Trying to Wean and Not Having Any Luck

I weanied my 24 month old about a month ago and every couple of days he cries for it (usully when he is over tired). I think i takes a long time to for them to actually forget about them. They all do eventuall though. Be strong and good luck.

I breastfed both my kids, and let them self-wean. And each child had their own time-line.

Now, do you REALLY want to wean him?
If you are ambivalent, he will sense that.

Yes, the trip may just do the trick. It is different for each child/Mother. For my friend, she had an unavoidable trip to take... and when she came back, her daughter was pretty much over it.

I let both my kids self-wean. My daughter did so at about 2.5 years old. My son did so at about 1 year old.

My daughter only breastfed, no bottles. Only me. She had a "name" for my breasts as well, she was very attached as well. BUT... as she got older, I DID NOT let her control my breasts, I did. In other words... I taught her "manners" about breastfeeding. ie: no grabbing at me, no grabbing at me in public, no puling up my shirt, no yelling. ALSO, I only let her stay at the breast for a short period of time.

Next, I talked to her about it, gently & gradually over time to "prep" her for the eventuality that 'one day' she would be a 'big girl' and will not need to nurse. The thing is... you need to "prep" your child and talk to them about it...OPENLY.

Next, I also used distraction. ie: I would stand up and make myself "busy" and would tell my daughter "one minute...Mommy has to finish something..." and then would have her play with something. And then she 'forgot' about the immediacy of it.

Also, you can provide your son with a "lovey" to have. Or maybe even a baby-doll so that he can then "take care of it" and soothe it. There are lots of cute "boy" dolls too.
Coax him to get comfortable with another "soothing" object... versus using your breasts for that object.

Both my kids just weaned one day out of the blue. My girl telling me that she's a "big girl" now and that she doesn't drink from me anymore. She even thought it was funny that she "used to" do that. My son, just got fed up with nursing and would literally slap my boobs away when I tried to nurse him and he'd tell me he just wanted a bottle. (for some kids bottle are just easier and quicker than nursing).

My friends had great success with putting Band-Aids over their nipples and saying "Mommy has no more milk..." or "Mommy has a boo-boo...."

Good luck,
Susan

Hello S.,

You might want to pick up "A Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning"

It's a great book on weaning, with lots of different techiniques, and also thoughts on the repercussions of each.

They recommend holding your child and rocking him during those times when he wants your breast. I did it this way and it worked in 1 week... my son was 16 months old.
Dad can help with this much more easily than mom can.

Lots of Love,
Linda
www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

FANTASTIC job bf so long!! Go to the Le Leche League site, they have alot of advice, local support group meetings with a ton of info, many books to read...I liked Mothering your Nursing Toddler and many others.

Hi S.,
I think your husband taking him on a trip just might be the perfect solution! My girlfriend couldn't get her 3+ year old son to stop nursing, then she had to go in for surgery and stayed in the hospital for 3 days. That did it. No more nursing. Very best of luck to you, you've done a great job and service to your child for sticking with it for so long!!

It probably will work. Just be sure to distract him enough when he is home after so he doesn't have time to think about what he's missing. We went on vacation and that was enough interruption for my daughter. She even saw me topless (while changing) and didn't react. Change in routine usually works.

I read your story, and it sounded alot like mine. I nursed my 6 year old son until he was 2yrs 9 mo old. I was nursing all the time it seemed, even through the night. My son did not want to stop nursing, but I was fed up! I quit cold turkey, and my son cried and I held him. I let my son put his hand onto my breast to fall asleep, and this seemed to help, but after weening him he no longer would nap during the day. I know it sounds hard, but after your done weening him, you'll feel so relieved...

This website has some helpful advice about weaning:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html

Hope this helps.

It cracks me up when mother's say they have a very "strong-willed" child. The word is most likely spoiled, and we all do it! Take responsibility of how far you've let your son get away with. You havent tried to stop. He throws a fit and you give it to him. How much more blatent can it be?! He has learned that throwing a complete fit whenever and wherever he wants your boob gets him his boob.

I know you feel like you're hurting his feelings. Nope. Truth is, HE'S hurting YOURS and it's OK with everybody. Thes are the first times we learn to start making those rather painful decisions. Believe me, they get worse. I have a teenager! And a three yr old.

Wendy

I had trouble weaning my daughter. She was 18 months old by the time we were done. She wasn't quite as strong-willed about it as your son, but she is definitely a wants-what-she-wants kid who is difficult to distract or put off, so I had gone several months trying to reduce the number of breastfeeding sessions each day and the length of them. We weren't quite weaned yet -- she wanted to nurse for 5 minutes a few times a day, mostly out of habit -- until my in-laws came to visit for a week from across the country. That's what did it. Having the grandparents in the house changed our daily routines, gave my daughter somebody else to focus on and cuddle with besides me, and we took a few day trips, so we were out of the house and active. I think being out of the environment where she normally nursed helped. The actual day it happened we went to Disney, for the whole day -- stayed for the fireworks at night and all. Late at night when we got home and I moved my sleeping daughter from the house to her bed I realized she had not nursed all day. The following day I had to go hide in my room to pump a bit of milk to relieve a bit of soreness but my in-laws did not go home for another day or two. By the time they did she had forgotten all about breastfeeding and never asked for it again. So yes, sending your son off for a trip with his daddy might do the trick. As a bit of insurance, you might want to go buy him a special "big boy" sippy cup and keep it in the fridge always filled with water, milk or (diluted) juice. If he asks to nurse when he comes back from the trip, tell him your milk went away while he was gone (the truth!) because your body knew he was now a big enough boy to not need it anymore. Then make a big fuss over presenting him with his new cup (or a new toy, etc.) -- tell him if he feels like nursing, to go drink from his special cup (or cuddle with the toy) because this is what big boys do and you are so proud of him and excited that he gets to have this new thing, etc. etc. Good luck!

I'm in the same boat, 21 mos. He pulls my shirt up when ever he wants. If I dont give in, he screams. If I hold him, he automatically assumes "the position"! I remember seeing on here lots of ideas for weaning. One that I kinda liked was telling them you have an "owie" and putting bandaids on your nipples. My son got his first bandaid worthy owie just yesterday, so now he understands owies. So I think it may just work for us, but given his age and intelligence, he may just peal it off!!! I plan on trying it when I am down to one feeding. I have weaned him (trained him) to just 2 feedings a day now. It has been a slow process, that I think is the drawback to nursing so long. They know what they want/when they want and can demand it. I too have thought about leaving for a few days to make it happen. I say if you have the opportunity to do that, then I would give it a try. Good luck.

S., You just need to be consistent, I know he will have a fit, but if you want to stop nursing him this is the only way. I am the mother of 4 (16,13,3 and 1.5) and the youngest still nurses just to go to sleep and I am planning on getting my tubes tied soon and I want him done before I get it done. I dont' want to worry about him when I am recovering. I think the plan that your husband take him would be awesome, he is a stand up guy for wanting to take him at the time when he will want you the most. Koudos to him!

Best of luck!
M.

I don't have any advice for weaning from breastfeeding, but I wanted to share with you that a trip out of town with Daddy was successful for weaning my then 3-year-old son from the pacifier. I know there is a big difference between a 3-year-old and a 20-month-old, but I thought it might encourage you to hear the success. My 3-year-old was in love with his pacifier, which he was only allowed to have for naptime and bedtime, and we told him that he would not be able to bring it with him on the airplane. While they were away, they slept in the same bed, which was something of a treat, since he only sleeps in his own bed at home. My husband said he did ask for the pacifier a couple of times, but did not have any meltdowns or serious trouble when he did not get it.

When he returned home, he had fallen asleep on the way home from the airport, and stayed asleep when we put him in his bed. I did not put the pacifier in his bed with him. He woke at about 3 am looking for his pacifier and fussing, but I just told him he didn't need it anymore, but to cuddle with his snuggles (his comfort blanket) and go back to sleep. He did, and had no trouble without the pacifier since then. He did talk about it for a little while, but we talked about how he was a big boy and didn't need it anymore, and he never had any real trouble.

I know this is completely different from breastfeeding, and a very different age, but I think the trip with Daddy may be the perfect way to start the weaning. And I'm sure the other moms will have some great, more relevant advice too!

Best of luck to you!

Dear S.,
This is not an easy situation, and I'm not saying I have answers, but... Basically, if I'd given in to my son everytime he "freaked out" (and that was a lot of times!), he'd still be feeding 3 times a week, eat only pop corn, wear diapers and scream if I don't hold him before sleep... He's 6 by the way). In other words, it seems to me that the problem is not so much your son wanting the breasts non stop, it's that you give him non stop. At some point, you're going to have to say no, and he may cry and scream for a while, but trust me, he WILL get hungry and will have to accept something else.
Problem is, not giving him the breasts probably hurts you more than it hurts him, and he knows that (our little ones are extremely smart). I think that your husband taking him with him for 5 days is an excellent idea. When he returns, you can decide whether to wean him progressively or completely. Being gentle but firm works, and take heart: there are many more "battles" ahead, but ultimately, we're all heads over hills in love with our children, that's why we have to do what's best for them... And I'm pretty sure letting them have their way all the time isn't one of them...
Good luck!

Wow, thats a tough one!! It's hard to say no when they are screaming like they are going to die if they dont get what they want. I personally don't think a trip (espeially a funeral) would be a good place to test this. How about a trip to grandmas or someone else close to him that he could be away, but close enogh thant if he freaks you can be there to get him! Just a thought!
Obviously I am I mom who has a hard time letting go, especially my baby boy. I don't know why he's harder!!