Trying to Help a Neighbor

I have dealt with a lot friends with depression and all you can really do is remind her any chance you get that you are there for her. Remind her about the good things that are going on in her life; e.g. her child and her family. I would suggest giving the son different choices when he comes over and you are feeding him. You can't force a child to change but if they see youd kids trying different things that might make him broaden what he is willing to try. You can still give him the PB&J by making it at the same time you make something for family. You can also make it a game that if he tries something you want then you will try something he wants.

K. L

Get her moving. Excersize though the last thing she will want to do will help boost those endorphines and every one of them is helpful when you are depressed. See if you can get her out on a walk or something the fresh air and sunshine is good for everyone.

Hi. I can't help you with the depression part.
As far as the eating - if he's hungry he'll eat. I think kids are mostly picky because we buy into it. Try giving him a choice, such as, PB&J w/ a banana or quick fix Mac&Cheese (micro kind) w/ green beans (canned)or mandarin oranges (canned). All of which is easy, fast, and leaves him w/ a modicum of control over what he gets to eat. Let him know that he can make the choice or you can if he doesn't. I wouldn't force him to eat. If he chooses not to eat with the group, no worries. When he's hungry later - offer him dinner. He'll eat....
I hope this helps. A.

Hi K.,

I don't know what to say about your first question but, about the child and the eating habits - what a great opportunity for him - to have the chance to be exposed to your house and rules. I'm a big fan of ensuring children know that life sometimes requires us to do things we may not want to do - in this case, eat what's put in front of us. Also, to respect that, when you're in someone else's home, you must respect their traditions and ways. So, if it were me, I'd get down on his level and explain directly and kindly, "in my house, I make one meal and that's what we all eat, together - if you don't want the food I make, you don't have to eat it. But, understand, that's all I make." And if you have a rule about no dessert, I'd spell that out up front, too.

Last but not least - how great to hear there's yet another mom who sticks to a "you'll eat what I serve" policy - it's GOOD for children to have an imperfect life and rise to small challenges like this (they have a chance to discover their own strength, resilience and coping skills!). And THREE CHEERS to you for this and for being such a thoughtful neighbor, in seeking some way to help her - wish I had some super advice for you on that part.

Best, T.

I think you are doing a wonderful job. First, I would let him ( the kid) eat what he wants to eat and ask your kids for some lean way about catering to this one. In time, I think, his couriousity will win him over and want to eat other things. I hope that your neighbor is going to feel better soon. I think there might be some unsolved issues between her mother and her before the passing on. By praying with her and letting her know that you are there for her, is probably helping her more than you think.

You are loving your neighbor like our Father said.
I shall take your blessings you have reminded me today and apply to my own day.

Thank you.

In my house, there is no "second meal" of any kind... including pb&j. I have a lot of friends that bring their kids over, as well as 4 of my own that always bring a friend home. It's a given in my house that what is on the table is what there is to eat and if you don't want to eat it, go hungry! But, don't ask for anything else... until the next meal. And amazingly enough, all the kids come back... all the time! I have parents ask me all the time "how did you get him to eat that?". It's simple... the rules are one way at my house for all kids and they know it from the start. Of course they all go through that first initial "I'll change you"... but they figure it out by the time they leave my house the first time and they stop trying. I did the same thing with my 3 "bonus" kids when my husband and I got married... they were the pickiest eaters in the world. If it wasn't green beans, they wouldn't eat a vegetable. They now eat whatever is put in front of them, and even ask for stir fry on occassion!
I say, don't make him anything different. Kids are picky because they're allowed to be. It's not a natural instinct to hate everything... it's a learned behavior.

Attempting to help is a wonderfully Christian thing to do, but be careful not to allow her to become dependent on you. Have her over for coffee (tea, whatever)at an agreed upon time evey week and just listen- let her talk- just listen. If she remains silent, put on soft music and sit with her. When my brother died at 39, leaving Ann and 3 boys, she remembered the best friends were those who sat with her and just listened.
As for the picky child, put your foot down and state that this is the food you've prepared and the only alternative is a PB&J. He'll either give in or go hungry (and eventually give in).
Best of luck and God bless for being such a kind neighbor.

have you tried to get her out of the house? if you have a friend that can watch all the kids for a couple hours, take her out for a nice lunch, or shopping for something fun? maybe get her interested in redoing a room? i like to paint! brightening up a room with a new decor (doesn't have to be expensive either) always helsp the mood. she needs to refocus on something else. as for the picky eater? soup and a sandwich. maybe if he sees the other kids enjoying something he doesn't have he'll give the food a try.(?)

First of all, let me echo what everyone else said in that you are a wonderful person and neighbor for being there for her--if you're not already a "friend," then you should consider yourself one now, and that is something she needs rather she knows it or not.

Second of all, I thought Christy B's advice was really good--your friend is grieving--just started, maybe still in shock over her loss, but she needs to do this at her own pace, and in her own way. Having someone there for her when she needs someone is going to help her immensely.

I would add to that though, that going off her cues would be the best thing. Getting together some information about grief support groups is extremely helpful, but I don't think trying to force any of if on her is that helpful. It's almost like suggesting the grieving path she should take, and if she doesn't do it in the way that's natural to her, she won't appreciate anything anyone tried to "suggest" to her. Just have the info handy for her in case that's an avenue she wants to take. She obviously has some of her wits about her if she was able to get herself on medication, and also is demonstrating the will to get past it. Just *be* there for her.

You said you've prayed with her. If she's a church-goer, then offer to let her and her son go with you to church, keep offering to watch her son for her, keep offering to go on walks, take her where she needs to go, maybe drive her to the doc if she needs some support for that, but be a gentle encourager, not a pusher.

Now, on to her son and his eating. Like others have said, he's grieving also. I don't know if he was picky before, but maybe this is just one way he expresses it. For now, even though I don't suggest you make him a seperate meal, but on days when you know he's coming over, maybe ask him what he likes, so you can make it for everyone. Once or twice a week won't hurt anyone, and hopefully your family will understand that you are all helping someone through a loss, and this is one way you can pay kindness forward, by easing them through this initial time of their loss.

I hope I've helped some, but no matter what, just know that you're a very special person for caring for this woman and her son.

K. W

I think you are doing exactly what you need to right now. You're offering specific help rather than asking what she needs. Keep in contact with her and praying with her and God will give you the words to say. Maybe someday it will be the right moment to tell her that she might need some extra help.

As far as the eating, I have two very picky kids and it's due to texture issues. Some kids just are that way. My first would eat anything and my twins couldn't stand lots of things, and we did the exact same things we did with my daughter. Maybe on the nights you bring him over plan a meal that you know he will eat, even if that means you will all be eating Pb&J. Or, since I'm sure this is hard on the little boy, you could just let him eat something different. It just might make him feel that someone is caring about him and not just his mom. Explain to you children why you are doing this, and you'd be surprised how they'd understand.

That's just my take on this.

Hi K.

Your neighbor is lucky to have you to help her out. She has a lot going on right now. Being a single Mom is tough enough (I am one also), but it sounds like losing her mother on top of it has put her over the edge. I used to be an Oncolgy and Hospice nurse, and have lost both parents and my brother to cancer, so have some experience with this.
First, it may help to just have someone to listen to her, or a shoulder for her to cry on. One thing I learned a long time ago, in times like that there is rarely anything you can say to make them feel better, but something as simple as a hug can truly make a difference.
She may feel very alone right now, does she have any other family close?
Also - grief counseling. The local hospitals often offer free classes. If her Mom died with Hospice, they provide support and follow-up calls and visits, which can be helpful.
The meds may or may not help, as this is a situational depression, not necessarily a chemical imbalance.
Praying with her can be helpful, just make sure you are both in the same place on this.
Hope this helps a little.

P. W

Dear K.,
What a wonderful friend and neighbor you are! I think what you are doing already is a great help. One thing I appreciated when I lost my son and was very depressed was a neighbor made me dinner one night and brought it over. I think what you are doing already is a great help. I know when a person has a loss like that they can feel a little lost themselves. Asking what you can do to help is a little overwhelming but doing something specific to help like you are is a great releif.
As far as her son's eating habits go...well, part of me says put what you are eating in front of him and ask him to at least try it. But then there is the part of me that says he's had a loss too and is probably very confused and upset so cater to him a bit. Sorry I'm not much help there.
Take care,
F.

Bless you for doing these things for her. It sounds like she is trying to get it together. (She has meds/seen a DR.)

I think having her son come over is the best therapy, both for mom and child. Depression is so exhausting that break is great, and he probably needs som fun breaks, too.

Now is not the time to worry too much about his food. He's probably pretty sad and traumatized, too. I saw people suggesting he be forced to eat what you serve or go hungry -neither seems like a realistic option for a scared, sad little child who just lost his grandmother and has a mom in the depths of the blues. Food just isn't that important. Some ideas for making it a non-issue are below, but you sound like a pretty smart cookie, so you may have already figured these out.

If all he eats is PBJ, maybe you can try to make sort of a game out of it. Make PBJs, milk, apple slices, yogurt, etc. and put them in a picnic basket and have a dinner picnic in the yard or on the deck (or under the dining room table or in a tent in the living room) with him and your family. He'll eat the PBJ and maybe something else, your kids will eat it all and everyone will be healthy and happy.

Sometimes letting picky eaters cook with you will get them to try something new. If he likes chicken strips (most picky eaters do) have all the kids join you for making mashed potatoes and green salad to go with it - he might eat a few bites of each if he helped make it.

Picky kids will often eat anything they can "dip" (vegies in ranch dressing, fruit in peanut butter or yogurt or cinnamon/sugar, meat strips in ketchup). You could have a "dipping lunch". Those were my kids' favorites when they were little, even though none are picky.

You are a good friend.

your doing all you can. just be there and listen when she talks. as for her son. you can ask him to at least try the food you offer. if he still dooesn't like it offer something else if you can. if not try not to have him at meal times. I know that sounds mean but you are right you can't be making extra meals just because one child won't eat it. you are being a good friend. keep up the good work.

Help in the aspect of dinner. Since she is a parent help with out taking over her personal space. Also the child will be greatfull... less stress on mom and the childs tummy is full. ~K

Hey K.,

What a loving soul you're are! Your neighbor and her little boy are very lucky to be living close to you.

The "going for a walk" advice is great.

The only other advice I have is: Is she attending a group for adults who have lost a parent? It could be very helpful for her to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same grief. It might also help her connect with new people and give her hope that, even without her mom, she can establish new relationships and create a support system. Hospitals will either have a group she can join or can lead her to a group.

As for her son's eating habits, I would also just tell him this is what you have to eat and then give him one or two very simple alternatives - such as the PB&J sandwich you suggested.

One thing I do when I babysit for my friends' children is to offer a variety of simple, healthy food. For example, I'll put out bananas, apple slices, carrot slices, slices of cheese, raisins, avocado slices. If they don't want the dinner we're making, I'll point out all this other food (which is easy for me to have around) and say they can have any of it. If they refuse that, I simply tell them that's all I have. If they come back hungry (after dinner), I again point out all this other food - if they're really hungry, they'll eat it.

God bless you for caring so much for your neighbor. M.

This is sad . . . but do not fix something different for this little boy just because he is picky eater. It isn't fair to your children if you do that. Either tell him to try to bite small pieces and then compliment him if he eats it. Or tell him, that you are sorry that you couldn't feed something different than what you fix for your children and he will have to decide to eat what you serve or leave the table.

As for the mother, I would try to see if someone could take care of her son and your children, then you take the mother out to the shopping mall just to browse around (no need to buy anything). Also maybe go out for lunch before or after shopping. Can go for 2 or 3 hours should be enough. Or maybe go out for lunch then go to a movie (anything good like comedy and family style movie).

May God give you the wisdom and strength.

B.

Dear K.,
You are doing what you should already, unfortunatly only time makes us stronger, but having someone who will sit with you and share with you makes a world of difference! I speak from experience! On to the child; if you look back on your childhood you may remember going to different homes with different customs, and it was kid of cool, so I'd say you may get less resistence if you make it an adventure for him. It would be a good thing to remember if she is suffering, so is he. You are doing a good thing, alot of people turn away at a time like this, there is no right or wrong way, just listen to your heart! R.

I can't help with the mourning issues, but I have a picky eater and so have read a lot about it. Offer him what everyone else gets, but only small amounts because you don't expect him to eat it and you don't want to waste food. He can choose to eat or not. If he's hungry enough he will try it. The best advice I ever heard was, "so long as the child is energetic he/she is getting all the calories he/she needs so don't worry about him eating." It's neither good for you, your child, or your neighbor's child to be catered to.

You are such a wise friend and neighbor....Depression is an ugly thing....Several years ago my younger sister passed away from Cancer....my depression was very deep...Please acknowledge with your friend that it is something REAL....and that feeling depressed and suffering from Depression are very different. You feel depressed (or sad) when you are disappointed by something or there is a temporary situation, but Depression is all enveloping from physical pain and symptoms to bouts of crying and feeling worthless....it is a difficult "illness" to recognize as a friend....I was a master at disguising how very serious my situation was, even to myself.....Encourage your friend to do what she can to honor her mom and herself....acknowledge that she may need some help with her son and her efforts....Be as positive and encouraging as possible without pushing her to the point that she doesn't want to answer your calls or your visits....Each person suffers from this in their own way......I did not realize how dark a place I was in until I came out the other side....my friends have told me how they noticed the difference, but I was able to hide it from them...and my husband of 17 years, tried, but was unable to stay with me...I am in a stronger place, but it is something that I work very hard to stay on top of......please let me know if this was helpful, or if you want to "share" again....my best wishes and prayers for you and your friend.....

I think you're doing a wonderful thing for your neighbor. Praying with her and caring for her child is so important. Don't underestimate the value of those gifts. Of course providing the occasional meal can be very helpful, as I suspect she doesn't feel like cooking. Going on walks (with or without all the children) could be therapeutic, especially if it allows her to talk. She's blessed to have you for a neighbor.

First keep up the communication with your friend. Don't try to offer too much advice, but really be available to listen. Maybe encourage her to go for a walk with you; both of you take the kids to the park; ask her over to help with a project that you can't do on your own. Sometimes it is just the small steps a person makes out of depression that make the biggest difference. As for the meals, I am assuming you are not making meals for this child each and everyday, probably once in a while? This being the case, it will not hurt him to eat a PB&J or mac & cheese when he is over - don't fret about a well rounded meal - just make sure he eats something.

Hey K.,
What a great friend to have in you!!
I have suffered from mild to severe depression for most of my life and have a couple of thoughts that might help. Please know this these are things that people helped me with, their ideas, and not for everyone with depression.
Have you taken your children to her house for 'play dates'? One of the things about depression is that you are quite certain you can't do anything right if you can do anything at all. Taking her son is GREAT for giving her some rest but it might help her to see that she's not letting her son down, if folk come to her. Possibly ask her for help with cooking for all the children, on a project or committe?
Anyway, just some ideas. I have wonderful friends like you and I can tell you they are invaluable to me!!!
Thanks,
L.

Feed her, make sure she is taking in fluids. Remind her that she needs to take care of herself for her childs sake and because that is what her mom would want. Her child has traits of his family including his grandmother. Take her for a walk outside , even a short walk, with her child. Try to help her remember some of the things that she use to enjoy doing and to do one of those things a day. Example I do scrapbooking- it makes me feel good. I read a wonderful book called Signals after losing a relative and it helped remind me that there are Angels out there looking after us - possible a passed loved one. Hope this helps- From a grandmother

I just lost my mother as well. You are doing a wonderful thing to take her son so she can get her emotions out. I have three kids and a husband who works 24/7 so I only get and hour on my 5 am walks to "lose it". Knowing it will take time does not help and no advise can either. It is hugely painful and I am also wondering how this will all end up, but know as each day passes that I got through yet another day without her there.
I DO NOT recommend playdates at her homw as someone suggested. The last thing she needs is more responsibility. It would be helpful to have something for her to look forward to, even a day or two or a week away. Like a coffee with you or something small. I know how everyone wants to help, but don't know how and it would be great to have a few things each week to make sure she is connecting with people. I am sure she doesn't feel like being in huge crowds now, but mini outings would be great to get her out of the house here and there. Instead of taking her son all the time if that is too taxing then dropping off dinners and letting her deal with his eating could be good as well. I always welcome a bag of salad and a mini cooked chicken!
A gift of small things like a flower to brighten her day, a funny box of kleenex, bar of chocolate help birghten a day as well.
My two older children have been deeply touched by her loss. So while you may think it odd about his eating remember that he is grieveing the loss of hi grandmother and the loss of his "normal" mom. Maybe making that extra meal or bowl of cereal won't be so bothersome if you think of that. In the long run if you plan on doing it for a while you might sit him down and tell him you love him and think of him as part of the family and hope he will try to eat as you all do. That alone may work and let him know he can count on you if he need to open up about his grandmother.

My dad passed 6 years ago and I know how hard it is to lose a parent. You are very kind to have her on your mind and want to help. You might suggest that you can watch her son so that she could join a grief and loss support group. You can find out if there is one offered throught the funeral home or possibly through St. Joe's hospital. It may be just the thing that she needs. Don't be offended though if she rebuffs your offer. She is on a rollercoaster of emotions. Just let her know that she is on your mind and that you want to help in any way possible. One thing that was helpful to me was a comment from a friend. "Grief isn't something that you get over, it is something that you go through. It changes and is different for everyone's journey." How true this is. Make sure that your friend knows that everyone deals with grief differently and that when she is ready, that you are there.
Good luck to her and thank you for being so kind and thoughtful.
B.

Hi K., First off, good for you for checking in on your neighbor and taking the time to care, and take action. Having a support system in place is very important for people battling depression. Perhaps you might ask her what she thinks she needs in a tone that goes beyond "hey, I'm here if you need anything". Sometimes people need to know there is a safe person who will simply listen, or provide a shoulder. One thing you might suggest, as you are beginning an exercise program, invite her to come along. Exercise is crucial for everyone, but especially beneficial for those who are depressed. As far as her picky son. All 3 of my children were picky eaters, but my daughters pickiness took the cake... no pun intended. Rather than do battle, I raised her on protein smoothies, with fruit and added nutritional boosts, that I would sneak in when no one was looking. Also, cutting up some fruits and veggies into bite size/kid size pieces,and leaving them out on the table ( a muffin/cupcake pan works great for this) as ready-to-eat finger foods, takes the burden off of you, and with enough variety, can spark a little veggie enthusiasm! Good luck
L. Dullum, LMP, RC

Keep doing what you are doing. Invite her to church and continue to minister to her soul. The loss of a parent is a major blow at any age. She probably feels like an orphan...no husband, no mom and a child that needs her. God's Word says to care for widows and orphans because it is His desire than no one should be or feel alone. When you see what you are doing as serving Him, it won't feel like such a burden. You have the opportunity to make an eternal impact on two lives!

For now I'd accommodate her son's eating habits, but try introducing new foods to him. Your kids may be a good influence. My son was introduced to Canadian Bacon and Pineapple pizza at a Church youth trip. Now it is his favorite...but he didn't want to try it for me!

And in all things pray. He'll give you strength and wisdom to help this family...without Him it will become burdensome.

I say, "what's an extra dinner if your trying to help"? You won't be taking care of this boy regularly so if it helps your neighbor, 1 or 2 extra dinners won't be that big of a deal. Getting her out would be nice as well, maybe after dinner with your family or before knock and ask her to go on a walk with the kids... It's not origianl, but helping out meals, maybe bring her over a casserole or something. Maybe a movie night with the kids, even 1 hour of alone time, taking a bath, watching a show, painting your nails, time is priceless. I think its nice you want to help her...

All you can do for your neighbor is let her know you are there. She will need to deal with her grief in her own way. The depression meds will take about 4-6 weeks to kick in. One way to combat depression is to do some light exercise. If you can go on a walk around the block with her. That will get her out of the house and away from the retreating in her house she is doing.

As far as the kid goes, my kids had a friend that was a picky eater. However, I let him know that I don't fix special meals for my kids, so don't expect anything different when you are here. If he is hungry, he will eventually eat. Sometimes kids don't try new things because they look funny or sound funny. All parents season things differently. This is something the kid will just have to work through himself. Offer some condiments with the meal. Maybe he will eat it just because it has ketchup on it...lol

M.

I am a mom of 4 young grandmother of 5 now. I have lost my Grandparents, Dad, a brother and a son and now have a husband of 52 who has had Diabetes for 31 years who is going to not be around for ever (doc said MAYBE 10years). When my grandparents and Dad died I knew they went to be with the Lord, when I lost my brother to a drowning Accident he was only 24 I was not sure what the plan was and I gave it to God...Now when our Son Died at 22yrs old I lost it, I thought what is going on, well I went on Anti depressents and they did not work for me, so I went off them and realized that I needed to take a look at life and what God had planned for me I was the strength for my family and all my sons friends. I prayed constantly and good things kept happening and God kept putting people in my life to help...Just Keep praying for your friend and tell her it is ok to be sad but remember her Mom did not leave her that she will always be in her mind and her Heart and to remember the good times and the things she was taught by her mom. And ask her if her mom would want her to be said or if she would want her to be at peace knowing that she did not have to suffer any longer...I will pray for her and you..Blessings to you both...Life is only what we make of it and she has a wonderful gift from God (Her son)that she needs to take care of...Oh and as far as picky eating I would not make special things for him (I dont for my kids or grandkids)they learn that they have to eat what is in front of them or they just dont eat, he will eat when he gets to hungry(it is not a punishment it is a phase they go through)Trust me I have been through this a few times and I have 3 of my grandchildren living with me and 1 is very picky but he eats what I put in front of him now because he knows that I do not run a Restaurant...Good Luck and Gods Many Blessing for you....

K.,
I think it's alwasy good to do something for someone like your neighbor, a few suggestions I have done and have done for me
Cook some meals for them
Clean her house, she may say no, but do it, it helps more than you know.
Take her laudry to your house, wash and return all folded.
Little practical things make a huge difference to help with the heaviness they are going through.
All the best, and she's lucky to have you!

First, with the son... I am a firm believer in one meal for everyone, and I will not make second meals. But, given the circumstances, I would make him whatever makes him happy even if it is PB&J for every meal. The last thing his mom needs right now is for him to come home complaining that he's starving, had nothing to eat at your house, and you're mean. With such a depressed mommy, he may not be getting enough attention and may need a little TLC and some fun!

For the mom, she needs to not be alone in her pj's. When my mom was suffering from depression after a cancer diagnosis, I went over every morning to make her get out of bed, get showered and dressed. That alone will lift her mood some. If you can, try to get her to run errands with you, or go to the zoo with you and the kids, or something active to help keep her mind from dwelling on her sadness. When she talks, just listen. She doesn't need your stories or your sympathy or advice as much as she just needs a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Recomendations I have heard are do not say you understand, or that it is God's will, or that she'll get over it in time. She just needs to grieve and feel like that is okay. Given that she is a single mom though, she needs some help speeding through the process.

Continue to pray with her, lift her up to God on her behalf. There is not alot that anyone can do for some one who is depressed other than pray for them and spend time with them. Have her seek greif consoling if she is okay with that. I wish that there was an easy answer to help friends in this process but there isn't. God is the one who can help pull them up from the pit.

As far as the child, he is going through stuff right now also. His mother isn't really "there" for him and so maybe catering to his wants a bit is okay but I too wouldn't fix a completely new dinner for him. If he is hungry enough he will eat.

Hope this helps I will continue to pray for your friend.

You did not say if she was close to her mother. If she was the best thing is to ask her to tell you what are the best memories that she has of her mother.
Talking with someone and remembering the good times always helps getting through losing someone close.

When I lost my parents, my brother and I would sit and talk about all the crazy times we had with our parents, even the bad times which was mostly us getting into trouble.

As for her son, try asking him to at least try one bite of what ever you fix your kids, he may end up liking it. Tell him if he trys one bite and does not like it you will fix him a PB&J. But he has to at least take one bite. remember he is having problems trying to figure out why his mother is not the same. Talk with him and tell him his mother still loves him but right now she is missing her mother who is in heaven.

Hope this helps
V.

Hi K.,
My mom died in July and I can tell you from my own experience, that losing your mom is awful. Your friend is just starting the grief process. I would possibly recommend her to go see a grief counselor (maybe you could offer to watch her son when she goes). Meals are always a great idea (especially ones you can freeze). Someone gave me the book "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman, and although some of it focuses somewhat more on women who lost their mothers when they were in their teens, it was still good for me to read (I am 30). The only other thing I can think of is just to not be afraid to ask her about her mom. I often feel like people don't want to mention her because they think it will make me sad. Well, the truth is, I'm sad about it all of the time and I enjoy talking about my mom and remembering things about her. I don't think that you really "get over" losing a loved one, but you do figure out a new way to live life.

I think what you are trying to do to help your neighbor is a very wonderful thing. You are basically doing all that you can do. I've realized with a lot of friends that I've had over the years...you can only help those who want to be helped. Be there if she needs you and offer your friendship. :D
As for her son coming to your house...coming to YOUR house, that means he needs to start learning to eat what you and your family eat. You shouldn't have to make special meals for her son to eat. He is in your home. It would be a different story if you were watching him in her home. That would be an environment that is made to cater to his needs. At least all of this is my opinion. When my friends bring their children to my house...they have a few of their rules of their own that they bring along, but all in all...my house...my rules.

K., I'm responding to your first question: "Is there anything else I can do for her?"

Listen, listen, listen. If necessary, try to draw her out, get her talking. Then simply listen. Don't be afraid of her tears if they come. She is in the early stages of grief. Covering up her feelings is the last thing she needs. A kind and accepting listener is the greatest gift.

You are kind to want to be there for her. Good luck.

C. B.
Eagle Creek, Oregon

First let me say that its wonderful that you have reconized someone in need and are trying to help her. Prayer is a good thing but for a little more immediate results that you can see, maybe suggesting that you both go for a walk together is a good thing. This is a tremendous help when it comes to depression and she would be helping you with your excersize program. If you could get her to commit to just a 15 min walk every day it could make a big difference in her mood. Also when feeding her son try to send home a snack for her, just so you know that when she is hungry there will be something she can munch on.
As to his picky eating habits I would just make it clear that we all eat the same food and if he will just try whats on his plate then you will make him a sandwich if he's still hungry when he's done.
Bless you