Two Year Old with a Hitting Problem

I had exactly the same problem with my son when he was two. I happened to be working at the time also. I also, out of frustration, tried hitting him back. He’d also hit me back and get even madder than he was before. Time out didn’t work very well for it. I started gently taking the arm he had used to hit me with and, while holding him on my lap (because he’d squirm and kick) I’d hold his arm with the intent of sitting there for a minute and explaining why we don’t hit others. Usually, I would end up holding both arms, and his legs in between my knees after he tried to hit me with the other hand and kick with both feet. Then, because I was unwilling to yell, I waited for him to stop screaming. The first several times he’d scream and cry for a half hour, and I was upset, thinking I shouldn’t continue to hold him there. My mom reassured me that it would eventually work and that if I quit after he cried too long that it would reinforce his belief that if he just cried and screamed enough he’d get his way. Actually, the first few times he cried until he fell asleep, not giving me a chance to explain anything (these times were when he missed his nap time and was really tired anyway). I’d wake him up after a few minutes, and he’d be calmer. I’d ask if he was ready to talk to me, and then explain why hitting isn’t nice, etc. After a couple of months he was still hitting, but less often, and he would only cry for a couple of minutes before he was ready to talk to me about hitting. Before he could resume life as he knew it, he was always required to apologize to whomever he had hit. He stopped hitting me, and I didn’t get any complaints from daycare. As a three yr. old (almost 4), he’s very nice to his friends when they come over. He has a couple who hit him on a regular basis (I try to referee) and he never hits back. We taught him to give them hugs when they hit, to restore good feelings. It’s worked pretty well so far.
Other things we’ve done since have been to get him a “baby,” in the form of a doll that he could take care of. He learned to treat her gently because I treated the doll as if it were a real baby, and would pick it up and comfort it when he’d throw her, and then not let him have her back unless he was going to be nice. I’d even supervise for a while like you would if he were holding a real baby. He now does beautifully with babies and is looking forward to a little brother.

My daughter is in a montessori school and I have observed how they handle hitting, which I have adopted at home. They stress that the other child communicate that it is not nice to hit their body and it hurts. Like another respondant said , kids understand more than you know. I think that hitting is a form of frustration because the child his having difficulty communicating also. You may try asking why he is hitting, giving him options of why. Good luck...

I also have a 2 yr old. She went through a very brief hitting phase. She was just frustrated with her lack of communication skills.

I would say one of the worst things you can do is hit back. Hitting teaches hitting, period.

I would take the hand she hit with put it down by her side and tell her, "We NEVER hit. It is WRONG!" Stressing never and wrong. The phase lasted a week. She couldn't stand me getting that upset with her and now uses her words.

First of all, if your child is hitting, it is never good to hit them back, that shows them that it's okay, cause mommy did it! As for timeout, many kids don't sit there, but that's when you just put them back and start there time over! A child show only sit in timeout for one minute for every year of their life! i.e. A two year old should sit in timeout for two minutes! You do have to explain that they have to sit their until their time is up! Children do catch on to the fact that the more they get up, the longer they sit! You just have to be consistent! Also, have you tried sitting down with him and explaining why hitting is no acceptable? Children understand a lot! Good luck!

Even though it's tempting to hit him, to show him how much it hurts, all that does is tell him it's okay to hit because mommy is doing it. i would put him in his room and hold/lock the door so he can't get out. you have to really show him how his behavior has consequences, and the consequence is he doesn't get to be around mommy or the rest of the family. once he has to be alone a few times, i think the hitting will stop. also, tell him firmly that "we don't hit anyone, ever" so he gets that message. time outs are hard, but they are a very effective way of showing natural consequences. it will be hard for you at first, but the gratification of seeing results will make up for it! good luck...