Trouble with Potty Training

My daughter was the same way. I think that it just takes time. I can't remember how long it took but I think that it was just a couple of months. Hang in there, I think that it is common. My daughter would wear panties all day except when she had to poop, she asked for a diaper.

I have the exact same problem with one of my 2 1/2 year old twin boys. He does just fine with peeing but will not poop in the toilet. I have been told that some kids don't like to release a part of themselves and I think this is the answer cause when he hides in the corner he starts yelling mine mine and that is how I know he just went poop. If you receive any good suggestions could you please share them.

Thanks,
T.

Hey S.:

My son is now fully potty trained (he needed to be for preschool) and the thing that worked for us is to have him train at home naked from the waist down. I know it sounds weird, but it allowed him to go in the potty when ever he wanted. He would ask for a diaper when he needed to poop. At first he was a little anxious, but I sat in front of him on the potty and talked him through it. I also let him open a small gift (very inexpensive, but I wrapped it in paper since he loves to unwrap things) every time he pooped successfully on the potty. This gave him huge encouragement and he started to want to poop so he could open a gift. The gift thing didn't last long. Later we moved to a sticker chart and after he filled the sticker chart, he got to go to the LEGO store for a treat. I don't know if this was the right tactic, but it worked for us.

One more thing: 2.5 is pretty young (especially for boys) for potty training and I would think the school he is in would be a little more understanding. Some kids will train easier than others and it is all within the normal range.

Good luck with everything.

Hi S.,

You might want to address two areas with your child. Did pooping ever hurt? Maybe he was constipated once and is afraid pooping in the potty will hurt. Another concern many children have is that they are losing a part of themselves when they poop. They don't understand that it isn't something they need. They only know it's part of their body and it's being flushed away. A little conversation can relieve the concerns he may have and take away pressure.

My daughter is 25 months old and has been fully potty trained for a month. I had no intention of starting potty training until after she was 2 because that's when they make the mind body connection. But, she was raised in cloth diapers and as soon as she understood the whole process of going potty, she didn't want a wet diaper anymore. If a child is in disposable diapers, it takes a lot longer because that connection is harder to make. The disposable work too well and the child never feels discomfort. So it is easier to cling to the diapers than to move on and let go. Perhaps a switch to cloth training pants or even regular toddler underwear will help him feel and understand the transition better.

And last, some children just need a little more time. Try not to get mad or frustrated with him. He is already frustrated enough and doesn't need to sense any stress from you. Try to make it fun and offer some rewards. Have him sit on the potty around the time he usually poops each day and just read a book together. Take his mind off of it and don't make him feel like he is on the potty to poop. He might just need to learn to relax. :)

( first an aside -- I am furious that the school is painting this little boy -- so recently an infant- into a corner with with a ridiculous rule like that --- 30 months old but he MUST be --------THAT IS developmentally WRONG - and you can quote me- a 40 year + preschool teacher - just retired from Northshore Public Schools as a teacher - they are WRONG)

As to what to do--- ? Try and map out SOON a long break from any mention of pooping- 4 or 5 days seems like forever to a little child- then offer some kind of great reward ''' do you think you could put your poop in this potty?? -- you'll get a nice surprise when you can'''' ( the point is to tell him ''I know this is YOURS - and you get to say when - so YOU tell ME - and then you get a reward '''- it doesn't have to be a 10 dollar toy either - you have no idea how thrilled a little one can be to pick out their OWN fruit at the grocery story- or their OWN penny candy from the rack - or a McDonald toy -- little rewards - oh- or pick out HIS favorite dessert from the isle that offers cake mixes - then he gets to help you make it-- all kinds of things thrill little guys.

You are being held hostage - and it's wrong.

30 years ago I was in the same boat - made me furious then- stilldoes - it was wrong--- it is wrong.

Steaming
Old Mom-- aka - J.

If poop time isn't during school time don't worry about it. He doesn't need that kind of pressure yet. His school already knows that 2.5 year olds aren't fully potty trained yet. Plus he will never throw a fit for the teachers like he throws for you. He feels safe breaking down around you.

Oh and never ask a kid if they need to go potty. Offer to trade them for their efforts. When you see it is obvious they need to be on the toilet tell them you have time to read them a book if they sit on the potty or a penny, M&Ms, or whatever resource you have on hand. I swear my boy will use the potty if I offer him a gum wrapper. That way the bathroom is their idea and choice.

i wonder if it's the bathroom or the big toilet that intimidates him? My oldest was three before he was fully trained with the help of a sticker chart.. he got the big sparkly stickers when he pooped and the little tiny ones when he peed. I never had a potty chair for any of mine, but maybe that would be a good way to start with yours... No one is an expert on potty training so hang in there:)

Hi S. -
I think going to school should take care of things - once all the other kids are using the potty he will probably fall in line. 2.5 years old is really young to be potty trained so it's amazing that he is doing any of it at all. I would just ignore the screaming and reinforce calmly that the potty is the place for the poop and let him decide. Also, you should make the gentle transition from the pullups being a choice to the pullups no longer being a choice. If he understands that he will have to make other choices (go in the potty, go on the floor, go in his pants) he will probably start to realize the potty is the best place. He is going to have a few accidents, but I would think school would really help a lot as well. I hope this helps!

I know this isn't probably what you want to hear, but I think HE's just not ready yet. Stop focusing on the stress of it all and just start making it fun. :-) We did dum-dums early on for poops and then quickly moved to a "poop chart" where she got to put a sticker on the chart. I made the chart with her face on it and she loved using it. Give him a loving, fun, non-stressful environment and hopefully he will quickly catch on.

At this age, there's not much they can control in life. Sleeping, eating and pooping are pretty much the only thing they have a lot of control over. Start giving him more power in other aspects of his life by offering up a couple choices (e.g. do you want to wear this outfit or that one today?). Hopefully with a little more "freedom" (even though you're still steering him the the right direction) he'll feel more in control of his life and will let up on the poop issue.

As for his school... is this new for him this fall? That is a lot of change at once and can add to the stress in his life. Have you tried talking to them and seeing if they will work with you as you get through this stage? If not, is it possible that he wait for school for another 6 months (when he hopefully is past this stage)? It just might not be the right school for him at this point in his life.

You can't force it until they are ready. He'll probably have a break-through one of these days and you'll be surprised how quickly it goes. Good luck and hang in there! :-)

Hi S.,

Potty training is so hard, I feel for you!

I guess I'd give the suggestion of the old fashioned bribery method. It worked well for my kids. We kept M&M's near by, use the potty and a few M&M's are the reward.

My son also loves stickers. We taped a piece of paper on the door and he got to put a fun sticker on it every time he was successful, he loved showing off his sticker chart.

Every child is unique so you'd have to figure out what motivates you child.

2 and half is pretty young though, I know some people train even earlier then that, but both of mine weren't fully potty trained until they were 3.

Good Luck, and hang in there!
MJ

S.,

You and your son are not alone out there!! Most kids go through some sort of regressions or fears around the potty. I don't know if any of these ideas would work, but here goes!

1. Let him go back to pull-ups for when he poops.

If it's become a problem at school (ie. the teachers have told you he's asking for a pull-ups, soiling himself and/or they want the problem fixed or he has to leave), you'll need to work something out with them during this (completely normal) regression or look for another school.

Otherwise, let him hold it at school and use pull-ups at home. The more relaxed you can be about this, the faster he will probably grow out of it.

2. Some children become afraid of going poop on the potty because it hurt once when they were constipated. My dd hated going poop in the potty for the first month or so of potty training and she would hold it for as long as she could.

I took some advice from mamasource and I made her poop as loose as possible by giving her lots of fiber, fresh fruit and water. It made it impossible for her to hold her poop for long, so she would eventually use the potty.

The difference is that my dd hated going in a diaper or pull-up.

In your son's case, you might just not offer a pull-up when he asks for one. Feed him lots of fiber and water, and then just tell him you don't have any more pull-ups. Don't be upset or angry if he poops on himself - just clean him up (he's too young to clean himself up) and say something like, "maybe next time you can use the potty!" Try to act really calm about the whole thing. This wouldn't work at school, but if he's holding at school and he only goes there 2 days a week, you might be able to get this to work at home.

3. Use the reward chart idea that the pp noted - some children respond to this, others don't. If he's afraid of the potty or of going poop, this won't work.

4. Ask him to help a stuffed animal use the potty. Tell him that the animal is afraid to poop in the potty and ask him what you can do to help the animal. This works great with some children.

Well, that's all I can think of! These setbacks are soooo frustrating, but this, too, will pass and he WILL be using the potty again. Best of luck!

Show her the sound effects, what does it sound like when u go poop? and make the pushing noise and if she farts laugh like it is a joke and everytime she pushes or even farts on the potty give her a special sticker, briberyis your freind, but no worries it will happen, after all how many adults do you know that will go into the corner and poop?

Going poop in the potty was the last hurdle for my son, too. He had to use a pull-up or diaper until he was almost 4. Occasionally he would go at in the toilet at home, but in public, at school or even other homes, he would withold. It was just too much for him. It took me being home with him for a few weeks (I'm a teacher) during the summer and no pressure for him to work it out. I was just very positive and actually got special treats (tootsie rolls) for every time he had a successful BM in the potty.

Pushing it, especially with boys, seems to really backfire. I would have him go to the bathroom before school, too. He was almost 4 before he was fully potty trained. Takes a lot of patience, but it was worth it. good luck!

My advice is to find a new school. If they don't understand that not all 2 year olds (especially boys) are ready to be fully potty trained-or even potty trained at all-then these aren't the people I would want educating or watching my child. I don't mean to be unsupportive to you, as this would be a difficult choice, but anyone with some background in child development would know that this is very young and well within the normal timeline for not being fully potty trained. Also, trying to push too hard may cause more problems with apprehension. Children can sometimes hold it to avoid the potty and cause constipation in turn causing pain with going to the bathroom and then a cycle of more anxiety and so on. Listen to your little one. He'll let you know when he's ready. The eventual date he's potty trained will likely be the same whether you push for months or take a little more relaxed approach and wait for him. Good Luck! I hope the teachers who are supposd to be helping and loving your son aren't putting too much undo pressure on you.

My 2.5 year old daughter has been trying to hold poo every time she has to go for the last 6 months. She will pee almost anywhere. I think she is really scared to poo, doesn't like the way it feels and hates to take the time out to go. Every time she has to go it takes all day of fussing and crying and sitting on the potty and nothing happens until she really just can't hold it anymore. The only difference is that she will not wear a pull-up or diaper of any kind. She once held it for 4 days and that was a little stressful for all of us.

I try to keep her on a high fiber diet so she can't hold it as easy, although she is not constipated and it is not hard for her to poo.

My advice would be to let him use the pull up, and try not to make a big deal about it. I am not sure about going to school except maybe explaining to him why he can't have a pull up at school and that he could go in his underwear if he wants, because I really think holding it is worse than having an "accident". I had a friend let her son go in the bathtub since it may be easier for them to stand since that is what he's been doing. I think not forcing this issue it important since I think it has a lot to do with their own feelings and control issues. When he's ready to go in the potty he will.

I have a 2.5 year old boy as well. At daycare, he'll pee in the toilet whenever asked, but not for me unless I catch him when he really has to go. So, I too make him run around 1/2 dressed from the waist down when I'm at home in the evenings. He doesn't know what else to do and will poop and pee in the potty. He gets all excited every time and runs to tell me, but when I put that pull up (or underwear) on, he'll go in them everytime.
The only thing I've had happen two or three times, is him peeing in something (like a frisbee and his brother pencil box), so u do have to be very watchful. Anyway, good luck.

What I did with my son when it was obvious he needed to poop was put in one of his favorite movies, put the potty chair in front of the tv and just let him hang out there for a while, often we had good results. After a while he got used to using his potty for poop, good luck!

My 2 1/2 year old will tell me about half the time if he needs to go (poop) and other times will be very anti-potty, almost crying if I try to make him use it so I just backed off for a week or so and then started giving him cookies when he used it (he loves the frosted animal cookies). Yes, he eats more cookies than I would normally give him, but you have to choose your battles. I'm going to try switching to big boy underwear for good this weekend. Good luck!

S.,

I had a similar problem with my son back in Feb/March when we finally got him potty trained at 4 1/2. Taking my cue from some great advice I got from this site I did some things that worked like a charm.

One night at dinner I asked my son if there was anything at all that scared him about going potty and he shyly nodded, thinking that he would get in trouble. We talked some more and after about 5-10 minutes of questions I got out of him that there were monsters living in our toilet that were trying to get him/his poop. In hindsight I think it was the splashing that was scaring him.

We set up a step to the toilet seat and let him squat on the seat so he could see below him and tell the "monsters" to go away and leave him alone, or yell for Mom or Dad to make the monsters go away. Instantly there were no more poops in his pants.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Here's the link to the great advice I got, maybe some of it will help y'all: http://www.mamasource.com/request/8244745171971866625