loved to be needed 100%. She loved, that a baby couldn't get by without her and wanted someone to have total reliance on her. It gave her confidence, made her feel great about herself. When her kids got old enough to start having an opinion and not need her so much, the baby longing set in. She came from a large family and wanted one herself, but her reasons for having children were quite unhealthy. If your reasons are not like this and you feel you can financially provide for a child, give the attention in the important younger years he/she needs, then I don't see why not. I know you say money solely should not be the reason and I agree. However, if you know you can't truly provide for another child, I do think it's irresponsible to bring one into the world. (it doesn't sound like you feel that way)

I have two boys, ages 4 and almost 7. I thought I wanted a third at one point but now I am glad we opted not to try for another. I just wanted to bring up another point. My boys are both in soccer and my older son is in Cub Scouts now, and between that and homework, we are really busy. I guess my point is, life gets busier the older your kids get; school gets more difficult, there is more homework, more tests, more projects, they want to play sports or join dance, etc. I just feel like I don't want to deny my kids any opportunities to try the things they want to do. I don't mean to say I spend tons of money or let them do whatever they want, but we choose their activities together and they do involve at least a little investment of money but more importantly, time. My husband and I can divide our time and split up between our kids if we need to now, but that would be harder to do if you have alot of kids to shuffle around. I guess what I am saying is to look a little bit into the future and think about the kids you have now and how you want their lives to be. Good luck and I hope you find what is right for your family:)

I come from a big family. My siblings are (this is counting steps and halfs...) 27, 26, 25, 24, 23 (me), 21, 19, 17 (RIP), 16(RIP), 15, 10, 8, and 5. (yes. that's 13. lol) 4 of us are full blood siblings, 3 are halfs, and 6 are steps. Generally, there were 6 in my household at a time. I know I want a big family, but I want to make sure we are financially able to handle it. You say that God won't give more than you can handle... which isn't necessarily true. Why else are so many families on welfare? I remember when I was in high school, standing in line at the food bank to get a bag of groceries, deathly afraid someone I knew would see me. If you are in the position that you can handle having more kids, and both you and hubby are good with the decisions, go for it!

P.S.... Don't get offended by this please, I'm just throwing out a different way of looking at things. not slamming your point of view... but you say you don't want to use birth control because it's messing with nature... But if you use that viewpoint, so is vaccinating your kids, giving them vitamins, taking them to the doctor, etc. Chemotherapy for cancer patients would also be considered messing with nature... Sometimes, especially in this day and age, a little "unnatural" intervention is needed to keep everything in balance.

I have 3 children and we know we are done, I would love to have a 4th, but I am in my 40's and content with my children who are 16,13 and 8. I have a home daycare and get to love babies all day and then they go home! If you feel you want more, then do what you feel is right for your family.We have plenty of love in our hearts for as many children as we are blessed with.

I never did get the financial thing... yes there are diapers, food, clothes, activities etc, God will bless us with what we need. As for things like college and weddings, why must the parents pay for these?? I paid my own way through college, 6 years and 2 degrees later, paid for all by me, I truly appreciate the hard work in saving money, working a part time job, and paying off student loans. I also paid for my own wedding, my husband and I saved money and cut costs to make it affordable for us. We had about 120 guests and all the trimmings, and we appreciated it so much.

I totally agree that money shouldn't be the sole reason for this decision, it is certainly an individual decision to know when you are done. I honestly can't say for sure when I knew. For my husband, he was totally done at 3, although he knew it was up to him to have a vacestomy and he waited until our youngest was 3 to have this done. We did think maybe I was pregnant recently when I missed a period, but I am not. A small part of me was sad, but mainly I was relieved, so I know for certain we are done.

I would encourage you to pray about it, and once you decide, be firm and happy in your decision. For us, a vasectomy was the only option for a "permanent" method, although it can fail in a very small percent of cases.

Hi M.! I am a 39 yo SAHM and I also have 4 children (1 married and a grandchild, 1 in college, 1 4yo and 1 2yo). DH and I do not use any form of birth control. I am mainly choosing not to have anymore children due to my age. Although there are a lot of pros to being the older mom of 2 younger children, I do feel it was much easier chasing after them when I was in my 20's! My feeling is that you will just KNOW deep in your heart, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are DONE. If you have any doubt in your mind at all DO NOT do anything permanent. I don't see anything wrong with having a big family and if you can afford it and keep your sanity (no sarcasm intended) I say more power to you! You are correct in that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle and if it is meant to be you will have another child (I have stories that can back this up so if you want more info private message me and I'll respond). Best wishes to you!

I'm 42 and dying for another child. We have one so far and are looking into adoption. But there are so many wonderful things about large families! (I come from a family of four girls.) Holidays, handling family crises, instant playmates, definitely learning to share and deal with all kinds of personalities, which comes in very handy in life, etc etc ... And:The idea of overpopulating the Earth is a fallacy because the birth rate is lowering and will stabilize in about 20 years ( have you ever been to North Dakota? Believe me there is room for people!) And then the money issue. Sure, more is great, but we learned how to handle money well, make it stretch and appreciate everything we had. Kids can also pay for a good portion of their own college, if need be (we just paid off my husband's last payment on his college loan). Duggars live on $3500 a month for 20 people at home!!! They practice ingenuity! I admire them, really.
So, go ahead, have more. We need loving caring parents with good values who actually care about these questions, to balance out the crack mommas haphazardly turning out ill cared for children who have little chance at good lives. Just ask all of my single and/or childless friends who are past 35 - they really don't mind that you are making up for them! They will encourage you, too!

Not really a dilemma. If you feel you can handle another child, then have another child! When they were wheeling me back for my c-section with my 2nd child, they asked if I wanted to have my tubes tied. It was such a shock that a) they'd never mentioned to me before & b) my husband & I had not even discussed the option of either one of us getting 'fixed'. I told them, no (even though I was 41). Figured it probably wouldn't happen again because of how tough it was to get pregnant the 2nd time. So life went on for another 8 months & low & behold, I was pregnant again with my 3rd child. She was an oops...but if I had done what I was asked to do when they were wheeling me back, I wouldn't have the joy in my life that I do with my 2 boys & their baby sister. If you feel you can handle a big family then do it. I work full time, so life is definitely difficult (especially since we have no family closer than 3 1/2 hours away). What's going to be really tough is when all my kids are involved in some sort of after school activity. Just baseball for my oldest is already tough. Good luck. I'd probably give it some time, though..... The one thing I feel I wasn't able to give to my 2nd child was the attention that his older brother rec'd. He wasn't able to be a baby for too long before his sister came along.

If you can afford more- super!
My 2 cents worth is make sure you 3 mo old is off to a good start. Are you nursing him?
When you decide the time has come then I would say "tie your tubes" There appear consequences to vasectomies for men( where does all the fluid go!)
best, k

You know its really different strokes for different folks. I am one that wants another baby but that is mainly because i only have 1 kid AND I feel that with another kid I will be able to stay home and not work....Something that would fulfil me is healthy kids, a clean house and homemade dinners. Instead its a dirty house, daycare kid with colds and take out....but a nice nest egg. I will say that we have gone back and forth if we want another one. I jump on the NO bandwagon everytime she is sick and I have to rush out of work because she has a fever.
The magic number is up to you and your hubby. Koodos to you for having 4. I KNOW that if we decide to have another baby, I will be done...reason is because I too come from a big family...my parents were too busy with all of us and trying to keep the boat afloat that all of us didnt get the amt of attention I feel we should have had...(no instruments to play, no games, dinners were mac and cheese almos every night, not much help with homework, no money for college) I want my kid or kids to have more than me...I dont want her to struggle with trying to pay for a decent education. I want her to be able to join gymnatics or whatever sport she wants I want to attend THOSE activities and not have 5 differnt places I need to be like my parents. .I want all of us to sit and have dinner. I want Christmas to be filled with toys and not a box filled with toothebrushes and soap. But that is ME and what I want for my kid...you and your hubby may not think those are important. I wish you luck and congrats on the new little one

I wrestle with this too and took great comfort in knowing that there is a vasectomy procedure that is reversible.

I can't answer your questions, but we are expecting number 3, my husband told me after 2 he was sure we were done (he initiated the "let's have a third one" conversation though), so when he tells me we'll be done at 3, I smile and nod and say "okay, whatever." I think I would be content with just 3, as I think I would have been content with 2, but I certainly won't complain if he says, "I think one more would be just perfect. Four doesn't sound so bad. We have the room in the car after all." I would probably have six if I had my way. :)

We also don't want to have a surprise down the road. I have been [mostly] lucky with hormonal b.c. working but think when we know we're done we'll do something permanent. My only other addition would be to say that when my parents married, my dad had already had four children and a vasectomy. He had it reversed and they had three children together. He had the vasectomy repeated before my younger sister was born, but my mom always said she had wanted at least one more child. I agree with your husband that you don't want to do anything permanent too soon. I passed my hormonal "must have another baby" point when my second was around 16 months old. He had been weaned by 14 months, my hormones were settling down, and I wasn't crying when I saw babies. Of course, that was when my husband said he wanted another. I think you have to get a lot out of your system before you can be sure you are ready to call it quits.

And don't let other people's opinions of family size influence you, either. :) I do not believe parents love is limited, either, so if your hearts want more children, your hearts will have more than enough love for those children. As you said, God does not give you more than you can handle. I know beautifully happy large families full of love with six or seven children, none of whom seem to feel they are left out. My oldest son is already asking if we can have more babies after this one. He wants siblings. :)

I dont hate you for having a big family!!! I think everyone should do what is right for them....having said that....
I have one child. I will not have more. 1) because we are older than you, 2) We plan on giving our ONE child the very best start in life. Providing? Yes, milk, cheerios and a van is good...but what about college? Our 3 year old's college fund is almost paid for....we have about 14 more years to add to it so that she will have her choice of Yale, Columbia or Harvard.
I think having baby after baby after baby after baby, in this day and age can be somewhat reckless. They arent so hard to care for when they are young...but imagine cars,insurance and college later....can you afford it? To say that money is not the sole reason? .......maybe it should be....for every "extra" child you have...you cheat the one you had before.
Like I said, having a bunch of kiddos is great!!! (if you can afford it)

Good Luck!

Interesting responses so far, but I was hoping someone would talk about whether or not those feelings are normal and pass with time!

My husband and I have decided we want a third child. When my daughter was about 1 year old I had the OVERWHELMING desire for more kids. I am pretty sure three is all I want to have, but I am really afraid that feeling will come back - it is really hard to resist! I'll keep checking back to read other post.

Good luck and God bless.

I understand it would be fun to have another kid; I know I sometimes wish I had another because I only have one, but honestly, our planet does not need more people just solely so you can feel fulfilled. That may sound harsh, but try to give your current children all that you can - you only have so much time, energy, and money - if you want more children - ADOPT! This planet is full. There are only so many resources on this planet! We are running out. I think it is selfish just to have children so that you can feel fulfilled. My child will be living on this planet with yours - you are cutting in to his share.

i am a mother of 2. my husband and i always wanted 4. (we both come from families of 4). but while deciding to have #2 (he wanted to stop at 1 after we had her) and while pregnant we decided 2 is good for us. i had a tubal, because like you i can't take birth control. i can say that while i believe it was the best decision for us and the family, i really, really would love to have another baby. i get the "urge" sometimes. i just think that it's something that women always have, that "urge". i see a little baby and i want one. my kids are misbehaving both at the same time & i'm glad i stopped when i did :). my patience has definitely lessened with age. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that you'll never regret bringing another baby into your family, but (even if you feel you are done) you might sometimes regret doing something permanent.

I am 32 with a 2 1/2 year old son and 2 month old daughter. I had a tubal ligation during the birth of my daughter. Why did I only want two? I appreciate that we are not outnumbered by our kids. We can divide and conquer when they need discipline or supervision, and can give them adequate individualized attention and one-on-one activities. Also, financially, we can provide the two of them with dinners out, private lessons, insurance, new clothes, toys, vacations, college funds, their own rooms, etc. that would become increasingly expensive with more kids. Are you able to provide what matters to you, and would one more detract from what you can offer them?
Once I had my son, I hoped to have a daughter (which I did) but still felt that I was done with two kids either way. Perhaps if I had two kids of the same gender I might still have a nagging desire for a son or daughter. Do you have at least one boy and one girl among your four? Are you still hoping for a certain gender - or does that matter?
When I found out I was having a girl, I became very interested in researching permanent birth control methods. When I found out I would need a C-section, I discovered that the procedure itself would be very short and the recovery would be no different than a C-section alone. Obviously you shouldn't have a tubal (or your husband have a vasectomy) unless you are 100% sure that you are done having (biological) kids. However, it doesn't mean that you can't expand your family down the road in different ways. You can always have a foster child or adopt.

Hope that helps.

Well, you probably need to sit down and make a pro and con list. Right now the kids are little, cute and sweet but eventually they will be crazy tweens and beyond. I think 4 is a pretty good handful, there is now no middle child to have a syndrome. If you have 5 then your number 3 kid will be the odd man out so to speak. Think about school clothes shopping, sports, proms, college, weddings.... Those are all expensive time consuming things. There's only 2 parents, how do you make it to everyones games, recitals, plays and such? You don't want any of them to grow up feeling like they didnt get enough attention.
I knew that 2 was enough for me. 2 arms, 2 kids, just made sense. I enjoyed being pregnant too, and I had really fast easy labor and deliveries, I could have been a great surrogate mom..... I just didnt want to take care of and worry about more than 2 I guess.
I'd say pray about it, really think about the future and how you will spread your time evenly, and if you think there is time and money left for a couple of more then that's your decision. Just dont bite off more than you can chew. 5 years from now you might be the new octomom.. haha.
Lots of people love having huge families. If you and hubby are in agreement then do it. They always say the more the merrier.
I don't know if you will ever feel "done". I think you will just finally have to make the choice using logic rather than emotions.
Congratualtions on your already good sized family, not all of us could handle it, so you must be pretty special parents.

The most important thing is that you and your husband are on the same page. If one of you is not feeling "incomplete", it could lead to resentment down the road.

And I'm not trying to be negative, but please think about how things will be as the children get older. I am the oldest of NINE, most of us were adopted, and I can tell you from our experience that things were much happier and easier when my siblings were young. Now that most are high school age and older, my parents are under constant financial and emotional stress. One sibling has made very poor choices in life, and (wrongly) blames all her problems on coming from a big family and not getting enough from my parents. It has really hurt my parents. They gave their all, but there is only so much you can stretch time, money, and attention.

I personally felt complete from the moment I had my 5-year-old daughter. If I had been unable to have any other children, I would have been disappointed, but not at all devastated. I love that I was able to give her so much of myself, and be free to enjoy every stage of her development. I'm currently pregnant with another girl, and this will be our last child. As happy as we are to be expecting, we don't need more than 2 kids to feel like a "whole" family.

(FYI, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is a great book for natural family planning)

If you and your husband desire to have more children, and you are physically, financially and emotionally strong to increase your family, then god bless you. Go for it, Momma!!!

Congratulations on your 4th baby!!! I can't imagine anyone would hate on you for having a big family. I'd LOVE to have 4 kids...or even more. I am a little bit older than you, so that is part of why we wont have as many as you.
In saying that, if you dont feel done, they my opinion is, you aren't. Your 4th is still young, so maybe give it some time.
I'm with you on birth control. My reasons are different for not taking it...I dont want the chemicals in my body. But I would suggest you do something permanent when you are done so you dont have a surprise in 10 years.
Again, congrats on #4!!! Keep us posted.
H.

OK - I completely understand how you feel. I have 3 children and I would have another in a heartbeat. If I get married again and my husband is willing I would definitely look into it. I am 49 and in menopause, but it is not guaranteed as contraception! As I am currently a single parent, money would be an issue for me as I HAVE to work. When my kids were babies I was a stay at home Mom because that was what we had planned. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of dropping my baby off at the sitter and going to work.
Honestly - if God decides to bless me with another child, then I am not going to argue. I prayed and begged God for a child when I had none - so to shut me up he gave me 3! Unlike you I travelled and lived the good life before I got married at 32, then had children when I was older, I was more responsible by then. That was just me though.

Hey maybe you should talk to the Duggers on the TV program - she has like 15 or so.

Good Luck for the future.

I am currently pregnant with our last and then my husband will get a vasectomy. For us it had to do with the quality of life we could offer these children. And that isn't solely based on money, but one would be irresponsible not to consider it, as children certainly cost money. And to a degree the more money, the better - to a degree, I said. I am a SAHM so that the quality of my little ones life's can be better (a choice that doesn't mean more money), I also decided to homeschool with a Christian program when we realized the state our local school system was in - again a choice for my kids, not me. So we know that this baby is our "one more"; beyond this little addition it would be unfair to any new baby and the children we already have to add more. I also do not take hormone birth control, which is why my husband elected to be the one to have surgery since his would be much less complicated than mine. I don't know what your household is like (how thinly you're stretched) or where you stand financially, but to me - those things matter FAR more than the "mommy desire" when making the decision. Children are joyous blessings, so who would "want" to be be finished? It's depressing. I get that, but really one must consider their existing children first (and second and third, etc...), in my opinion.

Do you already practice Natural Family Planning? If not you should look into it as this sounds like something that is more your style. You're right for not doing anything permanent until you know without a doubt you're finished.

I personally am finished biologically and what made me make that decision is that I've lost a few and am lucky enough IMO to have my two and didn't want the pain of another loss. This was a very personal choice, as it should be for every person and only you will know when/if you're done. There is nothing wrong with wanting a big family.

Wow, you are only 30 and have 4 kids! Even though you are so young, you must be exhausted! I am guessing you have help (a babysitter or nanny, or local family)? You must. I don't see how you can have 4 kids all under the age of 6 without having enough money to pay someone to help you, or having local family helping you. However you do it, good for you. I have 3 kids (ages 6, 3, and 2) and NO HELP. Every day of my life is a very difficult struggle for me. Before kids, I said I wanted 4. After 3, I know 100% that I am done. If I had a lot of money and wasn't so tired (and old - I am 38), I might be able to convince my husband to go for #4 (especially since we have 3 boys), but that will never happen. Anyway, back to you - there is nothing wrong about wanting an even larger family than you already have, and you obviously have a good support system and help, so if having a 5th or even 6th baby is what you want and your husband is okay with it, then who am I to judge. However, just think about time - if you have more kids, will you be able to give them the proper amount of time/attention that they all deserve? Just something to think about.

Regarding birth control - until you decide whether or not to have more, you will have to rely on your body since you won't take any form of birth control. For example, never have sex while you are ovulating, and when you do have sex when you are NOT ovulating, make sure your husband always pulls out. It would be ideal if your husband would agree to wear a condom, but I highly doubt he would! So hopefully pulling out when you are not ovulating will keep you from getting pregnant, but you need to be prepared for a pregnancy, since there is a good chance that can happen. Good luck.

Number one no one should hate you for what you want and are thankful for...it is truly a blessing from God and very true that He brings you to it and will bring you through it. If you are not overwhelmed and are enjoying it then I say go for it.
You will know when enough is enough. My very best friend has a big family and her sister has I believe 8 kids now and their age range is 25 years old down to 3 years old and I think she just started feeling like it was time for her to be done she is in her early 40's or 50's if I am not mistaken. So it is what you feel in your heart.
Pray about it and it will come to you.