Two Year Old Sleeping Habits

Being overtired can cause interrupted sleep patterns. Is there anyway to move his bedtime to an earlier time OR get the daycare to allow a longer nap?

It could also just be normal 2 y.o. stuff.....my 2y.o. son did this for a while here recently, and I just put him back in bed. He still does it every now and then, but he knows when Mommy puts him back in bed it isn't time to get up. At first I would tell him "no sir, its night time. Go back to sleep. I love you."...now I just put him back in bed. I found that talking actually engages him, and makes him want to stay up...SO I just kiss him on the forehead, and put him back in bed.

Good luck!!!

You said that he recently started day care? He may be waking up wanting more time with you and your husband. I noticed that the days I didn't get as much quality time with kids, they will wake up at night or wake up extra early wanting to get it then. (They are 3 and 21 months) Try laying with him a little longer before he falls asleep at night or spending a little more one on one with him when you get home.

My daughter went through this recently. We stuck to the little fact that sleep begets sleep. So a couple of things that worked for us. First we slowly bumped her bedtime up by 1 hour. Basicly the lost nap time. When our daughter woke at night (many will disagree, but it worked for us) We went in and comforted her, and put her back to bed. A couple of times she wanted to come to bed with us and we let her. We felt that by not making a big deal and comforting her that she would return to her normal sleep patterns. It was a slow process but she has been sleeping soundly now for 2 months.

Hi N.,

I know you were probably hoping to hear from moms with kids in toddler beds, but maybe I can be a little help anyhow. :-)

I have a GREAT sleeper who is 2 years old. Thankfully he hasn't started climbing out of his crib yet, so he still sleeps great there. I think he feels safe there. (If you think your son might feel intimidated or just want to be cozier, IKEA makes little bed tents that would probably make him feel less vulnerable. A bed so close to the floor is an awfully long way from the ceiling - maybe it's just a strange sensation of suddenly feeling too little in a big room.) Despite all this, he has an occasional seemingly sleepless night, too.

He had a rough time when he transitioned to 2 hour naps, too. In fact, sometimes at his daycare (which was new to him at 15 months old), he would nap only 30 - 45 minutes at a time! Of course, he was overtired and didn't sleep well at night, either. We always woke him up at 6:30 (and still do) because hubby and I both work.

When he wasn't sleeping well at school, we watched for signs of sleepiness way before his normal bedtime at 8:00 PM. If he was getting cranky, rubbing eyes, staring off into space, looking loopy, stumbling around, getting frustrated more easily than normal, etc., we headed off to bed early. We also have a strict bedtime routine that we follow every night no matter where we are. Bath, brush teeth, PJ's, Bible Story, Goodnight Moon (which we can recite by heart now), lights off and 2-3 minutes of prayer while snuggling, then we sing the same soothing song every night. After this, he's had a few minutes to adjust to the dark and we give hugs and kisses to Daddy, Mommy, and Brother and we put him in bed by the night light in his room. By the time we get to turning the lights out, he's yawning and usually goes right to sleep. He likes to be nice and toasty (like me) when he sleeps, so he wants to be under a light comforter. You might consider if your little one is comfortable, too. Are PJ toes too tight? Diapers too snug? Blankets too heavy or too light?

There have been times in the past couple of months when he'll stand up in his crib and ask for water. Usually I take it in without a word, touch him soothingly while he drinks it and he goes right back to bed (I do "tuck him in" by covering him up again). If he resists, I tell him it's "night nights" and that I'll see him in the morning. I then leave the room and don't go back in. He settles on down pretty well. You might try this as he may be getting less to drink during the day than he's used to. If he's not verbalizing that he's thirsty, it's hard to catch this one. (My little man used sign language at first to tell me he was thirsty, so I caught it quickly.) I don't know about you, but if I'm thirsty at night, I'm getting out of bed and heading for the sink.

I also recently noticed that his second molars were starting to come in. He's never been one to complain about teething, but he did get a bit fussy just before they broke through. Combined with a rough napping day, it was sometimes hard to settle him. On those nights I would give him Tylenol before bath or brushing teeth and by the time he got in bed, it started kicking in. Whether he's teething or not, sometimes Tylenol helps my little ones get a little more comfortable before going to bed if they've had an especially long or trying day.

I'd also be sure to encourage him and praise him for good nights, and maybe even preparing him verbally a few times before he climbs into bed will help. We've done similar things with my 2 year old such as, "In a few minutes we're going to go play in the bath tub!" and then "Almost time to climb the stairs to go get a bath!" Then when it's time to go, we ask, "Micah, would you like to come upstairs with Mommy and Daddy to help give Elijah his bath?" Usually he can't wait to go. And we make a big deal out of leaving his shoes on in the car or behaving well when we go places. He seems to like pleasing us, so maybe similar things will help you.

Hopefully my rambling has been a bit helpful. :-) Above all else, know that this is most likely a phase and he will grow out of it eventually. I've never known a teenager who can't sleep a good 15 hours at a stretch. ;-)

I have heard that toddlers take steps backwards in some areas when they reach new milestones, so this could be the case, too. Just keep up a routine, check for comfort and thirst, use your best judgment about whether he's fussy or truly needs something, and in time he'll be sleeping like a champ again.

In the meantime, Hang in there!!

Smiles,
L.

N.,

All I can tell you is listen to your own heart as a mother. That is what I have done for the past 25 years. Now let me tell you why...........

Experts?? Who says they are an expert?? Just because they have a degree?? Recents studies have been done on children who are left to cry in their rooms and what it does to them. It harms them!! Cohabitation (children sleeping w/their parent(s), harmful to child so experts say move to big bed, have them grow up. New evidence speaks differently...children who cohabitate w/their parent(s) grow up stable and know they are loved, as long as there are no abuses in the parent/child relationship.

As a mother...you are an expert. Did you know that?? You have life experience and that makes you an expert. I am an expert also, but for various reasons.

As an expert, I am telling you to do whatever it takes to get your son to sleep comfortably at night. Something maybe going on in daycare (bullying, being pinched or hit when teacher isn't looking, etc).

Breaks your heart to see him asleep on the floor in front of his door?? As a mother, pick him up, snuggle him into your bed and tell him it's gonna be OK.

He is just a little boy, he needs his mother's love and acceptance most of all. Deny him this and problems will arise. Think I'm wrong....do your own research.

I do research and I read studies. I don't follow each and every study, but I do try to do what is right for my children each and every step of the way.

You are trying to be a very good mother or you wouldn't be asking for help.

I'd like to know how this gets solved, please email me at ____@____.com.

Respectfully submitted,

P. Sims

Try Melatonin. You can get it at the GNC store. It is all natural and won't hurt him a bit. Make sure you buy the 1 mg. sublingual tablets. This dissolves under his tongue and within 30 mins. he should be asleep and should sleep soundly through the night. Our son was doing the same thing. I think he was a little bit older. He was getting up in the middle of the night and going into the kitchen and getting snacks. I'd wake up and find Lunchable wrappers on my bedroom floor and I knew he had been up. Someone suggested Melatonin to me. I asked my Ped. about it and he said as long as I only gave him 1 mg. he'd be okay. To this day he will come and ask me for his "pill" right before he goes to bed. Be sure to check with your Ped. to see if it is okay to give to 2 yr. olds but I don't see why it wouldn't be since it is all natural.
It was a life saver for us.
I hope this helps.
P. - Waco, TX

Try putting him to bed earlier. The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is great and recommends this. It says that "sleep begets sleep". Sounds a little backwards, but it works. The more sleep they get, the more they will sleep. I had trouble when my daughter was 2 and not wanting to nap. She would also wake up earlier than I wanted in the mornings. I put her to bed at 6:30 or 7 instead of the usual 8 PM. After a few days she started taking her 2 hour nap in the afternoon again and went back to her regular wake up time of 8 AM. Two year-olds need between 10 to 12 hours at night with about a 2 hour nap in the day. Good luck.

N., I could have written this one! My son turns 3 in April and we just converted his crib to a toddler bed about a month ago. The first night it worked like a dream--he went right to bed and slept through the night. It's been up-and-down-hill ever since!

I have no problem with the CIO method, and I don't think it'll do him any harm, but for now we're not using it. I know he's just adjusting to the new-found freedom, so I'm helping with the adjustment. And I will always at least check on a crying child, because there could be a very good reason (diaper, nightmare, etc.). If there is something he needs (like more water) I'll take care of the need. If he's just stalling for more time, though, I tell him it's night-night time and he needs to go to bed. I also tell him he doesn't have to go to sleep if he doesn't want to--he has books and toys in his bed (although he doesn't have a night light, so he can't "read" anything). I've found that works well; at first I worried that he wouldn't get any sleep, but even when I leave the room while he plays with his trains, he's sound asleep 5 minutes later when I walk past again. Also, when I do go in when he wakes up, I've been gradually shortening my routine. For example, he has a "night-night song" that I've been singing him since he was a baby. If I go up to get him when he's had a nightmare, I'll sing the whole thing. But if I've been called in as part of his stalling routine, he gets just one verse and then I go (down from the full five). Gradually, my visits to his room are getting shorter and the calls for help are becoming fewer. That said, those times that I've taken care of whatever he needs and he's still stalling and won't settle down, I do walk out the door and let him CIO. I have found him sound asleep in front of the door once (a nap time when he swore he wasn't tired), but I know it's not going to hurt him. I check on him so he knows Mommy hasn't abandoned him, and then I enforce the rules even if he cries. It's working for us.

Hi N.,
I think sometimes with the transition it takes time to adjust. Even though he wasn't getting up before he may have not realized he could yet. My daughter, now 4, went through the same thing. I agree he needs more than 8 hours at night. My 2 and 4 year old usually sleep from about 8-8, so 12 hours. My 2 year old still takes a nap during the day as well, but 2 hours would be about the max. What hours is he sleeping at night?

M.

You are not "saving" your child when you get him when he cries. You are only responding to his needs. There are so many reasons a child cries (bad dream, wet diaper, afraid, etc. )There probably is a correlation between him starting day care and the fact that he is no longer sleeping through the night. Please don't let him CIO, plus no one will get any sleep. There are many problems associated with CIO. He probably needs to be comforted and reassured. Make sure your son is getting enough exercise during the daytime. That usually helps as well. You also might try getting him a new Teddy Bear or stuffed animal to comfort. Do you watch Super Nanny? I think she has wonderful ideas.

Hi N.,

We recently read a book called Sleepless in America that responded to a lot of questions I've been having about children and sleep, and also about out-of-bounds behavior that had increasingly become a problem with our five (now six)-year old. I found the book extremely helpful, supportive, and full of good ideas, and I wished I had read it when my daughter was younger -- I believe it would have saved us all considerable pain. Good luck!!

M. (working mother of 1 6-year-old daughter)

I would say he needs closer to 10 or 11, maybe even 12 hours of sleep, not just 8! If he's napping for more than two hours a day, he's probably not sleeping long enough at night. This habit is hard to change, but if you bump up bedtime a little each night it will make the transition easier.

My son also went through the same thing. He loved his big boy bed at first, but once the newness wore off, he began waking up at night. Thankfully it was just a transition period, I would go to him, give him a hug, remind him that it was time to sleep, and put him back in bed. Sometimes he'd cry more, and it was hard to not give in.

I hope this time passes quickly for you!

I remember being a first time mom. It was hard because of all the extra advice I got from people I didn't even know. I hope you feel as though we are right there with you. Every child is different, and every parent is different in how he/she handles sleeping arrangements. It sounds like you are doing the best that you can, but still end up frustrated. I remember those time when I got frustrated with my first child not sleeping at night. We went through the nightmare phase where she would wake up crying every few hours. We tried limiting TV watching, and reading books about nightmares, but nothing seemed to work. It turns out it was just a stage that she had to grow out of. At times, she would wake up because she couldn't breath. We found that giving her a little children's antihistimine at night seemed to do the trick.

If you think it will work, you could try playing soft calming music and put it on repeat so it plays throughout the night. Also, if he has a special blanket or stuffed animal to cuddle, it might help. If you keep the same bedtime routine every night, it will help. We always have bathtime, then read books, then sing songs, and say a prayer before going to bed. It helps to have lots of wind down time for little ones. I don't think I finally got the hang of this until I had my second child. Some children simply don't need as much sleep as others. My first child would go to bed at 9-9:30pm and wake up at 7am like clockwork except for the nightmares on occasion. The second one goes to bed at 9pm and can sleep until 8:30-9am if I let her. My oldest always seems to wake up in the middle of the night and try to come sleep with us. Sometimes, it's just easier to let her sometimes. Some children are just more sensitive than others and need that closeness of mommy or daddy nearby for a while. Sometimes, one of us will walk her back to her bed and tell her goodnight and that we love her. Sometimes that is all she needs and will stay in her room. I remember my first being on the floor a few times when we came in to get her in the mornings. It's nothing to worry about. He'll eventually stay in his bed. Give it some time. Things will get better!!!

L.

I think that he is napping too long at this age. Try the book Baby wise and it will tell you how long a nap should last at this age. What time does he go to bed? If it is past 8 then he is definetly napping too long. I think 2 hrs at school is too long! It is better to put them to bed earlier and Tired than to have a nap that lasts 2 hrs or more and have them wake up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Try putting him to bed at 7 - 7:30. You will miss your down time when he shortens his nap but you will gain more evening time with your husband. I hope it works out- each child is different!

Actually, they are supposed to get at least 11-12 hours of sleep per night. Have you tried shortening his weekend nap so that he crashes out like he does during the week?
I have been in this situation, and since the crying-it-out method has shown to cause permanent damage to a kiddo, I just go lay down with her in her bed until she falls back to sleep. Everyone has bad dreams! Imagine being little and all alone in the dark!
For us, the getting up in the night thing was just a phase and now she most all the time sleeps all night in her bed. You'll get through it!

Is he getting his two-year molars? My daughter is and it is killing her previously good sleep habits.

Check the back of his mouth to see if things are puffy, and if they are, maybe try giving him some tylenol or ibuprofen before bed in case it is tooth pain keeping him up.

I have twin boys almost 2 1/2 and have the same problem. I read in a Parent's magazine that around this age they start waking up at night like they did when they were younger and it is completely normal. Only one of our boys wakes up in the night, and we just go tuck him in again and leave. We don't say anything. If he starts to cry we remind him that it is night night and he needs to go back to sleep. If he continues he is told he will get a spanking, (sorry if this offends, but we beleive in spanking). This usually works. In the morning he acts like nothing ever happened. My fear is that he may have had a nightmare and my motherly instinct is to want to comfort my baby, but don't want to get into a bad habit either. It breaks my heart as well. Good luck!

Hi N.,

children's sleeping habits really mystify me, but I can say one thing: don't let your heart break! Go to your son when he needs you. Young children aren't developmentally ready to cope with fear, being alone (esp. in darkness). No animal lets their young sleep unprotected in a separate 'hole', and if they did, the young would be rightly terrified. Young children have no idea that they don't live in a more primitive world where bears and lions can't eat them in the middle of the night (and truth to be said, our 'civilization' isn't all that safe for young children either). I know there is a debate amongst the experts about this, but on the side of the ones who seem to better consider (in my view) the actual psychological makeup of a child, are those who recommend making your child feel safe whenever possible. About babies who 'learn' to sleep on their own, this school holds that such babies have merely learned that no help will come and have 'given up', but that this doesn't lessen the trauma of being left alone to cry.

It takes a long time for kids to overcome their fear (and the healthiest thing of course is to always keep some of our fear!), and I think maybe when they start to think a bit more like adults (able to rationalize as well as reason) would be the time to expect them to be able to sleep alone.

On the issue of enough sleep, sounds like your son sleeps a lot more than mine! I wish he would take two hour naps! He wakes up around five and calls out to me, at which point I usually snuggle in bed with him to sleep for another hour and a half. I really enjoy it and I will miss it when it stops.

Good luck!
G.