Transitioning My Son to Sleep in His Toddler Bed

Hello N.,
It does not sound to me as though you are really ready to do this.
I am a mother of five, who all slept with me at one time. They don't anymore so it does come to a hault. When I was around your age I read a wonderful book called The Family Bed. In there it told of other cultures that we might consider primative who actually had a much healthier view of families who sleep together. I am a writer and I once did an artile on the family bed. It seemed to dispel a lot of worries for young couples.
The Native Americans, whom I hold near and dear to my heard lived in very small quarters sleeping together. They had stronger family bonds.
You have been given a wonderful gift of mommy intituition. Follow that. When you expressed a concern about the spilt plan of your house, your concern is not without validation. You and your son will know when it is time to make the spilt. Your bed is a safe haven for him.
I always knew when my teenager needed help. I would find them alseep on my bed when coming home at night. this was an indication that they needed to talk. they knew that 'going home' they would find comfort.
Hope this helps.
M.

I did the same thing, right around the same age with my son Alek, and I know how nerve racking it can be! It's very hard at first, but just try it a couple times a week at first. Transitioning slowly is the only way I could do it, and to be honest, I think it was harder on me than it was on him, but it just takes time. We actually moved him to a pack and play in our room for the first couple months, and then to his own bed. I would also lay down with him in his bed for the first couple weeks to help him get to sleep and to help him get acclimated. And now he is doing great!!

We also have a split floor plan, but one of the best things I ever invested in (for my own sanity) was a video monitor. There is one at Target for about $100, which is pricey, but it is so worth it!!! I am able to see everything he is doing, and I sleep so much better knowing that I can take a look at him anytime, also without going in his room and disturbing him.

I hope this was helpful! Good luck!

Our little one slept with us for 13 mos. Hubby, baby and I loved it. We then moved her crib into our room (I couldn't fathom having her away from us!!!!) and worked on using *parts* of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" to transition her to her own bed. We then moved to a big new house and she was acres (or what it felt like) away from us. We had a good monitor and transitioned her into her own room. It was good for us at that time and ultimatley, you have to do what's best for you and your family.

Hi N.... First of all you have to be really ready to so this. It isn't easy, but it worked for me and other moms that I know. Since your son is already over a year old,(and therefore onld enough to have his own opinions!), he will put up a fight. Youv'e already "taught" him how to sleep with you, now you want to teach something different. It might be easier if you set the crib back up until you are both used to this new way of sleeping apart. That way you know he is safe as he can't wander around and it will be easier on him, too if he is confined to his bed while learning to sleep alone. 21 months isn't too old for a crib, anyway. Letting him cry is tough, but it will work. It takes about 3 or 4 nights, and the first few ngihts are ROUGH!! But if you can do it, you will be suprised at how he goes to sleep so nicely by the end of the first week. Put him in his bed adn shut the door, then go to your own room and shut your door. The goal is to not hear him. You know he's safe so just let him cry. You can check on him periodically, but DON'T let him see you. This will only encourage him to cry longer for you. Like I said, the first couple nights are going to be tough, so be prepared. Don't satrt this unless you are willing to finish it, as this will only confuse him. I know this sound mean: what mom shouldn't want to respond? This is why were good mothers, right? We believe our motherhood id measured by our ability to soothe and comfort our children, and it is. But considre this...it is also our job to teach our children to be self-sufficient and independent. If you think it's time for him to sleep alone, then letting him learn isn't mean or cruel. By letting him realize his own capabilities, you doing something wonderful for him. You are teaching him self confidence. He might wake up in the middle of the night and start the crying all over again, but only for the first night or two. Don't go get him. He'll learn that when he wakes up at night and cries, mom comes. Then you'll have to start all over again and this time it will be harder because he'll remember that you did get him.
As far as being worried about being on the other side of the hose form him, hook up a baby monitor and turn it on after he is sleeping alone. This way, you will hear him if he needs you. Good Luck!

I had a friend who started her child sleeping on the mattress in her room and then once he was used to the actual mattress and sleeping apart from her, she moved him to his room. This way, if he needs you , you are right there in the beginning. You may also want to get one of those bed rails so he feels safe and secure as he rolls around. My daughter (3) still likes having the security of something around her.
It's probably easiest to transition him now while your husband is gone and he is still young. If you have more children, it will be infinitely harder to move him then. Good luck.

Well it is going to be hard. I used to be the same way but once they are out you'll get more sleep than ever! My second son we never started so didnt have to worry about anything. But with my first he would get up and always get in our bed. The thing we did was just put him in his bed. Yes they will cry a while but you ahve to let it go. If he gets in your bed during the night just put him back to his bed. After a lil while he should get the hang of it. Good luck!

Hi N.,

I started sleep training my now 2 1/2 year old Kai quite a while ago with lots of tears and numerous trips to the crib so I know what you are going through. He would hardly let us set him down when he was a newborn and I even ended up sleeping with him on my chest for probably the first 6 weeks of his life. That experience, although somewhat a nice bonding moment was purely exhausting and from then on I spent a lot of time reading and trying all kinds of things to get him used to sleeping on his own.

Long story short we did eventually get him to sleep in his crib for most of the night, most nights. We have recently transitioned to the big boy bed too. And I was very worried that now that he can get up and come into our room on his own that we were going to go backwards and start the whole thing over again. Well I am happy to say that it has gone very smoothly. We do the night time ritual that most do -- bath, get in bed, cuddle and read three or four short books, turn off light and I lay with him for a few minutes before I say good night and leave. I can't believe it but he falls asleep before I can say good night half the time. And he stays in bed till about 6:30 in the morning when he comes running into our room hops and bed and calmly lays with us and has a little juice till we all get up at 7 ish.

My realization is that if we start the night time ritual in his room and I lay with him instead of he with me in our bed, then he gets comfortable and goes to sleep pretty easy. And then there is not the transferring him to a crib moment or whatever so he is more likely to stay asleep. If Kai has had enough activity during the day he welcomes sleep. He also seems to think his new bed is pretty cool. Just try laying down with your son and maybe staying until he falls asleep. Eventually I bet it will take only five minutes or less after lights out before he zonks out. And maybe eventually you can reduce it to just saying night night and leave. My husband by the way does not lay down with him but turns the light out gives a kiss and leaves the room.

One more thought - I realized after this transition was done that Kai seemed a lot older to me all of a sudden and what I am doing now is going to help him be a good sleeper all of his life. They really do depend on us to teach them how to fall asleep and stay asleep. Don't be too concerned about the tears if they come. Be gentle but be smart ... we do know what is best for them and they need us to guide them in the right direction sometimes.

Good Luck! Hope this long winded reply is useful in some way.

N., There has been lots and lots of good advice that other women have given. But, I have to tell you I my self had the same problem when my son was 1 1/2. What I did myself is let him fall asleep with me and then put him in his own bed. The 1st couple of nights you might be tired your self but it will work. It was hard like everyone is saying but that is the way I did it. You will find your self getting up several times and checking on him. But he will be ok. My son is 6 now and he loves to sleep in his own bed he says that he is a big boy. I wish you all the luck! You must be strong.

Dear N.,
I am a G. now, however, when my youngest daughter was little, I had the same problem. The best advice I can give you is to transition gradually. Always, with love and support. Give the precious little one his favorite thing to sleep with, cuddle with him, and sing him to sleep. Repeat, repeat, repeat. It takes lots of patience and perserverance.It will pay off. Also, buy a monitor and put in his room, with audio and video. Prayer, is the key. May God bless you and your precious family. love in Christ, G. Kathy

Hi N.,
well, when my son turned 2 last december '07, he decided to put him to sleep in his own room before the baby comes. It's been so hard!!! My house is big, my room is on the left side and his room all the way down in the right side of the house. The good thing is that i always made sure that he slept in his own crib/now toddler bed at night, if it happened that he didn't want to fall asleep in his bed i let him sleep in our bed(not to often) and then pass him to his bed, as well as it happened during the night, so he knows that is where he is suppose to be. And now, he is sleeping in his room, but for now we are sleeping in a small mattress next to him, because of course we are still scared! Or until the next baby is born..ha!
N., i would advise you to start by training him in your room to sleep in his own toddler bed. It's not going to be easy or fast...believe me and when you feel more comfortable, put him in his own room and do as we did, until you feel better and he is okay to by himself. Good luck!

I think you might want to do it in phases. First maybe put the toddler bed in your room so he still feels close to you. After a couple successful weeks move the bed farther away, like outside of your room. Then get him excited about his own room. Every child resists, you just need to have that in the back of you head. Then remember to be firm but in a soft voice and know when to walk away. Because he will want you to keep coming back to tell him to get in bed...like a game. So just be firm and walk away when you notice is is more about attention then anxiety.

Everyone seems to have a lot of good advice. I am in the same boat with my 17mo. boy. Same situation as you with the breastfeeding and bonding. I liked and have agreed with what Joey said, but you have to measure that with how it affects your relationship. Hubby and I love the closeness with baby, but now that he is bigger, we are not getting any sleep and of course it does take a toll on your sex life and feelings of intimacy and time for bonding with hubby. These can become marriage issues. So for those reasons I feel it is time. We have the crib mattress (which like your baby, ours never used), but we have it on the floor next to our bed. I am still cuddling DS down, but putting him in the mattress after he is asleep. Last night he slep through the night without getting in bed with us. He called for "Da" one time, sat up, and when "Da" went over to him, he put his head back down. We are going to continue with that plan, then move him to his room with a toddler safety bed.

Wish me luck!

By the way, I tried "the sleep lady," and it did not work for me. He would also climb out of any enclosure we could find (crib, play pen, pack and play, etc.)

I know it is harder on us now, but the bonding and sense of security coupled with meeting his needs and just the mere skin to skin sensitivity was well worth this new and difficult transition, dont you think?

We did the same thing with our son who is now 2 1/2, who now sleeps in a big bed but still gets up every night to find me. Try putting the toddler bed in YOUR room at first. When he gets used to the bed, then move it to his room. Use the words big boy bed often. He's not going to understand why you don't want to sleep with him anymore, so sit by his bed on the floor until he falls asleep for the first week or so, but don't change once you start the new routine. You'll only mess him up. Hope that helps. Oh and buy a book called "The Sleep Lady System".

First. send our love and prayers to your husband for keeping our freedom alive. Put him in his bed, soft music and read a book to him. If he gets up send him back. ""won't this be a big surprise when Daddy comes back?"Big Boys sleep in their own beds" If you have one maybe a dog or cat would sleep with him.

It depends on the child, but he may be just too young for a toddler bed. My pediatrician recommended to me to keep my son in the crib as long as I could (until he was at least 2) and not to move him to a regular bed until he was constantly getting out or asked to sleep in a big bed. He's still in a crib actually at 2 1/2 and we plan on getting him a "big Boy" bed for his 3rd b-day.
The safety issues alone would scare me to have moved him to a toddler bed in their own room at 18 months, not to mention just trying to keep him there.
If you are co-sleeping now, I would actually just continue to do so until he is two. If you are having sleeping issues and need him to sleep in his own bed, i would first try a crib if this is at all possible. You will have the security to know he can't get out and hurt himself! If it's not possible, I've heard of moms transitioning them out by putting a toddler mattress on the floor by the bed in the same room.

Only in the contemporary Western world do people think that designing a home with something like a split plan to keep our children as far away as possible is a good idea! Listen to your instincts and keep him close to you as long as this feels right. Just because it is not the cultural norm does not mean it is not the biological norm to keep children close during the night. The suggestion of putting the toddler bed in your room is a good one. He can gradually start to spend a bit of time sleeping there and you can both feel secure in the knowledge that the other is close by. Letting children cry does not teach them to be independent: it just teaches them to give up because no one is responding to their needs. Needs that are met are outgrown; unmet needs may go underground but they will surface again. Trust your heart and his desire and ability to grow and develop. Just think how much he has grown since he was born and you will realize this issue does not have to be forced.

Good luck!
J.

I got the best advice from a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It is kind of tough at first but......stick with it. When you put your toddler down at night in his bed, set a chair outside his room with you back to him. Tell him he had to stay in bed and tell him not to get up. He will get up a couple of times so about the 2nd or 3rd time tell him if he gets up you will shut the door. I'm sure he will get up again so, shut the door. Stay on the other side of it and tell him if he goes back to bed you will open it back up. My little guys through toys, books anything they could get their hand on but I did not open the door until they were back in bed. It seems like it will be a long night and that it is never going to work but......afet 7 or so days it get easy. It has been about 6 months for me but I still set by his door. It takes about 5 minutes now