Two-year-old Daughter Constantly Runs Away from Me

Hi! I used to have a runner too :o) I've been consistent on disciplining and it has helped tremensely. I have mixed opinions on the harness but i truly believe that if my child's safety was threatened I'd use one in a second.
Also wanted to suggest getting a baby sling or wrap for the newborn. Sounds like you're gonna need both hands free :o) good luck mama!

My 1st child did the same thing. My only suggestion is a leash. I know people hate them. My other 2 kids never needed one. and I only used it in crowded places, like the airport and Disneyland. And it was only for a month or 2. Good luck

I have the same problem with my 3 yr. old. I can't catch him when he runs so I had to decide what was more impoortant. I constantly hold his hand when ever we are out of the house, from the time we go out the front door to when his buckles are fastened, to getting out of the car until he's strapped into the shopping cart. Everywhere! I don't put myself in situations that risk his life anymore. He got out of McDonalds and ran out in traffic, one time he ran out in our street and a pickup barely missed him. So I know what it's like to have your heart stop from fear.

You have to decide right now how you are going to handle this. I don't take J anywhere without another person going with me. I leave him in the car with my husband at Wal-Mart very often. I don't have the issue with the shopping cart because he gets a swat on his hiney if he gets up. My husband and I go together to shop for groceries and things and that really helps.

Get a babysitter when you go to the store, you might share the job with another mom who needs a baysitter too, you can watch one day and she can watch the kids another day for you. Find a Mothers-Day-Out program and take the kids one day a week or more. You can do your errands those days. She will eventually grow out of this but her life is in your hands right now.

Take some Love and Logic classes, they will help you set limits with her and teach you how to make her consequences very useful. We found our class at a local Mental Health Facility. They also offered them at a local elementary school this year.

Let me tell you a story.

When K was 2 and 3 she would take her shoes off everytime we got in the van, so every time we got out I had to crawl in the back and hunt for thrown shoes, even had to start carrying an extra pair in case I couldn't find both of the ones she took off. I felt angry at the wasted time, had to plan extra time to hunt for shoes, and was getting tired of not being able to find them until I took everything out of the van to get access to under the seats. So while taking Love and Logic classes I started thinking. I was always telling her that her feet would get cold if she didn't keep her shoes on. But she never had consequences from it so how was she supposed to learn. I made up my mind. I was going to try out this stuff I was learning even if it made me feel like a horrible mom. The next time she took off her shoes it just happened to be snowy and icey outside. I plopped her down barefoot in the driveway and shut the van door and started walking. She stood there looking up at me like I was the most horrible person in the world. I reminded her that she needed to wear her shoes outside and I was so sorry she chose to take them off. I walked to the house with her screaming at me to carry her. I didn't. She made it in the house, didn't die from being cold for a few moments, and has never taken her shoes off in the car again.

She isn't going to stop when you yell at her, she isn't going to suddenly start listening to you. She is probably going to regress some with the new baby because that's just what kids do. Me advice to is to make other arrangements when you need to go somewhere and take the stress off yourself until because until she's older you can't take thi risk.

While many people don't like them they have cute harnesses at Walmart and I found them to be a life saver when we got our little ones in 2006. the girls were nine months and fifteen months and being older and well out of shape they helped me tons. You might try leaving her in the car seat till the last min as well when your putting things in the car or out of the car and make her ride in the cart at the store. Hang in there this will pass, good luck.

This is a big safety issue and problem.
You need to do whatever you can so she does not get hit by a car or something... AND for your safety as well since you are pregnant... you could trip and fall if you run after her etc.

For me, I used the toddler harness... which I got from www.amazon.com
its real cute and looks like a monkey. My son liked it, had no problems with it. It was only for when he was going through that "runner" stage too. He was a bolter. MANY MANY people from old to young, would tell me how GOOD it was that I used the harness with my son... BECAUSE, of the safety factor for the child. One Grandpa actually came up to me to tell me what A good Mom I was because his Grandchild got run over by a car... right in front of their house... because he always ran away too.

You NEED to use something... or you or she can get hurt. It is not an issue of aesthetics... or what other people may think.... but for safety.
Better to be safe than sorry.
Sure you can and still will be "teaching" her how to stay next to you or hold your hands etc., BUT IN THE INTERIM... you NEED something that will keep her safe from bolting off... and not get run over or something. And for you too, being pregnant.

All the best,
Susan

We have a harness, that I bought at Target. It looks like a dog. It has a four point harness that straps across her chest and looks like a backpack. The tail to the dog is REALLY long, and has a handle!!! hehehe. Its great. I used it when we went to a Disney on Ice show. I was with my 3y daughter, and my mom who is in a wheelchair. I could push my mom and keep track of my 3y old at the same time!

The daughter loves it and begs to put it on!
M.

My older daughter did the same and I believe it definitely turned into a fun game for her. I used a wrist leash on her while at the store/mall sort of places. I would strap her into her car seat FIRST before unloading groceries both into and out of the car. She HATED the strap but I told her mommy had to be responsible when and where she ran off to and there are many places where it is so dangerous (a big NO NO) to run around wildly. Then I always made sure to take her to the park for a lot of fun, run wherever you want playtime. She learned quickly and I made a big deal about getting rid of the wrist leash b/c I was proud that I could trust her in public and especially those dangerous parking lots.

Hahaha, i could have written this word for word! My 2 year old runs all the time! She is fiesty and won't sit in a shopping cart etc. I look forward to reading you responses.Hang in there!

Hi M.,

I know how frustrating this can be. You're husband is on to something, though. It's not just that she thinks her behavior is funny, it's that she has found a way to have power over you. At this age, everything is about power. (See article link below.) When you tell her to stop, you are giving her yet another opportunity to exert her power (by defying you).

I know this is tricky and that there are certain situations where the only safe reaction is going to be chase her and grab her. However, I would recommend sitting down with her when she is not in her run-away mood. You might even use dolls to act this out. Acknowledge that sometimes she runs away from you and share (in 2-year-old terms) why that is scary for you. See if, together, you can come up with something else that she can do when she feels like running. The key is to understand and validate what she is feeling. You might also try some of the power play that is described in the article below.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/7/21_The_Ga...

Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist
www.GilaBrown.com

Hello, I have been through this with one of our kids who now is a mother and I went through the same thing with her youngest. When my daughter was 2 1/2, I had her younger brother. The two seated strollers were not equipped with a seat belt in the rear seat. She would just jump out when my head was turned and run away. She also thought it was a game. I put bells on her shoes so that I could at least hear where she was and catch her. This did not solve the problem. When her son was just under two years old, I was picking his brother and cousin up from school. I always held his hand when going to the car so that he wouldn't run away. One day when I went to uncover his carseat, he took off around the car. I ran after him and he started out into the street as a huge truck was coming by. I could only reach in front of him and knock him back to me. That day, I decided to do what I had finally done with his mother. I bought a harness. I hated those things, but I really felt that I had no other choice but to use one. They weren't happy to have to use one, but until they could show me that they could stay with me they each had to use one. It changed my thinking about them. Now they come with backpack ones and they are pretty cute.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

I think a harness may be a good idea. But I think you should also work on trying to get her to stay with you without it. Tell her before you go anywhere that she has to stay by you. Give her lots of praise and positive attention when she does. Maybe have a sticker chart where she gets a sticker at every outing where she doesn't run away and then a bigger prize after she collects a certain number of stickers.

Also keep the outings short and tell her that if she runs away, you're going straight home. And then be consistent about it. I know it's harder to do when you're grocery shopping or there is something you have to get done, but it's worth it in the long term to teach her that running away won't be tolerated.

You may consider this extreme, but if you can coordinate an outing with a friend, let her run away from you and show her the consequences. Have your friend keep an eye on her (it is helpful if your daughter didn't know the friend was there in the first place), and then let her see what can happen when she runs away. Often children become really upset when they can't find their moms.

Good luck!

My neighbor has a two year old who did the same thing to her. Being pregnant it really upset her and caused her a lot of anxiety. To help her son learn to stay with her and not run off she would take him to our local park where they would talk about consequences before they got out of the car. Hopefully this makes sense! They would talk about how he was a big boy and could walk next to Mom as she pushed the stroller and if he stayed with her then they could play on the playground after their walk. If he didn't they'd go home. Then they would walk and he could hold her hand, hold the side of the stroller, or walk right next to her and as they walked she would praise his listening etc. then they would play on the playground after they were finished "walking" If he ran, she scooped him up, put him in the car, took him home and he had quiet time in his room for a while. SInce he loved the playground he QUICKLY learned not to run away and all he needs is a reminder and he stays right with her every where they go! Hope this helps!

I hate to suggest it, because it always seemed demeaning to me, but you mught have to get her a leash. They make the ones with a cute back pack so it's not sooo bad, but I can't think of any other way to handle it. She's really too young yet to understand the dangers of what she's doing, and you need your hands free.

I would suggest getting an animal backpack leash. I have never used one myself, but I see kids in grocery stores and airports using them all the time. The leash looks like an animal backpack w a tail. I think I would try it in these circumstances. I also think it would be much safer that having to chase your daughter away from the street or down grocery store aisles. I would also tell her that if she does it again she will get an automatic Time Out right where you are. If that does not work I would take a favorite toy away for a day so that she knows you are serious about her running away from you episoids. Be consistent and stern with her because she needs to know that what she is doing is very dangerous!!!

Sounds like she needs some consequences. Swift, consistent, severe (to her 2 year old sensibilities.) You need to decide what consequences will work best for her getting the message - time outs in the car, go home immediately, take away privileges, etc. You need to tell her what is going to happen while you are home and let her know your expectations. When you are out and she runs, make it happen immediately, without fail. It does not matter if you have to leave the grocery store without your groceries, it does not matter if you are late for work, it does not matter if anything else does or does not happen. SHE NEEDS TO GET IT!!! This is a major safety issue, especially since #2 is coming soon. The good news is, after 2 or 3 times of the serious consequences, she will get it and all you will have to do is remind her.

My daughter was 2 when I was pregnant with my second. We had a pretty active "social life" going to the playground for playgroups, story times, music classes, etc. I told her that we would not be able to do fun things if she ran away from me. I did time outs in the car a couple of times (the car was probably over 100 degrees after sitting in the parking lot - which made me feel evil, but she sort of got it), and we went home a couple of times after just arriving at the park. Before you get out of the car, be sure to reiterate your expectations to remind her, since she may be anxious to get started on the next adventure. Tell her "remember, mommy needs you to stay with me and hold my hand. If you run away, we will leave immediately." then unbuckle her and get on with your day, praising her good behavior. It really is very important. good luck.

I agree with the other mothers who suggested one of those "leashes" for children. Especially if you are in store or parking lot with hands full, you can't have your daughter running off. It is hard to reason with a 2 year old and this is a good safe option.

However, my son was doing something similar... but he was about 4 years old. We were on vacation and he kept running up ahead of us on a crowded board walk. We told him he could get lost, hurt, etc. Nothing worked. Later that day when we were in the hotel - in a safe location, he ran ahead of us again but this time my husband and I hid where we could still him but he couldn't see us. When he turned around to find us and we weren't there he started crying, "Mommy!!". Then we came out and said "See what happens when you run away - you can get lost!". It was heartbreaking to see him so scared - however since that day (he is 7 years old now) he never leaves our side when we're out somewhere - he even holds my hand with both his hands. So when your daughter is a little older, if she is still running away, you may have to do what we did to scare her into not running again.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Yes, I think almost all two-year olds go though this phase and you have to deal with it before it becomes dangerous. I haven't gone the harness route, but can understand why others have. I use (and still have to use) the consequence approach. Even when we are not out, my two-year old will run away while she and her sister are getting changed into PJs. Now, she knows that if she runs away, I won't chase her and she will sleep without them (which she doesn't like).

My older daughter didn't do the running away thing very much, but I still remember the time she got back out of the car (after I had seen her get in) in a parking lot and run around the back of the car while I was loading her baby sister. She knew better (and rarely did anything like this), so I learned that you can't trust a two-year old to not make a mistake sometimes. Now, if there is ANY chance of danger (parking lots, sidewalks, etc), both of mine have to be physically in my control at all times. That means strapped into the grocery cart, stroller, or holding hands. They get loaded and strapped in the car before the groceries get unloaded. (Which then means I often don't get the cart back to the cart return because I won't walk too far from the car when they are in it!)

Anyway, long story short....I think you have to use a combo of logical consequences to start changing the behavior, but at the same time make sure that you only put yourself in situations where you can manage physical control as well. (Yes! I remember how hard that was with a two year old and a newborn, but it gets better and I'm wishing you good luck!)