UPDATE! Mother's Day - Would You Be Bothered by This?

Since he works every weekend, does that mean his "off days" are weekdays? Why not do Mother's Day on Monday or Tuesday?

Don't let the commercialized holiday of Mother's Day get you down! The idea is that moms be recognized for all they do. Many, many, many moms get shortchanged on Mother's Day.

You are PO'd b/c he can "call off" for stuff for friends and not for you. Why is that? Doesn't he get vacation?

You're hurt because you put everyone before yourself, all of the time, and you don't ask for much, and you don't complain... so when the one time you ask for something and it isn't granted, YES, THAT HURTS. And it's because of selfless, huge hearted women like you that mothers day even exists :) Do you have to celebrate on the actual day? I think EVERY day should be mothers day :) I don't think we need a calendar to tell us when to celebrate our mothers, or be celebrated ourselves... You are so patient with his schedule (poker and friends)... it's YOUR turn. Pick a night/day that works for you both, and tell him to spoil you rotten :) Keep your chin up honey, you're FANTASTIC! Best wishes!

I would let him know how you feel. That you are hurt that he is willing to call in sick for poker, and not for MD! I would also be upset. Is there another day that you can celebrate it? Does he get his "weekend" during the week? I wouldn't mind if the day was moved, but would mind if it wasn't recognized.

I found out last year that my BIL doesn't do anything for my sister (my niece is 4 now), but she would do something for him for father's day!!! I guess she had finally had enough and said something, and apparently he came around...a little. Do you do something for him for FD? Does he take that day off? Maybe he needs a taste of his own medicine if he doesn't get a clue!?

Please don’t listen to Amanda H. Your post was NOT asking for our opinion on your husband’s work schedule. She like the rest of us doesn’t know the whole story right?!! Jeez Amanda just kick her when she’s down why don’t you! Some people!!

You have every right to be bothered, but as the others suggested can you celebrate on another day? As a woman who obviously does all the work at home you deserve a day whether it’s on the actual day or not! Tell your husband how you feel and get it out in the open. By you not telling him how you feel, he has no idea. Guys are dumb like that!!

Yeah, I would be upset. Your husband is prioritizing his best friend, and playing poker, over you and showing his appreciation for all that you do, for ONE DAY out of the year. Not okay. Sometimes they need to be reminded of their priorities. My husband is a rugby fanatic, and I was irritated when he flew to another state this past weekend to play in a rugby tournament, while missing our daughter's ballet recital that she had been working so hard to prepare for. Let me tell you, if he had done that on Mother's Day, all hell would have broken loose. He would have returned home to find all his stuff in a smoldering heap on the front lawn, I can tell you that much!

The bottom-line is: Your Husband does NOT, on his own, put you first, nor your time, nor your Right to have a nice special day, ALL year. He does not have you in his list of priorities. Even if asked, he can't do that, and take off for Mother's Day. How pathetic.
-Your Husband can speak up for his Poker tournament... and he can speak up for his friend's Birthday AND his wife who goes all out for making a huge party..... but your Husband CANNOT even speak up for YOU... his Wife.... for a once a year Mother's Day.
Wow, what a selfish man. He cannot even speak up for you... nor have your back.
And, you actually had to ASK him to make time for you, for Mother's Day. And then he says "no." That is being a jerk. Sorry.

You are valid in your feelings and frustrations.
Your Husband is negating you.

SHOW HIM THIS, your posting.... and all the responses.
Let him read it.

That should be an eye opener for him. Hopefully. If he is not that dense or selfish.

A "Mom" and a Wife... should NOT be an after-thought, nor last on the totem pole.
As my Husband says: going around treating everyone nicer than your own family/Spouse, is just not "nice." I showed him this... and he thinks your Husband is just plain selfish. Because, he goes around bending over backwards, consistently, for everyone else, for non-family and friends... meanwhile, YOU, the Wife and the Mom of his kids are being neglected. And he makes NO exceptions, for you. He ONLY goes around doing HIS things and HIS activities... and is away from home a lot. But, when it comes to you and the kids.. zippo. That is just plain wrong.

Next, WHY the hell, does he "have to" call in sick, EVERY YEAR, for his friend's Birthday party????? If that person is a real "friend" they would not expect him to miss work for it, NOR to be obligated to THEM, and ignore his own wife.

I would be real irked too.

You need to tell him. He is married with kids... he CANNOT just go around acting like a single-guy with no home/wife responsibilities.

And what is Father's Day to him??? He doesn't act like a Dad and he is not home hardly... he does not even see the kids much, since he comes home after they go to bed. Gee... what a cool life for him. He has no responsibilities aside from his work hours and play time that he makes for himself.

Next, I am sure, his Employer, notices a "pattern" in his calling in sick a lot EVERY May. Duh. That is a no-brainer.

All the best,
Susan

I kind of understand how you feel.. My husband drives 1 hour to work, 1 hour home and works 10 hour days (plus he bartends on Friday and Saturday nights), so Sunday is our ONLY day to really hang out... Is there another day he has off that you can celebrate "Mother's Day" after the kids get out of school maybe?

I would be a little upset, yes. Especially if he calls out of work for those other things. Maybe you need to express "how" important it is to you that the WHOLE family spends it together and not just you and the kids...

It IS a big deal!! I totally understand that you love spending time with your kids, duh, you're a great mom, that's what great moms do=)!! BUT, you deserve some "me" time as well as some "hubby" time!! You're not married to your kids, that's a total different bond, but the bond you have with your husband shouldn't just be put on the back burner becasue you have children or lead busy lives!! I think it is super important to stay close to your spouse especially when you have kids. I would definately talk to him about it and let him know how you're feelin, but remeber how defensive men can be when you get to talkin about what they're doing wrong...try to go about it in a calm way, otherwise you could end up in a big ole fuss! Good luck honey and hope you have the Mother's Day you DESERVE!!

Sorry to be rude, but I don't think your husband should be calling in sick unless he is actually sick! There are plenty of people who work when they are supposed to and use vacation when they want off, not taking advantage of an employer's sick day policy. If he has to work on Mother's Day, you should plan to celebrate on a different day or have your husband take a personal/vacation day to celebrate it with you. Yes, it does seem unfair that your husband would put poker and his friend before you, but you shouldn't encourage him to call in sick. That is basically stealing from his company and is a fireable offense if anyone finds out. Sorry if this is harsh, but this hit a nerve for me.

I read your update and I'll also update mine. I didn't think your husband was calling in sick every month. It doesn't matter how many times your husband calls in sick, he should not do it if he is not sick. I've already been bashed by Sheri L, but I stand by my response. If work messed up his schedule, he should talk to them about fixing it, not abusing the system by calling in sick.

Yes, yes, yes, I would be ticked to the hilt! You have the patience of a saint if you haven't already blown up at him over this :) A couple of ideas?

One - sit down and REALLY explain how you feel about this and why. Men are dumb :) They often don't get this kind of stuff unless it is spelled out for them letter by letter and then later go "why are you mad?" Grrrrr . . . give it a shot and see if he just isn't getting it.

Two - some guys (including my dad) absolutely believes that he shouldn't do ANYTHING for their wives on Mother's Day because their wife isn't their mother. This is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard, but it is what it is. If he is like my dad, you won't change his mind for anything. Just move on.

Three - I didn't check before I started responding what ages/genders your kids are, but I would be upset because he is setting the stage on how your kids treat/expect to be treated by their future spouses. I would see if you cannot talk to him about that also.

Fourth - I think the thing that really bothers me the most about your post is what I read between the lines: You - home with kids all day, run the house, etc., never a minute to yourself. Him - poker once a month, away from the kids pretty much all the time, high importance on a buddy's birthday, just one more kid to take care of? Maybe I am reading too much into this and if so, just delete me and move on :) But, if he is not working with you as a team and instead is putting his "needs" over yours and the family's needs, don't wait too long before you have a serious sitdown with him about it. The longer it goes, the tougher it is :( Trust me.

Good luck and Happy Mother's Day from one mom to another :)

First, let me at least be one to wish you a Happy Mother's Day, and validate that your job that you do as a mother, especially given the way your situation is set up, is so very important and worthy of honor.

I am one of those who does get a lot of love and special attention for Mother's Day, and I feel strongly that how the adults in the family act is a model for how the children will act. If your husband honors you and supports you as mother to his children, then the children will do so as well.

Having said that, not everyone falls in line with Mother's Day itself--considering it a Hallmark holiday meant to increase sales. But Mother's Day actually originated in the early part of the last century as a way for mothers to band together to protest war that took away their children and to promote more peaceful ways for governments to address problems and conflicts.

If it is an important time for YOU, then I would advocate for it becoming an important time for your husband. How does he treat Father's Day? For many men, it's just not that big a deal, and they sometimes don't get the emotional ties women have to special dates, celebrations, and holidays. But for all the centuries of human civilization, it has often been the women who "kept" the cultural markings of the changing seasons, passing of the year, and honoring of important milestones and people. In the Jewish tradition, for example, it is the woman's place to keep and honor the Shabbos--the Friday/Saturday Sabbath. She represents the "heart" of the home and the spirit of the family.

If it is important to you, then I would hope your husband would make it important to him--certainly more important than a poker game. On the other hand, if he works as much as you say, including a long commute every day, and if he has already used sick leave to do these other things without you having told him ahead of time that this is important, then I wonder if, for this year, you could request a different special day to honor Mother's Day? If that feels like too much of a compromise, you should also honor yourself and say so.

Fiora

I would be more concerned about my husband calling in sick all the time! With this economy and job uncertainty, I would not be wanting to put my job at risk! Just something to think about.

We have a blended family and my husbands ex never lets us have their daughter for the "actual" holiday. So we just move it around and celebrate everything on "other" days when we have the family all together. Last Thanksgiving we had everyone during the week (but not on Thanksgiving Day) so we all went out to eat Monday night for our "thanksgiving' dinner. Surely there is a night or another day you can have your celebration? Just a thought and good luck!

I don't know what to say except the truth. Yes I would be bothered by this but right now men are on my list! They are all self centered jerks!! I am so sorry your husband can't be any more thoughtful than that. Mine never does anything for me cause he thinks mothers day is for his Mother and my Mother. Well were do the rest of us fit in? I know how you feel.

Try not to let it bother you too much, maybe he will reconsider and suprise you I hope!
I know mine won't but I am used to it by now.
Try to have a great mothers day~
GM

It is bugging you because he is being really selfish; you respect his little "tradition" of getting together with the boys and calling in sick for his friend's birthday party (which I think it's irresponsible of his in this economy), why can't he bend a little when you ask something in return? if it's not a big deal to him it doesn't matter, it's a big deal to you and you are his wife.
By the way I totally get what you say about your friend's husbands, my friends also have husbands who go all out for them during birthdays Christmas etc, my husband always forgets my birthday and anniversary, it's a regular day in our house...sigh

I love Mother's Day and my daughter is only 3 years old BUT the past three years I have always worked on Mother's Day BUT this year there is no event so I have the day free! So I completely understand wanting to celebrate with the whole family.

If this is important to you it should be improtant to your husband AND it should come BEFORE the friend's b-day not after! FAMILY first and most imporantly giving you a little "me" time and pampering because being a mom is one of the most imporant jobs in the world (if you have kids). Even if it is considered a Hallmark holiday (which as another mom pointed out that it did NOT start that way, so I will not repeat that) it is about showing thanks to mom and enjoying family time. Honestly I would tell him that you really want to do somthing so either take the day off/sick day OR on his friend's party day YOU & FAMILY will be doing something specail to honor you (picnic, eating out whatever) and the friend's party can wait (he can join them when the family has had time together to have a Mother's Day).

Continue your duties as normal but for washing his underwear and see if things turn around for you in time.
No really I think your valid for feeling upset. Not sure what to suggest though other than telling him that it hurt your feelings. Just be honest and without too much emotion while explaining it to him.
Best Regards,
C.

Mother's Day is YOUR day. It is the one day out of the whole year that you should be treated like a princess. I would guess that he doesn't have any idea how much it means to you...most guys don't really care about things like this (I bet he wouldn't really care if you did anything for him for Father's Day). My husband planned a trip to his mother's house for us and our 9 month old for Mother's Day weekend, neither of us realized it was Mother's Day until after he told his mom we were coming up. I made him reschedule (after an argument where I had to explain why I didn't want to spend my 1st Mother's Day driving home for 4 hours with a cranky baby in the back seat). He had no idea how much it meant for me just to be home, with my family, not doing anything but relaxing. Good luck to you.

Since it seems a little late to change the plans this year, I would speak openly with your husband and let him know a typical MD celebration would be much appreciated and see if there is a day that would work for your family to have a "make-up MD". My husband also works a lot and we both work really hard to let each other have some relaxation. You deserve it!

Your husband is being very inconsiderate and selfish. True he works very hard, but you're not asking him to take a day off work to watch the kids for you, you're asking for one day out of the year for all of you to spend time TOGETHER! I can't believe you don't just go to him and put your foot down and say that if he's not willing to take a day off for Mother's Day, then it is unacceptable for him to take a day off EVERY month for some stupid game with his friends. Ridiculous!

Does he take Father's day off to be celebrated?

My husband used to work 6 days a week and all holidays, so when I became a mom its just how it was. Now he has a job where he has the weekends off and holidays still aren't special to him. Last mother's day he asked if he, my son, his dad and his brother could go on a camping trip mother's day weekend. We'll be home by lunchtime and we'll cook you guys (3 moms) steaks....Okay, but you WILL be home by noon on Sunday. At 11a they called to say that they were just packing up, they had just HAD to get a morning ride in, they will still be an hour's drive, so they'd be home by 1p. Then at 12, they said that they'd just finished packing up and someone had hurt they're back, they were stopping by the ER to get it checked..... they ended up getting home at 7p, in the dark, mud covered and dirty. I ended up ordering pizza and subs.

My point is that it truely is just a day. While Amanda H's post is harsh, I do agree that he shouldn't call in for it. Everyone has a mom, if everyone called in, who would be there to work. He should plan a celebration of you around his work. So tell him that since he can't be home for Sunday, that he can make it up to you and celebrate you on Sat. May 15th. You get the morning time and his friend gets the afternoon.

Take the situation and make IT work for you.
M.