Trying Again After 4 Losses

If it were me? I would consider adopting. You're putting yourself through a lot of heart ache, and there is a child out there somewhere who would love to have an awesome mom.

I am so sorry for your losses. I believe if you feel you have the emotional strength to try again, there is no reason not to. You have had healthy babies before so you know your body can do it. If you feel the desire to try again, don't let anything stop you. Sending positive thoughts your way.

So sorry for your losses and pain. My Gandma had 5 miscarriages between her 2 kids. She never gave up and got that second baby she always wanted! Best of luck to you, and if you can handle it emotionally, then go for it. I too, grew up in a family of four so I know how you are feeling. I hope God blesses us with more kids also.

Be happy with what you have. Many people would give anything to have one healthy child -much less 3! Don't put yourself, your body and your family through this again. I can't even imagine how much it must cost on top of all the emotional distress! If you absolutely simply MUST have another child -adopt one! Also, blood thinner isn't something to play around with. It's a very serious medication to take, and they probably had you on as much as they were willing to give you without harming yourself or your fetus.

Did you have MTHFR? That is what I had and ended up with 3 miscarriages. I was diagnosed with MTHFR heterozygous - the one that is not too bad. I still think that contributed to my miscarriages, but luckily they were in the first trimester.

I'm so sorry about your loss. Please consider adoption - I've had several friends that are adopted and they turned out amazing.

For everyone that doesn't know what MTHFR is - it's a genetic disorder that contributes to blood clotting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylenetetrahydrofolate_re...

The acronym is very funky, but there are two different "versions" of MTHFR. One is the hetero (the one I have) and the other is the homozygous (assuming this is what ZZ has since her cases are more severe - but I'm just assuming based on her question). When I found out I had this, there was very little online about it. Now there is a plethora over it, Thank God!

Good luck and God bless :)

I am an only child who grew up in a very happy household. I wanted a child/children, but in time. I got married at 23 and FINALLY had babies at 35!! After three miscarriages in a row (which took place after 7 years of fertility treatment...which they found nothing wrong with either of us...go figure!) I think you should listen to your heart, not your will ;), and listen to your body. Why you feel like you need/want another because the family you grew up in was large...that sounds wonderful :) But DON'T just do it because your childhood brings back fond memories...remember ALL the memories...maybe you can be happy with the healthy family you have now?? Pleasse do not think I am judging, I am contimplating having 1 or 2 more myself!!
XO

My heart goes out to you. The 3rd birthday of the little girl I lost @ 23 weeks is tomorrow so I fully understand your pain. For my next pregnancy, I was under the care of a high-risk OB and a perinatologist (if you are in the Richmond area, see Dr. Love - he's amazing). Fortunately, 17 months after my loss, my healthy son was born. They thought he would need sometime in the NICU but he was fine and is now a beautiful 19 mo old. As for trying again, that is something only you and your husband can decide. My husband and I stopped and called our family complete (he has a son from his 1st marriage who is 13 and lives with us). That also had a lot to do with our ages - he's in his early 40s and I'm in my mid-30s. I also felt like I had to be grateful for what I had and not push my luck. And I knew, emotionally, I could not handle another loss. However, now that my son is almost 2, I have had yearnings for another. My husband and I have both said we don't feel our family is complete but I have come to understand that another child isn't the answer. Our family doesn't feel complete b/c our little girl is not here with us and that's something we have to accept. Another child will not replace her. Is it possible you are feeling the same way? Everyone is different - I'm just trying to throw out some ideas from someone who has a similar experience. 1 last thing, please consider the effect your losses have on your current children. We really didn't consider close enough how the loss of our daughter affected our oldest. He has since mentioned how hurt he was that we never talked to him about his sister. Your children are going through these losses as well and it's a lot to bear for everyone. Whatever your decision, I wish you luck and you have my absolute best wishes.

i think that you have every right to keep trying until either you feel you can't do it anymore, or your family is complete. It's a hard journey, and something that I can't understand. But as a woman, you have the right to know when your family is done, not society or doctors. Good luck with whatever you decide. Sorry for your incredible loss.

I am so sorry for your loss, I have miscarried as well and I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. My sister has a blood clotting disorder also, and we have had a lot of discussions about this same thing. Hers is Leiden Factor 5 mutation. She had a surprise pregnancy immediately after she got married, but already knew about the disorder, because my mom has it and we were both tested for it. She also went on blood thinners for her whole pregnancy, as well as after.

If you do decide to try again, you absolutely need to be under a high-risk OB's care. Regular OBs wouldn't even take my sister. And if I were you, I would talk with a hematologist before making any decisions. Do you have a hematologist yet? It is important that you find a hematologist that you trust completely and get your disorder managed before you try again. If it were me I would also consult high risk OBs before getting pregnant, to find one that is familiar with your needs and that has an approach you can agree with. In the practice that took my sister (the only one in the city that would take her) they had several doctors that all rotated. So she saw like 6 or 8 different doctors and never the same one twice in a row. That is how they liked to do it. It created total chaos for my sister and she hated her prenatal care. None of the doctors had the same philosophy about her treatment and whether she should even take the blood thinners. She swore she would never have another baby in Phoenix again, that if she got pregnant before they could relocate she would move to Tennessee with my parents for the pregnancy. The doctors you choose are important. So whether or not you can find one that you like would be a factor in the decision for me, personally.

The hematologist should be able to recommend an OB for you. And then you need to have discussions about the risks associated with taking blood thinners. They are not an easy thing to do. But it can be done. My sister delivered with no problems because she was very dilligent. But things can still happen, and she is facing the same decision you are. She has had additional health issues with her disorder since the pregnancy, and now her risk is even highers. It is not an easy decision. If I were you I would take some time to grieve before you make any final decisions on the matter. I don't even really want to say what I would personally do if I were you, because I am not you and can't imagine how I would feel in your shoes. But you just need to make sure you know all the risks, not just to your baby, but to yourself as well. And make sure you have a great team of doctors in place that you are comfortable with and trust to give you the best advice. I'm thinking of you. (((hugs)))

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a cousin who has experiences similar to yours. After several losses, she too learned she had a blood clotting disorder. She decided to try again and is going into the hospital this afternoon to be induced to deliver a healthy 37 week girl! She took the daily blood thinning shots which allowed her to have a full-term pregnancy. Best of luck to you. I hope, if you do decide to try again, that the blood thinners offer you the same success they did her.

I am so sorry for your loss!!! I am so sorry for all four of your losses! How awful. My sister had a full term still born daughter at 39 weeks two years ago, and I am still heartbroken about it.

You are not crazy for thinking about trying again. You have always wanted four children, and it's hard to think that you might be ending your childbearing days on such a sad note. You might want to check out the message boards on babycenter.com. The online community for mothers of stillborns is very supportive. If nothing else, you will feel better knowing you are not alone.

On a side note, are you seeing a high risk specialist? Just want to make sure you have been diagnosed with the type of blood clotting disorder (MTHFR?) that indeed requires blood thinnners. My sister is homozygous for MTHFR, but her doctor (Dr. Kusik in VA) told her it is not the kind that is associated with stillbirth. She didn't take blood thinners for her pregnancy after her loss, and she now has another baby boy.

Please be gentle with yourself. Every pregnancy, whether the child takes a breath outside the womb or not, is worth the journey. I hope you and your husband are able to hold your little baby tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.

If you want something bad enough then it is worth fighting for. Imagine the love the child will feel when he/she finds out what you went through to bring them in to the world. May God bless you.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I had a truly tough pregnancy throughout my son's gestation that almost killed me, kinda close to what you are explaining. I would, if they have not already get a truly good hematologist (blood doctor), who can better equip or understand and take direct action for you and your baby, if you decide to try again. Every loss is hard and with three healthy boys, I would be very greatful. A fourth child may or may not be in your cards, but if they are be sure to come into the next pregnancy fully equipped to understand and take direst action as needed another one might be. What does your maternal-fetal specialist say about trying again? Best of luck in all that you are going through, and potentially will be going through. Take care.

Oh sweetie, I just want to give you a hug. What a considerable load to bear. My heart goes out to you. I'm not sure if I myself would keep trying, but we have 5 children, and love love having a large family. I would even like to have more. More is wonderful. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but expensive. It's nice being able to know where your child came from.

I'm praying for you.

i don't have any advice but you are in prayers!

ZZ, my heart truly goes out to you. I wrote you on a previous post about having similar experiences.

The decision of trying for another child is a very hard one that is between you, your mate and possibly your sons. Be prepared with a response to the inevitable people who will question or judge whatever decision you make. While they mean well and hopefully have the well being of you and your family in mind, it is a very personal decision that frankly is none of their business. We planned our first pregnancy shortly after marrying, realized that maybe it was a bit too soon, then miscarried at 8 weeks. We took it as a sign from God that He agreed we weren't ready, but that was our viewpoint. Some folks disagreed and they were certainly allowed to have their opinions but we made a conscious effort to ignore them.

Give yourself time to process your loss, physically and emotionally. Maybe see if there is any additional research on your blood clotting problem. Doctors are smart, but they don't know everything and can't be everywhere, all the time, reading every article and study that's published. You may find something that helps you with your very difficult decision.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

L.

I don't have any good advice, I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and that you must be a very strong person to endure all of this and still consider putting yourself through it again. I had two normal pregancies and never want to do that again. I am the youngest of four, so I know the fun of having a big family. But I am very content with my two. When the time is right, you will decide what to do and it will be the right decision for you. Just give yourself time. You don't have to decide now. Good luck to you.

My heart really goes out to you. I cannot even imagine what it must feel like to experience all of those losses. It sounds like your body is really fighting against you on this one. Obviously, only you and your family can figure out what is truly right for you. It sounds like you have a lot of love and support to give. You have been blessed with three healthy children. Have you ever considered adopting your fourth? There are so many wonderful children out there that would love to be part of a family. Maybe it is something you could consider. My thoughts and prayers will be with you today.

I'm so sorry for all that you and your family have been through!! Your so strong! Atleast that is how you come across in this post :o)
I think that this is too personal for me to answer. Really talk it out with your husband and do what is best for your family. It is a true blessing that you have 3 healthy boys to keep a smile on your face!! I would wait and see how you feel once everything settles and your body gets back to a more normal state. Then I think you may feel better with whatever decision you make. I just had a miscarraige myself less than a month ago. This was my 1st but I have an awesome 4yold at home who has made it a little less tragic. Sorry I couldn't be of more help but I think that your decision should be determined more by how your family is coping with all of these losses rather than what my or anyone elses opinion is. Only you personally know if you and your family are up for another try. Good luck with everything and I'm saying a prayer for you right now! Take Care :o)

of course it's not crazy (and i'm sure you've considered options other than natural childbirth). the only issue would be if your desire for another baby took a toll on the ones you have. i think your first priority should be (and doubtless is) the healthy boys you have. but after that it's certainly not crazy to want more and plan for more, so long as it's not to the detriment of your health. you also need to seriously consider the effect of the losses on your family, though. it is probably taking a toll on your kids as well.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Only you can make this decision but for me, I think I would not attempt another pregnancy. It sounds risky and very emotionally exhausting. With 3 healthy boys you are most likely very busy and need to be at the top of your game for them (as well as yourself). If you feel you still want another child, why not consider adopting or being a fost parent. There are lots of kids that need a good home and any woman willing to go through all of this to have another child would certainly offer the loving care they need.