Too Young to Go to Prom?

Hi Z.,
My daughter is also 15, and won't be 16 until summer.She is one of the youngest in her class. She will not be going to prom this year- she's a sophomore. Some of her friends are going and I hear the "that's not fair Mom" coming from her. I just believe that the prom is designed for the seniors as a last high school dance. My daughter is very responsible and has good grades and has been a cheerleader for the high school for the last 2 years, so I understand the social part of it. However, she still won't be going.

I was not allowed to go to prom until senior year. My dad said that is reserved for your last year and should be extra special. He offered to get me limo and some other things if I waited. It worked, and he was right. But I will be letting my daughter go JR year if she wants.
As for your daughters behavior. If she isn't showing good behavior than I say don't let her go. Prom is a huge privilage that comes with a lot of responsibility and decisions. There is a lot of pressure to drink and have sex among other things, and if she isn't showing good judgement yet, then she should stay home.
I was a senior just 4 years ago, so I don't think the atmosphere has changed much.
Besides the above, I think she is too young to appreciate it.
Let us know your decision.

I know that everyone parents their children differently but do you really think that letting her go to prom is so bad? I guess if it was me i would have to look at the whole picture. Like who is taking her to the Prom? Is he a boy you can trust? Are they going in a group or alone? What if she just goes to prom on the condition that she comes right home(no after parties). Plus how important is it to her? If she really wants to go you have to think of how fun it will be for her. Maybe you could use this as an incentive like you can only go to prom if you start doing more around the house or bring up a grade in a class. But again you know your Daughter and her friends so i'm sure you'll make the right choice.

I was asked to go to prom when I was 15 years old as well. My parents said no - that I was too young - and I was terribly mad at them...at the time.

Now that I am a mother to a 10 year old girl I am glad that they did that because 15 WAS to young and I personally plan to allow my daughter to go to prom only in her Junior and Senior years.

My mom let me go when I was 15 because I was in high school and younger than most of my friends going. (it wasn't what she wanted but I think I won the whinning war) and to this day, it was the worst date I had. I wish I would have been older but I think it depends on the kid. If she is not respnosible then I wouldn't let her go. If she is going with a great group of friends that you know well I wouldn't think it is bad. I know when I was able to go my mom only let me go to dinner and the dance and I still had a early curfew. So it worked out with rules. Anyway, good luck.
M.

I have a 16 year old, two 15 year olds, a 14 year old and some smaller ones and I have some really strict rules and one of them is no dating of any kind untill 16, no boy girl functions, parties or hanging out at the mall, and it can be revoked at 16 if grades are not kept up, family is ignored (especially the little siblings) and chores aren't maintained. Is it strict....yes, but nobody has not succeeded in life cause they were a 20 year old virgin, but how many have made very wrong choices for someone they "love"? So I do not think you are being unfair, just realistic in what lies ahead.

Our family rule is no dates until you're 16. Going out with a group of friends before that, even if it's guys and girls, is fine, but a serious, one-on-one date is just too much for young teenagers to handle.
With what I've heard about Prom and what goes on outside of the dance, I say keep her home for at least another year!

Z., I agree with you. You know her better than anyone else and you are her mother. Your logic is good thinking. Go with your instincts on this one.

Our family has a policy that at the age of 16 they can go on a date, but until then they will get to know everyone in a group. We have strongly told our girls that they will not walk off with a boy if in a group setting either, because I will find out (have learned what the kids act like when they are lying) and that priviledge will be revoked for a while. Our 12 year old (almost 13) is starting to ask questions, but are not giving us hard time about anything. She can't understand though why some of the girls in her class can have boyfriends and she has to wait until 16 to go on a date. We have tried to explain that it is because we love her and want to keep her safe until she is old enough to make mature decisions. Before 16 we think that the kids still go with any whim that comes along and have no strong confidence in saying "No" and "I Don't Want To".

I am going to have to say let her go. I never got to go to prom i ended up living in a childrens home and we didnt have a prom, Give it to her as a surprise, I mean Not always were you ever asked to go. Tell her if she goes in exchange she will have to show better responsibility....

Since she is a social person, this is a big deal to get invited at 15. I would (if you let her go) put down some real hard rules! I would find out as much as I can about who asked her out. Whether she is going with a group and who it includes. A curfew (sp) is important as well as a full knowledge of where she will be at all times.

Prom night has become the night of sex for a lot of kids. So if you let her go. Make sure you know everything and can call her if you need to at all times!

C. B

I don't think there is much of a difference between a 15 yr old and a 16 yr old. If she isn't responsible, than only you know if she's ready. If it were me I would let her go. Being asked is such a huge deal when you are that age. Maybe use it as a bargaining tool to help her shape up. Tell her she can't go unless she has proven to you she is mature enough by doing whatever you feel she needs to work on. Good Luck!

I would let her go, but have set rules about when you want her home, and that she is with people you trust, no drinking, no riding in cars driven by those who have been drinking, etc. I agree with the previous post about how Prom night has become "sex night" (at least it was 15 years ago when I was a senior, and I can't imagine it has gotten more conservative since then!!!), but that doesn't mean she and her date have that in mind...I would do some investigating and find out who the boy is, what his intentions are, etc. Prom is pretty special, and some girls don't ever get asked, so I think she should be able to go if she has been invited. As long as she follows your rules.