Twin Behavior

If you like Supernanny I would advise you to invest in her books , and/or the book by Dr. John Rosemond on raising children.
It is time to "put the hammer down" on disrespectful behavior and contrariness.
They should have been learning the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior for the past 2 years.
It no joking matter.
Good luck.

Hi B. my name is T. and I just wanted to talk to someone else who has twins. I have twin girls who will be 2 on March 20. I don't need to tell you what a handfull they are. They are fraternal and so different from each other. Just wanted to know how do you handle your busy schedule? I don't get out much during the day with 2 toddlers because it's hard by myself and sometimes I fell like screaming. I hope it gets easier as they get older.

Dear B., It seems like a couple of things are going on here. First your babies are starting to realize their own idenities and independence,yet they are not quite out of that "terrible 2's stage ". It looks like your plate is pretty full with school and two jobs ,so you probably do not get to spend as much time with them as you would like or as they would like and at this age You and your husband are the center of thier universe so they need time with you . They need your undevided attention ,they will get that attention anyway they can and they do not really care if it is negative or positive as long as you are"noticing"them. Even though twins and other multiple birth siblings are often seen as a unit they are very different people with individual needs and personalities and should be treated as such. So when you get to spend time with them make sure they each get separate time with you and your husband and time when you are all together. When you have that 1 on 1 time is when you can reinforce positive behavior from each of them. Three years old is NOT too young to understand what mommy and daddy expect,{and they certainly will test you to see if what you say is what you mean}. And it is also a good time to encourage that lifelong bond and friendship between them. Also they both need to realize that one is not in charge of the other,mommy and daddy are in charge. Good luck to you .With a little luck ,alot of love and MANY prayers, it will all work out okay. L.

Hi,
I am a foster mom. I have had many children with all sorts of behavior. What I do is remind them how we have each other and need each other and let them now how special our family is. I then have the two or three (who ever said or did something to the other) Those two will then play together for the rest of the day as if they were joined at the hips. Find games that take two people to play. (Three legged race) I also have the offender help the other child to do their chores. Also I have them say I am sorry and the other to say I forgive you. Now they still have their moments but not as many. I wish you well. hope2u

I have twin girls that will turn 4 on March 18th. I totally understand the role revesal your talkin bout. I have the "good twin", "bad twin" at my house but the problem is it's not defined. Consistancy is all you can do my twins talk back and agrue with us when they've been caught doing exactly what thier not supposed to. They blame thier brother for most of what they do. Stick with your form of disapline, we use time outs and they work really well once you actually get them to sit in it. I wouldn't start a rewards system in theroy it's a great idea, but positive reinforcement is all thats needed example if they put thier clothes in the hamper tell them thank you that was so helpful, ignore the bad behavior if there isn't a safty issue. LOL there was an episode of super nanny i did see where they were havin trouble with bed time and she had the mom sit on the floor and not say a word. Everytime one of the kids got out of bed she silently got up off the floor put them back in bed and sat back down on the floor. She repeated this until they went to sleep. She did that every night until they finally got it and went to bed on thier own. It's worth a shot. I hope I didn't bore you and maybe there something in my ramblin that you can use. I wish you the best of luck I'll be lookin for if ya find a solution!!
-A.

I know some won't agree with me here, but I believe you need to apply some negative reinforcements to their negative behavior! They need to understand there are consequences when they are misbehaving. I know a lot of people don't agree with corporal punshment, but it does work. It takes work, yes, and it's exhausting at first, but once you begin to get it across to them it becomes easier. If they continue to act this way towards others, I wouldn't do the party at all! It's something painful that will help them understand that if they are hurtful to others, it ends up being hurtful to them!!

To teach the difference between positive and negative behavior, you have to use postive and negative consequences.

I was in your same boat about 6 months ago. For the sleeping, we made a rule that they didn't have to go to sleep but they were NOT allowed to talk or let their feet tough the floor. We put a small basket of books between their beds so they could reach them without getting up. Took a few weeks to be fully understood and now it's a wonderful process.
On the behavior issues, it's completely normal for twins at that age. We have a good job chart. They get to put up a sticker when we find them "making good choices" or "doing the right thing". They love the immediate reward and it doesn't rot their teeth or appetite like candy rewards do.Once they get a whole line filled, they get a quarter. When all 4 lines are filled up, they get a dollar to use at the dollar store. IT"S LIKE HEAVEN FOR THEM! "Doing the right things" are saying please and thank you without being reminded, no thumb sucking or nose picking, staying at the table until dinner time is over, listening the first time we ask them, etc. They have a blast picking out what sticker they want to use for the day (monday= shreck, Tuesday= spiderman, Wednesday=Nemo, Thursday=Bob the Builder, Friday=Cinderella Saturday=Lightening McQueen Sunday=Cross

this couple has a "ministry" helping families raise children.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

E.

Hi..I have 6 year old identical twin girls. I to have lost count on how many times they switch roles..They have even gone so far as to tell me they are each other, and a few times have I didn't know they did it until after the fact..I have also gone through the behavioral issues with one telling the other that they are not her best friend or not her sister any more...I have put her in time out and taken a toy away from her and explained to her that it was not nice of her to tell her sister this..I think it lasted about 6 months but she grew out of it for the most part..I her her tell her sister mean things once in while but not all the time..But i have two more older girls and i think sometimes that they have just been together too much and need some space so will make one of them go to another room for a while to give the other one space..This seems to help alot..They share a room so i think the biggest thing is giving them space once in a while...I have not had a big problem with my twins not wanting to sleep in their room, but my 9yr old had a big issue with this..We did a point system. She got so many points for stating in her bed all night or half the night..I would deduct points for giving me a hard time going to bed or going back to bed after she got up in the night. Once she got a certain amount of points we would do something special such as go out to eat or have a special night together..You might try this with attitude and stating in bed..good luck

my husband and i have been married for almost 7 yrs now & we have a 5 yr old boy and 4 mo. old daughter. our son has just recently started testing the waters on what he can do since he started school. we have instilled the "sticker calendar", we took him to the store and let him pick out his own calendar & stickers, he keeps the calendar in his room, on days he is good he gets a sticker, if he gets 5 stickers(m-f) then on sat. we give him a pizza party, it's not much really, we make a pizza & all wear birthday hats when we eat.lol. but it has worked wonders, it's easy enough for him to understand and he looks forward to the reward, we still give him a sticker if we see that he is trying hard to be good, that way he knows even trying is good. this has worked so well at home, his teacher has emplimented this at his school. if they are good there & get a sticker everyday, then friday before they go home, they get a prize from the treasure box.

I am a mother of twin 13 year old girls. I had a similar problem with my two. I had them hug each other and say I love you every time they started the negitive talk. They still hug to this day. It is a positive way for them to understand the unique bond they really have. It will take some time for them to understand but they will. I am a twin myself. It is a wonderful blessing.

My twin sons are 28, and are still the best of friends. They can't get enough of each other. They even married gals who were college roomates. But it was not natural or easy! When one or both said anything negative or mean, I took it seriously! I had a tall little wooden seat that the two of them were sent to take time out on together trying to sit on the seat. The only way was to hold on to one another. They were laughing and having so much fun the whole time, they would get over whatever ever brought on the fuss. Their sister who is two years older would really make it a scarmble when three were on the hugging seat. The timer is the bad guy in a timeout, so get a timer! Five minutes is enough time out. Especially if something great is happening, like time to lick the bowl when making brownies. Mom would just have to do it herself! Or worse, their sister got the bowl and spoon all to herslef! I often told them, "Home is always the safest place on earth. In the world, others may want to say mean things. But at home, it is always safe." I did the same with my classroom with fourth graders, and the kids thrived in that environment! It breaks my heart how many twins hate each other as adults. I also stressed to the twins, "How special it was that God decided they needed each other so much that they were given their best friend before they were even born!" Richard Scarry's "Please and Thank You Book" has a cute story in it about "Pig Will and Pig Won't." It helped a great deal too! People would try to label: "Oh, this one is the silly one!" "This one is the sweet one!" "This one must be into everything!" I always said, "They both are so sweet! And they are the best of friends!" "They both are such great help." Now, they both are very successful, have their master's degrees, one studying for his doctorate, the other has his own business, and they have great mutual friends. Hang in there! Glad to see you concerned about this!

Hi B.!

Age three is much harder than age two in my opinion! They tend to get mouthy and push the limits and have a sense that the whole world belongs to them (if I see it, its mine!)

It must be hard with the added "crowd" mentality that creeps in with twins, they are never the only one responsible for misbehavior if they do it together! What every you decide to do, you have to be consistant, or a three year old will spot your weekness in a milisecond.

The best advice I ever got came from a preschool special education teacher. She said to tell children what you want them to do, and avoid repeating what you do not want them to do like "stop getting out of bed." So if you want them to stay in their beds, say "get in bed" or "stay in your bed" This helps them to know what to do and to process it right away instead of having to flip around to the oposite of what you have told them, some kids can't do this yet, so they will do the last thing they heard, which is the opposite of what you want.

I have also found that I have to break things down for them, if I want them to get up in the morning, I say "put your feet on the floor" then "stand up" "walk to the bath room" instead of just "get up" because they can lay in bed and still be "up". The older they get, the more they will play with your words and keep you discussing what you told them to do instead of doing what they know you asked.

Good luck. I hope things go well for you as a special education teacher. I hope that you will look at the parents who sit across the table from you at IEP meetings as the experts they are about their own children. If you listen to them (even when they are a pain!) they will probably appreciate it and work with you too!

M.

hi, I don't have twins, but I am one, and my daughter is getting ready to turn 3. I have been going through the same thing with my daughter. I have been giving her choices so that she feels in charge. She is very emotional so when she starts crying I say you can either go to your bed until you are done crying or you can get the tv taken away. I also think that the hugging idea was a really good one. Don't worry, they will grow up to be best friends. I am with my sister even though we went through a long period where we didn't like each other (teenage years). My son also tells me Im not invited to his birthday party and I just told him that if I wasn't invited then there wouldn't be a party because I am the one that makes all of that happen. He changed his mind pretty quickly. I think the biggest thing is that they are 3 and 3 year olds have to figure out where they stand in the world. They want to be in charge, but they can't, and you have 2 of them going through this at the same time.
Good Luck

Three is the age where you really hve to assert your authority or they will take over. I have raised 3 kids and know my mistakes and my successes. When they fight (physically), punish them both. Ignore their arguing unless it is interfering with dinner, company, a phone call. They will work it out-but if you do punish them, punish them both.It takes two to fight.
There is a pecking order with children and with twins they are both going to try to come out on top. The best punishment; swat on bottom and sit in chair or stand facing a wall- half hour minimum. INcrease by half an hour each time you hve to punish them. They will soon learn to listen. Take a couple of weeks to work on this. Have a quick dinner available so that if they are acting up and wont stay in their punishment spot, you can stop what you are doing, sit and watch them and make sure they stay. Read a book or magazine and do not lose your temper. Make them think you are happy sitting and reading. If you can make them stay in their corner, go back to what you were doing- cooking, cleaning, whatever.
When they get to age 5 & older, make them stay in their room the rest of the day whenever they misbehave. The point is to deter the bad behavior. The punishment must be worse than the crime to deter it.